How I Lost Hayden

Or perhaps the title should be "How Hayden Escaped the Shifley Compound." Either way, her daddy (that would be me) got a big, fat F this past Sunday in daughter watching.
We are fortunate that our back yard opens up to a school yard so we have no neighbors behind us, and when school is out we can unlock our gate to let the kids go out to play on the playground.
Mrs. Shife took the kids and Tank out to play on Sunday while I watched my favorite football team, the Arizona Cardinals, lose another game and make me want re-create a prison riot scene. I felt the urge to break some stuff, set toilet paper on fire, shout Attica, and hold prison guards hostage. Since we do not share our domicile with any prison guards that I'm aware of, it's usually Kyle and Hayden's stuffed animals that get duct-taped to chairs until my demands are met.
I think my demands to the Cardinals are pretty simple: don't suck. Unfortunately, my demands are rarely met.
I think I should probably quit watching football.
Anyway, Mrs. Shife brought Hayden inside because she was cold, wet, and hungry so I paused the game to take care of her. She also brought Tank in too because there was some possible workplace harassment going on with some other dogs in the neighborhood as someone was getting a little too aggressive with their butt sniffing.
Hayden wasn't too happy about her play time being over ( I think she actually saw the score of the game and had sympathy pains for her dad) and wanted to go back outside with her momma and Kyle.
I was able to calm her down, and stripped off her wet clothes so she was just down to her diaper, shirt, socks, and fed her some noodles. I also put the dog door cover on because she would crawl through the door to get back outside if she had the opportunity.

The Shifley dog door with cover installed.

Tank was also itching to go back outside because he heard some rumors that there were squirrels making disparaging remarks about his mother.
Those squirrels can be real dicks.
Hayden finished eating and headed to the back door to figure out how she was getting back outside.
I was down in the hall in my bedroom working on my rhythmic gymnastics routine.
No I wasn't watching the game as it was over.
I swear.
I'm not sure exactly what I was doing but I wasn't paying attention to my daughter because when I came back out to check on her, she and Tank were gone.
She had taken the dog door cover off and headed back outside with her furry friend.

The Shifley dog door without the cover.

By the time I got outside to find her, she had made it to the school yard in just her diaper, shirt, and socks to her mother, and I got the WTF? look from Mrs. Shife as she handed me back Hayden.
So how was your Sunday afternoon?
Thanks for stopping by.



P.S. As you may have heard the actor Paul Walker passed away earlier this week. His movies never were on my must-see list but as far as I can tell he seemed like a pretty good dude who used his fame and fortune to champion some worthwhile causes. However, his death did shake me up a little bit because my most popular post ever is titled, Paul Effin' Walker, and I was actually reading it a day before I learned about his death. It has nearly 10,000 page views while my second-most popular post has about 3,000. Anyway, I never knew the guy or was his biggest supporter but he'll be sorely missed by many and my thoughts and condolences to his family, friends, and fans. Rest in peace Paul Walker.

The song is ended but the melody lingers on. – Irving Berlin

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

For The Love of Fat Bassets, I'm Turning Into A Lazy Blogger

I'm not sure but that might be the longest title ever for one of my posts.
With Hayden's birthday last week, Thanksgiving this week, still being in the grips of the plague, and potty training (Yes, we've gone all in with Hayden and hoping to be a diaper-free home soon), I'm resorting to visual imagery once again to update my blog.

The karate kid. Kyle recently started taking classes, and I think I'm going to have to wear cup around the house as he might practice one of his kicks on me. Tank has also been a little nervous whenever Kyle puts on his uniform.  

Hayden loves the Mouse so when she saw these nuggets at Costco she got a little excited. I just feel really silly asking her if she wants mouse nuggets for lunch.  

Kyle has a new bunk mate. Tank has started sleeping on the bottom bunk in Kyle's room at night. This makes me smile a lot because when I was much younger and had my bunk bed I shared it with one of my beloved bassets, Higgins.  

Buried underneath that pile of blankets is Hayden. We said goodbye to the crib and got herself a big girl bed. She is growing up way too fast. 

My spam folder is extremely confusing. 

Kyle grew his mustache for November.  

And a picture of the kiddos from our family picture shoot. They clean up pretty well. 

Thanks for stopping by. Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and you have a great weekend.




I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Happy Birthday Hayden!!

Hello Hayden. 

It’s me your daddy, or the guy who lets you watch way too many Minnie Mouse cartoons. Remember it’s our secret so don’t tell your mother. Are we cool? Cool. Well today is your very special day so I wanted to wish you a happy birthday and tell you why you’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.

You have changed me in so many ways during the past two years. I love how I get to start each day with you and how it’s an absolute joy watching you grow, learn, laugh, and play. You just light up our little part of the world. However, there’s one part of our world that we need to work on Little Miss Hayden. Your brother and I could probably go the rest of our lives without getting another bite on the butt from you. I know you get frustrated and angry because you can’t always express your feelings but chomping down on our asses is not the solution. Let’s work on that McStuffins. 

I never imagined being your dad would bring me such happiness. I probably would’ve started sooner if I had known but I dragged my feet into fatherhood, and resisted it for as long as possible because I didn’t think it was something I wanted to do.  Eventually, I was won over, and after your big brother Kyle was born, I thought this is cool but I’m good. One and done works for me. 

What an idiot I was for thinking that. 

Life would never be the same without you Hayden, and I’m just glad your momma talked some sense into me. She is one smart lady by the way, and beautiful and awesome too so that’s where you get it from in case you were wondering. 

Below is a little video I made about you to share with our family and friends. I’m not sure how long it will be available since there are ton of copyright issues with me using the song “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz without his permission. (Pretty please, Mr. Mraz?)

So what’s the deal with the song? 

