Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Week That Was

I meant to blog earlier but the last 7 days have been quite interesting for me and I am just now able to take the time to write about the week that was.

Day 1: Tank getting to third base. I am sure this will definitely fall into the way too much information category for some of you but I am who I am and if I didn't share this story then I would not be me. Tank, Baby Shife, and I are in the master bedroom. I am changing out of my PJs to take the Shifley boys for a walk. I strip down to my birthday suit, put on a clean shirt, and about to throw on my panties when I notice Baby Shife has gotten into a drawer that is not baby-friendly. It has some of the fat basset's old meds (I know I should have thrown them out long ago) and Baby Shife was attempting to help himself to the pills. I told Baby Shife "No" in my big, bad Daddy face and rushed over to take the meds away from him. Now remember I am still in just a t-shirt when I go over to my little man. I bend down to grab Baby Shife and let him know that what he is doing is wrong when all of the sudden I feel something cold and wet on my testicles. Turns out when I bend over sans underwear my twins are right at nose level for the Tankster. So Tankers got himself to third base with me. I tried to put a positive spin on it and was just glad his nose was not level with my butt.

Day 2: Re-injuring my knee. I hurt it back in June - linky if you want to see it - and I hurt it again this week . It is not as bruised but still hurts.

Day 3: Baby Shife testing the power of my pee stream. He followed me into the bathroom and I was explaining to him that this is how big boys pee as I was going the bathroom. Well I guess he really wanted a hands-on experience and stuck his hand right in the middle of my urine stream.

Day 4: A powerful wind and thunder storm moved through our town and we were without power for nearly 22 hours. Lost power at 9 pm and didn't get it back until 6:30 pm the next day.

Day 5: I took Tank to Petsmart and Tank proceeded to say hello to every single person in the store. I kid you not. Every. Single. Person. And he said hello in the basset hound way by howling. Here is a link if you are not familiar with a basset hound howl. Whatever word in your world is the opposite of awesome pretty much describes that outing.

Day 6: Discovered that Tank enjoys an occasional cat turd when the mood strikes. You know we all have our quirks so that is cool in some bizarro world, but what is not cool is that I had to pull out that 4-inch cat turd out of his mouth.

Day 7: Baby Shife has been throwing stuff for a while now but he recently found a new item that he can he toss, and that would be a Tank turd he found somewhere in our yard. Good times.

So how was your week?

Here is a picture of me and my boys. Sorry you can't see Baby Shife too well but he is giving his Tankster a big old hug.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Tank vs. Baby Shife

Ever since my beautiful baby boy has entered my life I have found myself uttering sentences that I never thought would come out of my mouth like "Come here and let me sniff your butt." And now that a 20-month-old basset hound is in my life even more new sentences have entered the Shifley household. When I write out these sentences you might just wonder if said the words to Tank or Baby Shife. So your mission - if you choose to accept it - is to guess who I was talking to.
  1. It is time to clean your wiener.
  2. I can't believe the size of that turd.
  3. Are you riding dirty?
  4. We got a Stage 5 clinger.
  5. No bite.
  6. What's up muffin butt?
  7. Alright buddy you need to put down the binky
  8. Who has beaver fever?
  9. Why is there a chocolate chip in the bathtub? Oh my god, it's Not a chocolate chip!
  10. Get your mouth off the toilet. Now.

  1. OK so Tankers has a little bit of a problem with his man parts and I have to clean up that area for him for the next week or so with some antibiotics.
  2. You can go with Tank or Baby Shife on this one. Both of the boys have surprised me with their output.
  3. Baby Shife. A question I have asked him if it smells like he has expanded the dimensions of his diaper while we are driving around in the car.
  4. Tank or Baby Shife are both guilty of being little clingers. I guess they think I am a cool dude or something.
  5. Again both of the boys are guilty of this.
  6. Baby Shife. We have called him the muffin man almost since the day of his birth so he naturally has a muffin butt.
  7. Just look at the picture below and you will know the answer.
  8. Tank has giardia, which is also known as beaver fever, that he picked up from drinking some nasty water so he has take some medicine to take care of the fever.
  9. Baby Shife.
  10. Baby Shife.

Friday, August 06, 2010

Nothing, nada, zilch, zero

The title kind of sums up what I have left in the tank this week. It has been an emotional roller coaster. But all is well, I am just drained from the previous 7 days and looking forward to doing a lot of nothing this weekend. I am going to enjoy the sunshine, time with the family, and thank my lucky stars that I have the people that I do in my life. I hope you have a wonderful weekend as well, and I hope someday to make this blog a little more exciting but right now a 16-month-old boy and a 19-month-old basset hound are keeping me extremely busy. Take care of yourself, and if you get bored over the next few days you can always specify that your drive-through order is "to go" or claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."