Friday, December 14, 2018

Random Acts of Shifeness - Missing Glove

  • I got to play the always fun game of "The Case of the Missing Coat" a few weeks ago with Kyle. It was so much fun that we are going ahead with the sequel, "The Case of the Missing Glove." This one feels more like a documentary as we are still trying to solve the mystery. The current suspect goes by the name of "I Don't Know" so if you have any whereabouts on this person, please send in your tips to 1-888-ISIT-5YET or 

  • Looking for something fun to do this holiday season. Well then come on down to Casa de Shifley. We've got all kinds of fun activities: 
--> Siblings in underwear wrestling

--> Dumpster diving

--> Middle-aged men napping

--> A new favorite: Have you seen my bobcat? 

--> Guess how many cotton balls the middle-aged napping man has in his mouth? 

  • Hope all is well in your corner of the world. Have a great weekend, thank you for stopping by and I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, December 07, 2018

Pixel Party

I am not 100 percent happy today.
I am going to share some imagery instead of going off on a subject that I should just leave alone.
It is what it is and it be what it be. I don't know all of the details so there's no reason to share opinions that could be wrong but I am still irritated with the whole situation and wish I knew how to handle it.

The Shifley Christmas Tree 2018

Kyle and Ted. Kyle doesn't know it yet but someday he will get a golden retriever puppy of his own. I don't know when that day will be but it's on the future calendar. He loved Teddy so much and he's excited that he will get to watch him again one day. 

Hayden drew a picture of Ted playing with Frizz. She said they liked doing the conga. 

Hanging with Hayden on the couch.

Dogs are the best. 

The "Santa" guilt trip isn't as effective as it was in the past. We might have to do some actual parenting with Kyle and Hayden. 

Today I learned this about turkey. This also gives a new meaning to stuffing the turkey. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Thursday, November 29, 2018


If you are familiar with the movie "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" then you will understand the movie poster I created with my phenomenal "design" skills.

We dog sat a 10-month-old golden retriever named Teddy for the past week. He went home today and we will miss him but I think we are glad to be back to a one-dog household. I'm almost 100% certain that Frizzy is happy to be solo but she did have some fun adventures with Ted. 

They looked for squirrels together.

They tried to give one another CPR.

They participated in the decapitation of a stuffed flamingo.

They tried to eat each other.

They posed for a Christmas card photo.

They wondered why I was wearing thong underwear and taking photos of them. 

I hope you are well and thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: HBD Hayden

She's 7.
She had a good day.
I was reminded of a Facebook memory today.
Below it was I wrote to her when she turned 5.
It seems even more appropriate today as I can see her becoming more and more like this every day.
She's Hayden and we are just living in her world.

May you rejoice at being yourself.
May you follow the song in your soul.
May you wander confidently outside the flock.
May you know the exquisite happiness of love.
May you travel the world, learning along the way.
May you face life's inevitable challenges with curiosity, not fear.
May you always appreciate the qualities that make you uniquely beautiful.
May you contribute something special to the world, something only you can give.
It's an honor and a joy to be your mommy and daddy.
We love you so much.

She was excited that she got a new unicorn stuffed animal. Her name is Fluffy.

She was even more excited to get some unicorn jammies.

And she was more than happy to be a unicorn model.

I will not talk to you tomorrow but I will talk to you next week. Thank you for being here and stopping by. I really do appreciate it. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and wish me luck as I venture out to my first Black Friday in less than 48 hours. Sweet Lincoln's mullet, I am an idiot. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: That's Tomorrow

  • Tomorrow is the big day. Hayden Belle turns 7. 
  • She has had a pretty good week so far. Cake and the hot springs on Sunday. Acting camp yesterday, today and tomorrow. And then all of her presents on the anniversary of her birth. Then there's a little thing called Thanksgiving on Thursday. 
  • She also got to come to my office to do some "work." I even made a nameplate for her to make her feel bona fide.
  • Sorry that I don't have much too share but I am still kind of processing the fact that my friend passed away. I went through some of our old text messages and had a nice trip down memory lane. Some good times were remembered. 
  • I hope you are well and I will talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream

Monday, November 19, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Goodbye Jeff

Today I learned that my friend lost his battle with cancer yesterday.
I was fortunate that I got a chance to speak with him about 2 weeks ago.
He had been battling cancer for a long time and he had quit doing chemo so it was just a matter of time. I knew that but it's still a shock to the system when the person is officially gone.
I wrote about him and his battle in 2013.
I will miss my pal.
And if there's another world, I take comfort that he now lives in bliss and is cancer-free.
Rest in peace Jeff.
You definitely put up a hell of a fight.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Birthday Cake

One drawback to having your birthday fall during Thanksgiving break is that sometimes you have to have your party a little earlier if you want anyone to show up. We had Hayden's cake today so we could have some of her friends and family over.

Hayden's due date was actually Nov. 6. We tried to talk her into coming out sooner to avoid these kinds of problems but I think it worked out for the best. I think showing up two weeks later matches her personality as I have said that she has been trying to make up for those two lost weeks ever since she was born. 

We also made a trip to the hot springs with her cousins so we had a good cake and a good soak. Hope you had a nice Sunday as well. I will talk to you tomorrow and I really appreciate you stopping by. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Gluten-Free Shampoo

This is the face I made when I found out my shampoo wasn't gluten-free. I am still trying to understand why it's important that my shampoo is gluten-free. Sorry. I don't have a lot to offer you on this fine Saturday evening. Hope all is well. Talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, November 16, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Frizzle, Monsters and a Fairy

Find Frizzle 

Kyle drew some monsters

Hayden drew a fairy 

And the great Labrador battle of 2018. Frizzy and her black lab friend Finn played with all of Frizzle's toys. I count 18 of them. How many do you see?  

