Thursday, June 22, 2017

Father's Day 2017 Recap

We spent the afternoon at a place called Quinn's Pond seeing if SUP (Stand Up Paddleboarding) was fun and determining if the Frizz was a water dog. The answers were yes to both of those questions. But if you don't believe me, I think the pictures below will prove it without a doubt.

Kyle taking Hayden on a tour of the pond. They came back about an hour later.
It was safe to say that they loved cruising around the water.

The guy in the canoe totally left early. 

Hayden took over the captain duties. I sometimes forget that she's only 5.

They both took to the water like a couple of old pros.

Speaking of taking to the water, Ms. Frizzle seemed OK with it. 

We played fetch in the water for about 90 minutes. 

Kyle and Frizzle working on their synchronized swimming routine. 

When the paddleboard wasn't being commandeered by the kid pirates,
Mrs. Shife got to enjoy some time on the water too. 

It was pretty good Father's Day. I am a lucky guy. 
Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, June 16, 2017

Are You There God? It's Me, Mr. Shife

Never underestimate the power of prayer.
I’m not a religious person but I am spiritual.
Too many things have happened to me – especially after my Mom passed away – that has led me to believe there’s definitely something “out there.” Not sure what that might be but I am definitely more open-minded about it.
I bring up the power of prayer because when we took the kids fishing last weekend, and they were giving away prizes at the event we attended because it was free fishing day in Idaho.

There were maybe 22 kids there and 20 prizes.
I was concerned that Kyle and Hayden might get the Mr. Shife jinx.
I have never had much luck winning any prizes and it was never more evident when I attended a watch party for a college football game with my friends a few years ago.
They were giving away all kinds of cool stuff.
There was probably 41 people at the party and they had 40 prizes.
Someone was going to go home without a prize.
Any guesses on who didn’t win anything?
It was so bad that my friend’s brother-in-law showed up at the last minute, dropped his name into the raffle, and won. And the dude could give two squirrel nut-laden turds about football let alone the team we were there supporting.
No, I don’t hold on to the past at all.
Why do you ask?
But enough of my issues.
Back to last weekend.
As the Fish & Game officials were pulling out the winners, the memories of me not winning came rushing back especially after some kid entered his name at the last minute and got his ticket pulled.
My heart was starting to ache for my kiddos as they looked at me and Mrs. Shife with brave faces but you could also see the concern mounting.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I looked skyward and uttered the following words out loud: “Dear Lord Jesus wearing a tuxedo t-shirt, please let my kids win a prize.”
A few minutes later, Kyle got his name drawn.
I looked skyward and uttered the following words out loud: “Thank you, Lord Jesus wearing a tuxedo t-shirt.”
More names were drawn and then the Fish & Game official said “last prize” and Hayden looked back at me forcing a courageous smile but definitely worried her name wasn’t going to be called.
More heartache.
The official pulls out the entry and says “Payton.”
Oh, the horror.
The name even sounded like hers.
I’m kidding.
They pulled her name and me and Mrs. Shife breathed some sweet relief that both of the kids won a prize.
Kyle, later on, told us that when he heard the guy say that it was the last prize that he closed his eyes and said quietly to himself: “Please, please, please let Hayden win a prize.”
Nice try, kid.
We all know who did the heavy lifting on this one. 

Ooops. Wrong Jesus.

There we go.

Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, June 09, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - Suck it, Sports

  • My support of summer sports sucks straightaway. But I got alliteration going for me so that's nice. The two sports I follow the most in summer - soccer and baseball - aren't must-see TV for me right now. My soccer team, RSL, just got throttled in their last two games losing by a combined score of 11-3. They are really close to circling the drain and being the last place team in the league. My baseball team, STL, is mired in a 7-game losing streak and making me consider listening to Nickelback, drinking orange juice after brushing my teeth, and watching YouTube videos of prostate exams because that would be more fun than watching the Cardinals play. The madness must end soon or I might never be the same.
  • Did you ever watch "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"? Quick recap: A painful breakup leads a couple to have a procedure that erases each other from their memories. And I bring this up because I would like to erase the experience of watching the Netflix series "Bloodline" from my head. I don't want to ruin it for anyone that might still be watching it but I was less-than-satisfied with how they wrapped it up. 
  • We are taking the kids fishing tomorrow and got them all of their equipment the other day. It should be an interesting day. And by interesting I mean I might be quoting my favorite character, Gob, from the TV show "Arrested Development" a lot. 
  • Ms. Frizzle is on notice with Mrs. Shife. She ate one of her favorite shoes.
  • Frizz is working on her apology right now ... I hope.

