Friday, September 29, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - My Bronie

  • Irrational fear #12,456 - Kyle will turn into a bronie. He has been on a "My Little Pony" cartoon marathon with Hayden recently and I have been wondering if he might grow up to be an adult fan of the show. I don't have to worry about what college he might go to when I have more pressing matters like this on my mind. Actually, I don't why I should worry at all. The bronies seem like really normal, down to earth kind of folks. 
  • Are you surprised I only have 12,456 irrational fears? It was up to 12,457 but I got over my fear of being pursued by wolves around a kitchen table while wearing socks on a newly waxed floor this week.
  • It's one of Mrs. Shife's favorite times of the year: the end of softball season. I have been playing roughly for 18 years here in Boise. I know my softball addiction drives her nuts but I am grateful that she lets me play as much I do. 
  • The baseball season mercifully came to an end for me this week. The Cardinals got eliminated from the playoffs by their bitter rivals, the Cubs. The way this year has gone for them it only seems appropriate. Only 138 days until spring training.
  • Is anyone else ready for October? Hard to believe September is just about over.
  • This picture made me laugh.
  • My GIF to you:

  • Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon and have a good week.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, September 22, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - Happy Anniversary

  • Happy anniversary to my lovely wife.
    Mrs. Shife and I are celebrating our 13th.
    It seems like yesterday that I was told to take some shots to calm my nerves before I walked down the aisle to wait for the love of my life.
    That's a true story.
    Friends of the bride saw how nervous I was and made me take two shots to help me become less nervous.
    It worked. I think only fumbled one of my lines. 😅
  • It looks like lace is the gift to give when you hit 13. I found a nice little outfit that I will wear for Mrs. Shife. What color do you think I should get? I'm leaning towards the light blue. I think it will really make my blue eyes pop.
  • We will probably go out for dinner or catch a movie to celebrate. Having someone watch the kids and put them to bed is a pretty darn good present. 
  • Speaking of movies, I was looking for something to watch because Mrs. Shife thought beer and popcorn sounded like a good idea. We have two theaters in town where can enjoy a film and an adult beverage. Unfortunately, most of their choices are not that appealing. I'm still trying to figure out why this theater is giving a VIP 21 experience for the new Lego movie. I mean it makes sense if you can take your kids with you into these special balcony seats but only those 21 or older are allowed.
    "Hey man, you want to go check out the new Lego movie and drink beers at 11:30 in the morning on Saturday. It will be totally awesome."

  • Have you heard of the mad pooper? You're welcome. 
  • And my GIF to you. And you're welcome again.

  • Thanks for stopping by. Have a great weekend and I will talk to you soon. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, September 15, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - So Long Summer

  • I guess summer is over. Woke up this morning and it was barely 50 degrees. It was a shock to the system since we were in 90s earlier this week. 

  • Somebody is ready for fall weather.
    Or she's working on her shiv to take me out later this month. 

  • Kyle and Hayden did get to enjoy one more day at the water park before it closed for the season. 

  • One thing I have noticed with Kyle and Hayden is how they like to spend time together after school. It's not the best picture because I was being sneaky and didn't want them to see me. But one of them will sit on the "cube" and the other one will be in the swing and they just talk. My theory is that really miss each other during the day and reconnect after school. Or they are working with Frizzle on taking me out later this month. 

  • Recommendation of the week: "Red Oaks." It's on Amazon Prime and I really enjoyed it. I guess that's obvious because I probably wouldn't put something I didn't like as a recommendation. I can't quite put my finger on it but it likes a combination of a John Hughes movie like "Sixteen Candles" and a Savage Steve Holland film like "Better Off Dead." A lot of 80s nostalgia. Maybe that's why it grabs me because I was a teenager in the 80s. 
  • Quote of the week: You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth. - Evan Esar
  • Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, September 08, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness -- Bear Butts