Happy Friday. Have a wonderful weekend and I will talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Segue or Segway?

  • Thanks for your input on the unicorn cake. In an effort to make Hayden's childhood less painful as possible, we decided to roll with this one:
  • I'm super late to the game on this one but I recently discovered "Rick and Morty." I'm glad I did. They had me at crotchless Uncle Sam costume. 
  • Do you like the smell of copper on your hands? I had to handle a bunch of pennies recently and it reinforced that I don't enjoy that odor at all. 
  • Do you like how this is complete randomness? I am not even attempting to make a segue from one bullet point to the next. Sometimes that how it goes. Does adding a GIF of a segway help? 

  • It looks like I have something to look forward to in April besides getting another year older. HBO said the final season of "Game of Thrones" will start airing then. Excellent. 
  • Thanks for stopping by and saying hello. Talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Unicorn Cake

One week to go until the big day and I need to take care of one of the biggest things: the cake. Hayden is a big fan of unicorns so she's getting a unicorn cake. Which one do you like the best? 

Talk to you tomorrow. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Photo Gallery

School pics of Kyle and Hayden. A terrible editing job by yours truly. You're welcome. 

The sweet 'stache has been replaced with a beastly beard. It's been about 2 1/2 weeks and I am not sure how much longer I can take it. 

Kyle and Hayden after a visit to the library. They both love to read and that makes me pretty happy.

Frizzle looks a little concerned that I was taking a nap at 6:30 in the evening and not outside playing fetch with her. 

And my GIF to you. 

Talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Monday, November 12, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: FUKC

  • I got the pleasure of watching two of my favorite teams lose in Kansas City yesterday. First, the Arizona Cardinals lost to the Kansas City Chiefs in American football. Then, Real Salt Lake lost to Sporting Kansas City in what the rest of the world calls football. 
  • I had movie club at work today and we discussed "Casablanca" and "The Big Sick." 
  • I learned that the original ending of "Casablanca" was going to have Rick and Ilsa run off together but they had to rewrite that ending because of the Hays Code, which didn't allow stuff like characters getting away with adultery on the big screen. 
  • Eventually, the Hays Code was replaced with MPAA film rating system (G, PG, R).
  • I also learned that a remake was planned in the early 2000s by Madonna and another attempt was to star Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. 
  • I don't think I am the only one who is grateful that neither one of those films got made.
  • My GIF to you (wait for it): 

  • Thanks for swinging by. Hope you are well and I will talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Funny letters

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Boyfriend,
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Sincerely, Spiders

Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say,
“I don’t know, let’s Yahoo! it…”
just saying…
Sincerely, Google

Dear Fork,
I understand that we haven't spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is spork. He has your hair.
Sincerely, Spoon

Dear Students,
I know when you're texting.
Sincerely, No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle

Dear Men,
The first jockstrap was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. It took 100 years for you to realize that the brain is also important.
Sincerely, Oh that's why you need me to make your sandwich

Dear movie watcher,
Your parents are about to walk in.

Sincerely, the only sex scene in the movie

Thanks for stopping by. I'll talk to you tomorrow. And you can thank Dear Blank, Please Blank for your grins and giggles.  

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: Movie Marathon

Kyle and I started a movie marathon this past summer and it has continued into the fall. It has slowed considerably since he's back in school but we are still doing our best to expand his cinematic universe. I think it's a good list and one of the main reasons it kept growing and growing was because of Kyle showing emotional maturity. Some of the films on the list aren't recommended for 9 1/2-year-old boys but we trusted Kyle. Here they are in no particular order:
  • Night At The Museum 
  • The Princess Bride
  • The Man From Snowy River 
  • Jumanji
  • Indiana Jones (All of them)
  • Ghostbusters (All of them. Even the recent remake of the original) 
  • Rocketman 
  • 50 Shades of Grey (No way. Just seeing if you are reading the list) 
  • The Goonies 
  • The Chronicles of Narnia 
  • The Avengers movies (I think there's about 20 of them. Kyle's favorite character was Rocket Raccoon from the Guardians of the Galaxy series. He loves saying Trash Panda) 
  • Percy Jackson
  • Alpha
  • Labyrinth 
I'm not sure what we are watching after Labyrinth but if you have any good suggestions, I would love to hear them. I was thinking about the Pirates Of The Caribbean movies but I am not sure.

And here's an awkward father and son photo just to make things weird.

Hope you are well. Thanks for stopping by and I will talk to you tomorrow.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, November 09, 2018

Countdown to Nov. 21: This Is Nuts!!

Somedays I wonder what I am going to blog about and then there are days when the blogging gods bless me with material.
We had a visitor at the office today.
We're still not sure how but a squirrel found his way into the building.

When he (it could have been a lady squirrel but he looked like a dude) found out clawing through a window wasn't going to improve his situation, Cecil (yes, I named him Cecil. How many opportunities do you get the opportunity to name a squirrel in your lifetime? And another reason he was a he is because I named him Cecil. I don't know too many ladies named Cecil) made his way to the kitchen and eventually underneath the fridge.

That's me trying to lure Cecil out with modified quotes from "Forrest Gump": Momma always said life is like a box of nuts. You never know what you're gonna get.

Eventually, we got Cecil to back himself into a garbage can and caught him. 
Here is Cecil before he was set free and reunited with his woodland creatures. 

I feel like a hero today. It's going to warm my heart tonight thinking about that Cecil being back home with his lady friend and their little squirrel babies. It would have been nice if we could have kept Cecil around but, deep down, I knew it just wasn't meant to be. Cecil needed to go back home and live in his squirrel world. "In the immortal words of Jean-Paul Sartre, ‘Au revoir, squirrel.’"