Friday, January 23, 2015

382 Words Mostly About Hayden

Hayden had a week so this update will mostly be about her.
  • She graduated from a toddler bed to a big girl bed and was pretty excited about it. She keeps telling us how awesome her big girl bed is every time we tuck her in at night.

  • She also might be the only 3-year-old girl that sleeps with a crocodile, a green guy with purple pants and anger management issues, a purple snake, a purple horse and a teddy bear.  Any guesses on her favorite color?
  • We have been recommending to her for a little bit now that since she's a big girl it might be time to ditch the pacifiers a.k.a binkys but she hasn't really bought into the idea. Well the big girl bed sealed the deal and she put all of her binkys into a Ziploc bag then gave them to friends of ours who are having a baby this spring. Mrs. Shife and I about started blubbering everywhere when she did it. Of course we told our friends to please hang onto to that bag for a few days just in case and then toss them.
  • Hayden also picked up a nasty cough this week and while we were driving around town she informed Kyle that didn't want to talk because she was sick which made her "super crabby." She also let Kyle know that she was "super angry" when he picked the wrong cartoon for them to watch. I think she's "super awesome." 
  • Hayden and I also had a conversation about private parts because she walked into the bathroom while I was going pee. She asked why I went "pee-pee" standing up. I told her that boys have a penis so we can stand up. She then asked if she had a penis, and I told her that she had a vagina. It turns out vagina is a tough one for 3-year-olds as she has been letting me know that I have a penis and she has a giant. It was really hard not laughing out loud the first time she told me that.
  • Here's a picture of Little Miss Hayden at her gymnastics class. I think the class makes her pretty happy.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • So how's 2015 treating you so far? Not too shabby for the Shifes but man oh man I need to quit eating like an asshole. I just had 2 donuts before I started working on updating the blog and I think I had about 10 cookies this afternoon. I guess that's why I work out so I can eat like shit every now and then. It's more like now and now this year so I need to get a handle on this soon before I'm wearing sweat pants all the time. 
  • Speaking of 2015, it's now January 16 and do you want to take a guess at how many days of sunshine we have had in Boise so far? If you said a number that rhymes with chicken cordon bleu then you are big winner. Two days is all we have got in the new year. It's really depressing and it happens every winter as we have to deal with a horrible inversion. Hopefully it ends soon.
  • Writing about being stupid in college last week reminded me of another dumb thing I did and that was living off of my credit card during a summer break. I lost my job about halfway through and instead of finding another one I decided it would be a wise financial decision to max out the cash advance option on my card. It took me a few years to pay off that blunder. I'm not a smart man but I do learn from my mistakes.
  • Hayden is taking a gymnastics class at a local place here in town and it makes me so happy seeing my baby girl do her thing. Being the oldest, Kyle has got to do a lot more activities than Little Miss Hayden so this is the first time she has been the center of attention as I get to watch her do her jumps, rolls and tucks. She just smiles and says "Hi Daddy" while she's out there having a great time. It's pretty awesome.
  • Finally here's a picture of Hayden after she woke up from a nap. She was not happy and she really wasn't happy when I put some mousse in her hair to make it stand up:

  • So I asked Kyle to make her laugh and he did just that which you can kinda see if you look closely at Hayden's mouth in the next picture but he also did an awesome photo bomb:

    Thanks for stopping by. Enjoy your weekend.

    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

    Friday, January 09, 2015

    What Did You Say?

    I look back fondly on my college days but I also wonder how in the heck did I survive them.
    Some of the stuff I did was just dumb.
    Ignorance is bliss I guess.
    Me thinks the poor guardian angel that got assigned to Mr. Shife the College Years retired young after all of the overtime they worked keeping me out of harm's way.

    Would you like to read an example?
    I hope you nodded your head.
    I was remembering a story of how me and a good buddy of mine took a little trip from Moscow, ID to Riggins, ID.

    We headed south in my blue Chevy S-10 to pick up his truck.
    I was driving and he was the passenger.
    The end.
    See I told you I was living la vida loca.

