Friday, December 20, 2013

Merry Christmas

Well I will certainly never be confused with a graphic designer. I did my best to take a picture of our Christmas card this year but evidently my best kind of sucks. I hope you can see it well enough but more importantly have yourself a Merry Christmas. Take care.

“May you be blessed 
With the spirit of the season, which is peace,
The gladness of the season, which is hope,
And the heart of the season, which is love.”

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Here's a picture of Hayden reading in her parent's bed. The title of the book is The Out-Of-Sync Child, and I think she is looking for tips to be able to deal with her big brother. 
  • Speaking of books, I was hoping to release mine by the end of this year but it's just not coming together as fast as I hoped so I have decided that a release in March or April is going to be more realistic.  
  • Anybody else watch "Sons of Anarchy"? If so, what did you think of that finale? I will not spoil anything if you haven't seen it but I will mention that I do look at my kitchen sink a little differently. 
  • Christmas shopping for the kids is done. Thank you Amazon. I'm not brave or medicated enough to go to the mall and deal with the hot mess that is American consumerism with less than 2 weeks to go until Santa Claus comes to town. 
  • Mrs. Shife and I have a date night on Friday. Thinking about a movie? Anyone have anything they recommend? The last one we saw in the theaters was We're The Millers so yeah we don't really get to the movies that often. 
  • I have felt less than magnificent this week. I don't know if it's the weather (we have been below zero and single digits for a few days in a row with little to no sunshine) or if it's just my turn to feel funky for a bit but this quote made me feel a little better: "And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, 'Fuck waffles.'" – George Carlin
  • And finally for no reason at all other than to give you nightmares when you go to sleep tonight, here is a sensual Shrek nude. Have a wonderful weekend, and thanks for reading.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, December 06, 2013

How I Lost Hayden

Or perhaps the title should be "How Hayden Escaped the Shifley Compound." Either way, her daddy (that would be me) got a big, fat F this past Sunday in daughter watching.
We are fortunate that our back yard opens up to a school yard so we have no neighbors behind us, and when school is out we can unlock our gate to let the kids go out to play on the playground.
Mrs. Shife took the kids and Tank out to play on Sunday while I watched my favorite football team, the Arizona Cardinals, lose another game and make me want re-create a prison riot scene. I felt the urge to break some stuff, set toilet paper on fire, shout Attica, and hold prison guards hostage. Since we do not share our domicile with any prison guards that I'm aware of, it's usually Kyle and Hayden's stuffed animals that get duct-taped to chairs until my demands are met.
I think my demands to the Cardinals are pretty simple: don't suck. Unfortunately, my demands are rarely met.
I think I should probably quit watching football.
Anyway, Mrs. Shife brought Hayden inside because she was cold, wet, and hungry so I paused the game to take care of her. She also brought Tank in too because there was some possible workplace harassment going on with some other dogs in the neighborhood as someone was getting a little too aggressive with their butt sniffing.
Hayden wasn't too happy about her play time being over ( I think she actually saw the score of the game and had sympathy pains for her dad) and wanted to go back outside with her momma and Kyle.
I was able to calm her down, and stripped off her wet clothes so she was just down to her diaper, shirt, socks, and fed her some noodles. I also put the dog door cover on because she would crawl through the door to get back outside if she had the opportunity.

The Shifley dog door with cover installed.

Tank was also itching to go back outside because he heard some rumors that there were squirrels making disparaging remarks about his mother.
Those squirrels can be real dicks.
Hayden finished eating and headed to the back door to figure out how she was getting back outside.
I was down in the hall in my bedroom working on my rhythmic gymnastics routine.
No I wasn't watching the game as it was over.
I swear.
I'm not sure exactly what I was doing but I wasn't paying attention to my daughter because when I came back out to check on her, she and Tank were gone.
She had taken the dog door cover off and headed back outside with her furry friend.

The Shifley dog door without the cover.

By the time I got outside to find her, she had made it to the school yard in just her diaper, shirt, and socks to her mother, and I got the WTF? look from Mrs. Shife as she handed me back Hayden.
So how was your Sunday afternoon?
Thanks for stopping by.

