Friday, July 29, 2016

Summer Soul Searching in St. George

A little more details about our recent vacation as we had a Shifley family reunion in St. George, Utah. There aren't too many Shifleys left that I'm related to and my cousin and I thought it would be a good idea to get the families together because we Shifleys need to know the other Shifleys. 
Plus, it made the house we rented a little cheaper with another couple.
I also did tell Mrs. Shife that I would try and find a second wife since we were in Polygamy Nation.  And surprisingly she told to me to go for it.
I then realized that my wife is much, much smarter than me because my theory of making more Shifleys didn't hold much water since I got fixed by the vet. 
Do you remember that wonderful story? 
Click here if you want to read all about the worst vasectomy ever. 
On with the story and enough talk about my testicles. 
You're welcome for that image. 
But, to borrow a line from "Seinfeld," they are real and spectacular


Now I'm wondering if anyone has met someone with a fake testicle?
I know it's popular with the canine community.


Wow. This post has gone places I never expected. 
Our vacation was great and a much-needed break from work as I did some soul searching as you might have guessed by the title of the blog. 
I need to make some changes.
Professionally, I'm not doing what I want to do, and I don't want to wake up five years now having this same conversation on my blog.
And if I am unhappy professionally, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that it spills over into my personal life. 
Maybe it's because I was in awe of Zion National Park and my zest for life rekindled. 
Or maybe I just realized I am the master of my own domain and if I want to make changes then I am the one that has to do it. 
It will not be easy, there up some down moments and there will be points when I doubt myself, but I have some real and spectacular working skills that will help me get where I want to be.
Thanks for listening.



I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.  




Friday, July 22, 2016

We Had FUN!!!

We are back from our little trip.
It was great to get away for a little bit and make some memories with the family.
Don't believe me?
Well, I will let this pictures prove me right.



Hayden and I took a selfie while on the plane. 



We stopped for lunch on our way to our destination and Kyle had a good laugh at his sister who was doing this with her cake ... 


Who needs a fork when you have fingers? 


We had an extremely cute and awesome captain of our boat.


And she did an excellent job of pulling Kyle around the lake. He's on the tube I swear. 


Swimming to the shore is much quicker than waiting for Daddy to get the boat secured to the dock.


Kyle did a little rope swinging.


And Hayden did too.


As well as the awesome Mrs. Shife.


In the end, we were one big, happy family. 




Thanks for stopping by. I will talk to you soon.



I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, July 15, 2016

Be Back Soon


On vacation.
See you next week.








I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, July 08, 2016

I Don't Like You

Not you, my beloved blogging friends, but the person who coined the phrase:
"Don't cry over spilt milk."
Well I have something for you.
Now where did I put it.
I just had it.
Oh there it is ...


Those fingers are meant for James Howell.
Yes, that James Howell.
You know, James Howell, right?
Me neither until about 5 minutes ago when I looked up the origins of "Don't cry over spilt milk" and evidently he's the man who gets to deal with my scorn.
Plus, sullying the name of James Howell has been on my bucket list and it's about time that I finally get to check that box.
According to the internet - which we know is never erroneous - the saying "don't cry over spilt milk" is an age-old proverb that has been around for hundreds of years. The first historical reference to the phrase appears in a document written by British historian James Howell in 1659.

Why am I upset about the aforementioned phrase?
Let me tell you all about it.
We went away for the 4th of July weekend and the car got dirty.
Not in a "talk like a sailor kind of way" but just lots of bug guts and grime from traveling on America's beloved Interstate 84 (I-84), which is an Interstate Highway with two non-contiguous sections in case you were keeping score at home.
We got home late Monday and taking care of the car got postponed to Tuesday.
Tuesday was pretty busy.
Not as busy as a one-armed bus driver with a fresh case of crabs, but pretty darn close.
I was finally able to get the car washed about 10 pm at a gas station car wash.
Not my first choice but you don't have a lot of choices when you wait until 10 pm.
The reason why it was late before I could clean up the car because I went to the gym then the grocery store and the next thing you know it's time for the late local news.
I could have and should have waited until Wednesday to take care of the car.
Unfortunately, I have a touch of OCD and the car was getting washed Tuesday.
And it did.
As far as I could tell, the exterior and the interior looked pretty good.
It was, as I mentioned, 10 o'clock at night, which drastically reduces my reliability meter when it comes to determining the cleanliness of automobiles because it was 10 o'clock at night and it turns out that it gets dark at night.
I heard that whoever said, "For the love of fat bassets, just get on with it Mr. Shife."
I am just dragging this one out, aren't I?
Anyway, I get home and head over to the passenger side to get the groceries.
And I guess there was a sudden and powerful shift in the moon's gravitational pull that only affected the passenger seat of my vehicle because the groceries moved.
Especially a large container that was home to an opaque white fluid rich in fat and protein.
I opened the door and a gallon of milk came flying out.
The milk then proceeded to bounce off the driveway and seemingly spin in the air while it shot milk in one direction and one direction only ... the interior of the car.
Milk was everywhere.
It looked like Jackson Pollock decided to paint his latest masterpiece in the car with milk, which would be really weird because he's been dead for 50 years.
It might be weirder that I made a Jackson Pollock reference on my blog.


