Thursday, May 25, 2017

Pixel Parade 2017

Hi there. I'm 9-months-old, you can call me the Frizz or Frizzy or Frizzleliscious. I enjoy discussing the advantages of biomass energy, I think unicorns are real, bacon fanatic, not a fan of people who put clothes on their pets, and I caught and ate a bird today.  

Frizz gets a little excited when it's time to play fetch. 

Hayden is showing off her big girl haircut. She's totes adorbs.

Slumber party in the TV room was a success. They didn't even wake up when somebody named Mr. Shife was yelling profanities at the TV because his soccer team was being dumb.

Any guesses on what they are celebrating? Kyle & Hayden got dressed up for a Star Wars party. Kyle was an X-Wing pilot with his droid, R2D2, and I don't think you need any help on who Hayden is. 

Kyle's reaction after someone wouldn't quit taking pictures. And if you know me, then you know that I have the same body language when I am done doing something. 

And a wedding picture of two people I don't know for no reason at all. Isn't it nice seeing all of their love captured on their big day? Yes, love is in the air. Hey, what are those cows doing?

Thanks for stopping by. Have a good one and I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, May 19, 2017

Who Ordered The Poo-Poo Platter?

"My memory isn't as good as it used to be but I would remember if I shared my poop with you."
How's that for a quote?
Well, that's a sentence that I never thought I would speak to another human being.
But I did and here's how it happened.

I was looking over a bill I got from my doctor and noticed a line item that made me think to myself: "Hmmm. Methinks crestfallen is an excellent word. Don't forget about shuttlecocks. Yep, that is a good one too. Hello? What are you doing? Oh yeah, I think they made mistake with my bill."

I am not a smart man but that looks like I got charged for blood occult by fecal hemoglobin determination by immunoassay qualitative 1 to 3 simultaneous determinations.
I am not exactly sure what blood occult by fecal hemoglobin determination by immunoassay qualitative 1 to 3 simultaneous determinations is but if I have to take a dumb, white guy guess then I think they wanted to know if I had red liquid that circulates in the arteries and veins of humans and other vertebrate animals in my doo-doo.
I mean that is certainly something I would like to know but I didn't have that test done.
The doctor did give me a kit to take home so I could send back a sample, but the kit just rode shotgun with me for about a month then it ended up in the garbage can.
I gave the physician's billing department a call to discuss the matter.
I asked her about the charge.
She told me what it was.
I told her that I didn't do this.
She asked me why because she had to give the doctor a reason why I was disputing the charge.
And I thought about that first sentence that I wrote in this blog post.
I thought this is going to go over as funny or it's going to break bad.
Then I thought let's do it.
So I told her the reason why I was sure I didn't have that test done was because: "My memory isn't as good as it used to be but I would remember if I shared my poop with you."
A moment of silence.
Oh for the love of fat bassets fecal matter, this is breaking bad I thought to myself.
Then she laughed.
She said she will pass it along to the doctor's office.
I guess shit happens.
I just don't want to pay for it.

Have a good weekend. Thanks for stopping by.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, May 12, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - Dragons, Chicks, and a Brothel Joke

  • We have another author in the house. Kyle wrote and published a book for a 2nd-grade project. I guess the apple doesn't fall too far away from the tree. I love that he named the boy "Bob" because Bob has to be one of my favorite names of all time. And I also love that dragons speak "dragonese." Not too shabby if you ask me.

  • I finally saw "Manchester By The Sea." I can’t undo that. Boy oh boy, was that ever uplifting. Since I still don’t have a sarcasm key then I will put it in italics. I was a little disappointed because I don't get that much time to watch movies these days and I wished I would have picked something that didn't leave me "Crestfallen By The Boise."
  • I tried to be funny and parody the Manchester movie title. Didn’t quite nail the landing on that one. Anyone have something better. 
  • We adopted two baby chickens – Cuppy and Leafy – and as you can see the kids are pretty happy about it. I have no idea about the names. Kyle told me why but he might as well have been trying to explain Quantitative Methods in Economics in dragonese to me. 

  • Here's a GIF of person dressed up as a dinosaur riding a motorcylce for no reason at all.
  • Quote of the week: Let us be of good cheer, however, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which never come. - James Russell Lowell
  • Recommendation of the week: If you are trying to claim you have no ties to Russia by sending out a certified letter then make sure the law firm you hired wasn't named the Russia Law Firm of the Year in 2016. Coincidence? 
  • Joke of the week: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed.
  • Happy Mother's Day to all you amazing ladies out there. Thank you for your love, guidance, and support. Enjoy your special day. 
Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Thursday, May 04, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - May the 4th Be With You

  • Any guesses on how many times I heard that today from my Star Wars nerd? Well, it was more than once. He was pretty excited to learn that May 4th was Star Wars Day, and I'm pretty excited that he loves Star Wars as much as I did when I was a kid. 
  • This feels like an appropriate quote on a day like today when politicians act more like children than intelligent, caring adults who hold millions and millions of people's lives in their hands.
  • Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future. - JFK
  • I took another Facebook sabbatical this week. I just find myself a little depressed and not as nice when I spend too much time on there. 

  • And that's two weeks in a row that I have posted an NSYNC GIF to my blog for those of you scoring at home. Definitely not as bad as my David Hasselhoff phase back in 2005. I don't know what inspired the Hoff obsession, but if I had to guess, I'm thinking I might have been addicted to cocaine for a brief period of time. Or maybe I was sniffing too much glue. 

  • You have to love the spring weather in Idaho. In the 80s today and tomorrow and then 57 and rainy on Saturday. I don't think anyone would complain if we didn't get any more rain for a bit. Here's a picture of the Boise Greenbelt, which is a recreational and alternate transportation trail that runs along the banks of the Boise River for about 25 miles. Most of it's closed because there's a little bit of water on the pathways.

  • Here's something that made me laugh today:
    Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
    *Nobody stands up*
    Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
    *Little Johnny stands up*
    Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
    Little Johnny: "No ... I just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Well that's all for this week. Have a good one and thanks for stopping by.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.