Thursday, October 30, 2008

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Happy Halloween!!! Any big plans for the evening? Are you getting dressed up? Still looking for an idea? Well here are three of my favorite costumes and I think you would be a hit if you chose to use one of these ideas:

    Foil Man
    Elephant Man

    Darth Weirdo

  • This will be my last post for about a week or so. My little brother is getting married next weekend, and we have family coming into town so I will be busy entertaining (read drinking heavily) and doing other fun things (read drinking even more heavily) next week. Wish me luck.

  • But if a certain person (his last name rhymes with Yo Momma) is not elected President on Tuesday I might be busy packing up my stuff for a move to Canada. So you might not hear from me for a little bit longer. I hope you have that spare room ready Cher. Speaking of Cher has anyone heard from my second-favorite Canadian lately?

  • I displayed my college football expertise over here at my favorite Boilermakers' blog. Check it out if you want.

  • They say things come in threes and I just had to post another disturbing commercial of the day. These one is highly disturbing, and if you need one of these I do believe you have some serious issues. The only rack I need in my bed belongs to Mrs. Shife.

  • So happy that "3o Rock" is back on TV. I just love that show. I am going to giggle about Jack being touched in the swimsuit area all week long.

  • Do you ever wonder if the Hokey Pokey is what it is all about?

  • I can't think of anything else. Have a great Halloween, enjoy your weekend, and I will see you in about 10 days.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Another Disturbing Commercial of the Day

OK I think we can all agree that baby wee wee was bad.
But I am proud to say that I have found another bad one.
And just in time if you were looking for a last minute Halloween costume idea.
So without further ado I proudly present the world premiere of the "The Tiddy Bear."
Don't forget to buckle up!!!!

Friday, October 24, 2008

Disturbing Commercial of the Day

In my never ending quest to find things that make you go hmmm, I proudly present the baby wee wee doll. It is not too early to start your Christmas shopping and nothing says I love you more than a doll that pees in your face when you rub its tummy. Enjoy.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Who would be on your Mt. Rushmore?

So if you could have your own personal Mt. Rushmore who would be up there?
I have thought about this for a few days and my answers have changed as much as I have changed my underwear. But on this very day I am going with Pat Tillman, my Mom, Abraham Lincoln, and George Carlin.
Who do you have up there?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Maybe it is a mid-life crisis but I am contemplating changing the name of my private parts. What do you think of Bill and Ted as my testicles and my penis being called The Excellent Adventure?
  • The latest installment of Indiana Jones came out on DVD this week. I saw it in the theater and really did not care for it. I could not really put a finger on it but then an episode of "South Park" really cleared it up for me. Indiana Jones was raped.

  • I was listening to a podcast and the guy was talking about the gayest phrases he ever heard. Here they are, and which one do you think is the gayest?
    -- "I just saw Wicked for the second time in San Francisco"
    -- "I just went dildo shopping with Richard Simmons in West Hollywood"
    -- "I just got my ass waxed by the Village People"
    -- "I attended a Feng Shui conference with Clay Aiken in Key West"
    -- "I am a Cubs fan"

  • And my public service announcement of the week

Monday, October 13, 2008

No Hot Soup For You

Yes can I get the fish tacos, a Miller Lite draft, and some clothes for that table of senior citizens over there.
What am I talking about? Well I just heard about this trend - albeit a little late - but I still heard about it and I needed to talk about. Apparently nude dining is kind of a big deal out in NYC. Read all about here.
Oh My God! Why are people in eating establishments completely void of garments?
You know I love a cheeseburger but I would love it even more if my testicles were exposed to the entire restaurant. Or I could really enjoy my salad more if a husky man and his voluptuous dinner date were enjoying a huge plate of BBQ ribs completely free of their clothing.
Nothing gets my appetite going more than knowing my naked butt might be sitting in a chair that has had buckets of ass matter or swamp butt or taint juice all over it from an incredible amount of strangers.
I am sorry but there is not enough Pine Sol in the world to make that chair sanitary enough for me.
Enjoy your meals.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

I am just saying

  • I don't think there are too many places a rug burn feels awesome. I don't recall ever saying to a buddy "Hey you don't know what you are missing. Having a rug burn on your testicle is fantastic." Anyway, I got a rug burn on my toe that is located between my big toe and my middle toe. Is there a technical term for that little piggy? So I got one there and it hurts. And that image is my community service message to everyone. It is a hidden epidemic and you good folks need to be warned.
  • I just thought I would add my perspective to the gay marriage issue. I just think we need to drop the whole gay thing from it and just call it marriage. It is just two dudes or two ladies who want to get married. We don't need to throw gay in there to make it a political or religious issue. I mean when two gay dudes decide to have lunch it is just lunch not gay lunch.
Have yourself a merry little weekend.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

I am feeling very presidential today

There's an effort to elect an unknown random person as President ... and it's someone we know! Watch this online video about the surprising new nominee:

Friday, October 03, 2008

Underwear range

My friend told me about the underwear range. He said it will help determine how distraught I am about being unemployed. It basically works like this: The more troubled I become about being without a job then my comfort level of just being in my underwear increases. For example, week 1 of unemployment I might just be on the couch in my manties. Week 5 I am getting the mail in my tightie whities. Week 12 I am enjoying a buffet at the Sizzler in my banana hammocks.
Right now I am sitting on the couch fully dressed but when I start raking the leaves in my Speed Racer underoo set I will let you know.
Have a fabulous weekend.