P.S. As you may have heard the actor Paul Walker passed away earlier this week. His movies never were on my must-see list but as far as I can tell he seemed like a pretty good dude who used his fame and fortune to champion some worthwhile causes. However, his death did shake me up a little bit because my most popular post ever is titled, Paul Effin' Walker, and I was actually reading it a day before I learned about his death. It has nearly 10,000 page views while my second-most popular post has about 3,000. Anyway, I never knew the guy or was his biggest supporter but he'll be sorely missed by many and my thoughts and condolences to his family, friends, and fans. Rest in peace Paul Walker.

The song is ended but the melody lingers on. – Irving Berlin

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, November 29, 2013

For The Love of Fat Bassets, I'm Turning Into A Lazy Blogger

I'm not sure but that might be the longest title ever for one of my posts.
With Hayden's birthday last week, Thanksgiving this week, still being in the grips of the plague, and potty training (Yes, we've gone all in with Hayden and hoping to be a diaper-free home soon), I'm resorting to visual imagery once again to update my blog.

The karate kid. Kyle recently started taking classes, and I think I'm going to have to wear cup around the house as he might practice one of his kicks on me. Tank has also been a little nervous whenever Kyle puts on his uniform.  

Hayden loves the Mouse so when she saw these nuggets at Costco she got a little excited. I just feel really silly asking her if she wants mouse nuggets for lunch.  

Kyle has a new bunk mate. Tank has started sleeping on the bottom bunk in Kyle's room at night. This makes me smile a lot because when I was much younger and had my bunk bed I shared it with one of my beloved bassets, Higgins.  

Buried underneath that pile of blankets is Hayden. We said goodbye to the crib and got herself a big girl bed. She is growing up way too fast. 

My spam folder is extremely confusing. 

Kyle grew his mustache for November.  

And a picture of the kiddos from our family picture shoot. They clean up pretty well. 

Thanks for stopping by. Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and you have a great weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Happy Birthday Hayden!!

Hello Hayden. 
It’s me your daddy, or the guy who lets you watch way too many Minnie Mouse cartoons. Remember it’s our secret so don’t tell your mother. Are we cool? Cool. Well today is your very special day so I wanted to wish you a happy birthday and tell you why you’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.

You have changed me in so many ways during the past two years. I love how I get to start each day with you and how it’s an absolute joy watching you grow, learn, laugh, and play. You just light up our little part of the world. However, there’s one part of our world that we need to work on Little Miss Hayden. Your brother and I could probably go the rest of our lives without getting another bite on the butt from you. I know you get frustrated and angry because you can’t always express your feelings but chomping down on our asses is not the solution. Let’s work on that McStuffins. 

I never imagined being your dad would bring me such happiness. I probably would’ve started sooner if I had known but I dragged my feet into fatherhood, and resisted it for as long as possible because I didn’t think it was something I wanted to do.  Eventually, I was won over, and after your big brother Kyle was born, I thought this is cool but I’m good. One and done works for me. 

What an idiot I was for thinking that. 

Life would never be the same without you Hayden, and I’m just glad your momma talked some sense into me. She is one smart lady by the way, and beautiful and awesome too so that’s where you get it from in case you were wondering. 

Below is a little video I made about you to share with our family and friends. I’m not sure how long it will be available since there are ton of copyright issues with me using the song “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz without his permission. (Pretty please, Mr. Mraz?)

So what’s the deal with the song? 
It’s probably not the first song that people would dedicate to their 2-year-old daughter but it spoke to me because – as I mentioned – I wasn’t sure how I felt about becoming your dad. I know that sounds horrible, but I was afraid, nervous, hesitant, and not sure I could handle being responsible for another little person. 

Then I met you, and once again I was reminded how much of an idiot I was for thinking that I only wanted one kid. You will learn that your daddy has a pretty strong moron gene, and he’s an idiot quite often. 
Hearing the words “It’s a girl” and seeing you for the first time opened up my heart, my mind, and I was simply and completely in love with you. You were 15 days late but so worth the wait, and I just want you to know that I’m yours, Hayden Belle. 

I love you to the moon and back,


P.S. Don’t eat the yellow snow!!

P.S.S. I don’t want you to grow up too fast but I can’t wait to watch “The Princess Bride” with you because it’s awesome just like you!!

Friday, November 15, 2013

Another Pixel Parade

Just listening to some beats and by beats I mean an audio book about dinosaurs at his pre-school. He's a cool dude. 

Happy birthday Tank. The 5-year-old basset got a new bed. He seems to thinks it's okay. 

