Friday, April 29, 2016

Mr. Shife's April Antics 2016 - Day 29

I visit a site called Upvoted on a daily basis and occasionally they post something that engages my curiosity.
This article certainly did that.
The headline:
 “Real Organizations With Very Unfortunate Acronyms.”

The story:
Admit it: your sophisticated sense of humor sometimes gives way to the second grader giggles.

Farting and bad words can be hilarious.

A recent Ask Reddit thread collected answers from people scattered around the world: 
Which real organizations have very unfortunate acronyms?

Hop a flight from SUX to SEX, get certified at UTI, and take it all in. We won’t tell anyone you laughed.

(Shife note: I remember seeing these ads after I got out of the Navy, and thought maybe I should give them a call. I also was a really, dumb white guy and was unfamiliar with the more popular UTI (Urinary Tract Infection.) Probably because my body is a temple and I keep it clean.) =)

(Shife note: I didn’t need any help on this one when I was younger fellow. I had heard it a few times. And I always get a big kick how British and Australian comics use it religiously in their acts.)

(Shife note: I just learned two new words that will probably get me in a lot of trouble if I visit Poland or Slovenia.)

(Shife note: This is a serious WTF. Maybe World Federation of Taekwondo was taken.)

(Shife note: The official name of the airport is the Sioux City Gateway Airport in Sioux City, Iowa. When the airport got its FAA code of SUX, they petitioned and were offered GAY since they had Gateway in their name. They decided to keep it at SUX. See you learn all kinds of neat stuff on my blog. And yes I might not understand the definition of neat.)

(Shife note: I wonder if they have issues with flights leaving too early at SEX. Would this be premature escalation? )

Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, April 22, 2016

Mr. Shife's April Antics 2016 - Day 22

  • May 17 will mark the beginning of a new eara or ear-a. Did you see what I did there? Eara instead of era. I'm just a sneaky little fella aren't I? On this day, I will get the processor to go with my BAHA implant and will be hearing life in stereo mode. I'm pretty excited, but waiting is going to be hard. I feel like a kid counting down to Christmas. 
  • Terrible segue ahead.
  • I was pretty saddened to hear about the death of Prince. I haven't listened to much of his new stuff, but I loved a lot of his old stuff. One of the best concerts I ever saw was a Prince and the Revolution tribute band in Las Vegas. It was amazing. We also were pretty lucky because the tribute band, which is called Purple Reign, must have just started because the show was free. Now it's $59 bucks for a general admission ticket to see them. 
  • The next time we talk I will be a year older. I don't get excited about birthdays like I used to, but I also remind myself of this quote when I get those Ebnezer Scrooge-type feelings: Don't regret growing older. It's a privilege denied to many. 
  • What am I doing to celebrate the anniversary of my birth? Well thanks for asking. Mrs. Shife and I got a sitter and we are going to see one of my favorite comedians, who I think came to town just to help me celebrate my birthday. His name is Jimmy Pardo and he makes me LOL. 
  • Can you spot Kyle and Hayden?

  • Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you later. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, April 15, 2016

Mr. Shife's April Antics 2016 - Day 15

It’s a good thing that I decided to get my hearing fixed because my good ear isn’t as good as it once was. I was waiting for a conference call to begin with some co-workers and a few of them were discussing a music festival that had just concluded called TreeFort. 
Besides being a music festival, TreeFort has other venues like ComedyFort, FilmFort and FoodFort.
The festival allows anyone to host a venue.
You fill out some paperwork and, voila, you are holding an event at TreeFort.
For example, next year I could have ShifeFort at TreeFort.
Yes, you are invited.
I was aware of this and that’s why when I heard what I am about to describe to you it seemed somewhat plausible in my head.
My co-worker was describing how AleFort was just a mess.
However, when he first said ale, I heard anal.

