Friday, October 09, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness the Squirrel 911 Version

  • Tank Tank can cross "Catch a Squirrel" off his bucket list. Mister Basset found a baby squirrel to play with in the back yard this week. I got out there in time to hopefully save the little tree-dwelling rodent. I transported the squirrel to the vet and when he becomes a famous water-skiing squirrel he better remember the dude that saved his life. 

  • In case you were wondering - and I know you were - what else is on Tank's bucket list, well here it is: Lead sled dog in Iditarod, make out with the black lab down the block, eat cheese until he explodes, never take a bath again, ride in a convertible and unlimited belly rubs. 
  • Mrs. Shife and I had the opportunity to see "A River Runs Through It" in the theaters again last night, and it was awesome. A local theater plays classic movies about once a month, and it's just another reason why we love living in Boise freakin' Idaho. It had been a long time since I saw "A River Runs Through It" and it's still one of my favorites. Beautiful, tragic, inspiring and powerful. I definitely sobbed a lot more watching it this time.
  • Hayden Belle is enjoying pre-school quite a lot and here's a picture of her from a recent field trip to the pumpkin patch. 
  • Another softball season has come to a close for Mr. Shife, and this is the first year in a long time that I wasn't quite ready for it to end. Maybe it has something do with the weather as it has been incredibly nice (it's supposed to be 88 and sunny tomorrow) or maybe it's because I was only playing on one team. Whatever the case I am looking forward to another year of softball in 2016. 
  • Well that's all for this week. Hope all is well in your corner of the world. Take care my friends and talk to you soon. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, October 02, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness: Butt of Jokes

  • You know it's going to be an interesting day when you are at the doctor's office, bent over an exam table with your shorts around your ankles and the doctor asks for a ruler. 
  • What the what? 
  • I thought I wrote about this but I think the incident predated my blog. I have a lipoma on my derriere. At the bottom of the butt crack. Not painting a good enough picture for you? Well here's a terrible artist rendering of the lipoma on my bottom:
  • I think I might have taken some liberties with the word artist. 
  • I also think that looks more like an aerial view of cleavage or a sideways 3 more than a butt. 
  • I call the lipoma "Fatty Arbuckle" because a lipoma is a fat deposit and Fatty Arbuckle sounded like an excellent name for my unwanted friend. 
  • The lipoma was removed about 10 years ago but it has come back with a vengeance, and that's why the doctor wanted the ruler because Fatty Arbuckle is a big boy. 
  • I was hoping I could live with Fatty Arbuckle but he has gotten to be so large that it's affecting stuff like my running as it's rubbing against my other cheek. I am not going to give you another terrible rendering so you will have to use your imagination on that one. 
  • Oh wow. I can feel all of the love as a lot of you are thinking about my butt. 
  • OK that is enough talk of my ass. 
  • Well that's all for this week, folks. Have a good weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness: A Day Late

  • I apologize for missing my usual Friday update but my marriage turned 11.
  • 11 years. Hard to believe, huh? I saw a quote the other day that reminded me of the day I met Mrs. Shife, "Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you." And that is how it worked with us. It was the last thing we were looking for but stuff like that is out of your control sometimes. I try to thank my lucky stars every day for Mrs. Shife's love. Looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her.
  • And if you want to read about how I met Mrs. Shife well you can read all about it here
  • I just read that they were making an Angry Birds movie and then I saw the trailer, and it doesn't look that bad. Kyle and Hayden love Angry Birds so they were pretty excited when I showed them the trailer. The only downside is the movie doesn't come out until next May so we will be practicing patience. A lot. 
  • If you or someone you know is interested in my book, well today is your lucky day. And tomorrow too. It's available to download for free right here
  • Hayden has made up her mind and she is going to be a mermaid for Halloween. Kyle wants to be Elmo, and that is proving difficult because they don't really make Elmo costumes in his size so we are panicking a little bit trying to make this happen. 
  • I might have exaggerated a bit about us panicking because we aren't. I just wanted an excuse use the gif of Beaker in my blog.
  • What's that? You want me to share another gif. Sounds good to me. They can teach us such valuable lessons like make sure you lock that door. 

  • Thanks for stopping by. Have a good one.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, September 18, 2015

Shallow Thoughts from Mr. Shife

  • Yes it's Random Acts of Shifeness but I just thought I needed to change the name, and I felt it would have been false advertising if I called it "Deep Thoughts."
  • And I think "Shallow Thoughts" might be stretching it since I'm just sharing mostly pictures.

  • I don't know if my future financial outlook looks promising based on how much fun Hayden had trying to grab as much money as possible. What do they say about a fool and his money?
  • Tank got some mail. Yes that is what I call my dog sometimes. There's a story behind the mail but it will have to wait for another day because the final chapter hasn't been written yet.

