Friday, August 22, 2014

The Hits Just Keep Coming

Whoever coined the phrase an apple a day keeps the doctor away can suck it.
I have been eating an apple every day on my way to work for the past month or so because Mrs. Shife noticed that my food journal had no entries containing fruits or vegetables.
Why the food journal? Well in my quest to figure out this damn food allergy the doctor asked me to do it to help solve the mystery.
I guess Mrs. Shife also wants me to be around for awhile so she thought it would be a good idea if I mixed in a salad or a fruit into my caveman diet.
Anyway I'm eating apples and guess where I've been twice in the past 3 weeks.
If you guessed the doctor's office then you are the big winner.
Click here for your prize.
First I dislocated my finger playing softball.
Then this week on Monday I got stung by a bee while playing softball.
Well this bee was a mutant or something because my foot and leg swelled up real nice. Then I got blisters that starting popping and oozing Shifeness.

I went to the doctor and turns out I picked myself up a nice infection.
Yay me!
It's been on the top of my wish list forever.
Good times.
I think the phrase might have to be changed to an apple a day can kiss my ass.
I think it also might be time to take a break from the game.
Hope all is well with you. Thanks for stopping by.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, August 15, 2014


What a week.
An emotional roller coaster for sure.

On Monday, Robin Williams passed away which was surprising, shocking, and sad. Mork & Mindy, Good Morning Vietnam, Dead Poets Society, Aladdin, Mrs. DoubtfireGood Will Hunting were just a few things that he did that I really enjoyed. He'll definitely be missed.

On Tuesday, Laurel Bacall died. Her movies with Humphrey Bogart really helped spur my ongoing love affair with movies so her death also affected me on a personal level.

Then on Wednesday my grandmother passed away. I knew it was coming but it still doesn't soften the blow. She was in a lot of pain and not doing so well from battling cancer but now she's at peace. I'm glad Kyle and Hayden got to spend time with her because she was my Mom's mom and a pretty awesome Grammie. I also realized there are only few people left that call me Matthew and she was one of them. I'm a Matt to everyone else except to our neighbor down the road who likes to call me asshole. I posted this poem about her because I thought it summed her up pretty well:

A daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a grandma too,
This is the legacy we have from you.
You taught us love and how to fight,
You gave us strength, you gave us might.
A stronger person would be hard to find,
And in your heart, you were always kind.
You fought for us all in one way or another,
Not just as a grandma not just as a mother.
For all of us you gave your best,
Now the time has come for you to rest.
So go in peace, you’ve earned your sleep,
Your love in our hearts, we’ll eternally keep.

Grammie meeting Hayden for the first time in Las Vegas in 2012.

Thanks for stopping by. Have a good weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, August 08, 2014

Random Acts of Shifeness

--> Are you ready to have your mind blown? Kyle starts kindergarten 2 weeks from Monday.
--> Kyle's also taking a break from karate. He came to that decision after we told him that he was going to school 5 days a week and might be a little wiped out. So he went up to his instructor and told him that he was going to "retire" from karate until he got used to school.
--> Another gem from Kyle. I've mentioned on this here blog before that when he gets in trouble he tells us that his feelings are hurt and he thinks we don't love him anymore. Well yesterday he added "you broke my heart" to his phrase that pays after he got in a little bit of mischief. It was extremely difficult trying to keep a straight face when he told me that.
--> Elimination diet #2 is over. The first 2 weeks I cut out tomatoes and other acidic foods. The last 2 weeks I had to cut out booze. It was so depressing. Now I have to cut out gluten for 2 weeks. Based on the initial results it appears that tomatoes might be causing me some problems.
--> So what happens when I can't drink alcohol? Well my sweet tooth shows up and it's in charge. In the past few days, I ate 4 quarts of ice cream (Yes Mrs. Shife I polished off the vanilla while you were at work this afternoon) and 6 cinnamon rolls.
--> I can say with the utmost certainty that my darling Hayden is not a boy. Despite my steadfastness, she still gets called one way too much for my liking. She was wearing a pink tank top, khaki shorts and purple shoes when she got called "bud" by an adult recently so I could see the confusion that might set in for someone who had just huffed a gallon of gasoline.

--> I'm meeting a friend tonight that I haven't seen since 9th grade. And for those of you who don't want to do the math, that's a lot frickin' time ago.
--> Have a great weekend. Thanks for stopping by.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, August 01, 2014

And Look What Else Happened ….

That my friends is an X-ray of my right ring finger and it didn't have a very good Thursday night. It decided to try and be a hero by stopping a line drive all by itself at my softball game. And as you can see things kind of broke bad. I dislocated my finger and I'll be in a splint for a few weeks. I guess I was due as I haven't had a significant softball injury in a long time. Sorry this short but it's a little hard to type and I'm a little out of it from the pain meds. Hope you are doing better than my finger. Thanks for stopping by. Take care and have a great weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, July 25, 2014

So This Is Happening ...