It’s probably not the first song that people would dedicate to their 2-year-old daughter but it spoke to me because – as I mentioned – I wasn’t sure how I felt about becoming your dad. I know that sounds horrible, but I was afraid, nervous, hesitant, and not sure I could handle being responsible for another little person. 

Then I met you, and once again I was reminded how much of an idiot I was for thinking that I only wanted one kid. You will learn that your daddy has a pretty strong moron gene, and he’s an idiot quite often. 

Hearing the words “It’s a girl” and seeing you for the first time opened up my heart, my mind, and I was simply and completely in love with you. You were 15 days late but so worth the wait, and I just want you to know that I’m yours, Hayden Belle. 

I love you to the moon and back,

Daddy

P.S. Don’t eat the yellow snow!!

P.S.S. I don’t want you to grow up too fast but I can’t wait to watch “The Princess Bride” with you because it’s awesome just like you!!

Another Pixel Parade

Just listening to some beats and by beats I mean an audio book about dinosaurs at his pre-school. He's a cool dude. 

Happy birthday Tank. The 5-year-old basset got a new bed. He seems to thinks it's okay. 

This is a picture of my lawnmower blade. Our mower has a mulcher feature so I was taking care of the leaves in our backyard when I ran over a rather large rock and absolutely mangled it. Kyle had left some big rocks in the yard and they were hidden in all of those leaves. Well I found them.

Hayden is taking after her old man and trying to stop objects with her body. She attempted to head butt our rope swing with her cheek and lost. It looks like she has a lipstick kiss on her cheek. I tried to tell her it's not a wise thing to do and showed her the picture of my leg after it tried to stop a quickly moving softball. 

Evidently Kyle wasn't being challenged enough by his puzzles so he decided to mix about 4 of them together to take it to the next level. I had a lot of fun trying to sort them back together. 

I hope you can see clearly enough in this picture but that is what's left of Hayden's binky. She bit the top of it off and I hope she's ready to give them up soon before I have to be the bad guy and take the rest of her binks away. 

Kyle and Hayden cruising in Vegas on a quad. They always have a great time when we go down there and this picture pretty much sums it up. 

Thanks for stopping by. Have a wonderful weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Accident-Free Workplace

And by accident I mean no one getting a visit from America's least loved Care Bear,  Diarrhea Bear. For almost two weeks now, at least one person in this household has not been lovin' it when it came to going numero deuce. The reigning Shifley loose stools champion is Little Miss Hayden, and she's taking it to a whole new level with her gravity-defying poop. Her shit is magical. Sorry Sir Issac Newton but you didn't have the pleasure of living with a nearly 2-year-old girl with diarrhea because otherwise you would've never said, "What goes up must come down." 

Check it out Ike. 

Hayden was standing on a chair in the dining room when she informed us that she pooped. I lifted up her shirt to assess the damage and there was a wall of doo doo going up her back. 

How does this happen? 

She was standing up, crapped, and somehow half of the fecal matter ended up not in her diaper. 

Did her poop decide to go on an adventure? 

"Screw it. We're going to be bold and daring. We're going where no poop has gone before. Yee Haw!"

Whatever the case might be, I'm glad the Diarrhea Bear has gone on to terrorize another household with its amazing poop performances. 

And in other Shifley family news, I'm glad to report that we've also been a Velociraptor-free workplace so we have that going for us, which is nice. 

Thanks for stopping by. Be excellent to each other.




I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Dragonfly Warrior

My blogging buddy and fellow St. Louis Cardinals' fan Jay Noel is self-publishing his book, and I volunteered to help spread the word about this awesome achievement. Congrats Jay and best of luck with your books. 

The Mechanica Wars: Savage Machines Are Afoot...

At the age of twenty, Kanze Zenjiro's bloody footprints mark the bodies of those who stood in his way to protect the throne of Nihon. Now, the tyrannical Iberian Empire is bent on destroying his kingdom, and they send their steam-powered giants and iron spiders against him.

Zen embarks on a quest that takes him on the most dangerous journey of his life. To succeed, Zen must live up to his nickname, the Dragonfly Warrior, and kill all his enemies with only a sword and a pair of six-guns. He is called upon to somehow survive a test of faith and loyalty in a world so cruel and merciless, it borders on madness.

Book Information: Dragonfly Warrior is a steampunk adventure like no other. It's a dynamic mix of Asian and European mythology, the Wild West, martial arts, traditional fantasy, and high powered steam action that will keep you turning the pages.

Dragonfly Warrior is the first book of The Mechanica Wars, and will debut on January 6, 2014.

Author Bio:

After doing some freelance writing and editing for more than a dozen years, Jay decided to stop procrastinating and pursue his dream of being a novelist. He's been blogging for over eight years, and even had a comedy podcast syndicated all over the internet. All of that was fun, but all the steampunk-inspired stories in his head just wouldn't leave him alone. Jay spends his days working in medical sales, but he can be found toiling over his laptop late at night when all is quiet.

He draws inspiration from all over: H.G. Wells, Jules Verne, Shakespeare, Ray Bradbury, Douglas Adams, and Isaac Asimov.

And Jay loves cookies.

Jay Noel's website: www.jaynoel.com

Halloween 2013

I'm back from our little trip (and the destination was Las Vegas in case you were still wondering), and I'll have to spend some time next week discussing our adventures as we definitely made it a memorable vacation. You might have heard that it was Halloween yesterday and I have pictures to prove it. Kyle went as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, Hayden was a Pirate Princess, Mrs. Shife was a cowgirl, and I was an Elderly Mutant Ninja Turtle. The kids had a good time, and hope whatever you did on Halloween was a a good time as well. Thanks for stopping by, and enjoy the photos.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.