Friday, January 18, 2019

Random Acts of Shifeness - He's back

  • We're a two-dog household again as Ted has returned for two weeks. Kyle and Hayden are super happy to have the four-legged marshmallow back under our roof. Frizzle will probably be ready for Ted to head back home after about a week. Here's a recap of Frizz and Ted's excellent adventure if you need a refresher. 
  • Speaking of adventures, I had myself one on the freeway today. I was cruising down the road at a law-abiding 65 miles per hour when I reached for my beverage by the lid but the lid had other ideas. I thought we were doing the tango but the lid was all about a solo performance and left me hanging. And it turns out the cup was a huge fan of gravity so it dropped right into my lap. Ahhh, there's nothing quite as refreshing as dumping 44 ounces of cold ice tea on your crotch. I was also on my way to work so I had to turn around to change my clothes. Good times. 
  • New beer idea: Dr. Phil Pilsner - it pretends to be a beer but it's not. What do you think?
  • I have lost 6 pounds since I started Dry January but I think the weight loss could have been more substantial if it weren't for caramels. I guess I need I to replace all of the sugar I am not getting from alcohol. I think I have polished off about 612 pieces this month.  
  • Hayden was so mad at me for eating the last of the caramels that she made me do handstands to see if I was hiding any in my pockets.

  • And a terrible pun for no reason at all:
  • How has your week been? 
  • I certainly appreciate you stopping by and saying hello. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, January 11, 2019

Sweet Lincoln's mullet ... it's still 2019

Well, well, well ... look what decided to show up. Hello, Friday. It's good to see you again.

It just feels like it has been a long week. 
Maybe because it's my first full week back at work. 
Maybe it's because I am still in the middle of dry January. 
Maybe it's because of the government shutdown. 
Maybe it's because I just learned that dogs lay eggs. 
Maybe ... wait what did I just type? 
Maybe I was so wrong to think that highly of mankind. 

Serious, Google? 
Serious, Mr. Shife. 
Well, there is a Flat Earth Society so I shouldn't be surprised at anything anymore. 

Then I had lunch. 
I got a bloody nose while I was eating spicy food. 
Really weird. 
I have never had that happen to me before. 
Looking forward to next week and what other mysteries will be unveiled to me in 2019.
Hope you are well.
Thanks for stopping by.
Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, January 04, 2019

Sweet Lincoln's mullet ... it's 2019

Howdy friends.
Hope the new year finds you well.
It still feels a little surreal that it's 2019.
Mostly because Kyle will turn double digits this year and that really feels weird.
We can talk more about that in the coming months.
So how are you?
Doing anything fun to kick off the year?
I decided to torture myself and go dry in January.
Torture probably isn't the right word.
More like I wanted to challenge myself.
It's been a while since I abstained from drinking for an extended period of time.
I also wanted to get in better shape so I thought I would give it a go.
I'm actually a little embarrassed about how much weight I have added in the past two years.
I usually run around 155 pounds and this has always been a good weight for me since I'm only 5'7" but 165 is no bueno and that's where the scale has been tipping lately.
I have been blessed with a pretty sweet metabolism and this has allowed me to eat, drink and be merry with no big repercussions.
Working out 3-4 times a week helps as well.
However, as I have advanced in age, the metabolism has slowed and the belly has grown.
I am not ready for a Buddha belly.
And I don't want to look like a Garbage Pail Kid.

Or have this part of my life turned into a book.

Hopefully, the dry January will get me back to where I want to be.
I will let you know in a few weeks with the final results when I'm done "challenging" myself.
Take care, thanks for stopping by and talk to you soon.

P.S. We had a great Christmas. Santa was good to the kiddos and ol' Saint Nick was pleasantly surprised that Kyle and Hayden used the "Phallic Guide to Cookie Design" to make their cookies for him. The kids were trying to make towers and, well, the towers melted in the oven and turned into "interesting" shapes.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, December 21, 2018

Elvis Hasn't Left the Building

It's almost 2019 and we have been busy at Casa de Shifley wrapping up 2018.

First, there was Kyle's choir performance. Mrs. Shife and I are pretty proud of the dude. He volunteered to join the choir and had to give up some of his recess time to make that happen and that's a pretty big ask of a 9-year-old because recess is kind of a big deal when you are 9.

Next up we had an awards ceremony for both of the kiddos at their school. Hayden and Kyle both received reading achievement awards. Hayden also won an award for being a Hillcrest Hero. I don't know the exact definition of a Hillcrest Hero but I think it was for being totes adorbs and awesome. 

Then there was an Elvis sighting. The King was back and rocking out at holiday parties. People were all shook up because they thought Elvis was dead but as you can see he's alive and well. It turns out that he faked his death. He had his bodyguards take him up to a cave in Idaho and had him frozen. About a year ago, all of the ice melted because I guess he’s A-HUNK-A-HUNK-A-BURNING-LOVE. Don't be cruel, folks. I know it's a bad joke. 

I'm looking forward to hanging out on the couch with Kyle and Frizzle and having a wonderful holiday season with my family. 

You will probably not hear from me again until 2019 so have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I am looking forward to all of our blogging adventures next year. Take care, thanks for stopping by and I will talk to you later. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, December 14, 2018

Random Acts of Shifeness - Missing Glove

  • I got to play the always fun game of "The Case of the Missing Coat" a few weeks ago with Kyle. It was so much fun that we are going ahead with the sequel, "The Case of the Missing Glove." This one feels more like a documentary as we are still trying to solve the mystery. The current suspect goes by the name of "I Don't Know" so if you have any whereabouts on this person, please send in your tips to 1-888-ISIT-5YET or 

  • Looking for something fun to do this holiday season. Well then come on down to Casa de Shifley. We've got all kinds of fun activities: 
--> Siblings in underwear wrestling

--> Dumpster diving

--> Middle-aged men napping

--> A new favorite: Have you seen my bobcat? 