This is a picture of my lawnmower blade. Our mower has a mulcher feature so I was taking care of the leaves in our backyard when I ran over a rather large rock and absolutely mangled it. Kyle had left some big rocks in the yard and they were hidden in all of those leaves. Well I found them.

Hayden is taking after her old man and trying to stop objects with her body. She attempted to head butt our rope swing with her cheek and lost. It looks like she has a lipstick kiss on her cheek. I tried to tell her it's not a wise thing to do and showed her the picture of my leg after it tried to stop a quickly moving softball. 

Evidently Kyle wasn't being challenged enough by his puzzles so he decided to mix about 4 of them together to take it to the next level. I had a lot of fun trying to sort them back together. 

I hope you can see clearly enough in this picture but that is what's left of Hayden's binky. She bit the top of it off and I hope she's ready to give them up soon before I have to be the bad guy and take the rest of her binks away. 

Kyle and Hayden cruising in Vegas on a quad. They always have a great time when we go down there and this picture pretty much sums it up. 

Thanks for stopping by. Have a wonderful weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, November 08, 2013

Accident-Free Workplace

And by accident I mean no one getting a visit from America's least loved Care Bear,  Diarrhea Bear. For almost two weeks now, at least one person in this household has not been lovin' it when it came to going numero deuce. The reigning Shifley loose stools champion is Little Miss Hayden, and she's taking it to a whole new level with her gravity-defying poop. Her shit is magical. Sorry Sir Issac Newton but you didn't have the pleasure of living with a nearly 2-year-old girl with diarrhea because otherwise you would've never said, "What goes up must come down." 
Check it out Ike. 
Hayden was standing on a chair in the dining room when she informed us that she pooped. I lifted up her shirt to assess the damage and there was a wall of doo doo going up her back. 
How does this happen? 
She was standing up, crapped, and somehow half of the fecal matter ended up not in her diaper. 
Did her poop decide to go on an adventure? 
"Screw it. We're going to be bold and daring. We're going where no poop has gone before. Yee Haw!"
Whatever the case might be, I'm glad the Diarrhea Bear has gone on to terrorize another household with its amazing poop performances. 
And in other Shifley family news, I'm glad to report that we've also been a Velociraptor-free workplace so we have that going for us, which is nice. 

Thanks for stopping by. Be excellent to each other.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Thursday, November 07, 2013

Dragonfly Warrior

My blogging buddy and fellow St. Louis Cardinals' fan Jay Noel is self-publishing his book, and I volunteered to help spread the word about this awesome achievement. Congrats Jay and best of luck with your books. 

The Mechanica Wars: Savage Machines Are Afoot...
At the age of twenty, Kanze Zenjiro's bloody footprints mark the bodies of those who stood in his way to protect the throne of Nihon. Now, the tyrannical Iberian Empire is bent on destroying his kingdom, and they send their steam-powered giants and iron spiders against him.

Zen embarks on a quest that takes him on the most dangerous journey of his life. To succeed, Zen must live up to his nickname, the Dragonfly Warrior, and kill all his enemies with only a sword and a pair of six-guns. He is called upon to somehow survive a test of faith and loyalty in a world so cruel and merciless, it borders on madness.

Book Information: Dragonfly Warrior is a steampunk adventure like no other. It's a dynamic mix of Asian and European mythology, the Wild West, martial arts, traditional fantasy, and high powered steam action that will keep you turning the pages.
Dragonfly Warrior is the first book of The Mechanica Wars, and will debut on January 6, 2014.

Author Bio:
After doing some freelance writing and editing for more than a dozen years, Jay decided to stop procrastinating and pursue his dream of being a novelist. He's been blogging for over eight years, and even had a comedy podcast syndicated all over the internet. All of that was fun, but all the steampunk-inspired stories in his head just wouldn't leave him alone. Jay spends his days working in medical sales, but he can be found toiling over his laptop late at night when all is quiet.
He draws inspiration from all over: H.G. Wells, Jules Verne, Shakespeare, Ray Bradbury, Douglas Adams, and Isaac Asimov.

And Jay loves cookies.

