Friday, October 04, 2013

No Sleep For You

Whoever said "You can sleep when you are dead" can eat a big, fat barrel full of duck butts because they were childless and probably on their 7th beer of the night at a fraternity party.
I love to sleep.
I slept through Christmas as a child.
I slept more than 24 hours once.
I have slept through earthquakes.
I think subconsciously one of the reasons I got a degree in journalism is because you get to sleep in especially if you work in the sports department.
So what has inspired this post devoted to sleep?
Because I'm missing it.
A lot.
It has been rough week
Little Miss Hayden is cutting her last two teeth and isn't happy about it all.
At least I hope that's it.
The TV was on the other day and she did catch a glimpse of Miley Cyrus suggestively riding a wrecking ball and maybe that's what is tormenting her at night.
Don't forget the number one rule of the sleep deprivation game: It's only fun if everyone gets involved.
So not to be outdone by his little sister, Kyle evidently heard a rumor that toy fairies are visiting our home this week and has been up at 5:30 in the morning to see if they stopped by.
Either that or he just knows that I'm really, really, really ridiculously good looking (Zoolander reference) and the only way to make it fair to others is that I have giant, dark circles under my eyes.
Anyway I was feeling inspired to write a no sleep parody but while I was doing my research I ran across this:

An Ode to Sleep-Deprived Parents and Terrorizing Toddlers



O' you terror!
Get down from there!
Mummy's getting cranky...
Put my phone down.
Where are your pants?
What have you done with my purse?
Don't throw those blocks.
What is that smell?
Why do you look so happy?
What's in your mouth?
Who ripped that book?
Why won't you just stop moving?
He's on the chair!
Just standing there!
Wobbling like a drunk man.
Where is my mug?
What was that crash?
Who let you in the kitchen?
You've got a knife!
Put it down now!
Don't wave it near your sister!
Put my phone down.
Where are my apps?
Who dialed triple zero?
Why won't you sleep?
Is it your teeth?
I need another coffee!
My head's so sore!
Look at the floor!
Cleaning will take forever.
What's wrong with you?
What did I do?
Why do you do this to me?
I hope when you... 
Have some kids too...
They drive you crazy!

Thanks for stopping by, and have a nice weekend. And here's a picture of my two angels who I hope let me sleep in tomorrow: 





I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 


13 comments:

Kenneth Noisewater said...

I suppose sleep goes down the crapper when you start making babies. But when you get that nap in it's so nice! I needed one tonight but I had like 3 mochas and took like 9 dumps. Nap would have been way better.

Ms. Moon said...

Sleep is my favorite activity.

kden said...

I remember the good old days when we would stay up and watch Johnny Carson and then sleep till noon. Even without an alarm I still wake up at 5:15 now. It sucks.

Valerie said...

Sleep deprivation is par for the course, although I could never accept that when I was kept awake by the youngster. My sympathies go out to you.

Hey, I didn't know you had a degree in journalism ... T
that accounts for the clever way you write.

Hope Hayden cuts those teeth without further pain. Happy weekend to you all.

John Bain said...

I used to love sleeping in when it was time to get up, Now I don't have a reason to get up it ain't so much fun. In fact I never sleep late these days.

billy pilgrim said...

love hayden's hat.

the world is full of insomniacs, myself included, and sleep disturbances increase with age. there's one particular herb that i very much enjoy taking for sleep.

texlahoma said...

Right out of the
"Bad Parenting Guide Book"
We use to rub rum on my son and daughter's gums when they were cutting teeth.

They are now both out of rehab and hang around down by the Seven-Eleven.

I had a sleep disturbance last night, I felt something crawling on my shoulder, I flicked it across the room, turned on the light, it was a scorpion! I put it in a shoebox, took it out to the country, found a nice place, then stomped the crap out of it!

silly rabbit said...

I am having sleep issues once or twice a week with a 55 year old who likes to wake me to talk. I don't want to wake, so I mutter nonsense and try to roll over. It leads to poking ( not that kind!)and and more gabbing. They say its from the stroke. Sometimes I am sure its because he is being obnoxious. Either way, you have my deepest sympathy. Sleep is a treasure. I hope you get some soon.

LMAO texlahoma!

Dana said...

Coffee, beer, coffee, beer, more coffee, coffee, and lots of beer. I think that's how you do it. But I'm too tired myself.

Hang in there. It does get better when they discover Spongebob Squarepants.

Pam Beers. said...

Children have a way of sabotaging our sleep cycle. On the other hand, they have a delightful way of looking at the world. Everything is magic. Enjoy them. They sure are cute.

Jay Noel said...

Could be worse. Remember when the Mudd Butt Fairy makes her yearly visit? That's the Parental Apocalypse.

You really slept for over 24 hours?

Just telling it like it is said...

I'm grateful that my days of awaking to the sound of my little one saying Bobba Mamma like his has been stranded on a dessert island with out any milk...Hope you get some sleep soon...cute kids

Jon said...

I remember how glad I was when Colin first slept through the night as an infant. Now, if I get him to sleep until 7:30AM on a weekend, I consider it a victory.