Friday, March 16, 2018

Random Acts of Shifeness - Hello Handsome

  • Hayden sure knows how to make me feel like a cool dude. First, when she was looking at the new clothes that I bought her, she said: "Wow. You really outdid yourself this time, Daddy." Then, when I was getting ready to run an errand, she was waiting for me in the hallway and said: "Hello, handsome." I just wish I knew how she gets away with it so I will not be in so much trouble when she gets older. Any ideas? 
  • Kyle's class performed a musical at his school called "Hats." He did a great job but I don't think he will be volunteering to be a part of the spotlight again anytime soon. But he did it, didn't make a big deal out of it, and moved on, which is what we have been teaching him. 
  • Here is the future karaoke champion getting ready to drop the mic.
  • Any thoughts on what his go-to jam will be when he is old enough to visit a karaoke bar? If he acquires his father's taste in music then it will be some shitty boy band. I was always a fan of 'N Sync's "Bye Bye Bye." In my mind, I was en fuego. But in a good way and not lighting your buddy's hair on fire kind of way. 

  • And I saved the best for last as I need to wish the love of my life a happy birthday. Her big day is tomorrow. If we decide to go out and celebrate a little, it shouldn't be too tough to find any shenanigans since everyone will be out and about pretending they are Irish. Plus, the NCAA basketball tournament is in town so Boise will be rocking a little more than usual on St. Patrick's Day. Mrs. Shife is the best and I love her a lot. 

  • Thanks for stopping by, have a great weekend, and I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, March 09, 2018

Random Acts of Shifeness - Stop. It's Hamster Time

  • Well, that was a first. Someone was described to me as "smelling like hamsters." I can't imagine any scenario where that's a good thing. Can you? 

  • It has been a while since I heard a reference to a hamster. The only thing that comes to mind is someone quoting Monty Python: "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." 
  • We are having a Scrabble tournament at work. It didn't take me long to remember why I don't like Scrabble. I wanted to do this a lot while we were playing:

  • Kyle and Hayden drew pictures of George Washington in their art class.
  • After getting snow, wind, and cold for the past weeks, it appears that are we trending in the right direction weather-wise in Idaho. Our highs have been in the 50s and the sun has actually made an appearance lasting longer than three minutes. 
  • This is how my mind works. Someone put out some Oreos in the break room to share. I immediately thought that I need to make a dentist appointment. The reason I thought what I thought is not because of cookies = sugar = cavities = dentist but because of a prank that I would love to do. I have always wanted to eat a boxful of Oreos while waiting in the lobby at the dentist's office and then see their looks of horror when I get called back to sit in the dentist's chair. 
  • Looking forward to "springing ahead" an hour this weekend? At least it's better than "falling back." Personally, I wish we just left the clocks alone. But at least I got this going for me ... 

  • My GIF to you:

  • Thanks for stopping by, have a fantastic weekend, and I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, March 02, 2018

Random Acts of Shifeness - The Kiddos

  • Hayden has been sharing with me that she's famous. Mostly because she was on TV again. This is the second time that she has made the cut. The first time was here but the link is no longer good so you can only read about it. This second time was because one of the candidates running for governor stopped by her school to read some books. Hayden can be seen at the :57 mark and around the 3:18 mark. Not too shabby. 

  • I have been doing some video production at work and I used some footage of Kyle and Hayden to get acclimated to the new software. I like the look on their faces in this screenshot.

  • Speaking of work, I have my desk somewhat organized and decorated. What do you think?

  • Mrs. Shife's birthday is about two weeks away and Kyle has informed that he is going to get his mother a hot tub to celebrate the anniversary of her birth. I asked Kyle how he was going to pay for this hot tub and he told me was going to catch a leprechaun. Where would he get such an idea? Well, last year Kyle and Hayden set up a leprechaun trap on St. Patrick's Day and their jackass father thought it would be funny to leave them a note that said something to the effect of "you almost got me ... maybe next year." So he's pretty determined to make the ultimate trap to get himself a leprechaun. 
  • Maybe I can leave little leprechaun footprints behind this year with what appears to be blood and write them a note that he got attacked by Ms. Frizzle. Do you think that would properly traumatize them? 
  • And for my new friend, Forsythia, the origins of Ms. Frizzle's name can be found here

That's all for this week. Have a wonderful weekend, thanks for stopping by, and I'll talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, February 23, 2018

Random Acts of Shifeness - Frizzle February

  • A lot of Ms. Frizzle in this blog post so I hope you are ready...
  • Hey, has anyone seen my otter?
  • Seriously, what happened to my otter? 

