Friday, September 21, 2012

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • I am in mourning. Kyle decided that he no longer wants to nap. He is almost 3 1/2 years old so it was just a matter of time but I am having a hard time adjusting to the little man being around in the afternoon. I mean come on man that is my porn time. 
  • You might be wandering how Kyle told us he no longer wants to nap. Well he ripped off his pull-ups and peed all over his blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals. Not once but two afternoons in a row. I really, really do enjoy being a parent sometimes.=)
  • You might have heard that a panda cub was born at the National Zoo in D.C., and I heard that they had to have the pandas watch a little porn to help get things going in the right direction. So here is a thought ... do you think pandas only watch porn in black and white? 
  • Another thought ... Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils? I am having a hard time explaining that to Kyle because he thinks picking his nose is awesome. 
  • Final thought ... You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who makes people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.
  • This is the last you will hear from me in a little bit. Please don't get too excited. You might hurt my feelings. I will be away next week as me and the family will be down in Las Vegas so I don't know how much time I will have to post a blog update. 
  • Why Vegas? Well Mrs. Shife and I hate ourselves and we were thinking of the worst place in the  world to take an almost 3 1/2 year old and a 10-month-old. Actually we have family down there so they are going to help watch the kids while Mrs. Shife and I celebrate 8 years of wedded bliss.

  • And here is a picture of my little angel. She has me so wrapped around her fingers. It is definitely extremely easy being in infatuated with this little lady. I love being her daddy.

    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

    Friday, September 14, 2012

    Deja Puke

    It was late Wednesday of this week, and I just got home from a softball game. It was a nice evening. No real complaints. I got to drink some beers with my friends, play some ball, and enjoy another fine summer evening in Idaho. Then it hit me. An epiphany. A moment of clarity.
    I knew what I was missing from my pretty good night.
    I needed to hug the toilet while I puked my guts out while I was simultaneously clinching my butt cheeks together so I would not crap my pants.
    Yes indeed that is what I wanted.
    Oh boy how I missed having food poisoning. It has been awhile since you last paid me a visit. I still get abdominal cramping when I drive by that Chinese buffet restaurant. All-you-can-vomit and crap for $8.99. Good times.
    So yes that was my Wednesday evening. Evidently I ate some bad pork for lunch and it manifested itself into a full-blown toxic distress of my plumbing. And I what I really love about food poisoning is it is the gift that keeps on giving. It is so awesome waking yourself up at 5 in the morning because you realized that fart was actually a shart and you just shit your pants. Have a great weekend.

    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

    Friday, September 07, 2012

    I Found It!!!!!

    What did I find? Well that is a picture of me in a dress. It is not exactly me in my prom dress - I might have been using a little hyperbole when I made that statement - but it is definitely me spruced up in a gown. A little background on the photo: I am 21, a freshman in college, and some sorority girls dressed me up for a charity event called the "Hag Drag." I don't like to brag but I must admit I look pretty hot all pimped out like that. Sweet sassy molassey, Mr. Shife is looking good as a a hag. Evidently I was quite proud of my breasts as I was all over myself in that picture. So does that get me off the hook with all of my beloved readers?

    Below is a picture of my new tattoo. What do you think? There is still a little new work that needs to be done but the artist ran out of time so he will get after it next month. I would love to hear your thoughts on what you think it symbolizes. I will tell you what I was going for in the comments section. Anyway I really like it and I thought it turned out well. It really stands out compared to my old tattoo but once the color fades and the other art is added, I think they will blend well together.

    Have a great weekend, and thanks for stopping by. I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.