Friday, January 30, 2009

Let's Go For A Drink

Great effin' ad that I had to share. And to see it in its full glory just click on the picture.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Is it OK or just creepy if you are 40 and still want to sleep with the moms of your high school friends?
  • Besides the traditional meaning, which alternative definition of rebound pussy do you like?
    A cat you bring home after your first cat dies or a basketball player who is afraid to go into the paint to get a rebound.
  • It has been a week and America still has that new President smell. It sure is nice.
  • I miss Grissom on "CSI."I know it has only been one show and I need to give "CSI" some time to find its way with Laurence Fishburne but I am not feeling it yet.
  • Totally loved the premiere of "Lost." Glad to have that show back on the idiot box. Also happy that "Burn Notice" is back.
  • "Slumdog Millionaire" gets a big thumbs-up from Mr. Shife. I only had one problem - and if you have seen the movie then you know what I am talking about - and it involved eating chocolate at a time during the movie when eating chocolate or let alone eating anything else is that appealing.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Year of the Ox

According to the Chinese calendar the Year of the Ox begins January 26.
It is about time the Chinese calendar finally recognized John Candy's comedic brilliance in "Stripes."

Monday, January 19, 2009

Super Bowl Bound

The Cardinals are going to the Super Bowl.
I can say it 100 times and still does not seem real.
And those are words I thought I would never, ever utter, and I still can't believe it. I am so excited. Maybe it is just me getting ready for the joy I am going to feel for that baby I am going to hold for the first time in two months. Whatever the reason I am going to savor the moment.
I have to because I thought hell would freeze over before I got excited about this team.
This team that has broken my heart over the years many times.
This team that has made me scream words at the TV that would make a sailor blush.
This team that has driven me to the point where I wrote letters to other teams asking them if they wanted a new fan.
This team that made me cry when my favorite player Pat Tillman was killed in Iraq.
This team that gave me herpes.
OK, just kidding about that, but you get the point - I am emotionally invested in this team.
A lot of it has to do with growing up in a sports crazy family.
Some of it has to do with being born in St. Louis. (They Cardinals moved to Arizona in 1988 but I stuck with them)
And a lot of it has to do as a way to stay close with members of my family especially those who are no longer with me.
When I was a kid I could talk to my grandparents or aunt and uncles or cousins about how the Cardinals were doing. We would be separated by thousands of miles at the time but that silly little football team was a common bond that helped strengthen our relationship even if it would be years before we would see each other again.
I also know my Mom is looking down smiling that the team she grew up rooting for has finally made her son cry again but this time they are tears of joy.
I love you Mom and thank you Cardinals for bringing the whole family together again for one more day.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Just saying

  • Every fight is a food fight when you are a cannibal.
  • I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.
  • It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
  • All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
  • Dogs are forever in the push up position.
  • Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Big Day

01/20/09 - Barack Obama becomes the 44th President of the United States.
It is a big deal. It is historically significant and magnificent on so many levels.
The days leading up to the day will feature a media blitz from all of the talking hair-dos.
Each one of them trying to bring a fresh and unique angle to the public.
Can anyone top CNN and their holograms?
All of this is fine by me because I have the power to change the station.
But what I think is going to be interesting is how the media treats Martin Luther King Day this year since it happens to fall on the day before Barack is inaugurated as President.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Sweet sassy molassey

I know some of you may not care that much but about football but something has happened that I have waited my whole life for. Literally I have waited my whole life for this.
The Arizona Cardinals are in the NFC Championship game.
The Cardinals have never been to the NFC Championship game.
Never. Ever.
If you look up synonyms of ineptitude it will say Arizona Cardinals.
I have been a fan of this dysfunctional franchise since I was born. I didn't have much of a choice. I was born in St. Louis and Mom threw me in a pair of Cardinal pajamas and the rest they say is history.
This team has broke my heart and boiled my blood more times than I care to remember.
Every now and then they have a good year but for the most part they stink.
Before this year they had not hosted a playoff game since 1947. The last time they were in the playoffs was in 1998, and before that they made the playoffs in 1982 when they still called St. Louis home.
I always joked that the only time the Cardinals are good is when I play them on Playstation or when I watch "Jerry Maguire."
So my team has made me very happy. If this is a dream please do not wake me and if some how they make it to the Super Bowl the drinks are on me.

Friday, January 09, 2009

A Whole Different World

"The true voyage of discovery,
lies not in seeking new landscapes,
but in having new eyes."

As I get closer and closer to the big day of Mrs. Shife and I bringing home a baby the above quote is becoming more and more relevant. In less than 3 months I will be a Dad - or Padre to all my Spanish-speaking blogging friends - and I am really seeing the world in a whole new way. It also might have something to do with my new crank habit.
But seriously there are just so many different thoughts, dreams, fears, and expectations running through my head on a daily basis. Looking at people, movies, words, diapers, and life in a different light.
I can only imagine how much my life is going to change and I can't wait. But it is also a little frightening.
It is weird being scared shitless and excited at the same time.

Thursday, January 08, 2009


And that stands for Movie Quote of the Week.

Cody: Damian, what's the dealie dude? Are we gonna blow up this tree line or what? Tuk-Tuk and Kim got the blue balls and I wanna let em squirt it for a go... Peter, can he hear me?
[one of the men bring a box to Cody]
Cody: That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back. I said a detonator! I need some dudes who speak American god dammit! He's making a fucking sweater here, I'm tryin' to put Tiger Balm on this jungle's nuts.

That beautiful bit of dialogue is compliments of "Tropic Thunder." This movie is so damn funny.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

The Paranthesis Post

  • Finish this sentence - I hope I don't have a detached .... .
    I was torn (I know a very poor choice of words) between testicle and retina.
    But Mrs. Shife suggested I probably would not want a severed penis (I guess she likes the big guy. I am pretty fond of him as well), and I thought detached and severed were two different things but according to my good friends at (OK. I don't know anyone over there but I am currently under the influence of barbiturates so I don't even know what I am talking about) it turns out that they are one in the same. So I guess I have to agree with my lovely wife and say I don't want a detached penis (Unless it is like a vacuum cleaner and I can add different attachments. Does that make sense?)
  • I know I took a break for over three weeks to recharge the batteries and that is the best material that I have. Pretty lame. Sorry. (Have you heard people say that saying sorry is a sign of weakness? It is just one of those cliched statements that I don't buy. If I wrong someone and apologize I don't think that makes me weak.)
  • Actually I have been spending a lot of time on Facebook. I know some of you are active over there so if you want to look me up and be friends - do it. (What are you waiting for? Do it. Do it.)
  • The countdown is on my blogging friends. Less than three months to go before Shifley 2.o enters the world. (I sure hope the baby does not arrive the week I decide to quit huffing paint)
  • Well I hope you are having a Happy New Year so far and everything is going well. Unfortunately one of my blogging friends (and you might know him as well) Travis Erwin has endured a bit of a tragedy. He lost his home to a fire on Jan. 4th. He and his family are OK, but the house and all of its contents were destroyed. A site has been established for donations Please have a look and do what you can.