Friday, January 19, 2018

Pillow Talk

We recently watched a 6-month-old golden doodle named Nash for one of Mrs. Shife's co-workers and it went pretty well.
The kids thought Nash was awesome, Frizzle thought Nash was amazing, and I thought that we will never be a two-dog household.
Never say never, right?
OK, we will be a two-dog household if I own an elephant tranquilizer gun.
A 15-month-old yellow lab and a 6-month-old golden doodle have a lot of energy.
Nash's owner came over to pick him up and that's when things didn't go so well.
Frizzle has a habit of every now and then of rearranging the pillows on the couch.
It's definitely not something you would expect from your fixed female dog but that's not stopping her.
I will let this GIF show you what she likes to do to the pillows.

Awesome, right?
Well as Nash's owner was getting ready to leave with her dog, Kyle decided to ask her a question. 
"Does Nash like to play with the pillows on the couch? Frizzle like to do this to our pillows." 
And any guesses on what he did? 
If you said pretending to hump a pillow then you need to give yourself a nice pat on the back. 

Mrs. Shife had to have a little chat with Kyle after that one because I was too busy giggling like an idiot. I am doing such a great job being a role model for my son. Good times.

Have a great weekend. Thanks for stopping by.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, January 12, 2018

Back to Normal

For the past two months, I have been a little stressed out. It was part of the reason I took a break from the blog at the end of the year. And I am sorry if you had me becoming an alpaca farmer on the Mr. Shife mid-life crisis bingo card but it was just stress that drove me away.

The main reason I have been little unhinged is that I have been looking for a new job. And I know this is really going to shock you … it’s not a lot of fun trying to find a new place to park your butt for 40 hours a week. A few examples of the highs and lows I experienced while looking for a new gig:

·      Why haven’t they called me back?
·      Did my phone just ring?
·      Did I give them the right number?
·      Does this skirt make me look fat?
·      Should I be wearing a skirt to interviews?
·      OMG. Is that a typo in the thank you letter I just sent?
·      Hitting refresh every 12 seconds on my email account.
·      We can make it if I’m an Uber driver, right?
·      Working on your spy skills as you hope your current employer doesn’t find out you are looking for a new job.
·      Consider relocating to Alabama.
·      That interview went really well. 
One day later: I probably shouldn’t have said that during the interview.
One week later: That interview went really bad. 
One month later: I’m never getting another job.

All of that coupled with the usual stress of the holiday season and I was at maximum capacity.

Well, my stress levels returned to mostly normal last Friday as I got the call I have been waiting for. It was my doctor telling me that I didn’t test positive for Australian bat lyssavirus. I also heard from my new employer as they offered me a job. Yay!! It was definitely good news and hearing that I didn’t have rabies was pretty swell too.

At the end of the month, I will be starting my new gig. I’m pretty excited and glad I can now focus on something else to stress me out like why my urine smells like marshmallows.

Thanks for stopping by. I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, January 05, 2018

Random Acts of Shifeness - Holiday Recap

Happy New Year!!
How is 2018 treating you so far?
Like this:

Or perhaps like this: 

Or maybe like this:

I'm more like the first GIF currently but I was definitely feeling the like the third GIF as I closed out 2017. I was a pretty happy dude just hanging out by the Christmas tree, singing carols, soaking up the holiday spirit ... then WHAM! Out of nowhere, I get pounced on like a defenseless creature by this cat assassin that harbored nothing but ill will and hatred towards my immune system. This furry, fearless, filthy, four-legged fiend delivered a nice dose of the plague and it was nighty night time for yours truly. I got sick the Friday before Christmas and I was pretty much as useless as an inflatable dartboard for several days. But we did have some fun over the holidays when I wasn't in a NyQuil-induced coma. 
  • I discussed the pros and cons of "My Little Pony" with Hayden.
  • It was totes amazeballs that I only had to put two toys together this year.
  • We had a white Christmas.
  • Hayden had to visit the dentist because she had 2 cavities. The dentist was so impressed with her bravery that he had to come out to the lobby and tell me. And I told him, "That's just Hayden."
  • Kyle discovered live-action Disney shows and is watching one called "Lab Rats." It makes him LOL a lot. 
  • Kyle and I went to the movies and saw "Star Wars: The Last Jedi."
  • We had the no vacancy sign up as we had family in town. 13 adults, 10 kids, and 2 Labrador Retrievers. 
  • Ice skating. I thought I looked pretty good in my dark blue spandex dress.
  • No Shifleys made it to midnight on New Year's Eve this year. 
  • I am reading a book. I usually do one a year and this one is called "A Tribe of Mentors." 
  • Kyle is trying to set some sort of record for reading over Christmas break. The dude read 200 minutes one day alone. He loves his books. 