  • Well, this update has just been full of awesomeness I suppose I should try and end on a positive note. Ummmmm, here's a good one:

Thanks for stopping by. Take care and talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, June 02, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - School's Out For Summer

  • Kyle's last day of school is today and he's actually pretty sad about it. He made a couple of good friends this year and he's going to miss them. Especially a young lady that he thinks is pretty awesome. Hopefully, we can get him a few play dates this summer.
  • Somebody is ready for summer. 
  • I had to enable comment moderation because some delta bravo named "Blogger" keeps leaving stupid comments. I have reported it as spam but he or she is still getting through.
  • How was your Memorial Day? We had a nice weekend as we spent a few days in Utah to play in the water and check out a soccer game. As you can see below, the kiddos were pretty happy about being on vacation.

  • And Hayden celebrated the "unofficial" beginning of summer by losing her first tooth. 

Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Pixel Parade 2017

Hi there. I'm 9-months-old, you can call me the Frizz or Frizzy or Frizzleliscious. I enjoy discussing the advantages of biomass energy, I think unicorns are real, bacon fanatic, not a fan of people who put clothes on their pets, and I caught and ate a bird today.  

Frizz gets a little excited when it's time to play fetch. 

Hayden is showing off her big girl haircut. She's totes adorbs.

Slumber party in the TV room was a success. They didn't even wake up when somebody named Mr. Shife was yelling profanities at the TV because his soccer team was being dumb.

Any guesses on what they are celebrating? Kyle & Hayden got dressed up for a Star Wars party. Kyle was an X-Wing pilot with his droid, R2D2, and I don't think you need any help on who Hayden is. 

Kyle's reaction after someone wouldn't quit taking pictures. And if you know me, then you know that I have the same body language when I am done doing something. 

And a wedding picture of two people I don't know for no reason at all. Isn't it nice seeing all of their love captured on their big day? Yes, love is in the air. Hey, what are those cows doing?

Thanks for stopping by. Have a good one and I will talk to you soon.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, May 19, 2017

Who Ordered The Poo-Poo Platter?

"My memory isn't as good as it used to be but I would remember if I shared my poop with you."
How's that for a quote?
Well, that's a sentence that I never thought I would speak to another human being.
But I did and here's how it happened.

I was looking over a bill I got from my doctor and noticed a line item that made me think to myself: "Hmmm. Methinks crestfallen is an excellent word. Don't forget about shuttlecocks. Yep, that is a good one too. Hello? What are you doing? Oh yeah, I think they made mistake with my bill."

I am not a smart man but that looks like I got charged for blood occult by fecal hemoglobin determination by immunoassay qualitative 1 to 3 simultaneous determinations.
I am not exactly sure what blood occult by fecal hemoglobin determination by immunoassay qualitative 1 to 3 simultaneous determinations is but if I have to take a dumb, white guy guess then I think they wanted to know if I had red liquid that circulates in the arteries and veins of humans and other vertebrate animals in my doo-doo.
I mean that is certainly something I would like to know but I didn't have that test done.
The doctor did give me a kit to take home so I could send back a sample, but the kit just rode shotgun with me for about a month then it ended up in the garbage can.
I gave the physician's billing department a call to discuss the matter.
I asked her about the charge.
She told me what it was.
I told her that I didn't do this.
She asked me why because she had to give the doctor a reason why I was disputing the charge.
And I thought about that first sentence that I wrote in this blog post.
I thought this is going to go over as funny or it's going to break bad.
Then I thought let's do it.
So I told her the reason why I was sure I didn't have that test done was because: "My memory isn't as good as it used to be but I would remember if I shared my poop with you."
A moment of silence.
Oh for the love of fat bassets fecal matter, this is breaking bad I thought to myself.
Then she laughed.
She said she will pass it along to the doctor's office.
I guess shit happens.
I just don't want to pay for it.

Have a good weekend. Thanks for stopping by.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, May 12, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - Dragons, Chicks, and a Brothel Joke

  • We have another author in the house. Kyle wrote and published a book for a 2nd-grade project. I guess the apple doesn't fall too far away from the tree. I love that he named the boy "Bob" because Bob has to be one of my favorite names of all time. And I also love that dragons speak "dragonese." Not too shabby if you ask me.

  • I finally saw "Manchester By The Sea." I can’t undo that. Boy oh boy, was that ever uplifting. Since I still don’t have a sarcasm key then I will put it in italics. I was a little disappointed because I don't get that much time to watch movies these days and I wished I would have picked something that didn't leave me "Crestfallen By The Boise."
  • I tried to be funny and parody the Manchester movie title. Didn’t quite nail the landing on that one. Anyone have something better. 
  • We adopted two baby chickens – Cuppy and Leafy – and as you can see the kids are pretty happy about it. I have no idea about the names. Kyle told me why but he might as well have been trying to explain Quantitative Methods in Economics in dragonese to me. 

