Friday, December 30, 2016

Happy New Year 2017

Well, I'm taking a break this week because we are celebrating the holiday with family and we currently have nine adults, six kiddos all under the age of 7, and two 4-month-old puppies hanging out at Casa de Shifley.
It's a little hard finding some time to get away to write something extraordinary.
Trust me this final post of 2016 was going to be epic.
Gotta run.
I'll talk to you next week in the year 2017.
Take care.
Thanks for stopping by and Happy New Year.

Oh and I almost forget but I need to spend some time cleaning out my cooler.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Shife 2.0

Well, last week sucked.
Mentally I was in a bit of a funk and I felt a lot like this:

Thank you for being supportive. It really does mean a lot.
Well, I knew this couldn't continue and I also knew I didn't want this to continue so I decided to get my shit together and fight Tobias.

Saturday - I acknowledged that I wasn't in a happy place and I needed help. I meditated, used essential oils (doTerra wild orange) and upped my diazepam (valium) dosage. I didn't want to do any of this, but I made myself because it had to be done if I was going to get over this bout of depression.
Sunday - I felt better. I continued with the meditation, essential oils, and diazepam. I also know giving and gratitude can make you feel better. I donated to some charities and bought some Christmas presents.
Monday - Clutter is a major trigger for my anxiety and that can eventually spiral into my depression. I had emails from 2004. I had more than 3,000 emails just sitting in my inbox doing nothing but driving me nuts because they are just sitting there taking up space. Bye bye emails. I have 10 emails in my inbox right now. And that number will be cut in half when some packages are delivered.  I continued with the meditation, essential oils, and diazepam
Tuesday - My Twitter account was also a hot mess. I followed more than 1,500 people just because they followed me back. However, they brought nothing to the table for me and were just clogging up my Twitter feed with stuff I didn't care about. Bye bye Twitter followers. My list of followers is now under 300 and it's a joy to go through my news feed because I actually get information that I find interesting and useful. I continued with the meditation, essential oils, and diazepam
Wednesday - I went out with some friends to have a few beers. I hadn't been out in a long time with friends. I knew I was starting to feel better because I wanted to go out and meet them. A week ago, I would have made up an excuse as to why I couldn't meet them. I continued with the meditation, essential oils, and diazepam.
Thursday - I have bills. You have bills. If you are like me, you probably wish you didn't have bills. Well, I can't change the fact that I have bills, but I can take control of them. We have bills due on the 1st, the 10th, the 15th, the 24th, etc. Not anymore. They are all now due on the 5th. I pay everything on one day and I'm done with it. Just getting everything squared away on one day takes some stress out of my life. I continued with the meditation, essential oils, and diazepam.
Friday - There are 86,400 seconds in a day. I don't get them back. They don't collect interest. Once they are gone, they are gone. I can either get busy making the most out of that time or just exist. I don't want to exist or survive. I want to thrive. I'm going to make my seconds count. I continued with the meditation and essential oils. I scaled back on the diazepam because it can become addictive.

Well, that's been my week.
I took a look in the mirror and decided Mr. Shife needed to get busy living.
It's not always going to be sunshine and rainbows, but I'm going to fight because I want to be happy and I fucking deserve to be happy.

Thanks for listening and thanks for stopping by.
Have a wonderful weekend and Merry Christmas.

P.S. I also purged my messy desk of clutter and found two copies of my book.
I would love to give them to someone if they wanted it. It's FREE.
Just send me your address at and I'll get in the mail.
The books have been claimed. Thanks everyone.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, December 16, 2016

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

The darkness is back. 
The winter blues have returned. 
The swirling vortex of worthlessness is in charge.
Circling the drain is my catch phrase. 
I was hoping it would skip me, but it's back and it seems like with a vengeance this year. 
I think having to find Tank another home has really put me in more of a funk than usual. 
I know it will pass.
I know it will end.
I just wish I knew when.
Suck it, Tobias.

P.S. Tobias is the name I have given my depression. 

I will persevere. I will keep me moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, December 09, 2016

Mr. Shife's Snapshots from the Week

  • A holiday email I received from a doctor that I allowed to probe me. Not in that way, you perverts. Jeez. A man has to know his limitations and being probed anally is definitely where I draw the line. It probably would explain why I haven't been abducted by aliens.  Anyway, I thought the first sentence was interesting: "We would like to say thank you?" Like they weren't sure and wanted my permission. Maybe I'm on the naughty list year. I want to write back and say "You're welcome?"

  • I was a little surprised at the directions on the Echinacea pills that I bought. According to the manufacturer, I need to 1 pill 7 times a day preferably with a meal. And a meal - according to the dictionary - is when a large amount of food is eaten. After I finish this bottle of pills, I will be off to the Short and Squatty store to get my new pants. I couldn't think of anything as elegant as Big and Tall. Maybe Petite and Husky? Or perhaps Stubby and Chunky? 
  • I still get a chuckle seeing a reminder from our vet about Ms. Frizzle's next appointment. Just seeing her name makes me laugh. 

  • The good news is that I won the Seattle Times "Holiday Cooking Horror Stories Contest." The bad news is that the gift card is for a local restaurant in Seattle. Looks like some of our relatives will be enjoying dinner on the Shifes.  You're welcome. Do I still get good karma when I don't really mean that polite response? 
  • Have you been wondering what Angelina Jolie has been up to since her split with Brad Pitt?
    Of course, you have. Well, she's been reading my blog. I'm not surprised. I mean I just won a holiday story contest. I'm glad that I'm able to be a source of comfort in these difficult times for her. Man, I'm a swell guy. 

Thanks for stopping by. I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, December 02, 2016

Random Acts of Shifeness: Grandpa's Coming to Town

  • My dad is coming to town. He recently retired and is ready to enjoy not working. It will be nice to see him. I'm sure he's wishing his oldest son would have chosen to live in a more tropical locale as Boise in December isn't tank top weather. 
  • The tree is up. We might have to hang it from the ceiling so it makes it to Christmas. As you can imagine, Ms. Frizzle thinks it's a giant chew toy. And I'm glad to announce that Ms. Frizzle has added Christmas ornaments to her diet. She might change her mind about her dietary choices after one of the ornaments make it through her system. 
  • I got a really good deal on a bag of clementines. Some days you really have to count your blessings. Thank you, Fred Meyer for the incredible savings. Some days you also hope that they will invent sarcastic font to remove all doubt that I was being facetious. 
  • Quote of the week: If plan A doesn't work, the alphabet has 25 more letters - 204 if you're in Japan. - Claire Cook
  • Joke of the week: It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’

  • Recommendation of the week: Towel shopping at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. So, so much fun. Did I mention that someone needs to invent a sarcastic font? It's really going to be fun when Mrs. Shife tells me she doesn't like them and I get to take them back. I am a man with only a few admirable qualities and towel shopping is definitely not one of them. 

Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.