Thanks for stopping by. Hope all is well and I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, December 15, 2017

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

I'm closing up shop at Confessions of a Dumb, White Guy until 2018. With Christmas just around the corner and a lot of stuff going on with the Shifleys, I don't think I will have much time for blogging until the calendar turns to January. With that being said, I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday season and I look forward to blogging with you in the new year. Here are some Christmas toasts to help spread that holiday cheer:
  • A Christmas wish -
    May you never forget
    what is worth remembering
    or remember what is best forgotten.
  • Here's wishing you more happiness
    Than all my words can tell,
    Not just alone for Christmas
    But for all the year as well.
  • May you be poor in misfortune this Christmas and rich in blessings, slow to make enemies, quick to make friends, and rich or poor, slow or quick, as happy as the New Year is long. 
  • May you live as long as you wish, and have all you wish as long as you live.
    This is my Christmas Wish for you.
And it wouldn't feel right if I didn't leave you any Christmas GIFs:

Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, December 08, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - Righteousness

  • I know everyone who visits my blog probably thinks I'm a righteous dude but I must admit that I am not really that cool. Here's exhibit A: Sunday Afternoon in Nampa. I took a bunch of pictures and Google turned it into a nice photo album for me. Nothing says he's awesome like shopping for bar stools and it getting documented forever by a search engine giant.
    Living the dream, people, living the dream.
  • Kyle figured out how to view our wish list on Amazon through his Kindle. Fortunately, we hadn't put any Christmas ideas out there yet but he knew what Hayden was getting for her birthday.
  • Speaking of Hayden, she was working on her thank you videos to family and friends for her birthday presents. Her director also known as Mr. Shife was feeding her lines and I told her to say "Happy Hanukkah" just to be silly. She did and in the next video she made she wished her aunt and uncle a "Happy Harmonica."
  • Speaking of Hayden again, she asked me if I was eating some fudge and I wanted to tell her "Fudge yeah!!!" but another F word came out of my mouth. Man oh man, have I got this parenting thing down or what?
  • Warning - Political topic ... so I guess if Al Franken was a Republican Senator he wouldn't have to resign. 
  • Any ideas on what this is? A little team building exercise at work and this is what we created. It was definitely mentioned that we should keep our day jobs. 

Thanks for stopping by. Have a great weekend and talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, December 01, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - Time Flies

  • Hello, the first day of the final month of the year of our Lord 2017. 
  • This year sort of flew by.  
  • How was your Thanksgiving? 
  • Ours was pretty, pretty good. 
  • It was a busy week for us as we also had someone at our house turn 6.
    Yep, it's official, Little Miss Hayden is now 6. 
  • Here are some pictures to prove it.

  • That sort of flew by too.
  • 6-year-olds named Hayden Shifley are big fans of unicorns. 
  • Here's a link to the video of her getting a giant stuffed unicorn or you can click on the image.
  • She might have gotten a little excited. 
  • So I have an 8-year-old son, 6-year-old daughter, and 1-year-old Frizzle. 
  • And a super hot Mrs. Shife. 
  • All of the above wouldn't be possible without her. 
  • Definitely didn't see this coming after our blind date 20 years ago. 
  • And that time has certainly flown by.
  • Well, that's all for this week. Thanks for stopping by. Have a great weekend and I will talk to you sooner than later.
  • And that's 17 bullet points for those of you scoring at home or even if you're scoring alone. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, November 17, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - Kids Do Say the Darnedest Things

  • A much better week as far as stress goes and thank you for the nice words. But that doesn't mean it was dull around the Shifley household. A few gems out of the mouth of the kids highlighted the week. 
  • First, Hayden looking at Mrs. Shife's box of feminine hygiene products and asking me if the new markers were for her. Based on the image below, I can see how a 5-year-old can make that assumption. Maybe Kotex needs to expand their business model. 
  • Then Kyle saw me and Mrs. Shife giving each other a hug and he asked if we are going to have the sex. Not just sex, but 'the sex.' If I had a beverage in my mouth, I would have done a spit take. Not exactly what I was expecting to hear from my 8-year-old. I wanted to tell him that mommy and daddy are always tired so 'the sex' never happens but thought that was a lesson he can learn when he has children of his own.
  • Besides keeping me on my toes with their questions and observations, they are pretty awesome. Here are their school pictures:

  • In the past, Kyle has looked like death warmed over or a squirrel rave had just ended in his hair so we were pleasantly surprised when we got the pics this year.  
  • Frizzle posed recently as well. She wanted me to see what she would look like as a chocolate lab. The dog loves the mud and water. If there's a puddle of water outside she's going to find out. 

  • And my GIF to you: 

  • Well, that's all for this week, folks. Thanks for stopping by, talk to you soon, enjoy your weekend and I hope you and yours have a wonderful Thanksgiving. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.