Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • I had to break out the pants today. Fall is officially here. Yuk.
  • My good friend Phats had me make college football picks for his blog. They will be up Wednesday or Thursday. Check them out if you are interested in my completely "scientific" approach to picking football games.
  • The new TV season is in full swing and I have only added two new shows to my list, "Modern Family" and "Flashforward." I really liked them both. "Modern Family" has that "Arrested Development" feel to it so that was a good sign. And "Flashforward" will get the "Lost" comparisons but it could develop into something really nice and interesting.
  • Heading back to the Midwest this week. Taking Baby Shifley back for the first time to meet some of his other relatives. We were suppose to go back in July but our plans got changed by a canceled flight. Anyway looking forward to taking him to a Cardinals game and seeing some family. But I have to admit I had a really bad night Sunday thinking about my Mom and how much I wished she would be there when we arrived at the airport.
  • I know it is probably just a coincidence but Baby Shifley is just drawn to the TV when there is a baseball game so I am curious to see how he reacts to seeing it live. Like I said I know it is probably just a coincidence and if there was ballet on there he would most likely check it out, but I just like to think he is going to be a baseball nut like his old man.

  • The fat basset and Baby Shifley are starting to share. More like Captain Furry Pants is enjoying some of the little man's blankets. It is a start and maybe now that Baby Shife is eating solid foods they will get along even better.

  • My softball season officially ended yesterday. We won our last game and after 36 league games, 5 tournaments, and a few practices I can finally let my body get healed up. I think I might be getting too old for this game. But I know I will be getting excited come spring when it is to lace up the cleats again.
  • Well my friends have a great week and a lovely weekend. It will be quiet here on the blog for about 2 weeks because we will be on vacation so take care and talk to you later.
And here is a shot of my little Cardinals fan. As I mentioned he is starting to eat solid foods so we get to break out all of his cool bibs. He is almost 6-months-old and is still an absolute joy to me. I love that little baby more and more every day and I feel so fortunate that I am able to spend so much time with him on a regular basis.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Thoughtful, Athletic Blogger Seeking Laughs

I was going to write about the deep and diabolical messages behind "The Smurfs", but I got Smurfaphobic so instead you get the highly-anticipated real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads. And for those of you that just want your Baby Shife fix just skip down to the bottom to see the handsome, little man.

Women abbreviations
  • 40-ish - 48
  • Adventurer - Has had more partners than you ever will
  • Athletic - Flat-chested
  • Average looking - Ugly
  • Beautiful - Pathological liar
  • Contagious Smile - Bring your penicillin
  • Educated - College dropout
  • Emotionally Secure - Medicated
  • Feminist - Fat; ball buster
  • Free spirit - Substance user
  • Friendship first - Trying to live down reputation as slut
  • Fun - Annoying
  • Gentle - Comatose
  • Good Listener - Borderline Autistic
  • New-Age - All body hair, all the time
  • Old-fashioned - Lights out, missionary position only
  • Open-minded - Desperate
  • Outgoing - Loud
  • Passionate - Loud
  • Poet - Depressive Schizophrenic
  • Professional - Real Witch
  • Romantic - Looks better by candle light
  • Voluptuous - Very Fat
  • Weight proportional to height - Hugely Fat
  • Wants soul mate - One step away from stalking
  • Widow - Nagged first husband to death
  • Young at heart - Toothless crone
Male abbreviations
  • 40-ish- 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
  • Athletic - Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
  • Average looking - Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
  • Educated- Will always treat you like an idiot
  • Free Spirit- Sleeps with your sister
  • Friendship first - As long as friendship involves nudity
  • Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack
  • Good looking - Arrogant
  • Honest - Pathological Liar
  • Huggable - Overweight, more body hair than a bear
  • Likes to cuddle- Insecure, overly dependent
  • Mature - Until you get to know him
  • Open-minded - Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
  • Physically fit - I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself
  • Poet - Has written on a bathroom stall
  • Spiritual - Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
  • Stable - Occasional stalker, but never arrested
  • Thoughtful - Says "Please" when demanding a beer

We took the little man to our alma mater, the University of Idaho, to watch their football home opener. And this is Mrs. Shife and Baby Shife getting ready to get their tailgate on.

The Shifleys enjoying some football action.

Game over and the Idaho Vandals win so they come over and sing the fight song to the fans. Probably my favorite picture of the day because of the look on Baby Shife's face. He looks shocked that our team won the game. And to be honest I was a little shocked they won too.

Confessions of a Dumb, White Guy - Blogged

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


A few things over the past week that have made me stop and go "WTF?!?!?!?"
  • Warning on Pepto Bismol - Check it out if you have a bottle around the house. Evidently you can suffer hearing loss from taking Pepto. I never knew diarrhea and Pepto Bismol could be so lethal. Oh and it can also give you a black tongue. This stuff is awesome. Do a search for Pepto Bismol side effects.
  • Steven Seagal - Deputy Sheriff - Yep. And there will be a reality show about it.
  • Star Jones - Just hearing her name makes me cringe.
  • A woman who gave her son up for adoption 10 years ago is now accused of having sex with the teen after finding him on the Internet. Here is the story ...
  • Heard this "swell" pick up line - “Great legs, what time do they open?”
  • A golf club designed so you can pee in it while you are on the golf course. Just unscrew the top and piss away. Yeah, that seems normal. http://www.uroclub.org/
  • Are you an adult baby? Maybe I should rephrase that ... Are you a nutbar with serious mental health issues? http://www.ineedamommy.com
  • Remember when you were drunk or delusional and wished they would make another Rambo? Well your wish came true. Heading to a theater near you in 2011, Rambo 5. You can thank me later.
  • Boxer Juan Manuel Marquez drinks his own pee. I am pretty sure 5 out 5 dentists will agree that is not going to help prevent gingivitis. And I am pretty sure 100 percent of my blog readers will think that it is sick and wrong.

