Friday, January 25, 2019

9 Truths, 1 Lie

There are 10 items below that contain some information about yours truly. One of these items is a lie. Can you guess which one? 

  1. I threw my undergarments to Eddie Van Halen at a concert
  2. When I was a freshman in college, I was "encouraged" by the upperclassmen in my fraternity to wear a shirt that said "Life." Then, I had to hand out lemons on a street corner.
  3. One of my favorite quotes “A crowded elevator smells different to a midget” was turned into a t-shirt by a UK-based shirt company. They are no longer in business.
  4. I won the Seattle Times "Holiday Cooking Horror Stories Contest” in 2016.
  5. All of the dogs I have been owned by have been named after a TV character (Higgins, Quincy, Tank and Ms. Frizzle)
  6. I have lived in Alaska, Idaho, Japan, North Dakota, Nevada, Missouri, Florida, Oregon, and Illinois.
  7. I have seen a lot of naked dudes. I spent 8 years living with large groups of men – the Navy and a fraternity.
  8. My all-time favorite word is crestfallen. Unsavory is a close second.
  9. I spent six days in jail during my undergraduate days at the University of Idaho. Long story short, I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Me and two buddies were charged with misdemeanors but the judge wanted to teach us a lesson so we got to spend two weekends in jail.
  10. I have dressed up as many female figures in my life: Pocahontas, drag queen, hag, Snow White, Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz and a crazy cat lady.

Thanks for stopping by. I will talk to you soon. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, January 18, 2019

Random Acts of Shifeness - He's back

  • We're a two-dog household again as Ted has returned for two weeks. Kyle and Hayden are super happy to have the four-legged marshmallow back under our roof. Frizzle will probably be ready for Ted to head back home after about a week. Here's a recap of Frizz and Ted's excellent adventure if you need a refresher. 
  • Speaking of adventures, I had myself one on the freeway today. I was cruising down the road at a law-abiding 65 miles per hour when I reached for my beverage by the lid but the lid had other ideas. I thought we were doing the tango but the lid was all about a solo performance and left me hanging. And it turns out the cup was a huge fan of gravity so it dropped right into my lap. Ahhh, there's nothing quite as refreshing as dumping 44 ounces of cold ice tea on your crotch. I was also on my way to work so I had to turn around to change my clothes. Good times. 
  • New beer idea: Dr. Phil Pilsner - it pretends to be a beer but it's not. What do you think?
  • I have lost 6 pounds since I started Dry January but I think the weight loss could have been more substantial if it weren't for caramels. I guess I need I to replace all of the sugar I am not getting from alcohol. I think I have polished off about 612 pieces this month.  
  • Hayden was so mad at me for eating the last of the caramels that she made me do handstands to see if I was hiding any in my pockets.

  • And a terrible pun for no reason at all:
  • How has your week been? 
  • I certainly appreciate you stopping by and saying hello. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, January 11, 2019

Sweet Lincoln's mullet ... it's still 2019

Well, well, well ... look what decided to show up. Hello, Friday. It's good to see you again.

It just feels like it has been a long week. 
Maybe because it's my first full week back at work. 
Maybe it's because I am still in the middle of dry January. 
Maybe it's because of the government shutdown. 
Maybe it's because I just learned that dogs lay eggs. 
Maybe ... wait what did I just type? 
Maybe I was so wrong to think that highly of mankind. 

Serious, Google? 
Serious, Mr. Shife. 
Well, there is a Flat Earth Society so I shouldn't be surprised at anything anymore. 

Then I had lunch. 
I got a bloody nose while I was eating spicy food. 
Really weird. 
I have never had that happen to me before. 
Looking forward to next week and what other mysteries will be unveiled to me in 2019.
Hope you are well.
Thanks for stopping by.
Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, January 04, 2019

Sweet Lincoln's mullet ... it's 2019

Howdy friends.
Hope the new year finds you well.
It still feels a little surreal that it's 2019.
Mostly because Kyle will turn double digits this year and that really feels weird.
We can talk more about that in the coming months.
So how are you?
Doing anything fun to kick off the year?
I decided to torture myself and go dry in January.
Torture probably isn't the right word.
More like I wanted to challenge myself.
It's been a while since I abstained from drinking for an extended period of time.
I also wanted to get in better shape so I thought I would give it a go.
I'm actually a little embarrassed about how much weight I have added in the past two years.
I usually run around 155 pounds and this has always been a good weight for me since I'm only 5'7" but 165 is no bueno and that's where the scale has been tipping lately.
I have been blessed with a pretty sweet metabolism and this has allowed me to eat, drink and be merry with no big repercussions.
Working out 3-4 times a week helps as well.
However, as I have advanced in age, the metabolism has slowed and the belly has grown.
I am not ready for a Buddha belly.
And I don't want to look like a Garbage Pail Kid.

Or have this part of my life turned into a book.

Hopefully, the dry January will get me back to where I want to be.
I will let you know in a few weeks with the final results when I'm done "challenging" myself.
Take care, thanks for stopping by and talk to you soon.

P.S. We had a great Christmas. Santa was good to the kiddos and ol' Saint Nick was pleasantly surprised that Kyle and Hayden used the "Phallic Guide to Cookie Design" to make their cookies for him. The kids were trying to make towers and, well, the towers melted in the oven and turned into "interesting" shapes.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.