Friday, November 27, 2015

Thanksgiving 2016

Scared is the word I would use to describe this year's Thanksgiving. 

I got a phone call from my Dad on Wednesday that stopped me in my tracks. 
I could hardly understand him and he just kept telling me that he was in the hospital. 
I honestly thought he had a stroke because his speech was so slurred. 

It turns out he was loaded up on morphine and that's why he was sounded like he had just shotgunned 27 beers. He also sounded a lot like Harry Caray during the 8th inning of a Cubs game. My Dad got chuckle out of that because he's a Cubs fan and he grew up listening to Harry Caray. 
In case you are unfamiliar with Harry Caray, he has a pretty good reputation for hitting the sauce and being smashed by the time game was over. 

The reason he was on morphine is because he was in an incredible amount of pain as his legs had swollen up and couldn't walk. After running a bunch of tests, the doctors think he has something called Wegener's granulomatosis. I had never heard of this disorder before but it's kind of scary because it's life threatening as it restricts blood flow to your organs among other things. 

The doctors are hopeful that they caught this early enough so my Dad doesn't have serious damage to his kidneys, but it's still early to tell. 

I was scared for the obvious reasons but talking to my Dad brought back some horrible memories as I had talked to Rusty my biological father about 10 years ago when he was pumped full of morphine. Rusty was on his death bed as he was succumbing to alcoholism and I tried to have a conversation with him. It was a pretty one-sided talk as Rusty was too doped up to make any sense. My Dad wasn't that bad but it was still difficult to understand everything he was trying to say. 

Needless to say, I am extremely thankful that my Dad is getting the medical care he needs and he still hopefully has a lot of years left in him. I'm not ready to say bye to my Pops. 

He came into my life when I was about 5, and I have no idea what kind of life my Mom and I would have had without him. And ever since he was in my life, he never made me feel like anything but his son. There's a song by Brad Paisley called "He Didn't Have To Be" that is eerily similar to my Dad becoming my Dad. When I first heard that song, I bawled like a baby. 

Lookin' back all I can say

About all the things he did for me

Is I hope I'm at least half the dad

That he didn't have to be 

Here is my Pops with his brothers and sister. He is the handsome dude in the purple. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, November 20, 2015

Happy Birthday Hayden

I guess the title gave it away so you know who is turning 4. We are excited to celebrate her big day tomorrow so I don't have much to say today as I have been busy getting ready for Hayden's birthday party. Sorry. Enjoy some pictures instead. And yes I do believe I might have a GIF problem. Bye. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, November 13, 2015

Why The Leaves Haven't Been Raked Up Yet

Mrs. Shife got herself a fancy new iPhone and took a slo-mo video of Hayden showing the leaves who's the boss. Kyle is in the background being a excellent big brother by supporting her. At least that's what I tell myself he is doing. He might actually be plotting my downfall as he keeps wondering where the heck is his tree house that I said he could have once he figured out how to climb our tree. I keep playing dumb - which isn't very hard for me to do - but he's not buying it. Anyway, I totally got off task here. It's a little hard to see the video if your eyeballs have some mileage on them like mine do so here's a link to the YouTube page,
Pretty cool if I must say so myself.
Anyway, I needed to watch this little video to pick me up today as it wasn't one of the best days on Planet Earth for me but nothing compared to what happened to a lot of people in France.
Thoughts and prayers to all those folks.
Hope you are doing well, and thanks for stopping by to say hello.
Take care.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, November 06, 2015


And that stands for "Today I Fucked Up." It's a thing on where folks share their humiliation with the rest of the world because they are just a glutton for more punishment or maybe they just hope someone else shares a worse tale of idiocy so they can sleep better at night.
Anyway, I read a few that made me LOL and I wanted to share.
The first one I thought was awesome because it's something I would do, and here's an actual example of me doing something kind of like that.
The second one was just downright hilarious.
I hope you like them too.

Went to fancy movie theater with date. Decide to buy a bottle of wine. Go back to bar. Ask for two glasses. Bartender says he needs two ID's. I'm too lazy to go back to seats to grab dates ID. Tell him I'm alone and was embarrassed to ask for just one glass. He is clearly sympathetic. Idiot me then tries to sell the story and continue on about how lonely I've been recently. He tells me he's off in a few minutes and insists on watching the movie with me. I try to fight it but I could only argue so much without giving away the truth. Bartender is insistent. I text my date what's happening. Go back to theater with my new date. Sit a few rows in front of my first date. She has the stupidest grin on her face as me and the bartender (Jared) sit a couple rows in front of her. He ends up being super cool and bought me and him another bottle during the movie. Movie ends. I thank him for his gesture. He didn't even ask for my number or anything. I think Jared was just a genuine guy trying to comfort someone. Met back up with my date in the parking lot and thankfully she found the whole thing hilarious.
I don't deserve Jared.

