Thursday, August 30, 2012

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Seriously what is up with some of these captcha words I am getting? I am not trying to break into a secure website. I just want to post a snarky comment or buy some concert tickets. For the love of fat bassets, I feel like I need an effin' degree in hieroglyphics to decipher some of the words I have been given. 
  • Five years ago I was meeting a Playmate of the Year at a strip (or peeler bar for my Canadian friends) club with some friends, and now I am meeting Kyle's preschool teacher. Oh how my life has changed. But you know what? I would not change one thing. I am a lucky guy and grateful for my life, wife, and kids. 
  • Kyle got into an awesome preschool that meets twice a week for 2 hours a day, and it is the one we wanted to get him into the whole time. The only drawback is the session he got into starts at 12:45 which is usually nap time so we might have a Stage 5 crankasaurus for a few weeks until he is acclimated to the new schedule. 
  • What is that you say? What about Little Miss Hayden? Well she has about 4 teeth coming in at the same time. Guess what that equals? One unhappy baby. She is being a trooper but the poor little lady is not a happy camper. 
  • Guess what? I have failed you yet again. I am not going to lie to you and say I looked for that picture because I spent exactly 0 hours looking for it. Sorry. It was a tough week. I am a little emotional as the series finale of "Teen Mom" ended and I am not sure how I am going to fill that void in my life. Oh wait there is "Teen Mom 2." Sweet. Anyway, I swear I do have one, and I will find it but it just did not happen this week. But here is a little something to satisfy your curiosity of a dude wearing a dress:

  • I also thought the dude in a wedding dress was a nice segue to my anniversary My wife and I will be celebrating 8 years of wedded bliss next month and we are enjoying ourselves by going to Vegas. The traditional wedding gift for this time frame is bronze so I figured I would take the lovely Mrs. Shife to place where she work on her tan and I can play penny slots since that is all I can afford with 2 kids.
  • I hope everyone has a great Labor Day weekend, and thanks for stopping by.

    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.  
  • Friday, August 24, 2012

    Little Miss Hayden

    Evidently I owe everyone a picture of me in a prom dress. Holy cannoli!!!! I did not expect that kind of response at all. Well here you go. Guess which one is me?

    If you guessed none of those dudes then you are correct. I do have a picture of me in a dress that I am going to share but I have to find it first and this was not a good week for me trying to find stuff.
    Coming soon.
    I promise.
    In the mean time, I accomplished something else I have been trying to get done for a some time now. It is a new video of Little Miss Hayden from about 2-months-old to her current age, 9-months-old. Hope you like it and I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
    Take care .

    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

    Thursday, August 16, 2012

    Random Acts of Shifeness

  • A couple of milestones at the Shifley household. First, Little Miss Hayden discovered that the doggie door is a portal to a whole new world. I came into the living room looking for her and she was out on the deck hanging with Tank. Second, Kyle started pre-school this week. He is only going twice a week for about 3 hours a day but still letting him go that first day made my heart ache so bad. He is doing good so far and seems to like it. 
  • Maybe it is just me being a dude but when I get a phone call from a gal named Cinnamon I expect her to tell me someone found my wallet at the strip club. I am not anticipating that Cinnamon is the on-call nurse for my doctor giving me some prescription information. Cinnamon also makes a great safe word if you and your significant other are into some weird stuff in the bedroom. 
  • My quote of the week: Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • My parenting tip of the week: 90% of parenting is waiting for the other parent to do something about it. I think that tip is going to get me a time out once Mrs. Shife reads it. And now that I have used the word tip twice in this bullet point I feel the need to reference "Wedding Crashers": Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. 
  • I don't mean to brag but I can still fit in my prom dress. Come on I have to throw a curve ball in there just to see if you are actually paying attention. 
  • I have mentioned this previously but I am on the lookout for new music and one of the new bands I came across is called The Gaslight Anthem. Absolutely loving them right now. 
  • Here are some before and after pictures of the floor. Sorry they don't give you a better view of what we did but trust me we are extremely happy to no longer have carpet in our dining room. My little model is doing her best to show you that hardwood floors rule.

  • I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

    Thursday, August 09, 2012

    Home Alone

    Mrs. Shife and the kids have left me.
    But they are coming back.
    We had new hardwood floor installed in our dining room, and then the rest of hardwood re-finished so it looks fancy like the newly installed hardwood. Unfortunately that process involves relocating a whole bunch of furniture, stinky chemicals, lots of noise, and basically a home environment that would leave Mrs. Shife, Kyle Bunga, and Hayden Belle not too happy. So they went on an airplane ride to visit Grandma and Grandpa, and Tank and I were left behind to take of things at the house. Since the process involves stinky chemicals Tank and I had to sleep outside in our backyard because I didn't think it was a good idea to inhale more chemicals to further deplete my thinning brain cells. And huffing some hallucinogenic chemicals can only lead to questionable and regrettable decision making.
    So I pitched a tent.
    I will let that sink in for a minute to see where your mind goes.
    If you literally thought I pitched a tent then good for you because that is what I exactly did so Tank and I could breath some fresh air, enjoy the star gazing, and peeing on trees. Note to self: Turn off sprinklers next time so you don't get an early morning shower at 4 in the morning.
    Now if you figuratively thought I pitched a tent then ... What the hell? How dare you think I would talk about boners on my blog. For the love of bassets, you know I like to keep things clean around here and never talk about inappropriate stuff. Yeah I had to chuckle a little bit at that last sentence too.
    Anyway enough of my shenanigans. Maybe I did inhale a little bit too much of those chemicals.
    The family is back tomorrow so I have to pick up the house.
    Hope your week has been a good one, and you have a great weekend.

    P.S. And here is a video promoting a new show on TLC, This really gives me hope for the future of America, and yes this sentence was sponsored by sarcasm. Oh and the video is safe just scary because of what they are putting on TV these days.

    I even miss his pouty face. 

    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

    Friday, August 03, 2012

    Well That Happened

    You can file this under WTF Friday or Adventures in Potty Training or Things I Never Need to See or Discuss With My Son Again or Is There a Full Moon Tonight? or I Hope My Mom Thinks This is Funny or I Will Laugh About This in a Year or Two But Tonight I Need a Roofie or It Gets Easier Being a Dad, Right? or I Picked The Wrong Week to Quit Sniffing Glue.

    So let me paint you a picture. I am walking into the kitchen and as I turn the corner I witness something I was not prepared to witness. And it is definitely not something that was covered in those baby basics classes you take before you meet your bundle of joy or in one of those what to expect when you are expecting books. What are you doing is what I said, but inside I was saying something that would make my Navy boot camp instructor proud.
    I saw my 3-year-old preparing to pee on his sister.
    Yep, you read that right.
    I don't know if in Kyle's mind he thought this would be the most effective way to show Hayden the chain-of-command in the Shifley household or if he is just a a 3-year-old boy being a 3-year-old boy. I am not exactly sure if he would have completed the act since I walked in on him but he was in the locked and loaded position with an all systems are a go look in his eye. I remained as calm as I could be and removed Hayden from the line of fire. Then I reminded my little boy that we don't pee on our sister or any other person, and we only pee in the toilet.
    Of all the trials and tribulations I expected raising a boy this definitely was not the list, but then again I never thought I would be raising a little boy so me and him will continue to take it day-by-day and hope his nickname is not Golden Showers in high school.

    This might have been the look Hayden was giving Kyle when he attempted to mark his territory.

    P.S. No hangover last weekend. Yay me!!

    I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.