Jay Noel's website:

Friday, November 01, 2013

Halloween 2013

I'm back from our little trip (and the destination was Las Vegas in case you were still wondering), and I'll have to spend some time next week discussing our adventures as we definitely made it a memorable vacation. You might have heard that it was Halloween yesterday and I have pictures to prove it. Kyle went as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Hayden was a Pirate Princess, Mrs. Shife was a cowgirl, and I was an Elderly Mutant Ninja Turtle. The kids had a good time, and hope whatever you did on Halloween was a a good time as well. Thanks for stopping by, and enjoy the photos.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, October 18, 2013

Random Acts of Shifeness ... Again

• There's a contact form right over there ------------------------------------------------------->    if you would like to get updates on when my book will be available.

• This will be the last you hear from for about 2 weeks as we will be on vacation when I usually do my blogging. I will miss you. Will you miss me?

• Any guesses on where we will be going? The winner will receive a something awesome like a link to really disturbing picture.

• Hayden is turning into quite the character. She is telling knock knock jokes. They make no sense but it's pretty cute the way she tells it. I can't do it justice so why don't you just check out a video of her doing it:

• Of course Hayden isn't the only one in the family who tells jokes:

• Kyle has also shown an interest in reading so we started him out with some sight word books and he's doing awesome:

• Quote of the week: We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will. – Chuck Palahniuk

Thanks for stopping by. Have a great weekend and talk to you later.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, October 11, 2013

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Two more weeks and the Shifleys are going on vacation. Mrs. Shife and I are really looking forward to getting away for a few days.  
  • Kyle might have his first crush. He will not sit down on the rug at his preschool for circle time until his friend Calliope has picked her spot. It is pretty darn cute watching him wait as patiently as a 4-year-old boy can for her to sit down. Might have to play him the Brad Paisley song Waitin' On A Woman
  • My favorite quote of the week: There is more to life than increasing its speed. –– Gandhi 
  • Kyle has to bring a d word this week to preschool, and he told me he wanted to bring me. Made my day. At least I hope d is for daddy and not dummy. 
  • The kids had to get their flu shots this week, and Kyle told the nurse that he wanted Hayden to go first. I guess he's following the woman and children first philosophy. 
  • Have you ever come across someone wearing the same shirt as you? I hardly ever do and just wonder if my fashion sense is that awful. When it's hot, I wear shorts, a t-shirt, and black Chuck Taylors. When it's cold, I wear sweat pants, a flannel shirt, and Doc Martins. Not exactly going to be featured in GQ Magazine but that's how I roll. 
  • Does this sword make Tank look fat? Not the most flattering of angles for our basset hound. 
  • I posted this on Facebook but had to share here as well. Mrs. Shife's deodorant was recently confiscated by our TSA agents in training. Gotta keep it under 3 ounces. It was way too quiet in the house so I made my rounds and walked in on Kyle and Hayden putting on her deodorant. They smelled wonderful by the way, and Hayden really loved the extra volume it gave her hair. Also, just because I've got a smart phone doesn't mean I know how to get rid of the red eye. Or is it possible they are Terminators in training?

  • And more pictures of the kids for no reason at all. I was working with Hayden on saying "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" when a boy asks her out on a date. And Kyle is smiling because he heard it was Friday. 

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, October 04, 2013

No Sleep For You

Whoever said "You can sleep when you are dead" can eat a big, fat barrel full of duck butts because they were childless and probably on their 7th beer of the night at a fraternity party.
I love to sleep.
I slept through Christmas as a child.
I slept more than 24 hours once.
I have slept through earthquakes.
I think subconsciously one of the reasons I got a degree in journalism is because you get to sleep in especially if you work in the sports department.
So what has inspired this post devoted to sleep?
Because I'm missing it.
A lot.
It has been rough week
Little Miss Hayden is cutting her last two teeth and isn't happy about it all.
At least I hope that's it.
The TV was on the other day and she did catch a glimpse of Miley Cyrus suggestively riding a wrecking ball and maybe that's what is tormenting her at night.
Don't forget the number one rule of the sleep deprivation game: It's only fun if everyone gets involved.
So not to be outdone by his little sister, Kyle evidently heard a rumor that toy fairies are visiting our home this week and has been up at 5:30 in the morning to see if they stopped by.
Either that or he just knows that I'm really, really, really ridiculously good looking (Zoolander reference) and the only way to make it fair to others is that I have giant, dark circles under my eyes.
Anyway I was feeling inspired to write a no sleep parody but while I was doing my research I ran across this:

