Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • I don't know if this is a well-known fact or not, but there is a way you can tell how "big" a guy is by having him make the loser sign. Here is an image to help you out in case you wanted to know what Michael Moore is packing.
    Anyway it is pretty accurate and comes in handy when you need to measure something and don't have measuring tape at your disposal. The reason I bring this up is because Mrs. Shife and I found a TV armoire this past weekend but we weren't sure if it was big enough fso I had to break out the L sign to see if it would work for my big TV and well it turns out me and the armoire were just big enough.
  • Sometimes I don't mind the combination of two words to form another word like when fantastic and fabulous get together after a few drinks and make fantabulous. But there is one unholy union of words that makes me cringe when I hear it - chillaxing. I don't know if it is relaxing and chill or if it is chilling and relax, but whoever decided that these two words should bump uglies and make a word baby needs to get punched in the neck.
  • Honey has never been a major staple of my diet but lately I have been throwing quite a bit back lately in my hot tea to help battle my cold. But now I know why it has never been a big part of my diet. Once the honey hits the Shife ecosystem there is some serious global warming if you know what I mean. And this global warming smells like a used diaper ... filled with ... Indian food.
  • Why am I watching Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew? If there's one thing good I can say about the show is that it is slightly better than anything else on VH1. Of course, that's like saying catching your hand in a meat grinder is slightly better than catching your hand in a wood chipper.
  • I also started watching two other shows that I actually enjoy Tosh.O on Comedy Central and The League on FX. They make me laugh, and sometimes I raise my hands in my air like I do care.
  • I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving, and with news of a pumpkin pie shortage I am not going to take any chances. Memo to Costco: Your ample pumpkin pie supply will be greatly depleted when Mr. Shife visits this afternoon.
  • And Peggy - thanks for the comment on my last post. I tried to write back to you but it said your profile is not available.
  • Baby Shife update - Almost 8-months old, 16 pounds, and 25 inches tall, and speaking of the little wildcat here is your weekly fix:

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

My Top 10 List

10. The number of years I chewed tobacco. Such a disgusting habit that I picked it up while I was in the Navy. I tried to quit so many times, and I think I did everything imaginable to try and make it happen. But finally I did quit and I have never looked back. It kinda helped that they had to cut out a small part of my tongue (don't worry it grew back) and told me if I didn't quit I would probably lose most of my tongue. So I was convinced. I got on a program, took a drug to help with the cravings, and have been off the stuff for more than 6 years now.

9. The number of years I have been owned by the fat basset. We rescued Captain Furry Pants from the shelter in 2000 and have been loving him ever since. He came with a lot of baggage because he was abused by some douche bag, and he has severely tested my patience. But deep down he is a good dog and I am a better person for having him in my life.

8. The number of places I have called home (I was a military brat) - Alaska, Idaho, Japan, North Dakota, Nevada, Missouri, Oregon, and Illinois.

7. The number of surgeries I have had on my left ear. I was born with a cholesteatoma and it took the doctors a long time to figure it out. By the time they did the damage had been done and I was pretty much deaf in my left ear. I have about 90% hearing loss in that ear, but for the most part is has not been a handicap and I have been able to get along just fine with it.

6. The amount of days I spent in the Latah County Jail. Let's just say I was young, dumb, and full of that stuff that looks like tapioca pudding. It was a misdemeanor but the judge wanted to teach me and my friends a lesson. Lesson definitely learned. Thank you judge dude.

5. The number of years I have been married to the wonderful Mrs. Shife. I don't know where I would be without her, and I feel so blessed that she is my wife. I will never win the lottery but I have won the heart of the most beautiful person I know and that is worth more than any amount of money.

4. The number of years ago I started this blog. Back in 2005 I heard about this blogging thing and thought I would give it a try and it has been quite a journey. Initially I was just going to write about me and my adventures with Quincarelli but the blog evolved into something more and now it is a pretty good thing. I have met a lot of great folks along the way and I sincerely appreciate all of you coming back to say hi.

3. The number of sporting venues I still need to visit. The Dean Dome in Chapel Hill, North Carolina to watch my beloved Tar Heels in action, the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona to watch my beloved football Cardinals in action, and to spend a nice, long week in Omaha, Nebraska to watch the College World Series.

2. The number of microwaves I have destroyed in my life because I put things - a metal pot and a telephone - in the microwave that do not really do well inside a kitchen appliance that cooks food by passing an electromagnetic wave through it. The metal pot got me grounded for the summer, and the telephone ... well let's just say one day I will be making a donation to a university some day to hopefully atone for that act of stupidity.

1. It only took one. One look, one touch, and one day to feel something I have never felt before. The moment I got to hold my son for the first time was when I felt the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of love, and I soon discovered that for me the world had been transformed.

And here are some pictures of my son enjoying the fall weather ...

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Rookie Dad Journal Highlights (October)

October 1 – Getting ready to take the Mania back to the Midwest for the first time. He gets to see the Cardinals play and some more relatives will meet the little wildcat.

October 2 – Off to STL. Baby Shife slept through most of the Cardinal game but we had fun and he was a big hit with all of the people around us.

October 5 – We have to spend some time driving around in the car to help Baby Shife fall asleep. I think it is mostly due to all of the excitement and over-stimulation because we never had to do this at home.