And here is your weekly fix of Baby Shife. This is a picture of him pretending to be a Baby Gap model.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Labor Day Weekend

Sorry it has taken me a little longer than usual to get my weekly update posted but I have been busy putting away my white thongs for the season. I don't want to get busted by the fashion police.
So how was your long weekend? Mine was pretty good. Thanks for asking.
The Shifley family heading north for a football game and to visit family. All in all the little man was good, and the baby boy wasn't too bad either. And the mud butt fairy only visited Baby Shife once during the car ride so that was nice.
The highlight of our weekend was taking Baby Shife to his first college football game. I admit I was a little nervous seeing how he would handle being surrounded by 23,000 screaming football fans. But, and I might be a tad biased, he did awesome.
However don't take my word for it. They say a picture is worth a thousand words so I will let you see how much fun he had, and plus I think my fingers might get a little tired if I had to type a thousand words.

Spending some quality time with his cousin

He might be cheering or filling up his diaper
Thumbs always taste better after you have been tailgating

Happy that the Cougars scored a touchdown or he might have spotted a cheerleader

I think he spotted the beer vendor

Game over

I hope everyone had a great weekend and the short week is kind and swift to you. Baby Shife needs to get plenty of rest because next weekend he will be going to a Major League Soccer game in Salt Lake City.
Take care and see you in 7 days.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Rookie Dad Journal

I actually do keep a journal of the highs and sometimes lows of my days with my little man. Some of the entries do not deserve to see the light of the day but I thought some of my wonderful blogging buddies might find a few of them entertaining so without further ado I present some August posts from Mr. Shife's Rookie Dad Journal:

August 1 – Baby Shife went downtown to the Basque Block and spent some time at the San Inazio Festival. He also got to go inside his first bar at The Basque Center. I tried to talk him into doing body shots off Mrs. Shife but he passed. And at least they did not kick him out of the bar like Chili’s did.
August 3 – The highest of highs, the lowest of lows. Baby Shife can smile at me and I just love him more and more which makes you feel pretty special. Or he can be sitting in his car seat and you leave the room for a minute and come back to find an empty car seat. He base jumped from his car seat on the kitchen table onto the floor. He was a little upset but there was not visible damage, but I just felt like a terrible Dad.
August 4 – Do not bounce, stimulate, excite, or fire up the baby up just after he has finished eating. You can expect the milk he just ate to come back up a few minutes later all over the floor. This method would be great if we were trying to herd some cats but not advisable if you want your child to keep their food down.
August 5 – He has rolled over before but today I got to witness it firsthand. Pretty cool watching the little dude grow up and start to do things. It also means I need to keep an eye on him at all times if he is in a place where he can roll off something and onto the floor.
August 6 – Captain Mud Butt made a visit today. Not a pretty sight in Baby Shife’s crib.
August 7 – Baby Shife is back on the road again as we are going to Grandma and Grandpa's house for the weekend.
August 8 – Baby Shife got to meet some new people and got a lot of new presents.
August 9 – Back on the road again. 7 hours later and the tally is two visits from the mudbutt fairy, a fussy baby, and tired and grumpy parents.
August 10 – Rookie dad mistake: When using the bulb syringe make sure you clean it out away from your child’s mouth. I was trying to blow the bulb’s contents into a tissue and missed, but it dropped right into Baby Shife’s mouth. I am sure it will not be the first time he eats his own snot but he did not need any help from me.
August 13 – Rookie dad mistake: If you are going out in public do not put on your public wearing outfit until after you have fed your baby. I just changed into my gear and then fed Baby Shife and then Baby Shife puked all over me.
August 14 – Baby Shife discovered the power of his thumb today. So if he learns how to walk then I am going to have make sure he doesn’t become a little hitchhiker.
August 18 – It may have been a coincidence but when I went to pick Baby Shife up this morning he reached out his arms as if he was saying pick me up Daddy.
August 20 – Automated phone systems evidently do not understand baby talk. I was on the phone with Sallie Mae with Baby Shife crying in the background and the phone system disconnected because they could not understand my responses. So do not talk to automated phone systems with a baby crying in the same room.
August 24 – Baby Shife is developing quite the death grip. I will have him lay on my chest and he will grab my cheeks and try to eat my face. I think he is trying to give a kiss. Or he might be a cannibal.
August 26 – I think Baby Shife thought about putting in his adoption papers to find a new Dad after watching me play softball today. I was awful in front of my son. He looked like he was napping but I think he was faking it so he didn’t have to watch me play anymore.
August 28 – B aby Shife went to the office today to put some hours in with Mom. He also is making a habit of sleeping on his chest now, and it is just really weird seeing the little man sleeping that way. He still looks like a little angel.
August 29 – Went down to the Greenbelt and tested out Baby Shife in his jogging stroller. He seems like he will do just fine when he is all strapped in so we are good to go with our new personal trainer - Baby Shife.
August 31 – Baby Shife closed out the month by spending a few more hours at Mommy’s office. He didn’t close any deals but he definitely brought productivity at the office to a screeching halt. He also turned 5-months-old. Hard to believe.

Have a wonderful Labor Day weekend, and remember you don't need a parachute to skydive, you just need a parachute if you want to skydive twice. I am sure I have said that before on my blog but I just wanted to say it again. I kinda like it.