An Ode to Sleep-Deprived Parents and Terrorizing Toddlers

O' you terror!
Get down from there!
Mummy's getting cranky...
Put my phone down.
Where are your pants?
What have you done with my purse?
Don't throw those blocks.
What is that smell?
Why do you look so happy?
What's in your mouth?
Who ripped that book?
Why won't you just stop moving?
He's on the chair!
Just standing there!
Wobbling like a drunk man.
Where is my mug?
What was that crash?
Who let you in the kitchen?
You've got a knife!
Put it down now!
Don't wave it near your sister!
Put my phone down.
Where are my apps?
Who dialed triple zero?
Why won't you sleep?
Is it your teeth?
I need another coffee!
My head's so sore!
Look at the floor!
Cleaning will take forever.
What's wrong with you?
What did I do?
Why do you do this to me?
I hope when you... 
Have some kids too...
They drive you crazy!

Thanks for stopping by, and have a nice weekend. And here's a picture of my two angels who I hope let me sleep in tomorrow: 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, September 27, 2013

Did You Know?

Did you know? Eating bacon can help you recover from a hangover by soaking up excess alcohol from your system.

Did you know? Eating bacon will not help you recover from seeing this image.

Did you know? China has a lot of amazing monuments like the Great Wall of China. During it's construction, the Great Wall was called the longest cemetery on Earth because so many people died building it. Reportedly, it cost the lives of more than one million people

Did you know? China also has a 30 foot penis monument. During it's construction, the giant dong was referred to as a cock block because the erection of the building caused a lot of congestion around town. Reportedly, it all blew over after local officials agreed to have a more hands-on approach in dealing with the matter.

Did you know? No Pixar movie has ever been a flop or made less than $150 million domestically.

Did you know? I have seen all of the Pixar movies except for Monsters University, and I'm pretty sure I'll see that one with Kyle once it's out on DVD. There's also a theory that says all of the Pixar movie are connected.

Did you know? The platypus lays eggs, lactates but has no nipples, hunts via electricity, and its venom has 80 different kinds of toxins.

Did you know? Tank isn't impressed.

Did you know? The creator of Doritos was buried with Doritos. 

Did you know? His tombstone should have read "Here Lies Arch West: Born 10/21/1918 – Fresh Until 9/21/2011."

Did you know? An iPhone can survive a fall of more than 13,000 feet. 

Did you know? An iPhone's auto-correct is still horrible. But funny.

Thanks for taking the time to stop by today. Have a wonderful weekend. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, September 20, 2013

Picking a Winner Again

My blogging BFF Phats asked me to make some more football picks so I did. I am good at a lot of things like sleeping in, scratching myself, hanging out with my wang out, running with scissors, and sniffing glue but picking football games doesn’t make the list as you will see from the picks I made this week. A special thanks to my Uncle Jim Bob Jimmy Don for his inspiration. 

Pro Games
Cleveland Browns at Minnesota Vikings
What do the Cleveland Browns and possums have in common? They both play dead at home and get killed on the road. Minnesota wins, 31-10.
Tampa Bay Bucs at New England Patriots
Tampa’s head coach Greg Schiano seat is hotter than two rats humping in a wool sock in August in Kansas City, and it’s not going to get any better after paying a visit to New England. New England wins, 35-13.
Chicago Bears at Pittsburgh Steelers
As my Uncle Jim Bob Jimmy Don would say, “I would have to be drunker than Cooter Brown to pick the Steelers.” Nobody wants Uncle Jim Bob Jimmy Don to get that liquored up. Trust me. Chicago wins, 20-10.
St Louis Rams at Dallas Cowboys
My Uncle Jim Bob Jimmy Don also liked to say “I’m shaking like a hound dog trying to crap out a peach pit.” He was a weird dude. So what does that have to do with my pick? Nothing. I just wanted to use that phrase. Dallas wins, 31-24.
Arizona Cardinals at New Orleans Saints
Did I mention my Uncle Jim Bob Jimmy Don? Well he doesn’t exist and neither does the chance of the Cardinals picking up a win in the Big Easy. New Orleans wins, 34-21.
College Games
Kent State Golden Flashes at Penn State Nittany Lions
Well now that you know the truth about my Uncle Jim Bob Jimmy Don then I must also confess that I have a soft spot in my heart for the Golden Flashes because they have such an awesome nickname but that will be the only battle Kent State will win today. Penn State wins, 41-9.
West Virginia Mountaineers at Maryland Terrapins
Is a pig’s butt pork? Yes. Does a bear poop in the woods? Yes. Does a one-legged duck swim in circles? Yes. Will West Virginia win this game? No. Maryland wins, 28-24.