--> Guess how many cotton balls the middle-aged napping man has in his mouth? 

  • Hope all is well in your corner of the world. Have a great weekend, thank you for stopping by and I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, December 07, 2018

Pixel Party

I am not 100 percent happy today.
I am going to share some imagery instead of going off on a subject that I should just leave alone.
It is what it is and it be what it be. I don't know all of the details so there's no reason to share opinions that could be wrong but I am still irritated with the whole situation and wish I knew how to handle it.

The Shifley Christmas Tree 2018

Kyle and Ted. Kyle doesn't know it yet but someday he will get a golden retriever puppy of his own. I don't know when that day will be but it's on the future calendar. He loved Teddy so much and he's excited that he will get to watch him again one day. 

Hayden drew a picture of Ted playing with Frizz. She said they liked doing the conga. 

Hanging with Hayden on the couch.

Dogs are the best. 

The "Santa" guilt trip isn't as effective as it was in the past. We might have to do some actual parenting with Kyle and Hayden. 

Today I learned this about turkey. This also gives a new meaning to stuffing the turkey. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Thursday, November 29, 2018


If you are familiar with the movie "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" then you will understand the movie poster I created with my phenomenal "design" skills.

We dog sat a 10-month-old golden retriever named Teddy for the past week. He went home today and we will miss him but I think we are glad to be back to a one-dog household. I'm almost 100% certain that Frizzy is happy to be solo but she did have some fun adventures with Ted. 

They looked for squirrels together.

They tried to give one another CPR.

They participated in the decapitation of a stuffed flamingo.

They tried to eat each other.

They posed for a Christmas card photo.

They wondered why I was wearing thong underwear and taking photos of them. 

I hope you are well and thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: HBD Hayden

She's 7.
She had a good day.
I was reminded of a Facebook memory today.
Below it was I wrote to her when she turned 5.
It seems even more appropriate today as I can see her becoming more and more like this every day.
She's Hayden and we are just living in her world.

May you rejoice at being yourself.
May you follow the song in your soul.
May you wander confidently outside the flock.
May you know the exquisite happiness of love.
May you travel the world, learning along the way.
May you face life's inevitable challenges with curiosity, not fear.
May you always appreciate the qualities that make you uniquely beautiful.
May you contribute something special to the world, something only you can give.
It's an honor and a joy to be your mommy and daddy.
We love you so much.

She was excited that she got a new unicorn stuffed animal. Her name is Fluffy.

She was even more excited to get some unicorn jammies.

And she was more than happy to be a unicorn model.

I will not talk to you tomorrow but I will talk to you next week. Thank you for being here and stopping by. I really do appreciate it. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and wish me luck as I venture out to my first Black Friday in less than 48 hours. Sweet Lincoln's mullet, I am an idiot. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: That's Tomorrow

  • Tomorrow is the big day. Hayden Belle turns 7. 
  • She has had a pretty good week so far. Cake and the hot springs on Sunday. Acting camp yesterday, today and tomorrow. And then all of her presents on the anniversary of her birth. Then there's a little thing called Thanksgiving on Thursday. 
  • She also got to come to my office to do some "work." I even made a nameplate for her to make her feel bona fide.
  • Sorry that I don't have much too share but I am still kind of processing the fact that my friend passed away. I went through some of our old text messages and had a nice trip down memory lane. Some good times were remembered. 
  • I hope you are well and I will talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream

Monday, November 19, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Goodbye Jeff

Today I learned that my friend lost his battle with cancer yesterday.
I was fortunate that I got a chance to speak with him about 2 weeks ago.
He had been battling cancer for a long time and he had quit doing chemo so it was just a matter of time. I knew that but it's still a shock to the system when the person is officially gone.
I wrote about him and his battle in 2013.
I will miss my pal.
And if there's another world, I take comfort that he now lives in bliss and is cancer-free.
Rest in peace Jeff.
You definitely put up a hell of a fight.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Birthday Cake

One drawback to having your birthday fall during Thanksgiving break is that sometimes you have to have your party a little earlier if you want anyone to show up. We had Hayden's cake today so we could have some of her friends and family over.

Hayden's due date was actually Nov. 6. We tried to talk her into coming out sooner to avoid these kinds of problems but I think it worked out for the best. I think showing up two weeks later matches her personality as I have said that she has been trying to make up for those two lost weeks ever since she was born. 

We also made a trip to the hot springs with her cousins so we had a good cake and a good soak. Hope you had a nice Sunday as well. I will talk to you tomorrow and I really appreciate you stopping by. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Gluten-Free Shampoo

This is the face I made when I found out my shampoo wasn't gluten-free. I am still trying to understand why it's important that my shampoo is gluten-free. Sorry. I don't have a lot to offer you on this fine Saturday evening. Hope all is well. Talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, November 16, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Frizzle, Monsters and a Fairy

Find Frizzle 

Kyle drew some monsters

Hayden drew a fairy 

And the great Labrador battle of 2018. Frizzy and her black lab friend Finn played with all of Frizzle's toys. I count 18 of them. How many do you see?  

Happy Friday. Have a wonderful weekend and I will talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.