Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Random Acts Of Shifeness - Thanksgiving Version

  • First and foremost, Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Hope you have a wonderful day.
  • Favorite Thanksgiving food: Pumpkin pie and stuffing.
  • Kyle's favorite Thanksgiving food: Well according to the cookbook he made in kindergarten it's green beans and he said this is how they are made, "Crack eggs in a bowl then put flour and sugar in - no green beans needed because it just tastes like green beans - put it in the oven, cook for 8-10 minutes." I'm not sure if Kyle is entirely sure what green beans are. 
  • Favorite Thanksgiving trip: Going to Reno with Mrs. Shife to do some skiing in 2006. No kids, no curfews and a long weekend in the biggest little city in the world. Reno didn't get enough snow so we had to find other ways to entertain ourselves and we had a blast.
  • Favorite Thanksgiving memory: Bringing Little Miss Hayden home. She was born on a Monday, and we brought her home Tuesday, which was two days before the turkey extravaganza.
  • Favorite movie with a Thanksgiving theme: "Planes, Trains and Automobiles." 
  • Finally a Thanksgiving gift - well at least I hope you think it's a gift - to you. If you are interested in my book but haven't got around to buying it, well I have a deal for you. It's FREE to download on Amazon until Friday so get over there. Here's the LINK

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, November 21, 2014

Happy Birthday Hayden

A few photos from her big day as my little baby doll is now 3. She had a good day and I think the highlight for me was when we were picking up Kyle from school and she told me, "She wanted to wait to eat her cake until Kyle was ready because he was her best friend." Some days I feel like Mrs. Shife might be doing alright at this parenting game.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Code Brown

Are you familiar with the term "code brown"?
It basically means you are about to shit yourself, which is not a good thing unless you are 9-months-old and sporting some Huggies.
I recently had a code brown moment.
I was looking at the browser history on my computer because I was trying to remember a site I visited that had some birthday present ideas for a 3-year-old girl (yes, believe it or not, Hayden turns 3 in 7 days. Another code brown moment, huh?)
As I am perusing the sites that I frequented, I start to see some highly unusual activity.
There's and the 10 best foods for pregnancy.
There's and the best foods to eat while pregnant.
There's and what to eat when you are expecting.
The only other person to use my computer is …
Mrs. Shife.
Holy crap.
Is she?
No way.
I got fixed.
I'm sterile.
I'm like a Christmas tree.
I only have ornamental balls.
I mean I guess there's a chance that my team could still score a touchdown.
A small chance.
Like one out of a million.
So you're telling me there's a chance.
My boys are ALIVE!
I take a moment to give myself a high-five.
Then I realize this isn't a good thing.
We are going to need a new house.
A new car.
A new attitude.
A new vasectomy.
For the love of husky hounds, what the frick is going on?
We can't have another baby.
After going through all of the doomsday scenarios, I call Mrs. Shife to see if there's anything new she would like to discuss with me.
She says she might want to try out a new yoga class this weekend.
Anything else I say.
Nope she says.
I then proceed to tell her what I discovered on my computer and that I filled up my undies with fecal matter because I don't think I can handle another kid.
Nothing on the other end of the line from Mrs. Shife.
I'm not a smart man but my relationship translator is telling me that this is no bueno.
More silence.
I'm about to fill up my pants again.
Then laughter.
Lots of laughter.
Turns out Mrs. Shife was looking up information for a good friend of hers who just found out she was pregnant.
Being the compassionate, wonderful woman that she is, Mrs. Shife decided not to torture me because she could have made me twist in the wind for as long as wanted.
Thank you Mrs. Shife for having mercy on me.
And thank you Dr. Hodges for making sure that I'm shooting blanks.

We had a snow day today in Boise Idaho. Almost 8 inches. The kiddos were pretty excited. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Shifetober 31st

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” – Ernest Hemingway 
The journey ends today as my book has been officially released into the wild.
It’s been a long road to get to this point with numerous ups and downs but Big Ern pretty much summed it up best as I have learned a lot during this journey. The most important takeaway from this excursion is that I have an amazing network of family and friends, and your support, generosity and all-around awesomeness makes me grateful that I have you in my life. Thank you for everything and I will be forever in your debt for helping make one of my dreams come true. Where I go from here is a mystery but I do look forward to a new set of adventures. And for those of you still chasing your dreams – since we are on a journey theme – don’t stop believing. 
P.S. Thanks for making me cry at work this morning Lee. Your review was absolutely wonderful. A perfect way to end this chapter of my journey.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Shifetober 30th

Two of my latest reviews:
“God damn it Shife. I can’t stop laughing.” -- Jeff Solis 

“I laughed so hard sitting on the airplane this morning on my flight from Boise to San Jose! I was crying from laughing too hard! People next to me, behind me, and in front of me kept looking as I had tears rolling down my facial cheeks!” -- Kent Whittig

My book will make you laugh and they say laughter is the best medicine. Unless you have diarrhea. Then you probably should wait on buying my book. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Shifetober 29th

I have been so wrapped promoting my book that I forget that Halloween is this Friday. Sweet sassy molassey, this month has flown by. The kiddos went to a Halloween party at Kyle's school and I proudly present The Shifley's Halloween 2014 edition:

Kyle is the Red Power Ranger and Hayden is The Incredible Hulk, and please note that Hayden accessorized her costume with her favorite pink boots. I'm still not sure what they are going to be on the actual day of Halloween as they seem to change their minds on their costumes about as often as political candidates run ads these days. Thanks for stopping by.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Shifetober 28th

This is a picture of my grandma reading my book.
She's reading the story about how my mom almost killed her.
(It's on page 41 for those of you who have the book or you visit this link.)  
I know it doesn't sound like an amusing topic but trust me it's pretty funny. 
My grandma almost died and she's still laughing about.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.