Missouri Tigers at Indiana Hoosiers
Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Indiana? They cause too much brain damage! Go Mizzou!! Missouri wins, 38-10.

North Carolina Tar Heels at Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets
It’s time to rely on the wonderful advice of my fictitious Uncle Jim Bob Jimmy Don once again: “North Carolina’s defense is going to be busier than a one-armed bus driver with crabs.” Georgina Tech wins, 68-50.
Tennessee Volunteers at Florida Gators
Albert Einstein went to a party and asked people their I.Q. He asked a guy and he said,"120.” Einstein said, "Great, we can talk about nuclear fission.” Then he asked a girl and she said,"110" and he said "Great, we can talk about the angle of the worlds axis." Finally he went up to a guy and he said,"51" and einstein said,"How bout them Vols!" Florida wins, 27-13.
Kansas State Wildcats at Texas Longhorns
Knock, Knock! 
Who's there? 
Cash who? 
No thanks, but I’ll take a peanut instead. 
And Texas will take another home loss, 42-24.

South Dakota State Jackrabbits at Nebraska Cornhuskers
Nebraska fans certainly aren’t too happy about the beatdown they got last week from UCLA, and that mood didn’t improve when a recording was posted on Deadspin, in which Nebraska head coach Bo Pelini said he didn’t care what the fans think. If Nebraska doesn’t win this week then Pelini is going to care a lot about the fans because they are going to run him out of the state. Nebraska wins, 49-7. 
Texas State Bobcats at Texas Tech Red Raiders
Why do Texas State students have TGIF on their shoes? Toes Go In First! Texas Tech wins, 45-28.

Boise State Broncos at Fresno State Bulldogs
Uncle Jim Bob Jimmy Don loved to tell this joke: You're trapped in a room with an angry grizzly bear, a hungry lion, and a Boise State fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? Shoot the BSU fan … twice. Fresno State wins, 28-27. 
Colorado State Rams at Alabama Crimson Tide
Start drinking early Colorado State fans because this game is going to be so ugly that it is going to make onions cry. It is going to be so ugly that it will scare the roaches away. It is going to be so ugly that if it sat in the sand on the beach, cats would try to bury it. You get the idea. Alabama wins, 56-10.
Clemson Tigers at NC State Wolfpack
What do you think Uncle Jim Bob Jimmy Don? “If excuses was gooses we would all have a Happy Thanksgiving.” No excuses Clemson, just beat Moo U. Clemson wins, 27-17.
Idaho Vandals at Washington State Cougars
Should I go to the well one more time and ask my Uncle Jim Bob Jimmy Don what he thinks about this game? Nope. This one is on me. I went to school at Idaho and they had decent football teams. That's not the case anymore. Vandal football fans have an inferiority complex, and it’s fully justified because our football team stinks. You would think that we live and learn, but we, we just live. Vandal football is living proof that manure can sprout legs walk. Washington State wins, 45-17.

Finally here's a picture of the kiddos. I told them if they didn't smile I would make them watch the Vandal game.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, September 13, 2013

