Friday, April 29, 2005

What's in a name

My nickname is Shife because my last name is Shifley, and now I have proof about how hardcore I am. Check it out for yourself.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Feel the pain

I made the trip to the dentist today and he put in some fillings. Everyone at work thinks I am crazy because I don't get numbed up before the good doctor starts drilling but it really doesn't hurt that much. But I figure I have been owned by a basset hound named Quincy for the last 5 years so going to the dentist is no big deal.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Bring your zit to work day

Do you ever get zits that make your whole face hurt? Every time you breath you can feel the red beast growing and encompassing more of your delicate skin. Every time you touch it you feel like your whole face is going to cave in. I weighed myself and I have gained 10 pounds because I have two enormous growths taking up residence on my face. One is on my nose and one is on my chin so if I don't breathe or talk or eat I feel fine. I am 35 fucking years old ... aren't you suppose to quit getting acne after a certain time? I need these craters on my face about as I much as I need a pitchfork in my ass.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

The joy of Bob the iPod

I got a new electronic friend to go along with TiVo. Please welcome Bob the iPod into the Shifley household. My wife got him for my birthday and I am really, really liking him. It is going to be nice to use at the gym and when I go running. I just need to give myself an allowance so I don't spend too much at the iTunes store. If anyone has some good tips please share. And I would prefer that the tips be iPod related and not something smart ass like the best way to circumsize myself.

Monday, April 25, 2005

A new era

Well now that I am another year older I have moved into a new demographic. I now must check the box marked 35-49 and I am no longer desired by adveritsers. Depressing? Not really. Maybe I am just getting more comfortable in my own skin but I am handling my 35th birthday a lot better than I thought I would.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Pat Tillman #40
Posted by Hello

Pat Tillman

I forget to mention that today is the anniversary of Pat Tillman's death. He was my favorite player on my favorite team and I feel very fortunate that I got the opportunity to meet him. I just wish we had more people like Pat Tillman in this crazy, fucked-up world of ours. Rest in peace Pat and God bless you and yours alike.

Here is a picture of my flip phone and the front display where 2 basset hairs now call home.
Posted by Hello

Quincy's dog hair

Can someone explain to me how my dog's hair can get inside the part of the phone where it displays the time? I now have two dog hairs stuck in there and I have no clue as to how I should retrieve them. First I watched that damn film "Primer" that made my head swell and now I am trying to wrap my head around this cell phone mystery. I remember when life was so much simpler and all I did was watch cartoons and fill my diapers.

And to make things worse my nightmare came to fruition concerning UNC hoops as May, Raymond and Marvin said they are going pro. So besides losing their seniors, the Heels lost 4 underclassmen. It is going to be a different year next year. I don't think there will be any chance of Carolina repeating as National Champs.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Primer will make your head hurt

I just finished watching "Primer" and all I can say is ouch. I honestly had a mind-nuumbing headache from trying to figure out what the hell was going on in that movie. The last time I was this confused I had just finished drinking 12 shots of Jagrmeister and I was trying to walk.
I think I am going to have to rent it like 10 times. I spent some time on the message boards but I think I am more confused now than I was. All that time travel can really screw you up. If anyone else has some insight please feel me in because I feel like a one-eyed cat in a fish store. Here is a link to the film:

Good luck.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Mission accomplished

I took the day off from work yesterday so I could finish my painting project. Our front porch and deck area needed to be painted and we have family coming into town so I was running out of time to get it done. Anyway I took the day off and I was nervous all day long because it was overcast and gray outside so I just figured it was going to pour down raining and ruin all of my work. I felt like a groundskeeper at Fenway Park waiting to pull out the tarps. Fortunately the rain never came and the paint remained.

Monday, April 18, 2005

The Great Kirbowski

Sarah's parents came down for the weekend and brought their black lab, Kirby, down with them. So what does that mean for me? No sleep. Quincy and Kirby play grab ass and hide the salami all night long. Kirby will come into our bedroom and show Quincy the best way to piss Matt off. Right now the winner is rubbing your your nasty canine ass on my head or treating my nuts as a dance floor. Anyway Quincy has a good time playing with another dog but they both just get too excited.