October 6 – Heading back home to Boise. A long trip as we have to drive 3 hours to STL then spend another 7 in the air, but the little man did a great job.

October 8 – Baby Shife got scheduled for his 6-month-old checkup and portraits. He also might be done eating apple sauce. For some reason it makes him really gassy and fussy which does not equal a great night for the parents.

October 9 – We had to get the wildcat some new clothes because it is getting colder out there and he does not have a lot of long sleeved onesies.

October 10 – We had to ditch some of the “organic” baby food because Baby Shife had another rough night with a tight belly. We are not sure if it is the food but the Gerber’s organic seems to agree better with his little tummy.

October 12 – Baby Shife is sitting up all by himself, and he is starting to pull himself up as well. We had to raise the crib rail up because it was too low and he looked like he was ready to crank out some pull ups. He is also grabbing stuff off of the TV stand so childproofing the house might be in order real soon.

October 13 – He has been fascinated with my remote controls so I gave him an old one and he seems to like it OK. I might break out an old cell phone and let him play with that as well.

October 14 – 6-month check up and vaccinations. He checked out OK, got all his shots, and seems to be heading in the right direction. He weighed just over 15 pounds and is 25.5 inches long.

October 16 – Taking him back to the mall to find some brown pants that fit him better and a few toys might jump in the cart.

October 17 – Baby Shife got to go to the end-of-season softball party and he tried his darnedest to get himself a beer but Mrs. Shife said no way. He did swig down some water.

October 18 – Baby Shife is definitely testing my gag reflex with some of the deposits I am finding in his diapers. With the switch to solid foods he has definitely taken it up a notch in regards to the stank factor.

October 19 – Baby Shife hasn’t made a deposit in his mud butt holder for two days so I think we are going to get a tsunami of baby poop heading our way real soon.

October 20 – He has been barely crawling the last few days but now he is buzzing around the living room like someone is chasing him with a cattle prod. My life will never be the same.

October 22 – The Wii had to put away because someone discovered it and wanted to put all the cords into his mouth. I am afraid he is going to discover the DVDs next. He has already tried to reprogram the DVR several times. I fully expect to have a couple of adult films charged to our account by the way he was pushing buttons that thing.

October 23 – Toy shopping again. Someone needs blocks to help with their hand/eye coordination.

October 24 – We are turning the TV room into a play room for Baby Shife so we have to some work to do next week after we get back from Moscow.

October 25 – Took Baby Shife to a Halloween Maize and a Pumpkin Patch. It was fine and dandy but the rookie parents forgot to bring the stroller so we had to use a wagon that was for hauling the pumpkins and had about 40 pound of mud caked on the tires. Good times. Another lesson learned.

October 27 – Baby Shife continues to stalk the fat basset, and the fat basset is running out of places to hide.

October 28 – Baby Shife got dressed up as a little monkey to go along with Mrs. Shife’s Wicked Witch outfit for her Halloween office party.

October 29 – It is just amazing watching the little man play with things and try to figure out how they work. And it is the little things that keep him occupied like measuring cups, plastic bowls, and floor vents.

October 30 – Off to the Palouse for the weekend to visit Grandma and the rest of the crew.

October 31 – Baby Shife’s first Halloween and second Vandal football game. Not a bad way to turn 7-months-old if I must say so myself.

And here are some photos of the fat basset stalker:

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

The Murtaugh List

The Murtaugh List is a list made famous by the TV show "How I Met Your Mother" and is inspired by Danny Glover's character Roger Murtaugh in the movie series "Lethal Weapon." Murtaugh's catch phrase in these movies was "I'm too old for this shit" Putting something on the Murtaugh List acknowledges that as you grow up, there's stuff you just can no longer do that you did in your youth.
So what might be on your Murtaugh List?
Here are a few that would be on my list:
  1. Going to a bar that has been featured on "Girls Gone Wild."
  2. Dropping E and going to a rave.
  3. Jagermeister.
  4. Crash on a friend's futon for the night instead of getting a hotel room.
  5. Tea bag a friend.
  6. Suck the white filling out of twinkies in a portapotty.
  7. Get another tattoo.
  8. Karaoke a certain song by "The Backstreet Boys."
  9. Wear the fashion of Magnum P.I. The big busy mustache, the short shorts, the shirt unbuttoned down to your penis.
  10. Incorporate "How much extra for the midget?" into a sentence on a semi-regular basis.
  11. Make a love connection in jail.
  12. To be featured on any Fox reality show especially "When Animals Attack," "Cops," or "America's Most Wanted."
  13. Eat at a Chinese buffet restaurant.
  14. Be assassinated by a Ninja.
  15. Buy shirts from the "I'm Not Having Any Sex Catalog."
  16. Join the Dr. Phil Fan Club.
  17. Get into a food fight with a cannibal.
  18. Renew my membership to the International Federation of Americans against Plumber's Ass.
  19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  20. Tell this joke again: Two cows were standing in a field when one goes, "Mooo." The other replies, "Damn, I was just about say that."

And here is a picture of Mrs. Shife and Baby Shife dressed up for Halloween:

Have a great week!

P.S. 100 Tools and Resources to Teach Yourself Sign Language