Friday, February 05, 2016

Random Acts of Shifeness: Hello February

  • As a parent, you sort of know your kid but every now and then they surprise you. Did you enjoy that laugh? Who am I kidding? My kids surprise me every day. Just this very day, Hayden said she wanted poop for dinner. I'm not quite sure what that means, but poop is probably not part of any recommended physician's diet. OK. I do know what she meant. My daughter is a lot like me and she's just trying to be funny. Sometimes at 4 we just don't quite have a handle on sarcasm. Or perhaps she has eaten enough of her father's cooking and went with the tastier choice? 
  • I got way off task here because I was going to talk about Mr. Kyle Bunga. He got invited to a birthday party tomorrow, but faced a dilemma. Tomorrow is also a big STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) fair at the local university that is geared towards the little people. As I mentioned previously on this blog of mine, Kyle has said he wanted to be a scientist, but I thought for sure a friend's birthday party would certainly win over his Saturday plans. Nope. The little man thought about it for a moment and said he wanted to go to the fair. I was pretty surprised and I was also thrilled because I am looking forward to spending the day with him and seeing what he finds the most interesting. 
  • How's your week going? Did anybody get peed on by a dog? Oh just me. Sweet. At work we are helping out a co-worker's family by walking their dogs and I'm terrible at it because I got pissed on. The dog is a yellow lab and I was just chatting away with a friend until I looked down to see that I had walked into his line of fire. I think Tank has trained me that I would never have to worry about that situation with him because he's a midget compared to a lab. I know I'm not the smartest man in the world but I thought I had mastered the skill of dog walking. Evidently not. 
  • Hearing surgery update: First, thank you for your support. Second, it might not happen as soon as I would like. I have it tentatively scheduled for March 10, but I am having a bit of a battle with my health insurance company which could lead to a postponement as we would have to take some more time to save up more money if we have to pay for it ourselves. 
  • Any big plans for the Super Bowl? We will be going over to a friend's place but probably will only make it to halftime as the kiddos have to go to school the next day. It would be pretty cool if the NFL had the Super Bowl on a Saturday. Just throwing that out there, Roger Goodell. 
  • Quote of the week: Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner. - James Frey
  • Recommendation of the week: "When Breath Becomes Air," a book by Paul Kalinithi
  • Well it's been an up and down week emotionally for me. Lots of highs and lows but I'm on the right side of the grass, I have an awesome wife and amazing kiddos, a pretty sweet basset hound and lots of great folks like you guys who stop by to say hi. Thanks. Have a wonderful weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, January 29, 2016

Random Acts of Shifeness: Goodbye January

  • What do you think? I have changed things up a little bit. I have finally become a hipster.
  • Actually, this is an artist's impression of what Mr. Shife might look like as a hipster. A friend of mine from work had a little fun at my expense. I told her when I first saw the photo that I would have probably pissed my pants from laughing so hard if I had a full bladder. Mr. Shife as a hipster is not a good look and I believe the world is better off without it. 
  • I had my consultation with the hearing doctor and it went well. It was absolutely amazing how this device let me hear actual words in my ear. I'm not going to lie ... I cried. Right now they are working on scheduling the surgery and if all goes well I should be a normal hearing dude in about 3-4 months. It will look something like the gentleman down below but not quite as much gray hair and I'll probably pass on the turquoise cardigan. I still dress like I'm going to a Nirvana concert, flannel and/or t-shirt. And of course chaps. A little-known fact that Nirvana fans love wearing chaps to their concerts. Go ahead and look it up. I'm not going anywhere. Oh it looks like I was full of shit. Sorry. But hey now you have that nice image of me in some leather chaps. Happy Friday to you indeed. 

  • My favorite quote of the week: We understand why children are afraid of darkness ... but why are men afraid of light? - Plato
  • My recommendation of the week: If you have Netflix check out Anthony Jeselnik: Thoughts and Prayers,
  • Finally, I have some less-than-wonderful news to share as one of my long-time blogging friends, Val, recently lost her husband. I think a few of you have stopped by her blog and I'm not quite sure how our paths crossed, but she's a wonderful lady and if you have a moment to send some kind words her way I am sure it would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
  • Well that's all folks and I appreciate you taking some time out of your busy day to stop by and say hello. Take care.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Random Acts of Shifeness: Health Updates

  • Hi there. Remember when I said my goal in 2016 was to make this blog more funny. Just pretend I didn't say that especially since I'm going to update everyone on some health issues. However, if you make it to the end you might find a nice surprise as I will share one of my favorite jokes of all time. 
  • Last year I mentioned that two friends of mine were diagnosed with cancer. One of those friends just got a bone marrow transplant and things are progressing well for her. She is currently in Utah and will have to be down there through March, but so far so good and I'm so glad she's on the road to recovery. 
  • My other friend with liver cancer is going through experimental chemotherapy because his options are limited as to how they can fight his cancer as he has already had a good chunk of his liver removed because they hoped that would eliminate the cancer. Well it didn't work and he will know soon if his latest battle is going well or if he's out of options. Wow. It's really hard typing that last sentence. I don't want to lose my friend and I really want him to get his wish of watching his kids grow up. 
  • My Pops, who was diagnosed with Wegener's granulomatosis, is hanging in there but unfortunately his white blood cell count is seriously elevated, which led to his doctors putting him through chemotherapy. The chemo dosage isn't as intense as what my previously-mentioned friends have to deal with, but anytime you hear the word chemotherapy it makes you a little worried about your loved one. 
  • Finally, I have some news about my health. I feel really guilty for bringing it up because it's good news especially since I just shared some not-so-good news with you. By the time I blog next week I should know if I will be able to hear out of my left ear. Some of you may know this, but I was born with a ear disease that eliminated about 95 percent of my hearing. I have been deaf in my left ear since I was born, but my ear doctor thinks he has a way to restore my hearing and I'm going to find out next Friday if it's going to happen. I'm trying not to get too excited because there's a chance it will not work, but I'm pretty stoked about the possibilities of hearing out of both ears. I look forward to sharing the news next week. 
  • Thanks for sticking this one out with me, and now your reward for making it through this blog post ... a joke:  
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his first mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" 
The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. 
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on. However, the captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. 
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. 
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the captain, their leader, for his usual command. The captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!" 

