Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Random Acts of Shifeness - FUKC

  • I got the pleasure of watching two of my favorite teams lose in Kansas City yesterday. First, the Arizona Cardinals lost to the Kansas City Chiefs in American football. Then, Real Salt Lake lost to Sporting Kansas City in what the rest of the world calls football. 
  • I had movie club at work today and we discussed "Casablanca" and "The Big Sick." 
  • I learned that the original ending of "Casablanca" was going to have Rick and Ilsa run off together but they had to rewrite that ending because of the Hays Code, which didn't allow stuff like characters getting away with adultery on the big screen. 
  • Eventually, the Hays Code was replaced with MPAA film rating system (G, PG, R).
  • I also learned that a remake was planned in the early 2000s by Madonna and another attempt was to star Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. 
  • I don't think I am the only one who is grateful that neither one of those films got made.
  • My GIF to you (wait for it): 

  • Thanks for swinging by. Hope you are well and I will talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Monday, November 12, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Funny letters

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Boyfriend,
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Sincerely, Spiders

Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say,
“I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…”
just saying…
Sincerely, Google

Dear Fork,
I understand that we haven't spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is spork. He has your hair.
Sincerely, Spoon

Dear Students,
I know when you're texting.
Sincerely, No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle

Dear Men,
The first jockstrap was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. It took 100 years for you to realize that the brain is also important.
Sincerely, Oh that's why you need me to make your sandwich

Dear movie watcher,
Your parents are about to walk in.

Sincerely, the only sex scene in the movie

Thanks for stopping by. I'll talk to you tomorrow. And you can thank Dear Blank, Please Blank for your grins and giggles.  

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Movie Marathon

Kyle and I started a movie marathon this past summer and it has continued into the fall. It has slowed considerably since he's back in school but we are still doing our best to expand his cinematic universe. I think it's a good list and one of the main reasons it kept growing and growing was because of Kyle showing emotional maturity. Some of the films on the list aren't recommended for 9 1/2-year-old boys but we trusted Kyle. Here they are in no particular order:
  • Night At The Museum 
  • The Princess Bride
  • The Man From Snowy River 
  • Jumanji
  • Indiana Jones (All of them)
  • Ghostbusters (All of them. Even the recent remake of the original) 
  • Rocketman 
  • 50 Shades of Grey (No way. Just seeing if you are reading the list) 
  • The Goonies 
  • The Chronicles of Narnia 
  • The Avengers movies (I think there's about 20 of them. Kyle's favorite character was Rocket Raccoon from the Guardians of the Galaxy series. He loves saying Trash Panda) 
  • Percy Jackson
  • Alpha
  • Labyrinth 
I'm not sure what we are watching after Labyrinth but if you have any good suggestions, I would love to hear them. I was thinking about the Pirates Of The Caribbean movies but I am not sure.

And here's an awkward father and son photo just to make things weird.

Hope you are well. Thanks for stopping by and I will talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: This Is Nuts!!

Somedays I wonder what I am going to blog about and then there are days when the blogging gods bless me with material.
We had a visitor at the office today.
We're still not sure how but a squirrel found his way into the building.

When he (it could have been a lady squirrel but he looked like a dude) found out clawing through a window wasn't going to improve his situation, Cecil (yes, I named him Cecil. How many opportunities do you get the opportunity to name a squirrel in your lifetime? And another reason he was a he is because I named him Cecil. I don't know too many ladies named Cecil) made his way to the kitchen and eventually underneath the fridge.

That's me trying to lure Cecil out with modified quotes from "Forrest Gump": Momma always said life is like a box of nuts. You never know what you're gonna get.

Eventually, we got Cecil to back himself into a garbage can and caught him. 
Here is Cecil before he was set free and reunited with his woodland creatures. 

I feel like a hero today. It's going to warm my heart tonight thinking about that Cecil being back home with his lady friend and their little squirrel babies. It would have been nice if we could have kept Cecil around but, deep down, I knew it just wasn't meant to be. Cecil needed to go back home and live in his squirrel world. "In the immortal words of Jean-Paul Sartre, ‘Au revoir, squirrel.’"

Friday, November 09, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Ted

  •  We met Ted today. Ted is a golden retriever puppy that we are going to dog sit over Thanksgiving break. Ms. Frizzle approved this message.
  • Adding a golden retriever to the mix should be just what the doctor ordered for the Thanksgiving break. Besides the dogs reenacting WW II battles, Mrs. Shife will be having shoulder surgery, Hayden turns a year older and we have Thanksgiving itself. The turkey will definitely be stuffed with Jack Daniels. 
  • And there might be a little Black Friday involved too. I never thought I would type those words but a potential Christmas present for Kyle Bunga might require an outing into the belly of the consumer beast in my quest to save $50 bucks on unsold or unwanted items. Jealous? 

  • Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Thursday, November 08, 2018

Wednesday, November 07, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Election Day

Serious Mr. Shife alert. 
I posted the below message on Facebook six years ago.
It seemed like a good idea to share again on this Election Day.  
As we consider Election Day today, let us not forget those who sacrificed their lives to give us the freedom to exercise our democracy. Happy Birthday to Specialist Pat Tillman, who would've turned 36 today.
Pat Tillman will always be my hero. I was fortunate enough to meet him before he left for boot camp, and my daughter Hayden's due date was actually today so I thought that was a good sign from the universe that she was going to be OK.
I am going to vote today, and I hope you do too. I also hope that after the results are announced, the divisiveness and ugliness that has engulfed politics for this past year and beyond can end. Our country needs help, and we need politicians to come together, to work together, and quit kicking the can down the road to the next election cycle.
You and I might not see eye-to-eye on our political candidates or issues, and that is OK with me. But I hope you are with me in wanting to see politicians on both sides of the aisles to realize and understand that they need to set aside their differences to make our country a place that motivates, inspires, encourages and invigorates our citizens again. I want my son and daughter to be inspired to achieve greatness - and I know it is my job as parent to stimulate that in them - but I also need to show them their efforts will be rewarded because the US of A is the best damn place in the world.
Thanks for listening.