  • We got a visit from the tooth fairy this week as Kyle lost his first tooth. Don't mind the apple all over his face. We didn't have time for hair and make up. When you have breaking news, you have to get the story out there.

  • What do you think of Kyle's magic show? I recorded his rehearsal and he did all of the work setting up the stage, the seating area and making invitations. Unfortunately it rained so he didn't get to perform but I thought he was pretty entertaining. I might be a little biased. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness the Melancholy Version

--> Hard to believe it's been 14 years since 9/11.
This day brings up a lot of raw emotions for everybody.
Personally, I remember being really scared and really sad.
I worked at a newspaper at the time and it was all hands on deck after it happened.
I was working 16-hour days and my job was to help get out a newspaper, which meant I was immersed in 9/11 stories all day long.
I was staring at the images of the planes crashing, the people who were killed and other tragic pictures day in and day out.
I almost lost it a few times but I was able to keep my shit together at work but when I got home from work I blubbered like a baby.
I just sat in my room sobbing uncontrollably.
--> The 9/11 anniversary coupled with the news that I had two friends diagnosed with cancer will make this week memorable for not the right reasons.
--> It doesn't even feel right to try and make this blog post a little more upbeat after but I will try.
--> I have met people that are overwhelmed or underwhelmed but I don't recall ever saying hello to a person that was whelmed.
Are you just feeling neutral if you are whelmed?
Damn it people I need answers.
--> Remember last week when I talked about how cold it was?
What? You don't remember?
I was wearing my brief jerky edible underwear.

Does the picture help?
Ahhh, now you remember.
Well we went from summer to fall in one day as it was in the 60s last weekend.
Now we are back to summer as it supposed to be 96 tomorrow.
Then it gets back to more normal next week as it will be in the 70s.
One last hurrah for the brief jerkies.
--> The B got a little cut off but I bet you can't guess what town Hayden was in?

--> She's actually in Boise a lot since that's where we live but I thought it was good place to get a photo of Little Miss Hayden.
--> Here's a photo of both of them after we went for a hike.

--> That''s all. Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, September 04, 2015

Randoms Act of Shifeness on Labor Day Weekend 2015

--> It cooled down quite a bit here in Idaho. As we went from the upper 80s to low 60s in a day. Some people might say that's bonkers. I wasn't some people and just said it was horse shit. The kids just decided it's time to get ready for winter.

My two little gnomes breaking out their winter hats. 

--> I had a pretty cool view from the office today. 

--> I have felt pretty good running lately so I decided to push myself during a 3-mile run and surprised myself with my time. The fastest mile I ever ran was a 5 minute mile in high school during a cross country meet so not too shabby for a dumb, white guy. I took it easy on that third mile. 

--> The only way I was able to afford college was because of financial aid. I'm grateful for that money because it opened up a lot of doors for me. I wrapped up college in 1999, and I'm happy to report that last month I finally paid off the last of my loans. 

--> Have a great Labor Day weekend. Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you later.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, August 28, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness

--> We survived the first week of school. The first two days of 1st grade were a little rough for Kyle because he now goes full time so adjusting to that extra 4 hours had him struggling with his emotions but we pulled through.

Kyle and Hayden along with their buddies on the first day of school 2015.

--> I shared this on Facebook so if we are friends on there you get to read it again. Sorry.

I was more nervous than Kyle was today.
First grade was just way more emotional for me than kindergarten. 
I was ready to share Kyle's first day of school picture but then I saw this when I went back to his room to turn off his light. 
Sweet dreams my little 1st grader. 
You did great today. 
I just imagine him thinking,"I got this, Pops. No worries."

--> Hayden starts pre-school on Tuesday so she's super excited because she gets to go to school just like her big brother. I don't know if the pre-school is ready for Hayden but it's happening and it should be fun. 

--> Speaking of Hayden, Mrs. Shife got home from work and asked Hayden if she had a good day.
Hayden responded with a sad voice saying "I got locked in the dojo." 
Mrs. Shife said that's no fun but why don't you tell me what your favorite part of the day was.
Hayden then got a big grin on her face and said, "I locked Kyle in the dojo."
Just in case you weren't aware we converted our garage into a playroom for the kids and we call it "The Dojo." 

--> Have you ever had a cortisone shot? I got one Tuesday afternoon and it went fine until I tried to go to sleep. I slept like shit for 2 days. I woke up at 3:30 in the AM both days and could not go back to sleep. It was not fun. Fortunately, I was back to normal this morning and actually got some rest. Thank the fat bassets.

--> Does anyone else think this Jon Hamm meme is funny? I sure do. Maybe it's because I used the "Fell from Heaven" pick-up line back in the day and maybe because I'm more jaded than I was back in the day but it really made me LOL. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.