The back cover is still getting tweaked but all the files have been formatted so I'm getting really close to publishing my book.
I haven't set a firm date yet but thinking mid-September because I'm going to have a book giveaway/contest for 4 weeks leading up to the release date.
One lucky winner per week will get an autographed copy of my book and also autographed white thong underwear. Both the book and underwear will be new in case you were wondering.
So what do you think?

Have a great weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, July 18, 2014

The Week That Was

Sunday - Tank was smelling like burnt butt hair and shedding like crazy so we took him in for a grooming session at Petsmart. He's usually pretty excited to see me when I come pick up because he's been down there for about 4 hours but on this day he was especially glad to see my face. It was a nice boost to the ego but then when I saw his report card I knew why he was glad to get out of there:

Can you see why?
Tank's not a big fan of getting his anal glands did.
I can't think of too many people that enjoy it.
Normally I don't sign him up for the butt squeeze but it's included with the Furminator package so I spent some time on Sunday apologizing to Tank Tank.
He finally accepted my expression of regret with an offering of shredded cheese.
That dog loves cheese.
Probably will help fill those glands back up.
How's that for painting a picture?

Sunday - Kyle and I went to an air show. We had a good time. A little warm but all in all it was fun. We got to go inside the cockpit of a B-29 Flying Fortress and Fifi (name of the plane) is the only one in the world that is still airworthy. I got a nice picture of Kyle standing next to it but then some dude wearing a Boise State shirt went and ruined the background. Going to have to crop him out.

Monday - Weekend is over and sometimes it just feels like an accomplishment if you survive Monday. Well I did and concluded it by watching the finale of "24." I wish I could say it was a nice way to end the evening.

Tuesday - I went to Jamba Juice to pick up a snack while I was at work. I got talked into the Kale-ribbean Breeze and it looked like shit. Seriously a big pile of green baby poop scooped into a cup but if you got past the appearance it was not too shabby. Well since kale was one of the main ingredients I got a little paranoid that I was going to have kale in my teeth or on my lips. I mentioned this to one of of my co-workers by saying "I hope I don't have kale all over my face." She started laughing and then I did too because it dawned on me that we work with a guy named Cale so that phrase takes on a whole different meaning.

Wednesday - I took the kiddos bowling and Kyle broke triple digits for the first time.

Thursday - It's been a long time since I talked about this but my book should be done by the end of the month. Some miscommunication and other problems occurred during the first efforts so I had to reach out to a new formatter and designer. The formatting is supposed to be done tonight and the cover hopefully wrapped up by this weekend. Once it's done I can start sharing more details about the release date and other goodies.

Friday - Going to the movies with Kyle Bunga to see Planes 2 with Kyle Bunga. I just hope it's better than the first one.

Here's a bonus pic. I was messing around with my camera while the kids were having fun at a giant play land and that little blur going down the slide is Kyle. Isn't it amazing how he can pull himself right back up? =)

Thanks for stopping by. Have a good weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, July 11, 2014

To Wash Or Not To Wash Is The Question

Here's something I never thought I would write on my blog: I had a kickball game last night.
There's a kickball league that my co-workers play in and they needed a dude so I volunteered.
It was actually a lot of fun especially since I haven't played since I was probably in high school.
So where am I going with this?
Well after the game ended I had some time to kill because Mrs. Shife was hosting a doTerra party at our house. If you are unfamiliar with doTerra here's a link to become enlightened. You're welcome.
I ended up going to the mall to meet a new friend.
She posted an interesting ad on Craigslist.
She seems normal, right?
OK I lied.
I went to the mall to get a new hat. And a new shirt. I really liked the shirt. Here it is:

What do you think?
I guess World Cup fever got to me and I wanted a shirt of Bob Marley playing soccer.
Sorry I couldn't include my head and arms.
I'm just extremely private.
Ooops how rude of me. I suppose you might want to see a picture of my new hat too.
Here it is:

What do you think?
It's just hard to find a good feathered, horse hat these days.
On with the story.
Eventually I killed enough time to come home after Mrs. Shife's party was over.
I knew I wanted to wear my new shirt to work but I knew it was too late to start a load of laundry so I was faced with a dilemma.
Not as much of a dilemma as that girl in the Craigslist ad must contend with when she goes down the bread aisle at a grocery store.
Should I wear my shirt without washing it?
I'm sure there are plenty of sanitary reasons why I should but I threw caution to the wind and wore it to work without washing it.
Scandalous, right?
Probably going to ruin my chances of running for public office.
I guess if I develop an awesome rash I will not need to hire a detective to solve that mystery.
So is this a guy thing or do ladies wear newly-purchased clothes without washing them first?

Thanks for stopping by. Hope you had a good 4th of July. Here's a picture of the kiddos with a friend of ours while I was lighting off some of our fireworks. Hayden might have been a little surprised at the noise or she was hoping to unhear that her daddy used to be Mrs. Epsteen.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.