Friday, May 25, 2018

It's Getting Hot in Here

I accidentally invented a new activity: hot napping.
Think of it like hot yoga but you are unconscious.

It’s not the most ideal way to take a nap, but there are worse.

I was tired and needed a nap and I decided to let Hayden watch cartoons instead of playing outside because I am the best daddy ever.
Her words, not mine.
Just to set the record straight, I am also the worst daddy ever when I say no to cartoons.
While she was learning about the latest shenanigans that Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash and Applejack were getting into at Ponyville, I was sprawled out on the couch underneath a blanket and ready to recharge.

After being unconscious for about 10 minutes, I was abruptly awakened from my mid-afternoon slumber because I was sweating like a squirrel on a griddle without his special griddle dancing shoes. 

Naturally, I blamed the blanket for my rise in body temperature and sent it on its way.

A few minutes later the sweating continued and I proclaimed:
“What in the wide world of fudge is going on!!”
I went through my mental checklist to make sure nothing was out of the ordinary:
  • Did we recently move to the Sun?
  • Am I in a sauna?
  • Am I going through puberty?
  • Am I going through menopause?
  • Was I getting an early onset case of World Cup fever?
  • Am I going through heroin withdrawals? 
  • Maybe I was dreaming about being a fitness instructor at a popular gym in the 80s and John Travolta wanted to interview me? (If you know this reference, then a big high-five to you)
  • Was I a graduate history student unwittingly caught in the middle of an international conspiracy involving stolen diamonds and being interrogated by a Nazi war criminal? (If you know this reference, then you, as Jeff Spicoli might say, are: Awesome! Totally Awesome!)

Nothing out of the ordinary except for the nice case of swamp butt I picked up during my short snooze fest.
As the realization crept in that I was getting no more sleep, I sadly sat up from my unsatisfactory attempt at some sufficient shut-eye.
However, this new vantage point was quite enlightening as I learned what led to the demise of my afternoon siesta.
When Hayden was grabbing the TV remote from the remote drawer, she accidentally turned on our electric fireplace and cranked it up to dragon mode.

The fireplace is a few feet away from the couch and it can really churn out the heat especially when it’s a warm, spring day.   

So when “hot napping” becomes the next big thing you can tell everyone you know how it all began.

Thanks for stopping by, talk soon and enjoy the Memorial Day weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, May 18, 2018

Random Acts of Shifeness - Labrador Lessons

  • Sorry about the lack of words in last week’s post. We had some visitors for Mother’s Day weekend and it got a little busier around the house than I expected.
  • And here's Hayden with one of the visitor. Finn came for a visit and kept Ms. Frizzle pretty busy. He's the same age as Frizzy and they love to play. They also love to get as wet as caninely possibly and then get as much of it all over their humans. It's the best. 

  • Finn is pretty good about staying dry but he will follow Frizzle and then it's like I signed them up for synchronized swimming lessons. Here's a GIF of Frizzle playing in a sprinkler. I purposely took her to this area of the schoolyard because the sprinkler was barely on and I didn't think the Friz would mess with it. Another labrador lesson learned. She plopped and flopped and was wetter than a sea otter's pocket.

  • Kyle performed at a fundraiser for TRICA (Treasure Valley for Children's Arts) and things went pretty well. So well that Kyle got hoisted up by the TRICA director after their performance. One of the advantages of only weighing about 55 pounds.

  • Kyle has been pretty busy. He was also part of a LEGO rocket build at our local library. The rocket was so big that they had to remove a ceiling tile to get the last piece on the ship. 

  • Well that's is all for today, folks. Thanks for stopping by. Hope all is well and I will talk to you sooner than later. Take care.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 


Friday, May 11, 2018

Happy Mother's Day 2018

Hopefully, you can relate to one of the visual aids and you have a wonderful Mother's Day.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, May 04, 2018

T is for Tired

Where's that white flag?
Sweet Lincoln's mullet, I am tired.
Mrs. Shife left yesterday to go to a continuing ed conference and I am all alone.
Things were going pretty well until bedtime.
Kyle and Hayden decided they wanted to sleep in my bed and that was an adventure.
I felt like I was fighting Mike Tyson with all the body blows and head shots I got during the evening.
Oh, and Ms. Frizzle was in the bed also.
And she's a blanket hog.

She lays on top of them and then spreads herself out like she's in the final round of Twister.
Unless you keep your Craftsman 2-1/2 ton floor jack under the nightstand in the bedroom, you aren't getting the blankets back.
But there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
I took the afternoon off today so I thought I could probably squeeze in a nap before the kids get home from school.
Then I forgot that we were watching Nash, the almost 1-year-old golden doodle, today.
You remember Nash, right?
The last time we watched him we had an awkward moment with Kyle dry-humping pillows.
Feel free to read all about it right here.
I'm not going anywhere.
And you're back.
I tried napping but Frizzle and Nash are about as subtle as a fart in a crowded elevator.
They have been going at it the minute Nash walked through the door and it doesn't like it's going to end anytime soon.

It's like they know I want to take a nap and once I start to doze off then it's ... 
Knock down something.
Lick private parts.
Hear Mr. Shife use new and exciting cuss words.
Repeat until evening.
Happy Friday, everybody.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.