Friday, August 30, 2013

Have A Good One

The family and I hope you have a great Labor Day weekend. We are going to do our best to have a good one. I think it will be impossible not to have one as we will be sporting our Wonder Sauna Short Hot Pants. I am doing my best to bring sexy back.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, August 23, 2013

What A Week

By the buck knuckle of George Constanza, I need to get hopped up on Schlitz. It has been a busy week at Casa de Shifley, and instead of boring you with words, I will just share some photos from the past few days. Plus I hear that pictures are worth a thousand words so this could be my biggest blog update ever.

Any guesses on how I tore the shit out of my leg? If you have read this blog long enough then you probably guessed softball. I had not made a sacrifice to the softball gods in some time so I was due.

A big wind storm rolled through town and a giant branch from the silver maple in our backyard snapped landing directly on our roof. It doesn't appear that there was any roof damage so we are pretty lucky that we just have to pay for someone to come chop it down.

Tank Tank had to go to the vet so Kyle wanted to give him a hug and let him know that it would be okay. Tank just needed a shot so it was no big deal but I still have never owned a dog that enjoyed a trip to the vet. Anyway this is one of my favorite pictures of my two boys.

It is that time of the year again that the fair sets up shop in town and puts a big dent in my wallet. Kyle and Hayden took a timeout from riding rides and people watching to enjoy a "healthy" snack.

Kyle taking a victory lap on his four-wheeler after he showed everyone that he drives like a boss.

I am so in love with this little girl. I don't know if it is evident by the picture. She makes me very happy to be her daddy.

So I don't want to beat a dead horse and bore you with more pictures so I am just going to drink a Dead Horse and enjoy my Friday evening. I hope you do as well.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Ten Disturbing Things

I had a sick little man at home this week so not much excitement going on except taking care of my sick little man. So I totally poached an idea that Dr. Kenneth Noisewater had about the hardest scenes to watch in movies. You know those film moments that make you squirm in your seat, cover your eyes, and yell "OH MY GOD THAT'S HORRIBLE. PLEASE MAKE IT STOP." Here are 10 – in no particular order – and remember this is from a dumb, white guy's perspective. And yes there is extremely gratuitous violence in some of these clips so watch at your own risk if you click on the link.
  • American History X – Curb stomping scene. A gruesome, nasty scene where Edward Norton's character makes a black man bite a curb and then stomps his foot on his head. Awful. Here is a link to the video if you want to watch it. 
  • Misery – Annie taking a sledgehammer to Paul's ankles. Extremely cringe worthy. Here is a link to the video if you want to watch it. 
  • Casino – Joe Pesci and his brother getting beat with metal baseball bats and then buried in a grave while they were still breathing. Very graphic. Here is a link to the video if you want to watch it. 
  • There's Something About Mary - Probably the most famous zipper scene in history of movies. Frank and beans. Funny but so horrifying especially for a dude. Here is a link to the video if you want to watch it. 
  • Pulp Fiction - Marcellus Wallace getting raped in the basement. Thankfully he got medieval on them in this nightmarish scene. Here is a link to the video if you want to watch it.
  • Casino Royale - 007 getting tortured by repeatedly getting hit in the balls with a thick rope that has a tight knot. Ouch. I grab my junk for comfort during these scenes. Here is a link to the video if you want to watch it.
  • Deliverance - Squeal like a pig. Awful and disturbing. Never going to take a canoe trip in Georgia. Ever. Here is a link to the video if you want to watch it.
  • Reservoir Dogs - Off with his ear. Very violent and unnerving. Here is a link to the video if you want to watch it.
  • 127 Hours - The arm amputation scene. You know it is coming but it still doesn't help you prepare for what he has to do get free from the rock.  Here is a link to the video if you want to watch it.
  • Syriana - George Clooney's character getting his fingernails removed with a large pair of pliers. Hard to watch and just frickin' horrible. Here is a link to the video if you want to watch it.
  • And a bonus one, Battlefield Earth, because it is painful to sit through the whole movie because it is so awful.

What scene from a movie makes you cringe?