  • What a difference a year makes. She's so small next to Kyle and blends in pretty well with the couch. She is still blending in with the furniture but not quite as small. 
  • Mrs. Shife and I have a long, documented history of one of us having our eyes completely or almost closed during picture time. And it's usually at an event where we would like to share the photographic evidence with others like a wedding where we are both dressed up and looking nice.
    UPDATE: I tried to find a photo of me and my lovely wife doing what I just described above and I couldn't find one. So maybe it's not that well documented but, trust me, it does happen more often than not. Well, evidently Frizzy got hit with that deficiency during a recent photo shoot with her buddy, Oakley.

  • I hope all is well in your corner of the world, thanks for stopping by, and I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, February 16, 2018

Random Acts of Shifeness - Locked Antlers

  • I asked my lovely wife if it had been awhile since we got into a heated debate and Mrs. Shife said it had been awhile since we "locked antlers." I found that particularly amusing at 7:30 in the morning. 
  • I had a busy morning before I headed out the door to work. I was getting grilled by Hayden about the things I loved. She wanted to know if I loved yaks, Frizzle, her, hats, my hair, my clothes, and my wrinkles. I answered yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and no. But I was laughing as I said no. I am not sure where my 6-year-old daughter comes up with these things.
  • Does this make me weird? I have been karate chopping the toilet paper while I am taking care of business in the bathroom. I also make the sound effect as well. Something like "Hi yah."
    The Google search "karate chop toilet paper" does make for some interesting reading if you have some time to kill.

  • Are you watching the Winter Olympics? I haven't gotten Olympic Fever this year so I haven't watched a lot. I actually got sucked into a show called "The Profit." It's interesting and I enjoy it so I'm not going to second guess it. 
  • See below and let me know how many times you had to read that before you saw it? 

  • Have a lovely weekend, thanks for stopping by, and I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, February 09, 2018

Random Acts of Shifeness - Dear Llama

  • Social Distortion is a punk rock band that I discovered in college and I still enjoy their music. I was playing one of their songs in the car and Hayden asked me if they were singing "Dear Llama." Mrs. Shife and I started laughing out loud. The song is called "Dear Lover" but if you put your 6-year-old ears on then you can definitely hear llama instead of lover. But the really funny part is that now I only "Dear Llama" whenever I hear the song. Here's a link to the video if you want to decide for yourself. Is it llama or lover? 
  • Mrs. Shfie had another funny moment with Hayden. She took Hayden's pen and paper away and told her to go to sleep because it was past her bedtime. Hayden then proceeded to sing to Mrs. Shife as she was leaving the room, "Baaackup. I totally have a baaackup pen." Mrs. Shife said she about died laughing. Hayden might have picked up the sassy gene. 

  • Kyle decided to make Mrs. Shife breakfast in bed today. He made her coffee, two pieces of toast, strawberries, and grapes. I asked him if he wanted some help carrying all of the stuff into the bedroom and he told me, "No, I got it. Mult-tasking is one of my skills." 
  • I am on this page somewhere, Give me a call sometime and we can communicate. 
  • I'm having a hard time getting into the Winter Olympics when we have been in the upper 60s the past few days. We still have a month of winter to go but it has felt like spring for the past few weeks. Trust me I'm not complaining after last year's winter. 
  • Well, have a great weekend, thank you for stopping by, and I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, February 02, 2018

Random Acts of Shifeness - Outfarted

  • Hello there. One week under my belt at the new gig and it's going well. It feels like a good fit for me and I'm really looking forward all of the work I will be doing. My official title is Sr. Communications Coordinator for Extended Studies at Boise State University. I will be sure to share my glamour shot once it's live on the website. 
  • I gave Hayden's outfit for school this morning a thumb's up and she proceeded to tell Mrs. Shife that she had been "outfarted" by daddy. I had to remind Hayden that the word she was looking for was outvoted.
  • Speaking of Hayden and Mrs. Shife, here's a good picture of them before they went to a fundraising event at Kyle and Hayden's school. I have been blessed to have these two beautiful ladies in my life.

