Monday, November 24, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving

I know it is a little premature but I thought I would go ahead and wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. Hopefully everyone will be enjoying the holiday with family and friends and have plenty of reasons to be thankful. I for one am very thankful even though life has thrown me some adversity this year. No need to get into that instead I just wanted to share one of my favorite Thanksgiving posts. Have a wonderful turkey day and I will talk to you next week.

A very special Thanksgiving with the Hoff

That's right, Mrs. Shife and I spent the turkey extravaganza with the one and only David Hasselhoff. It turned out to be an interesting evening and I have some photos to share with all of you.

First things first, me and my buds dressed up like pirates and attacked the Hoff. We pretend stabbed him and tried to shiver his timbers, and the Hoff played along but he wanted to play a new game.

He decided he wanted to play the underwear model game. He was the only one that was really into it and it kind of scared away everyone that had come over.

Then things got really weird. He decided he wanted to play the game with puppies. The Hoff has the ability to make cute puppier appear out of thin air.

This kind of freaked out Mrs. Shife that the Hoff was posing with puppies naked in the middle of our house. I tried to calm her down so I let the Hoff do some dancing until dinner was ready.

We finally sat down and enjoyed our traditional meal of Beef Stroganhoff. Extra hunky of course.

After our delicious culinary experience, we all got settled in the TV room to begin the Baywatch marathon (It is a tradition in our household.) After a few hours of Baywatch madness, I commented to the Hoff that his show had the greatest eye candy that the world had ever seen. The Hoff was a little put off by my remarks, and said that the show was much more than that. It was a cleverly written social commentary on the caste system in India. I about peed myself from laughing so hard. The Hoff was not amused. He threw his sparkling cider in my face. I was now not amused, and I called him a homo. The Hoff had enough and stormed out of our home. He called Gary Coleman. And a few minutes later, Gary showed up in KITT, and the two sped away.

I just laughed the whole thing off, and just figured it was the cider talking. I expected to get an apology from the Hoff the next morning. Well I got something from him, he e-mailed me the picture below.

Well, it is on Hoff. You better watch your back buddy. And was it really necessary to bring Officer Poncharello into the equation?

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Thanks to the inspiration of Stephen Colbert I am going to start a "Snort Cocaine for Charity" campaign. So if you know of any organizations in need let me know and I will get my team together to snort as much cocaine as possible for your charity.
  • If I opened a comedy club I would name it LOL.
  • Bill Maher suggested that President-elect Obama change the Department of Health and Human Services to the Department of Earth, Wind, and Fire. Some of you might get the reference if you were born in the '70s.
  • I went and saw "Role Models." Very funny movie.
  • I ran into someone who had a miniature Husky. Yes that's right - a sawed-off Husky that will weigh about 25 pounds. I don't understand it but I saw it. Anyway I though it would be great if they had another dog sled race in Alaska called "The Midgetarod" - an Iditarod for the little people and little dogs. So you have the mini Huskies pulling around midgets? What do you think?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Mr. Shife Whacks 500th Post

Mr. Shife became the youngest blogger on his block to hit 500 posts, writing consonants and vowels at a dizzying pace Tuesday afternoon to reach the milestone.

Mr. Shife posted the landmark blog at 4:20 pm wearing his beloved “Did I Shave My Balls For This” t-shirt. The fan of Hasselhoff and midgets hit the enter button, and then rubbed the belly of his fat basset.

He exchanged a high-five with himself, then gave himself a pat on the back as he began checking out the blogs of his buddies. Many Internet notables sent him well-wishes and congratulations as news of his highlight surfaced on the World Wide Web.

The solo post gave Mr. Shife an opportunity to take an article written about a baseball player hitting his 500th home run and rewrite it to make him sound like he is a super cool dude. The blog had an estimated 273 words.

There were thousands of Mr. Shife backers in his imagination, and not one single camera flashed in his house during every keystroke leading up to Boise's designated blogger’s number 500 post.

In his first post, Mr. Shife wrote about the dog unemployment rate. He then wrote some more posts about his beloved basset but then realized his dog doesn’t do much but eat and sleep so his blog was going to be pretty boring unless he wrote about other fun things like an Ambushed Paddington or Random Acts of Shifeness.

"It's really cool right now to be a part of his blog," Mr. Shife’s second favorite Canadian Cher said. "Every time he posts I get goosebumps.”

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Did I say 10 days?

There was a reason why I was a communications major. But I am back. Hopefully everyone survived without me. Alright quick group hug. Everyone feel better?
On with the blog.
I found this playing around online. I don't need to talk about the last time I played online. I think I still have that rash.
Anyway this is just a hypothetical game.
I know some of you might not like playing hypothetical games because it is like lying to your mind but do it anyway. And I realize most of these questions are for people with penises but I think there are a few for the ladies.

Would You Rather...

  • Have infinite money or live as long as you want?
  • Be famous for getting beat up by Clay Aiken or for banging Oprah?
  • Call it Rhode Island or Kakapoopooshire?
  • Have straight, black teeth that can't be whitened or pearly white, crooked teeth that can't be fixed?
  • Have a dumb girlfriend with big boobs, or a smart girlfriend with a major bank account and no boobs?
  • And for the ladies. Have a dumb boyfriend with a huge wang, or a smart boyfriend with a major bank account and a tiny, tiny wang.
  • Have a kind, intelligent talking hampster or a loud, racist talking Wookie?
  • Have a hang nail or something stuck in your teeth for the rest of your life?
  • Only be able to talk using famous movie quotes or only be able to talk in a hilariously high-pitched voice for the rest of your life?
  • Kill Dracula with your bare hands or kill an army of weak, slow zombies with a bunch of weapons?
  • Have Will Smith's character from Men in Black be president, or have Will Smith's character from Independence Day be president?
  • Lick a subway handrail, or forever suck at beer pong?
  • Be Jason Bourne, or James Bond, but as Timothy Dalton?
  • Be able to only watch movies, or television for the rest of your life?
  • Live in Peewee's Playhouse, or Live in the Playboy Mansion?
  • Have Van Halen's "Eruption" play loudly for everyone to hear whenever you pee, or have Marvin Gaye's "Lets get it on" whenever you have a boner?
  • Find a genie lamp inhabited by Robin Williams, or find a genie lamp inhabited by Shaq?
  • Have make up sex, or break up sex?
  • Know how many times you have masturbated in your life, or know how much time you have spent masturbating in your life?
  • Graduate from school without debt, or be unbeatable at Golden Tee?

I think that is enough.
Have a good weekend.
And remember no shirt, no shoes, no service.