Sweet dreams. =) 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, August 09, 2013

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Movie time with Kyle Bunga. I took the big guy to his first movie today. We checked out Planes, which is basically Cars in the sky and if you know Kyle this is the perfect film in his mind. 
  • Are you familiar with a growler? I know it sounds like a term I would use to describe a bowel movement but it is a glass container that contains 64 ounces of deliciousness known as beer. I refilled mine last week and drank a little bit of it. Well I guess it is something that needs to be consumed within 24 hours or it will go flat, and flat beer does not equal deliciousness. 
  • I have eaten like an asshole pretty my entire life without too many repercussions. I have a pretty fast metabolism so pizza, burgers, nachos, steak, etc. have been mainstays in my diet but now that I have entered my 40s I have had to make a few adjustments because it turns out my metabolism is slowly down a little bit. I am doing the caveman/paleo diet for 30 days to see if it turns me into a fat-burning beast. I am going to miss pizza the most. 
  • Speaking of eating, I killed my grill. It is never good when you go outside to get your steaks off the grill and your BBQ is on fire. Yep, the old grill almost made it through its 7th year at the Shifley household but unfortunately it got the call to the appliance retirement home. I was bummed about the BBQ but really bummed about the steaks because they were kind of expensive.  
  • I saw this photo on Facebook and it made me LOL:

  • My writing coach and editor for my book has released a book of her own on Amazon. Check it out, The Power of Writing Well: Write Well. Change the World. Good stuff and Dana is awesome. 
  • And here is a picture of Kyle enjoying breakfast as a shark. He heard you gotta live every week like it is shark week. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, August 02, 2013

The Week That Was

Sunday – Hayden is one tough girl. We were at the playground and my poor little darling got stung by three wasps while she was trying to go down the slide. I had to run up there and save her because those winged fuckers would not leave her alone. She was not happy and her poor little face swelled up from the bites. With all the rough housing she does with Kyle, boys better beware because if they mess with her she isn't going to put up with it.

Monday – The second half of my softball season got under way, and I have about zero percent motivation. Maybe because I am getting older or maybe because it is hotter than a billy goat's ass in a jalapeƱo pepper patch. Not sure why but hopefully my enthusiasm will return.

Tuesday - Hayden is 20-months-old and she is starting to string together a few words. Well she melted this guy's heart when she uttered,"I wuv you." It is pretty awesome being her daddy.

Wednesday - Like I mentioned it has been really hot in Boise. I can't run outside unless I want to spontaneously combust and from what I have heard there isn't much upside to that so I have to run on the treadmill at the gym. Not a big fan of having to log my miles on a treadmill so I bring the Kindle to entertain myself by watching something on Netflix. Well the gym's Internet was down today so no movies for me. My only viewing options were to watch stuff we had saved to the Kindle which consisted of Dora the Explorer, Diego, Chuggington, and Mike the Knight. For those of you who do not live with a 4-year-old, those are all cartoons for little people. I actually tried to watch some of Kyle's cartoons to help keep me busy while I ran but I couldn't do it because it felt weird and they are cartoons for my 4-year-old. I will be downloading some adult shows in case another running emergency happens at the gym.

Thursday - The kids have been crazier than a pack of dogs at a hubcap factory lately so we took them to a place called Jump Time to wear them down. It is an indoor trampoline park where children run around like psychopaths and parents sit around like lumps of clay that have been beaten to submission by their offspring. Actually Kyle and Hayden were great and it was so much fun watching them play on the trampolines, jump into the foam pits, and slide down the bounce houses. After everyone was sufficiently worn out, we had dinner at Red Robin. It was a good day.

Friday - Road trip. We loaded up the car and took a Sunday drive on a Friday. We had no destination in mind and ended up at place called Black Canyon Park. It was by the Payette River and had a beach with a roped-off swimming area so we spent our afternoon there. It was nice to get out of the city for a little bit, enjoy some sunshine, and watch the kiddos play in the water. Here are a few pics from the excursion:

I am ending the day by enjoying some Sam Adams Octoberfest and grateful that I have such a wonderful family.

So how was your week? Hope it was a good one too.

P.S. I forgot to mention happy anniversary to me. 11 years ago I quit chewing tobacco. It was the hardest habit I ever had to break but I am so glad I did it. It took me about 50 times before I finally got over the hump to stop doing it but I did. So yay me.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.