Maybe this would have been a better reference.


You get the idea.
I cried over spilt milk.
Especially in the morning when I was able to see the damage that was done in the light of day.
Thanks a lot, James Howell, for making me feel bad about crying over spilt milk.
Did I mention that have something for you?
Now where did I put it.
I just had it.
Oh there it is ...



Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.



I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.


Friday, July 01, 2016

Happy Canada Day!!


I wish I could celebrate with all of my Canadian friends, but I have some things I need to do.


First, I need some new pants. Probably some new friends too for not talking me out of my decision to say hello to the "friendly" bull.

Then I gotta ... well I think the GIF kind of explains it all. I know. What a crazy, busy day, huh? I'll be lucky to have any down time. 

In all seriousness, today is a day I want to crawl in a hole and kind of forgot all about it. I lost my mom today and it's easier to deal with it because it's been 8 years now, but it's just something I will ever get over. Anyway, I do have some stuff going on today because the world keeps turning even if I want to hit the pause button. 


Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon. 





I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 


Friday, June 24, 2016

Seven Days in June


  • Even though it's a good description of today's blog post, I wasn't sure about the title because my mind took a trip to the gutter and made me think it could also be the title of a coming-of-age porno as some young man learns all about the lovemaking from a lustful lady named June during a week of forbidden passion. I really need to see a therapist. 


A lot has happened since we talked last week. Let's catch up:
  • Friday: Reunited with some college buddies and drank way too much.
  • Saturday: Woke up to my phone ringing at 6 in the morning as Mrs. Shife was inquiring where I might be. Turns out that I took a longer than expected nap in my car. I should have taken a cab or Uber home but ended up just sleeping in the car. Here's a bulldog doing a terrible reenactment of me passing out, errrrrrrr, sleeping.

  • Sunday: Happy Father's Day! I found out that I was the World's Greatest Dad. I was a little surprised because I knew I was the World's Most Average Dad but I was shocked when Kyle and Hayden told me I was the greatest. 
  • Monday: Hayden made some new friends over the weekend, but had a hard time remembering their names. She did what Hayden does and called one "Pink" and one "Purple." Those were the colors of the outfits that her new friends were wearing. She cracks me up. 
  • Tuesday: We had to take Kyle to the optometrist because he was complaining about his eye being tired. Turns out he needs glasses and is far-sighted. He was actually excited about getting glasses but this picture doesn't really convey those emotions as he was a little out of it from getting his eyes dialated. He told me that he likes his glasses because "they are red and very comfortable."

  • Wednesday: Work was a little crazy on this day. I drank three Red Bulls to deal with it. Not one of my best ideas. Fortunately, I was able to control my bodily fluids ... barely. 

  • Thursday: Discussed the pros and cons of R2D2 and BB8 with Kyle as he wants to spend his life savings on a Star Wars robot, and isn't sure which one he wants. I think we flipped a quarter 77 times. He's still undecided. And we also had to explain to him why he couldn't wear his sandals to his chef's camp next week. It always amazes me at what he get attached to and right now it's wearing sandals and nothing but his sandals.


Well that's all for this week, folks. Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.




I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 



Friday, June 17, 2016

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Kyle helped get the week off to an interesting start as he was sleepwalking and thought me and Mrs. Shife's bedroom was the bathroom. Props to the little man for getting up to take care of business, but we are going to have put some exit signs in the highway to help get him to the bathroom. 
  • When he wasn't busy pissing on our bedsheets, Kyle was busy in the kitchen and making some art. He really likes helping out in the kitchen and made a salad for dinner the other night, and that photo is below. He also likes painting and put together a pretty cool one, which is also below. I'm not sure what the future holds for Bunga, but I'm glad he already has a few things that make him happy.


  • Tank is awesome, but he has a problem. He sheds a lot. We have tried everything under the sun to help curtail it a little bit, but nothing has worked. Our groomer finally talked us into shaving him and it was quite shocking to see Tanklin the first time after his bassillian. And as you can see from the first picture, he was super thrilled with his new look. The groomer thought he would be good to go through the summer and then we could get him another haircut in the fall. Well fast forward to present day in Idaho, and guess who needs another haircut? I don't know what superhero DNA the basset got when it came to fur but he surprised everyone at the groomers when he came in full of fur again. But I wouldn't have it anyway other with Tank Tank because I love that husky hound. 


  • Well that's all for this week. Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon. And here's a picture of the kiddos enjoying their summer vacation. The jammies are staying on a lot longer these days.







I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.