And here's a yearbook quote from Zachary Chastain. Mostly because I couldn't find a funny I voted image and because Zachary is wise beyond his years. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Tuesday, November 06, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Christmas Suit

  • Name ideas for a sushi restaurant - Big Tim's Secondhand Fish Store or Little Ken's Reclaimed Fish Palace. 
  • I wasn't going to have a beer tonight but then I spent 37 minutes trying to find a parking spot at Trader Joe's. Now I am having a beer. 
  • My work has an ugly Christmas sweater contest. I need some ideas. Does anyone have any suggestions? 
  • I could always wear a suit.

  • I watched a good but depressing documentary ("Legion of Brothers") so I needed to pick up my spirits and that task fell upon "Hot Tub Time Machine." And it worked. 
  • A new trend in my hometown: Axe throwing. Alcohol and axes. Can't imagine any problems with that scenario. 
  • Hope all is well. Talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Monday, November 05, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Falling Back

  • Did you enjoy "falling back" today? The end of Daylight Savings means it's now o-dark-thirty at 6 pm here in Boy-See and I am not a fan. 
  • I am a fan of the new "A Star is Born." I saw it with Mrs. Shife and it was pretty, pretty good. 
  • Hayden (and maybe me too) is infatuated with a song from the movie, "Shallow." Here's a link if you want to check it out. 
  • Ms. Frizzle saved the garbage can from choking. I wasn't at home when it happened but the story she's been telling us is that she heard the garbage can coughing so she rushed over to make sure everything was OK. She also had to remove some of the stuff in the garbage can to help clear the blockage. Frizzy is such a good dog and now a hero.

  • Thanks for swinging by. Hope you are well and I will talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Sunday, November 04, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Social Media

What are your thoughts on social media?
Necessary evil?
Can't live without it?
Still hoping MySpace becomes a thing again?
I think it has some positive and useful attributes but for the most part it just feels like a time suck.
Since I think I'm better off without social media, I am taking a break in November to see if my life is going to be OK if I am not on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram.
The only one that I was really active on was Twitter but I think I will be OK as I don't think I am going to lose too much sleep over deep thoughts like this:

That's all for today.
I will talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Saturday, November 03, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Halloween recap

Halloween 2018
Starring the Shifleys 

Ms. Frizzle as a Beanie Baby

Mr. Shife as Gam Gam the Crazy Cat Lady 

Hayden as the Hooded Huntress 

Kyle as the Phantom 

Mrs. Shife as Scuba Sarah 

Talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, November 02, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21

Do I still have it in me?
Can I post more than once a week?
It's been a few years since I gave it a shot but why not.
Well, I actually can think of several reasons why not but I don't want to spoil the fun and all of the shenanigans that might ensue.
And we can't forget about the hilarity that might unfurl.
Is that a thing?
Can hilarity unfurl or is that limited to flags and sails?
I asked Merriam-Webster.
Actually, I went with Oxford.
I didn't like the looks of Merriam nor Webster.
Those dudes are shady.
And Oxford told me to go screw myself so much ado about nothing.
Anyway, I am going to post until Nov. 21 because something awesome happens that day.
I will let you be an amazing detective and figure that one out.
So cheers to Day 1 and I shall mark this very amazing occasion with a stuffed squirrel because that has worked out pretty well in the past.
Don't believe me? Well here's some proof and some more proof.
Still doubting me? Stop it. More evidence.

Talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Saturday, October 27, 2018

Frizzle's Bath

Do you recognize this furry lady? You might remember her from such adventures as "I pooped in your shoe" or "I ate your earbuds ... again."
Yes, it's Ms. Frizzle. 
And I must admit that I have embellished this blog post already and I need to apologize. 
There's no need for me to go around sullying Ms. Frizzle's reputation. 
To set the record straight, she didn't poop in our shoes, she just ate them.
Honestly, she probably did drop a turd or two in our shoes but we were so sleep deprived during her puppy days that we didn't notice or didn't care.
I was probably like, "Sweet. Frizzle pooped in my shoe. At least it was solid. Is it OK if I start drinking now?"
Where am I going with this? 
Based on the photo above, I'm guessing that I was going to talk about Frizzle getting a bath. 
She did, which isn't normally a big deal, but this bath was narrated by Morgan Freeman.
The pet store where we get her food just installed a doggie wash in their store and it is bonkers. 

I could have picked Matthew McConaughey, Larry the Cable Guy, Arnold Schwarzenegger, David Letterman or Sean Connery.
Somehow it just felt right having Morgan Freeman talk to me and Frizzy. 
Just imagine Morgan Freeman saying the following words:

"When you take that bath today, you’ve got to lay that heart on the line, Frizzle. From the souls of your feet, with every ounce of blood you’ve got in your body, lay it on the line until the final whistle blows. And if you do that, if you do that, we cannot lose. We may be behind on the scoreboard at the end of the game but if you play like that we cannot be defeated and you will smell great." 

Maybe I'm embellished again.
But it was pretty cool hearing Morgan Freeman telling me how to wash Ms. Frizzle.
Have a wonderful weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.