  • Take care. Thanks for stopping by. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, January 15, 2016

Random Acts of Shifeness: Howdy Stranger

  • Hi there. Sorry for my much-longer-than-anticipated hiatus from the blogosphere, but I was a pile of worthlessness last weekend when I was ready to return. I actually finally felt like myself yesterday so that's awesome. I just high-fived you in my head. You are welcome. And nice high-five by the way. I can tell you have done that before.
  • How were the holidays for you and your clan? The Shifleys had a pretty good time. The kids weren't disappointed in what the jolly man from the North Pole brought them and we had a couple of fun family outings that helped us close out 2015 in excellent fashion. One of our most popular adventures was doing a lot of this:
  • The below photo is Kyle and Hayden with their two favorite Christmas presents so far. A giant bear and a giant pony, and they got extremely creative with their names. Meet Bear and Pony. If you are familiar with the show "Wilfred" then you know that I giggle a lot on the inside whenever I hear Kyle call his new best buddy Bear. If you are unfamiliar with "Wilfred" then this is about the safest link I can share with you. If you decide to investigate more on your own then I must warn you that you might end up in some dark places. 

  • One of the new traditions we started this year was asking Kyle and Hayden what they wanted to be when they grew up. I'm looking forward to how these answers evolve over the years. Kyle in 2015 said he wants to be a scientist, architect and an ice cream maker. Hayden in 2015 said she wants to be dolphin helper, cowgirl and mermaid. Sounds like a few good ways to make a living. 
  • Did anyone get hooked on the Netflix show "Making a Murderer"? Fascinating, disturbing, scary, engrossing and sad are just a few words that come to mind when I think about the series. 
  • Any thoughts on the latest "Star Wars" movie? I loved it. 
  • What else is going on? Oh I took Tank to work last month. And can you believe it? He won everyone over. I am just not sure how he does it.
  • Well I'm looking forward to spending 2016 with you. 
  • Hugs and kisses. Talk to you soon. Take care and thanks for stopping by.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Saturday, January 09, 2016

Happy New Year 2016

Well I was all set for my triumphant return to blogging last night, but I thought it would be more fun to pick up a case of food poisoning and spend most of my day sleeping or visiting the bathroom or sleeping in the bathroom. I didn't check the date on some Greek yogurt dip that I added to some cole slaw and I wish I had. It was the one thing Mrs. Shife didn't eat for dinner and she had a puke-free Friday.

I will be back to full capacity next week and even have some great stories to share from the Shifley holiday adventures.

Hope all is well.

I'm going back to bed.

Take care.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness: Merry Christmas '15

  • What a week. I just wrapped up Christmas shopping and I'm pooped.
  • I'm also a little pooped because we had to do about 7,000 loads of laundry as we had a lice outbreak at the Shifley hacienda. Poor Little Miss Hayden picked up an unwanted friend at one of those cess pools called indoor play lands. All's well now but it wasn't a lot of fun the past few days trying to eradicate those little buggers. 
  • You didn't ask for it, but from what I hear it's better to give than to receive so I give you this:
  • No that is not a tiny piece of bacon. That is the PG version of my left butt cheek. I just thought you really, really wanted to see where Fatty Arbuckle used to call home. 
  • So I don't know if it's the new medicine or if I just realized I'm one lucky guy, but I have been really happy and appreciative of the life I have. I don't like to say that stuff publicly because I get paranoid that I jinx myself, but screw it, I'm happy. 
  • Well Merry Christmas to each and everyone of you. Thanks for stopping by. It's most definitely appreciated. I am not big on resolutions but I would like to make my blog a little more humorous in 2016. It feels like it has taken a hit since I published my book. 

  • Happy New Year too. I will probably take a break until 2016.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, December 11, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness: Later Fatty

  • See if you recognize anyone from this "Stuff the Bus" segment from one of our local news channels, Hayden was filmed giving a gift to a toy drive because as the news cameraman said she was "adorable." And I totally agreed. 
  • The Liberation of Fatty Arbuckle was a success. It hurts like hell to sit right now but other than that I’m fine. I was tempted to take a picture of what they removed and share but decided against it. You are welcome.
  • My favorite quote of the week: Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life. – Robin Sharma
  • Did I mention that I have taken a Facebook sabbatical? I have been off the site for about a month and I’m OK with it.
  • I saved the really depressing stuff for last so if you made it this far it's going to get rough now but there's a happy ending. Last week I was in a really dark place. Like I wanted to end it all kind of dark place. So how did this happen? Well I went to my doctor in November to talk about getting on some meds to help handle the seasonal affective disorder I have been dealing with the last few winters and I just wanted to try to get in front of it this year. I was prescribed Zoloft, and after about 2 weeks I noticed that I was not feeling like myself at all. Panic attacks were spiraling into angry anxiety which then led to some serious depression, and that’s when I started fantasizing a little bit about suicide. It was quite scary because I have never done that before. So as you can guess I’m off Zoloft because I would really like to grow old with Mrs. Shife and watch those kiddos of mine grow up. My doctor switched me over to Valium, which is working a lot better for me. Look how cheerful I look. I really actually do feel about 1000 times better.

Thanks for stopping by the blog. Have a great weekend. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.