Friday, April 15, 2005


I forget sometimes that some of my co-workers read my blog so I was little embarrassed when they told me that they read yesterday's entry. So now everyone knows I deposited some chocolate pudding in my diggers. Oh well. Well on that fine note I really don't have too much to add except that I hope my panties remain free from fecal matter this weekend.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

A perfect ending to a crappy day

Yesterday was a bad day. The wife and I are still trying to pay off our taxes. So I wrote her a check to pay the bill but I didn't expect her to cash until Friday. I had everything worked out so we would skate by until I get paid. So I am thinking I am ahead and then we get hit with a $500 doctor bill because Sarah has no vision coverage on her health insurance. Well that sucks but we should be OK because I get paid tomorrow. But Sarah went ahead and cashed the check I wrote her because she thought it was OK, which it was until her eye examination, but now we are in danger of bouncing a check. So we get home and argue about it for awhile and we are both mad at each other. Then as I am laying in bed I went to fart but I sharted instead. So I ended the day by shitting my pants. Awesome.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Too much TV

Once I get home from work and the wife and I have no immediate plans I can do absolutely nothing but lay on the couch and watch TV. I feel like a waste for doing this especially with some of the crap that I find myself and Quincy watching. Let's see we watched The Daily Show, The Right Fit, Dog the Bounty Hunter, Deadliest Catch, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and The Shield. Thank goodness for TiVo or I would have be up until midnight. So am I completer loser for watching TV all night with my dog? Probably but sometimes it just feels good to veg out on the couch and do nothing.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Quincy's boycott

I almost forget to mention that Quincy and I are boycotting baseball this year. We are both big fans but we finally got fed up with all the crap so we are taking the year off. First of all they need to get serious about their drug policy. A 10-day suspension for steroids is a joke especially when the season is 162 games long. If you violate the policy in the NFL you are suspended for 4 games which is one a quarter of the season. And they need a salary cap. I am tired of the Yankees or the Red Sox getting whoever they want because they have the deepest pockets. I know there is no crying in baseball but it is pathetic that you know your team has no shot at landing Randy Johnson because the Yanks have all the cash. So when they decide to fix those things me and Quincy will start watching again.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Taxman cometh

Well the wife and I finally got the taxes taken care of today. And as I speak I am sick to my stomach. We owe the government a shitload of cash. I think Quincy is going to have to sell his dog milk.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Quincy's getting new gear

Well I finally broke down and ordered all my National Championship gear for the Tar Heels. I probably spent more than I should but Quincy insisted that he was going to get a job to help pay for it. I also had to order my little brother some stuff since he is a poor college student.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Quincy's newest trick

For the past week or so the little man has been waking up in the wee hours of the morning to take care of business. He then comes galloping back into the bedroom and proceeds to Sarah's side of the bed. He sits patiently at the side trying different frequencies of his whining until she is rousted from her slumber. A few expletives are tossed into the air followed by some begging and pleading by my wife to Quincy to get him to go to the front of the bed and use his foot stool to get in the bed like he normally does. After 5 minutes of butting heads with the most stubborn basset hound this side of the Mississippi, she gets up and air vacs him into bed. And that is the end of it.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

North Carolina is #1

The Tar Heels are the champs!
The Tar Heels are the champs!
The Tar Heels are the champs!
The Tar Heels are the champs!
The Tar Heels are the champs!
The Tar Heels are the champs!
The Tar Heels are the champs!
The Tar Heels are the champs!
The Tar Heels are the champs!
The Tar Heels are the champs!

Monday, April 04, 2005

It ends tonight

Mine and Quincy's reign as bracket champions ends tonight. The best we can do is 4th place. The damn Illini had to go and ruin everything, but if North Carolina wins tonight it will be all forgiven. I would rather be the National Champs.
I just hope I can make it through the game in one piece and without breaking anything in the house. It should be a good game but if I had it my way I would love to see the Heels blow out Illinois.