  • How's the weather in your part of the world? We are feeling the effects of all of the forest fires in the West. Our air quality was purple this week, which I learned isn't good. And I didn't even know purple was an option. I would think that they would choose a different color than purple because it really doesn't convey a sense gloom and doom to me. But it turns out they really don't give a bear's bald behind what I think. And here's a visual of bear's derriere without hair in case you needed it. Bonus points if you know what the movie this scene is from. And the scene if you want to watch it. I will have to write about my memories of this movie sometime.
  • I got the labs back from my doctor last week and it turns out that I am just cuckoo for cocoa puffs. No thyroid or testosterone problems. I have depression/anxiety. Since it seems to be getting worse as I am getting older, I am going to have to be medicated for the rest of my days. I wish it was as simple as having decreased testosterone but that's not the case. 
  • We gave the kiddos a nice surprise over the Labor Day weekend and got them season passes to the water park for the rest of this year and next year. They take after Mrs. Shife and just love being in the water. 
  • Has anyone seen a good movie lately? I am looking for any recommendations. Mrs. Shife thought it would be nice to watch a movie together this weekend. I suggested we plant our butts on the couch and watch nothing but football but for some reason she didn't like my idea. 
  • I have written exactly 0 pages since I shared my new literary adventure with you. I'm not sure where my motivation ran off to but I look forward to it returning soon. Maybe I need to find a new way to inspire myself.
  • Hope all is well in your part of the world. Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, September 01, 2017

Revisiting Labor Day 2006

Looking back on an old Labor Day post and boy, oh, boy how times have changed.
No kiddos. We had a life before Kyle and Hayden? 
I used the word "so" a lot. Is that good or bad or who cares? 
A portable DVD player. Do they even make these anymore? 
I was wearing underwear. What? When did that happen? 

I updated it with some awesome GIFs and I apologize for the lack of originality this week but I am just starting to feel like myself after a difficult week adjusting to new anxiety meds. More on that some other day. Thanks for stopping by. Have a wonderful Labor Day weekend. Talk soon.

Well I have been meaning to share this story for a little bit now, but a little thing called work has kept getting in the way. For the Labor Day weekend, Mrs. Shife and I went to her parent's house over the long weekend. It is roughly a little more than six hours. We hit the road after work and were on our way. Mrs. Shife drove, and I enjoyed some fabulous cinematic adventures on my portable DVD player. 
Well as the miles started to rack up something strange started to manifest itself in my pants. I am not sure if it was because I was sitting in the same position for hours or if there was sudden change in cabin pressure or if I had a dormant case of crotch rot that only surfaced in eastern Oregon or if I just suffered from itchy butt syndrome. 
Whatever the heck was going on in the Fruit of the Loom kingdom is still a mystery but somebody was going to get hurt if there was not a resolution to this drama. 
So I was faced with a bit of dilemma: Do I ask my lovely wife to pull over so I can further investigate to see if I am smuggling carpenter ants in my pants or do I just take matters into my own hands? 
Mrs. Shife's reaction looked a lot like the following GIFs so that might give you an idea of what I decided to do.

I pulled down my shorts, grabbed my underwear, and started pulling. It is amazing how easily those cotton nut huggers fall to pieces when you pull hard enough.
I yanked, tugged, heaved, ripped, jerked, wrenched, cried, etc. and after about 10 minutes the only thing left was an elastic waistband. 
I could have easily said, "Mrs. Shife can you please pull over. I am experiencing some mild discomfort south of the border." 
But since I am stubborn man, I decided I would rather pluck those panties off right then and there in the thriving metropolis that is Milton-Freewater while we were cruising at a speed of 70 miles per hour. 
So I am down one pair of skivvies, but the joy I felt after being released from my undergarments was almost indescribable. 
There you go; the highlight of my Labor Day weekend, but please do not shed any tears for the shredded Hanes because those undies died an honorable death. I do believe that my violent behavior towards my intimate apparel makes me ineligible to be an underwear model, but damn it, the truth had to be told to prevent this from happening to another innocent victim. Yes, it is true, underwear are not always fun to wear.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.