  • And here's the other lady in my life: 

And what do you do after you go swimming and try to catch ducks: 

  • And here's my GIF to you this week. 

Thanks for stopping by. I will talk to you soon and have a wonderful weekend. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, January 26, 2018

Be Back Soon

When she's not re-arranging the pillows on the couch, Ms. Frizzle likes to snuggle. She's not very good at snuggling. I consider it more like crushing as she isn't a petite yellow lab anymore. I think she's getting to close to 70 pounds. But I took one for the team and let Frizz "snuggle" with me.

I am currently enjoying a few days of downtime before I start my new job on Monday so not much share this week but I should have plenty to report next week. 
Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, January 19, 2018

Pillow Talk

We recently watched a 6-month-old golden doodle named Nash for one of Mrs. Shife's co-workers and it went pretty well.
The kids thought Nash was awesome, Frizzle thought Nash was amazing, and I thought that we will never be a two-dog household.
Never say never, right?
OK, we will be a two-dog household if I own an elephant tranquilizer gun.
A 15-month-old yellow lab and a 6-month-old golden doodle have a lot of energy.
Nash's owner came over to pick him up and that's when things didn't go so well.
Frizzle has a habit of every now and then of rearranging the pillows on the couch.
It's definitely not something you would expect from your fixed female dog but that's not stopping her.
I will let this GIF show you what she likes to do to the pillows.

Awesome, right?
Well as Nash's owner was getting ready to leave with her dog, Kyle decided to ask her a question. 
"Does Nash like to play with the pillows on the couch? Frizzle like to do this to our pillows." 
And any guesses on what he did? 
If you said pretending to hump a pillow then you need to give yourself a nice pat on the back. 

Mrs. Shife had to have a little chat with Kyle after that one because I was too busy giggling like an idiot. I am doing such a great job being a role model for my son. Good times.

Have a great weekend. Thanks for stopping by.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, January 12, 2018

Back to Normal

For the past two months, I have been a little stressed out. It was part of the reason I took a break from the blog at the end of the year. And I am sorry if you had me becoming an alpaca farmer on the Mr. Shife mid-life crisis bingo card but it was just stress that drove me away.

The main reason I have been little unhinged is that I have been looking for a new job. And I know this is really going to shock you … it’s not a lot of fun trying to find a new place to park your butt for 40 hours a week. A few examples of the highs and lows I experienced while looking for a new gig:

·      Why haven’t they called me back?
·      Did my phone just ring?
·      Did I give them the right number?
·      Does this skirt make me look fat?
·      Should I be wearing a skirt to interviews?
·      OMG. Is that a typo in the thank you letter I just sent?
·      Hitting refresh every 12 seconds on my email account.
·      We can make it if I’m an Uber driver, right?
·      Working on your spy skills as you hope your current employer doesn’t find out you are looking for a new job.
·      Consider relocating to Alabama.
·      That interview went really well. 
One day later: I probably shouldn’t have said that during the interview.
One week later: That interview went really bad. 
One month later: I’m never getting another job.

All of that coupled with the usual stress of the holiday season and I was at maximum capacity.

Well, my stress levels returned to mostly normal last Friday as I got the call I have been waiting for. It was my doctor telling me that I didn’t test positive for Australian bat lyssavirus. I also heard from my new employer as they offered me a job. Yay!! It was definitely good news and hearing that I didn’t have rabies was pretty swell too.

At the end of the month, I will be starting my new gig. I’m pretty excited and glad I can now focus on something else to stress me out like why my urine smells like marshmallows.