How About That

The cursor has been taunting me for the past 7 days.
Just sitting there on my screen.
Blinking at me.
Or maybe the cursor is flashing me like a perv in a trenchcoat.
Is it blinking or flashing?
Anyway the blinking or flashing cursor seems like it's just waiting for me to write something substantial. Trust me I'm trying.
All the stuff I think I should write about just feels like there isn't enough that's worth an entire blog post or maybe my motivation isn't there to develop it.
In no particular order, this is what I have thought about writing this week:
  • How Kyle's was almost named Larry (If only the Cardinals won the Super Bowl in 2009)
  • How he got to hear the origins of his nickname Bunga (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)
  • How I'm having an identity crisis with my hair (I shaved it all off)
  • How I reacted when I got my book cover design ideas back from the artist (Disappointed but after talking to someone much smarter than me I'm feeling much better about it)
  • How I wanted to integrate "I finally was able to score some military-grade LSD" into my latest blog post (Thought it was a funny expression)
  • How exhausted I'm feeling after taking care of the kids, Tank, the house, and my freelance work every day (Schedule changes at the Shifley household have been a little difficult for me and Mrs. Shife)
  • How some of my favorite shows feature leading men that do some extremely horrible things (Dexter Morgan from Dexter, Walter White from Breaking Bad, Jax from Sons of Anarchy, Cullen Bohannon from Hell on Wheels)
  • How I hope we don't go to war with Syria (Only the dead have seen the end of war – Plato)
  • How emotionally gut-wrenching it was working at a newspaper during the 9/11 attacks (Working 16-hour days trying to keep it together while putting together a newspaper about events that changed the world we live in forever and then going home to bawl my eyes out because it was so hard processing all of the horror that happened that day)
  • How I don't need an update ever, ever again on what Miley Cyrus is or isn't wearing (the media feeds her ego and she can't live without it)
So is there any topic you would like me to expand upon? 
Have yourself a very merry weekend, and here is a photo of my two kiddos. Kyle and Hayden were not quite on the same page when I told them to smile. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, September 06, 2013

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • How was your Labor Day weekend? We had a good one. Hope you did too. 
  • Back to school for Kyle and me today. It was his first day and I was the teacher-helper. Thank the fat bassets it wasn't as traumatic as the first time last year. He will be going three times a week this year. Then next year he's going to be going kindergarten. And that just blew my mind. 
  • Did your search engine history include "remove crayon from linoleum" this week? Well mine did. Turns out Lysol wipes work pretty good.
  • Who else does this with magazines? Keep canceling and renewing under a new name so you can get the discounted rate. I have been doing this with Sports Illustrated for years. One day they are going to show up to verify if Pat McCrotch actually lives here. It will probably be the same day the mattress tag police shows up to make sure our tags are still attached to our bedding. 
  • Since I've been doing the paleo/primal/caveman diet, I've been looking for meal inspiration because some of the stuff I've been eating is pretty boring. Well I turned the TV on to the Food Network and was hooked. This stuff is awesome. Instead of rotting my brain watching Teen Mom or Jersey Shore these past few years I could've been watching Chopped. 
  • I also got hooked on the show, Orange is the New Black, on Netflix
  • Kyle's has a new joke. How does Davy Crockett like his pie? Alamo-d.
  • I forgot to answer your questions about my latest softball injury in my blog update two weeks ago. Yes I was safe, no it wasn't worth it, and it appears the blood sacrifice has improved my softball game. 
  • Finally a picture of Little Miss Hayden letting me know that she can't hear me when I'm telling her it's time for a nap. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, August 30, 2013

Have A Good One

The family and I hope you have a great Labor Day weekend. We are going to do our best to have a good one. I think it will be impossible not to have one as we will be sporting our Wonder Sauna Short Hot Pants. I am doing my best to bring sexy back.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, August 23, 2013

What A Week

By the buck knuckle of George Constanza, I need to get hopped up on Schlitz. It has been a busy week at Casa de Shifley, and instead of boring you with words, I will just share some photos from the past few days. Plus I hear that pictures are worth a thousand words so this could be my biggest blog update ever.

Any guesses on how I tore the shit out of my leg? If you have read this blog long enough then you probably guessed softball. I had not made a sacrifice to the softball gods in some time so I was due.

A big wind storm rolled through town and a giant branch from the silver maple in our backyard snapped landing directly on our roof. It doesn't appear that there was any roof damage so we are pretty lucky that we just have to pay for someone to come chop it down.

Tank Tank had to go to the vet so Kyle wanted to give him a hug and let him know that it would be okay. Tank just needed a shot so it was no big deal but I still have never owned a dog that enjoyed a trip to the vet. Anyway this is one of my favorite pictures of my two boys.

It is that time of the year again that the fair sets up shop in town and puts a big dent in my wallet. Kyle and Hayden took a timeout from riding rides and people watching to enjoy a "healthy" snack.

Kyle taking a victory lap on his four-wheeler after he showed everyone that he drives like a boss.

I am so in love with this little girl. I don't know if it is evident by the picture. She makes me very happy to be her daddy.

So I don't want to beat a dead horse and bore you with more pictures so I am just going to drink a Dead Horse and enjoy my Friday evening. I hope you do as well.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.