    Where were we?
    Oh yeah heading down south to pick up my buddy's truck.
    I had taken a unintended sabbatical from driving because I lost my license right before I went to school at the University of Idaho in Moscow and never bothered to get a new one because:
    A) Moscow was a small enough town that I could walk anywhere I needed to go.
    B) I lived in a fraternity so it was never a problem getting a ride somewhere if necessary.
    C) I'm a mechanophiliac and I had a bad break-up with my old car.
    D) I made a promise that I wouldn't drive until I got my gum chewing under control.

    So let's just say it had been a few years since I operated one of those road vehicles that typically come with four wheels and are powered by an internal combustion engine. I wasn't a bad driver but a little rusty. And it didn't help that my truck had a manual transmission, which made the transition from pedestrian to licensed to drive a little rougher too.

    What makes this story even more interesting or perhaps alarming is that I'm deaf in one ear and my friend has two eyeballs but only one of them work. I don't recall how he lost his eyesight but he had an accident when he was younger that left him with the one good eye.

    Trust me this will make sense soon enough.

    Let's get back on the road.

    We are heading south on US 95, which is a two-lane highway that connects northern and southern Idaho, and affectionately known as a goat trail by the millions who have spent time on it.

    Again these are much different times for me and my judgement, but my friend and I are were also enjoying an adult beverage or two while on our way to Riggins.

    For those of you scoring at home, a less-than-confident slightly impaired driver with 1 good ear and a under the influence co-pilot with 1 good eye.

    I think this is how country songs are made.

    About halfway there, we got stuck behind a car.
    I scanned ahead to see if there was a passing opportunity.
    We were on the tail-end of long section of straight road that was about to become full of twists again. If we didn't pass now then we were going to be stuck behind this car for a long time.
    I scanned again.
    It looked good.
    There was a semi-truck trailer heading the other way but I thought there was still enough time to pass this car.  However, since I wasn't completely confident in my driving abilities yet, I asked my buddy if he thought I could make it.
    He took a look and said, "No!"
    With the music cranked up and everything else going on I thought he said "Go!"
    So I went.
    Then I heard, "What the fuck are you doing, Shife?"
    "I thought you said go," I yelled.
    "I said NO!" he said.
    "Damn it. Why did I ask a guy with one eye anyway?" I said.
    "Damn it. Why did I answer a guy with a deaf ear?" he said.
    "Oh SHIT!" we both said.

    By now it was too late.
    We were past the point of no return.
    I pressed down on the gas pedal as far as it would go, I gripped the steering wheel as tight as I could and leaned back against the seat somehow hoping this would make the S-10 just a little more aerodynamic and faster so we did not end our days alive streak.

    I'm sure we made a few of these faces as were speeding towards a possible head-on collision.

    It's true. I look a lot like Nicole Kidman when I cry in the car.

    It's  unbelievable how much you can get done in a few moments if you really put your mind to it.
    I'm pretty sure my buddy and I dropped a 1,000 f-bombs, said several prayers, spilled a few beverages and almost ruined our underwear in under 10 seconds.

    I don't know if the car we were passing slowed down or if the semi eased up a little bit or if the S-10 got a nice little nudge from my guardian angel but we passed the car and made it back over to our lane just in time.

    I pulled over shortly afterwards to relax and also to make sure I did not deposit any fruit in my looms.

    About 30 minutes later, my buddy and I had a nice laugh as we got stuck behind a car.
    Yep. That same car.
    But we decided not to pass it this time.

    Have a great weekend.

    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

    Wednesday, December 31, 2014

    Goodbye 2014

    Hello 2015.

    May we live to learn well, and learn to live well.
    May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.

    Happy New Year everybody!
    Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to blogging with you more in the coming year.

    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

    Friday, December 19, 2014

    That's Going To Leave A Mark

    Well it was bound to happen especially since he is my son.
    If you have followed this blog at all then you know that I occasionally have to take a visit to the doctor because I have this horrible habit of getting hurt.
    Why can't I have a habit of picking winning lottery tickets?
    Just this year I had an encounter with a bee and a softball that led to an undesired rendezvous with a qualified practitioner of medicine twice.
    So I was surprised and thankful that we had not had to take Kyle in a lot sooner for an unscheduled visit to the doctor.
    Our luck run out last Sunday as I was walking the husky hound and got the phone call.
    Mrs. Shife suggested that I return home in a prompt manner because Kyle had an accident at the playground. He ran into some metal playground equipment with his head, and guess who won that battle.
    If you said playground equipment, you are a big winner.
    He went off to the doc in the box and returned home about 2 hours after, as Kyle put it, "they glued my head back together."
    No stitches but lots of glue for the Red Power Ranger.
    Oh did I forget to mention that he was wearing this costume when he got hurt and kept it on when he saw the physician.