Thanks for stopping by. I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, January 05, 2018

Random Acts of Shifeness - Holiday Recap

Happy New Year!!
How is 2018 treating you so far?
Like this:

Or perhaps like this: 

Or maybe like this:

I'm more like the first GIF currently but I was definitely feeling the like the third GIF as I closed out 2017. I was a pretty happy dude just hanging out by the Christmas tree, singing carols, soaking up the holiday spirit ... then WHAM! Out of nowhere, I get pounced on like a defenseless creature by this cat assassin that harbored nothing but ill will and hatred towards my immune system. This furry, fearless, filthy, four-legged fiend delivered a nice dose of the plague and it was nighty night time for yours truly. I got sick the Friday before Christmas and I was pretty much as useless as an inflatable dartboard for several days. But we did have some fun over the holidays when I wasn't in a NyQuil-induced coma. 
  • I discussed the pros and cons of "My Little Pony" with Hayden.
  • It was totes amazeballs that I only had to put two toys together this year.
  • We had a white Christmas.
  • Hayden had to visit the dentist because she had 2 cavities. The dentist was so impressed with her bravery that he had to come out to the lobby and tell me. And I told him, "That's just Hayden."
  • Kyle discovered live-action Disney shows and is watching one called "Lab Rats." It makes him LOL a lot. 
  • Kyle and I went to the movies and saw "Star Wars: The Last Jedi."
  • We had the no vacancy sign up as we had family in town. 13 adults, 10 kids, and 2 Labrador Retrievers. 
  • Ice skating. I thought I looked pretty good in my dark blue spandex dress.
  • No Shifleys made it to midnight on New Year's Eve this year. 
  • I am reading a book. I usually do one a year and this one is called "A Tribe of Mentors." 
  • Kyle is trying to set some sort of record for reading over Christmas break. The dude read 200 minutes one day alone. He loves his books. 

Thanks for stopping by. Hope all is well and I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, December 15, 2017

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

I'm closing up shop at Confessions of a Dumb, White Guy until 2018. With Christmas just around the corner and a lot of stuff going on with the Shifleys, I don't think I will have much time for blogging until the calendar turns to January. With that being said, I hope you and yours have a wonderful holiday season and I look forward to blogging with you in the new year. Here are some Christmas toasts to help spread that holiday cheer:
  • A Christmas wish -
    May you never forget
    what is worth remembering
    or remember what is best forgotten.
  • Here's wishing you more happiness
    Than all my words can tell,
    Not just alone for Christmas
    But for all the year as well.
  • May you be poor in misfortune this Christmas and rich in blessings, slow to make enemies, quick to make friends, and rich or poor, slow or quick, as happy as the New Year is long. 
  • May you live as long as you wish, and have all you wish as long as you live.
    This is my Christmas Wish for you.
And it wouldn't feel right if I didn't leave you any Christmas GIFs:

Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, December 08, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - Righteousness

  • I know everyone who visits my blog probably thinks I'm a righteous dude but I must admit that I am not really that cool. Here's exhibit A: Sunday Afternoon in Nampa. I took a bunch of pictures and Google turned it into a nice photo album for me. Nothing says he's awesome like shopping for bar stools and it getting documented forever by a search engine giant.
    Living the dream, people, living the dream.
  • Kyle figured out how to view our wish list on Amazon through his Kindle. Fortunately, we hadn't put any Christmas ideas out there yet but he knew what Hayden was getting for her birthday.
  • Speaking of Hayden, she was working on her thank you videos to family and friends for her birthday presents. Her director also known as Mr. Shife was feeding her lines and I told her to say "Happy Hanukkah" just to be silly. She did and in the next video she made she wished her aunt and uncle a "Happy Harmonica."
  • Speaking of Hayden again, she asked me if I was eating some fudge and I wanted to tell her "Fudge yeah!!!" but another F word came out of my mouth. Man oh man, have I got this parenting thing down or what?
  • Warning - Political topic ... so I guess if Al Franken was a Republican Senator he wouldn't have to resign. 
  • Any ideas on what this is? A little team building exercise at work and this is what we created. It was definitely mentioned that we should keep our day jobs. 

Thanks for stopping by. Have a great weekend and talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.