They don’t sound that similar, but this is just one week after I had my ear surgery and I still felt a little weird.
And in my head, I thought I had just heard the words, “AnalFort was just a mess.”
But he said AleFort and he continued to discuss why AleFort was disgusting to everyone in the room.
Again, in my head, I’m hearing why AnalFort was disgusting.
I didn’t want to be rude, but I just wanted to blurt out “Are you kidding me? No shit AnalFort would be disgusting! What did you think it was going to be like?”
Thinking about the smells, the scenes, the noises and people doing AnalFort stuff, and the adjective disgusting is definitely one that would pop into my head.
Adding to my confusion was how my other co-workers were listening to how disgusting it was like it was no big deal and AnalForts were a pretty common thing.
My co-worker was mentioning words like slippery, messy, long lines, not enough cups, not enough instructions, etc, and I was about to lose my mind.
Fortunately, the conference call began before I descended into madness, but I was still trying to wrap my head around AnalFort during most of the call and figure out what was happening to the place I called home.
If anal is your thing then go for it, but I just figured this is something folks did in the privacy of their own domicile and there were not dedicated venues at music festivals for anal forting especially in Boise, Idaho. 
The conference call ended and we all headed out, but I pulled my co-worker aside to ask what the hell was going on.
“Dude, seriously, they had an AnalFort at TreeFort?”
He looked at me like you would look at someone if they just said the words AnalFort to you.
“Yes. AnalFort.”
“I said AleFort.”
“Oh. That kinda changes things.”
"Just a little bit." 

And then I walked back to my desk laughing at what I thought I had heard, but also a little concerned that I knew that I had 60 minutes of AnalFort imagery that needed to be removed from my hard drive.


I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, April 08, 2016

Mr. Shife's April Antics 2016 - Day 8

Is the title a little misleading?
It might seem that I have been writing every day like I did last month.
But Mr. Shife's April Antics 2016 - April 8 was redundant, and Mr. Shife's April Antics 2016 - 4/8 was too busy. Maybe Mr. Shife's April 8th Antics 2016?
On with the show.
Well on the last day of March - which was Kyle's birthday - it was, as you can imagine, a busy day. We wrapped up the festivities by having dinner at Red Robin and then came home.
The kids started getting ready for bed when we noticed Kyle's fish "Snowflake" needed his home cleaned. You can read the fish origin story here,, if you need help with insomnia.
I went to work on cleaning the fish bowl when Hayden came into the kitchen and asked me where her fish was.
Her fish has been dead for months, and this is the first time she has asked about "Hot Cocoa" in months.
I could have sugar coated it.
I could have been a little more polite about it.
I certainly could have been a lot more compassionate about it.
But I wasn't
It had been a long day, and my dealing with shit meter was broken.
"Hayden, your fish is dead," I said.
And off she went to the couch in a hysterical rage.
Uncontrollable sobbing and pleas to the heavens followed.
Here's a terrible re-enactment as I was not allowed to film the event:

The crying was expected, but the part that had me and Mrs. Shife in stitches was when she was sitting on the couch in tears.
She kept reaching up towards the sky with her little outstretched fingers saying "Fishy come back to me."
Mrs. Shife held her.
Kyle consoled her by letting her know that her fish was in heaven.
And Mr. Shife just stayed in the kitchen because I was the big, bad jerk that killed her fish.
Did you miss me?
Hope you had a nice week.
Talk to you later.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, April 01, 2016

Mr. Shife's April Antics 2016 - Day 1

For reading my blog for 31 days, you have earned a free, extra-special blog post at no extra charge.
Way to go, friend.
Yay you!
Please take a moment to pat yourself on the back.
Come on. Do it. We are all waiting.
Thank you.
It wasn't that difficult, was it?
OK. This isn't an April Fool's prank.
Well sort of.
There's is only going to be one day of April Antics as I will return to updating my blog weekly next week, but I just had some more cool stuff to share that I couldn't wait until next week.

First, I didn't have a chance to include this look of excitement on Kyle's face when he beat the game he has been trying to beat at Red Robin since they put those personal little kiosks at the table.

Second, I went to work today and was escorted by two wild turkeys. It's not unusual to see wild turkeys in Idaho, but not something you would expect to see in downtown Boise. I don't know if someone dropped them off as an April Fool's prank, but I think it's a sign from the universe that I'm awesome and I will have a wonderful rest of my life. I mean being escorted by wild turkeys has to be  good, right? And I apologize for some of the photos as the sun was in the way - damn you star that provides light and hear for the Earth - but I felt like TMZ stalking a celebrity as I was just snapping photos all the way to work. Hopefully those turkeys ended up where they wanted to be. 

Finally, a picture that is not animated. It's just a picture of the dishwasher at work with a running magnet on it. Do you get it yet? Our office manager is an amazing guy, and he used to put a paper towel over the handle that had the word "Running" written on it to help people understand that the dishwasher was in use. Well I thought it would be pretty funny if I could find a magnet of a person running for our office manager because he's amazing remember and he could just throw that on the dishwasher when it was in use. I found one, and everyone did think it was pretty funny. 
I do have my moments. 

Thanks for stopping by. Happy April and have a lovely weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.