    No mask though.
    He did have it with him but took it off right before the accident.
    I don't know if it would have prevented the injury but it might have helped.
    Anyway the doctor got a nice kick putting the Red Power Ranger back together and Kyle was a brave boy through the whole process.
    Below are the before and after pictures of my little man and he's doing fine 5 days later. He's starting to get a little ripe since he hasn't been able to take a bath since Sunday but that's alright.
    Thanks for stopping by.

     Before the glue

    After the glue

    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

    Friday, December 12, 2014

    Random Acts of Shifeness

    -- Do you think angels fart? First, you have to believe in angels then you have to believe that they are flying around out there dropping the occasional cornhole tremors on unsuspecting humans. I bring this up because occasionally I'll be walking to work and just run into some phenomenally disgusting ass matter. There's no one around but me, and I know it wasn't me so … farting angels? I'm sure there's a perfectly acceptable scientific explanation but in my mind it makes more sense to believe in sphincter whistling spiritual beings.
    -- Mrs. Shife and I actually had a weekend evening where we were not completely exhausted and not a lot going on so we rented a movie. We watched "Sex Tape" starring Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel. Horrible. Not as horrible as walking in on a midget shitting in a bucket but close. You have to admit if you walk in on a midget shitting in a bucket then your day has pretty much gone to hell.
    -- Does anyone make a to-do list and then add stuff they have already done to make the list look better? My to-do list for the week was looking horrible so I added a few items because my self-esteem needed a boost. Wake up. EatReward yourself with a nap. 
    -- A new favorite quote: "No day but today." Sometimes I'm always looking forward or behind but never looking at what is right in front of me and appreciating the present.
    -- I'm a doing a new workout at a gym where Mrs. Shife teaches classes. She finally talked me into it and so far so good. They are along the lines of the P90X or Insanity types of workouts. Anyway, I feel a little out of place because some days I'm the only one not wearing yoga pants. I was tempted to look up yoga pants for men but I was really, really afraid of the images that I might not be able to unsee. And in case you are wondering, no I will not wear yoga pants.
    -- That is all. Have a great weekend. Talk to you soon.

    A picture of Kyle and Hayden being Kyle and Hayden. Love these two so much.

    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

    Friday, December 05, 2014

    I Can't Unsee That

    I don't go into my gym's locker room often because I just wear my workout clothes to the gym and then head home but I had to make another trip in there recently because I used the sauna.
    And of course it happened.
    I have seen a lot of strange things in my life but without a doubt the chances of weirdness increases exponentially when I visit that darn locker room.

    First there was the the time I walked in on the middle of the old naked guys club. Still have nightmares about Skeletor and his crew discussing gravity's effect on their ball sack.
    Then there was the time some dude thought blow drying his pubes completely naked was an acceptable and outstanding idea.

    Now there is a new menace in the locker room. The manscaper.

    I was leaving the locker room and things were going great as there were no trauma to my ocular cavities but that changed faster than I could I say "Just wait a hot shit minute!"
    I went into to wash my hands in the sink area and there he was.
    Some dude with one leg hiked up on the counter grooming his private parts.
    Well they weren't very private as he was just hanging out with his wang out grooming away with his electric trimmer.
    Seriously this is where you want to shave your balls?
    I know I need to get out more often but when I see stuff like this I think maybe being at home and watching Tank scoot his furry butt across the carpet is enough excitement for me.
    Maybe I am just a grumpy, old man and need to take it easy.
    But I just feel there's a time and place to trim your pubes and it's certainly not in the men's locker room. Unless of course we are playing the worst game ever "Hey Look. It's My Penis" and then I need to find a new gym.
    Have a good weekend.

    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.