So just to set the stage here my wife is currently surfing the red tide solo. During these monthly events my board is kicking it on the beach waiting for better days. So after watching the family friendly Tosh.O we've been playing the scare game trying to freak each other out on random occasions. Of course I am the master having got the kids and the wife numerous times and they have failed to scare me yet. But enough of me beating my chest, lets get to the fuck up.

So the 14 year old is grounded and stuck at home and the 8 and 9 year olds have just finished their homework. My gorgeous wife calls me saying that she is almost home and that I should get the kids out of the house and take them to the park where she will meet us later after she gets home and changes. Thats when it hits me... What a perfect opportunity for the four of us to scare the crap out of her. The first thing she does when she gets home is go to our closet to change clothes.
So I hatch the plan with the kids that we should pretend we went to the park but instead hide in the closet to scare Mom instead. Everyone loved the idea especially since it didnt involve them being freaked out for once.

So we see her pull into the alley and we scramble into the closet and wait. Im trying to get them to all stop snickering as we hear the garage door close. Then come the foot steps down the hall... Her purse hits the desk and we can hear her fumbling around the room. The dresser drawer opens and in the back of my head a brain cell lights up... But no thats not going to happen... And then it does.
Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and moans start to fill the room. I look at the puzzled faces of the two innocent ones and the revolting shock of disgust on the 14 year old and did the only thing I could think to do.... 
"Hey angel we are in the closet and we were going to scare you. Coming out in 1 minute."

We are still trying to process this event. But needless to say Im still laughing my ass off and she has this sheepish look on her face. Not sure what we are going to say to the 8 & 9 year old... And I think the 14 year old will never be the same again.

So there ya go.

P.S. I almost forgot.
Here's a picture of Kyle and Hayden from Halloween last weekend.
The big guy was a ninja turtle and my baby girl was a mermaid princess, and they a good time on the 31st of October.
They will be so happy that I shared this picture on a post that included a vibrator story.
It's going to be tough to beat me for Dad of Year.

Thanks for stopping by.
Have a good one.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, October 30, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness: The All Hallow's Eve Edition

  • This time last year I had just celebrated the release of my book. I can't believe it has already been a year, but it has. Time has a funny way of always moving forward. So what are my thoughts a year later? Definitely more up and downs. As of right now, more than 3,000 copies of my book have been downloaded - and downloaded includes folks buying the paperback version - so that's pretty awesome. When I first talked about it with Mrs. Shife, I told her 500 would be a pretty neat number so I am blown away that we made it to where we are. So a big thank you to each and everyone of you who has helped make one of lifelong dreams a reality. 
  • It's crazy how an overlooked decision can feel so liberating. I apologize in advance for being cryptic - trust me everything is OK - but I felt like I was trapped in a situation then I flipped the script to see a different scenario and voila! It was like a fat, flatuent elephant had been lifted off my chest. 
  • If you could time travel, would you go forward or backward? I'm torn but I think I would go backward. 
  • Mrs. Shife made pumpkin cookies with the kids last night. She let them each have a 1/2 of cookie before they went to bed so that they could try them out and tell her how they tasted ... Hayden said, "Hmmm, yum. They are good, but they taste better when they are chocolate."  Looks like we got a chocoholic. 
  • Here's an image someone shared on Facebook that I really enjoyed:

  • Well that's all for today. Hope to share some Halloween pictures next week. Thanks for stopping by. Take care.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Introducing ...

... Hayden the Princess Mermaid.
We are off to our first Halloween party of the year, and Little Miss Hayden is going to tell you all about it.
If something gets lost in translation, let me know as I speak pretty good 3 1/2 almost 4-year-old.

Have a great weekend. Thanks for stopping by.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, October 16, 2015

Random Acts of Shifeness: It's on Like Donkey Kong

  • Well this is embarrassing. I just learned that the "Donkey Game" video game doesn't feature a donkey. I guess the game, which was imported from Japan, was supposed to be called "Monkey Game" but something got lost in translation and Monkey sounded like Donkey when the big wigs were having their conference call. You can teach an old dog new tricks. 
  • Mrs. Shife and I took the kiddos to a new park last weekend and it had a zip line. I will let you decide if Hayden thought it was a blast
  • My favorite quote of the week: He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has. – Epictetus
  • My favorite thing of the week: Listening to Hayden explain to the carpet cleaners that even though she's a girl she can still be a king.
  • My least favorite thing of the week: The Cardinals eliminated by the Cubs in the playoffs. 
  • I found this picture amusing because I think some people read too much into words or movies and try to make it more than it actually might be. Or maybe it's just me. 

  • I was getting a lot of spam comments so I had to turn on the word verification thingy - yes I do believe that's the technical name for it - and if you have any issues with it, please let me know. 
  • Thanks for stopping by. Have a good weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.