Friday, November 25, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving 2016

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Most of the visitors to the Casa de Shifley 2016 turkey day extravaganza were really thankful for modern medicine.
Mrs. Shife had an allergic reaction to something that led to an "awesome" rash all over her body.
I decided to add a sinus infection to my to-do list this week.
And my sister-in-law either has strep throat, the flu or is going through heroin detox. We are pretty sure it's strep but you never know about her. After all, she is the one who saw me in my thong underwear.
So what's new with me?
Well, my wonderful Aunt Kathy mentioned that the Seattle Times was looking for holiday cooking horror stories and I should submit a Thanksgiving story that happened at her house a few years ago.
I did and they published it.
Here's the link or you can just read it below.

Twas the night before Black Friday, when all the through the abode
The labs were stirring, even the one from a different zip code.
The vomit was projected by the back door with unrestrained care
In the hopes that someone would arrive soon to help their despair.
The adults and children were all startled out of their beds
As visions of WTF danced in their heads.
And as we released the dogs to finish their puke attack
We soon discovered they had more to do than just yak.
When out on the lawn the labs began to seek sweet relief
Everyone watched with curiosity that soon turned to disbelief.
Like a flash, it came out of their rears
A black toxic sludge that had them in tears.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave a luster to these horrible objects below.
When what to our wondering eyes did appear
A trail of oil from the turkey fryer used downstairs by the family’s engineer.
We now knew why the labs were to the door so lively and quick
They had in a moment been led astray by the temptations of a turkey oil slick.
This Thanksgiving was one for the ages,
Now it was time to find the carpet cleaner in the yellow pages.

There were a couple of close calls but, fortunately, no incidents with the newest lab in the family. 
Ms. Frizzle just had a few pieces of turkey and called it a good night on her first Thanksgiving. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, November 18, 2016

Happy Birthday Hayden - 2016

Hello Hayden. 
It is that time of year again when I scratch my head and wonder like all parents:
“Where did the time go?”
I really can’t believe you are going to be 5.
How is this possible?
I still remember like yesterday the moment you were born and how I knew my life would never be the same.
You have grown from a dependent little infant to an ‘I do it’ toddler to my fiercely independent soon-to-be 5-year-old darling daughter.
It’s hard letting you go off on your own sometimes, but you are growing up and this is how life works. I will still reach down to hold your hand every chance I get, but I know those opportunities are decreasing as you continue to spread your wings.
Charming and bubbly.
Beautiful and lovely.
Innocent and friendly.
Dearest Hayden, you are all of the above and more.
You are an amazing little girl and I hope you enjoy your special day.
Happy Birthday Hayden Belle.


Friday, November 11, 2016

Dog Days of November

  • Some dog updates for those of you keeping score at home. I talked to the people that took Tank and he's doing well. I really want to go visit him, but I have read that you should give the dog 16 weeks to give him time to adjust to his new surroundings. It's only been 2 weeks. I like Ms. Frizzle a lot, but I miss my basset. 
  • Speaking of Ms. Frizzle, she's doing well too. We are just having a hard time figuring out what she really likes to eat as she seems to change her mind all the time. Some times she's really into stuffed animals, socks, and shoes. Then there are times when she only wants crayons, paper, and wood. Occasionally she will throw in some coins, batteries, and household plants to make her diet super interesting. 
  • She eats everything. 
  • We had had to baby proof our house before but this will be the first time I have had to lab proof a house. 
  • A few of my most recent Google searches: "When will my labrador stop chewing everything," "Best chew toys for labs," "Drink recommendations to celebrate puppy achievements like her eating 2 remote controls," and "Am I certifiably insane?"
  • I ran across this expression about labs that gave me no hope at all: "Chew till they're 2. Shed until they're dead." Awesome.
  • Oh and she still occasionally shoots Yoo-Hoo in the house, and by Yoo-Hoo I mean poop, and by poop I mean some foul-smelling, liquid monstrosity that varies in color, viscosity, shape and odor because it depends on if Ms. Frizzle ate 14 crayons or took down Mrs. Shife's indoor ficus tree or if she devoured Hayden's Barbie because it seemed like a good snack until dinner time. 
  • Anybody dealing with post-election stress disorder? I'm being open minded and giving him the benefit of the doubt. If I think about it too much I will end up like Ms. Frizzle and dealing with a bad case of poop smoothies. 
  • That's all for today, folks. Enjoy your weekend. Thanks for stopping by.

Frizzle taking a break before she tries to eat the other slippers. 

I'm having a hard time figuring out if Hayden likes Frizzle or not.

Ms. Frizzle staying still for a moment before she tries eat the sandals behind her.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, November 04, 2016

Crestfallen Once Again

More than 6 years ago, the Shifleys participated in Operation Dwarfshank Redemption, which was my clever (or not-so-clever depending on your caffeine/alcohol/pharmaceutical intake for the day) way of saying we were going to adopt another basset hound.
We did and I believe most of you have heard about or have seen our husky hound, Tank.
Unfortunately, we had to find him a new home last weekend.
I don’t want to go into too many details because it’s still pretty tough not having him around, but he attacked Ms. Frizzle and Hayden. These are not isolated incidents and we have worked with trainers over the past few years to try to make our house his forever home.
It just wasn’t meant to be.
He’s now in a home that has an older basset hound and two grown children and they fell in love with him right away.
Initial reports are that he’s doing great and I’m happy to hear that.
It was the right thing to do, but doing the right thing sure does suck.
He will always be one of my favorite dogs.
But right now my heart hurts when I think about him.
Especially knowing that he’s no longer my dog.
But as much as it hurts, I wouldn’t trade the pain for all the laughs, cuddles, walks, belly rubs, shakes, scratches, howls, and bassetness that he gave me, Mrs. Shife and the kiddos.
We had some good times with him, and time will ease our pain but it doesn't feel like it right now.
Thanks for the memories, Tanklin.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.