Friday, December 06, 2013

How I Lost Hayden

Or perhaps the title should be "How Hayden Escaped the Shifley Compound." Either way, her daddy (that would be me) got a big, fat F this past Sunday in daughter watching.
We are fortunate that our back yard opens up to a school yard so we have no neighbors behind us, and when school is out we can unlock our gate to let the kids go out to play on the playground.
Mrs. Shife took the kids and Tank out to play on Sunday while I watched my favorite football team, the Arizona Cardinals, lose another game and make me want re-create a prison riot scene. I felt the urge to break some stuff, set toilet paper on fire, shout Attica, and hold prison guards hostage. Since we do not share our domicile with any prison guards that I'm aware of, it's usually Kyle and Hayden's stuffed animals that get duct-taped to chairs until my demands are met.
I think my demands to the Cardinals are pretty simple: don't suck. Unfortunately, my demands are rarely met.
I think I should probably quit watching football.
Anyway, Mrs. Shife brought Hayden inside because she was cold, wet, and hungry so I paused the game to take care of her. She also brought Tank in too because there was some possible workplace harassment going on with some other dogs in the neighborhood as someone was getting a little too aggressive with their butt sniffing.
Hayden wasn't too happy about her play time being over ( I think she actually saw the score of the game and had sympathy pains for her dad) and wanted to go back outside with her momma and Kyle.
I was able to calm her down, and stripped off her wet clothes so she was just down to her diaper, shirt, socks, and fed her some noodles. I also put the dog door cover on because she would crawl through the door to get back outside if she had the opportunity.

The Shifley dog door with cover installed.

Tank was also itching to go back outside because he heard some rumors that there were squirrels making disparaging remarks about his mother.
Those squirrels can be real dicks.
Hayden finished eating and headed to the back door to figure out how she was getting back outside.
I was down in the hall in my bedroom working on my rhythmic gymnastics routine.
No I wasn't watching the game as it was over.
I swear.
I'm not sure exactly what I was doing but I wasn't paying attention to my daughter because when I came back out to check on her, she and Tank were gone.
She had taken the dog door cover off and headed back outside with her furry friend.

The Shifley dog door without the cover.

By the time I got outside to find her, she had made it to the school yard in just her diaper, shirt, and socks to her mother, and I got the WTF? look from Mrs. Shife as she handed me back Hayden.
So how was your Sunday afternoon?
Thanks for stopping by.



P.S. As you may have heard the actor Paul Walker passed away earlier this week. His movies never were on my must-see list but as far as I can tell he seemed like a pretty good dude who used his fame and fortune to champion some worthwhile causes. However, his death did shake me up a little bit because my most popular post ever is titled, Paul Effin' Walker, and I was actually reading it a day before I learned about his death. It has nearly 10,000 page views while my second-most popular post has about 3,000. Anyway, I never knew the guy or was his biggest supporter but he'll be sorely missed by many and my thoughts and condolences to his family, friends, and fans. Rest in peace Paul Walker.

The song is ended but the melody lingers on. – Irving Berlin




I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

13 comments:

kden said...

Sounds like Little Miss Sneaky Pants might need to be watched a little closer. If kids want to escape, they will. I'm sure she wouldn't do it if the rest of the clan wasn't out there. How cool to have their own giant playground! And yes, we will probably be at Zero tonight.

Valerie said...

Clever stuff. Seems to me the brilliant Miss Hayden will be some kind of technician in her adult life. Or maybe an engineer! I enjoyed reading about your day... grins.

Jon said...

My name mom's house when she was growing up in Ohio also was near her school. There's a similar story about my uncle that involve cowboy boots and no diaper. Sorry I didn't drop in last week. Between being sick and busy, I read the post but just didn't think to comment.

Jon said...

Ignore the "name" in last comment. It's early and I'm using autocorrect.

Bob said...

I try not to watch football. Doesn't matter if it's college or NFL. Um, we have this thing called the CFL, but they have like what? two teams? (not really, but it's a stupid league)
Now, BETTING on football? That's a different story.
We had a "cat flap" once upon a time.
Critters come in, critters get out. No good can come from these abominations.

Bob said...

Oh, and I was going to say, because watching football is way too frustrating, but I think you know that.
Plus, I have the attention span of a gnat, which explains why I didn't proof read my last comment. *sigh*

texlahoma said...

Sounds like you need a cover for the cover of the doggy door. Hayden's got good problem solving abilities, I'd say.

"Kyle and Hayden's stuffed animals that get duct-taped to chairs until my demands are met."
Ha! That really got my imagination going.
(Mr. Shife yelling at the stuffed animals taped to the chairs)
"I thought I told you to shut up!"
(Next scene)
The animals now all have duct tape over their mouths.

texlahoma said...

Sounds like you need a cover for the cover of the doggy door. Hayden's got good problem solving abilities, I'd say.

"Kyle and Hayden's stuffed animals that get duct-taped to chairs until my demands are met."
Ha! That really got my imagination going.
(Mr. Shife yelling at the stuffed animals taped to the chairs)
"I thought I told you to shut up!"
(Next scene)
The animals now all have duct tape over their mouths.

John Bain said...

I like watching football, not the American kind, can't understand that at all. It must be good if you lose a lot, to finally win.
I keep the cat flap locked at the moment, the bloody cat was using it!

billy pilgrim said...

sounds like you've learned what i learned about my kids. girls pick up on stuff faster and are much braver than their older brother!

(meaner too)

angel, jr. said...

No, whatever you quit, don't quit watching football. I think I would implode if I had to...

I think she would have found a way outside. And I don't think it was her, but Tank who showed her how to open the door, this way it would be her fingerprints and not his that were found should an investigation ensued.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

That could have happened to anyone. Hope she isn't sneaking out of the house as a teenager . . .

Phats said...

haha that is a good story, you have a smart one on your hands Shife. You and football don't seem to gel I think it's the teams you follow i'd offer a seat on the Boilers band wagon but you know were 1-11 so ya i don't you want to get on board that