Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Goodbye 2014

Hello 2015.

May we live to learn well, and learn to live well.
May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live.

Happy New Year everybody!
Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to blogging with you more in the coming year.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, December 19, 2014

That's Going To Leave A Mark

Well it was bound to happen especially since he is my son.
If you have followed this blog at all then you know that I occasionally have to take a visit to the doctor because I have this horrible habit of getting hurt.
Why can't I have a habit of picking winning lottery tickets?
Just this year I had an encounter with a bee and a softball that led to an undesired rendezvous with a qualified practitioner of medicine twice.
So I was surprised and thankful that we had not had to take Kyle in a lot sooner for an unscheduled visit to the doctor.
Our luck run out last Sunday as I was walking the husky hound and got the phone call.
Mrs. Shife suggested that I return home in a prompt manner because Kyle had an accident at the playground. He ran into some metal playground equipment with his head, and guess who won that battle.
If you said playground equipment, you are a big winner.
He went off to the doc in the box and returned home about 2 hours after, as Kyle put it, "they glued my head back together."
No stitches but lots of glue for the Red Power Ranger.
Oh did I forget to mention that he was wearing this costume when he got hurt and kept it on when he saw the physician.

No mask though.
He did have it with him but took it off right before the accident.
I don't know if it would have prevented the injury but it might have helped.
Anyway the doctor got a nice kick putting the Red Power Ranger back together and Kyle was a brave boy through the whole process.
Below are the before and after pictures of my little man and he's doing fine 5 days later. He's starting to get a little ripe since he hasn't been able to take a bath since Sunday but that's alright.
Thanks for stopping by.

 Before the glue

After the glue

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Random Acts of Shifeness

-- Do you think angels fart? First, you have to believe in angels then you have to believe that they are flying around out there dropping the occasional cornhole tremors on unsuspecting humans. I bring this up because occasionally I'll be walking to work and just run into some phenomenally disgusting ass matter. There's no one around but me, and I know it wasn't me so … farting angels? I'm sure there's a perfectly acceptable scientific explanation but in my mind it makes more sense to believe in sphincter whistling spiritual beings.
-- Mrs. Shife and I actually had a weekend evening where we were not completely exhausted and not a lot going on so we rented a movie. We watched "Sex Tape" starring Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel. Horrible. Not as horrible as walking in on a midget shitting in a bucket but close. You have to admit if you walk in on a midget shitting in a bucket then your day has pretty much gone to hell.
-- Does anyone make a to-do list and then add stuff they have already done to make the list look better? My to-do list for the week was looking horrible so I added a few items because my self-esteem needed a boost. Wake up. EatReward yourself with a nap. 
-- A new favorite quote: "No day but today." Sometimes I'm always looking forward or behind but never looking at what is right in front of me and appreciating the present.
-- I'm a doing a new workout at a gym where Mrs. Shife teaches classes. She finally talked me into it and so far so good. They are along the lines of the P90X or Insanity types of workouts. Anyway, I feel a little out of place because some days I'm the only one not wearing yoga pants. I was tempted to look up yoga pants for men but I was really, really afraid of the images that I might not be able to unsee. And in case you are wondering, no I will not wear yoga pants.
-- That is all. Have a great weekend. Talk to you soon.

A picture of Kyle and Hayden being Kyle and Hayden. Love these two so much.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, December 05, 2014

I Can't Unsee That

I don't go into my gym's locker room often because I just wear my workout clothes to the gym and then head home but I had to make another trip in there recently because I used the sauna.
And of course it happened.
I have seen a lot of strange things in my life but without a doubt the chances of weirdness increases exponentially when I visit that darn locker room.

First there was the the time I walked in on the middle of the old naked guys club. Still have nightmares about Skeletor and his crew discussing gravity's effect on their ball sack.
Then there was the time some dude thought blow drying his pubes completely naked was an acceptable and outstanding idea.

Now there is a new menace in the locker room. The manscaper.

I was leaving the locker room and things were going great as there were no trauma to my ocular cavities but that changed faster than I could I say "Just wait a hot shit minute!"
I went into to wash my hands in the sink area and there he was.
Some dude with one leg hiked up on the counter grooming his private parts.
Well they weren't very private as he was just hanging out with his wang out grooming away with his electric trimmer.
Seriously this is where you want to shave your balls?
I know I need to get out more often but when I see stuff like this I think maybe being at home and watching Tank scoot his furry butt across the carpet is enough excitement for me.
Maybe I am just a grumpy, old man and need to take it easy.
But I just feel there's a time and place to trim your pubes and it's certainly not in the men's locker room. Unless of course we are playing the worst game ever "Hey Look. It's My Penis" and then I need to find a new gym.
Have a good weekend.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.