  • Here's a GIF of person dressed up as a dinosaur riding a motorcylce for no reason at all.
  • Quote of the week: Let us be of good cheer, however, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which never come. - James Russell Lowell
  • Recommendation of the week: If you are trying to claim you have no ties to Russia by sending out a certified letter then make sure the law firm you hired wasn't named the Russia Law Firm of the Year in 2016. Coincidence? 
  • Joke of the week: What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed.
  • Happy Mother's Day to all you amazing ladies out there. Thank you for your love, guidance, and support. Enjoy your special day. 
Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Thursday, May 04, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - May the 4th Be With You

  • Any guesses on how many times I heard that today from my Star Wars nerd? Well, it was more than once. He was pretty excited to learn that May 4th was Star Wars Day, and I'm pretty excited that he loves Star Wars as much as I did when I was a kid. 
  • This feels like an appropriate quote on a day like today when politicians act more like children than intelligent, caring adults who hold millions and millions of people's lives in their hands.
  • Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future. - JFK
  • I took another Facebook sabbatical this week. I just find myself a little depressed and not as nice when I spend too much time on there. 

  • And that's two weeks in a row that I have posted an NSYNC GIF to my blog for those of you scoring at home. Definitely not as bad as my David Hasselhoff phase back in 2005. I don't know what inspired the Hoff obsession, but if I had to guess, I'm thinking I might have been addicted to cocaine for a brief period of time. Or maybe I was sniffing too much glue. 

  • You have to love the spring weather in Idaho. In the 80s today and tomorrow and then 57 and rainy on Saturday. I don't think anyone would complain if we didn't get any more rain for a bit. Here's a picture of the Boise Greenbelt, which is a recreational and alternate transportation trail that runs along the banks of the Boise River for about 25 miles. Most of it's closed because there's a little bit of water on the pathways.

  • Here's something that made me laugh today:
    Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"
    *Nobody stands up*
    Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupid students over here!!"
    *Little Johnny stands up*
    Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you're stupid?"
    Little Johnny: "No ... I just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

Well that's all for this week. Have a good one and thanks for stopping by.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - May Day

  • It's almost time to say goodbye to April and hello to May.
    Is there anything you are looking forward to in May? 
  • I am really looking forward to the unofficial start of summer and Memorial Day weekend. And I am also looking forward to warmer weather. We had a rough, historic winter in Idaho and the spring so far hasn't been that great. Lots & lots of rain and it's still been pretty cold. Some days it feels like if it wasn't for the weather then I wouldn't have anything to talk about.
    Maybe Batman can hook us up with some sunshine.
  • My favorite quote about the weather is from comedian George Carlin - The weather forecast for tonight: dark.
  • Thanks for the birthday wishes. It was a good day. 
  • Quote of the week - People gather bundles of sticks to build bridges they never cross. - Author unknown
  • I tend to worry a lot about stuff that never happens and that quote was a little reminder that maybe I shouldn't do that. Someone much smarter than me said, "If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today." Knowing me it was probably wondering if I use the phrase "Cool beans" too much. 
  • I honestly have no idea what I was worried about a year ago so I do need to stop. But I also need to eliminate "Cool beans" from the vocabulary. I use it way too often and it doesn't sound as awesome as it once did in 2007.
    Any suggestions on a replacement? Maybe "Chilly Legumes?"

Have a good one. Thanks for stopping by.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, April 21, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - The Other F Bomb

  • We have another "F" bomb that we say a lot in our house and that word is Frizzle.
    And, this week, her name was usually preceded by me taking the lord's name in vain.
    Or followed by something that rhymes with brother trucker.
    The Frizz was a busy girl.
    Here's a list of items she took care of this week: A squirrel, a grout sponge, two three bicycle helmets, a loaf of bread, a carton of eggs, a fully-cooked rack of ribs, and a laundry basket. 
  • I will be celebrating another trip around the sun next week. Festivities will include a viewing of "The Big Lebowski," a few adult beverages, and being with my favorite people. 

  • Speaking of my favorite people, here's one of Hayden's school pictures. Not too shabby.
  • Quote of the week:
    No longer forward nor behind I look in hope and fear; But grateful take the good I find, the best of now and here. - John G. Whittier
  • Recommendation of the week:
    A band called Lord Huron. I discovered them watching the Netflix show"13 Reasons Why" which featured their song, "The Night We Met." It is haunting, heartbreaking, and beautiful music. 

Well, that's it for this week. Have a good one and thanks for stopping by.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, April 14, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - F Bombs

  • I have heard the "F" word thousands and thousands of times. And I have probably said the "F" word thousands and thousands of times. None of the "F" bombs really stand out in memory, but that all changed when I heard my 8-year-old say it. He was playing a video game with his friend and something didn't go his way so he said ... well I'll let Ralphie tell you:

  • To make a short story even shorter, I had to write Ms. Frizzle in cursive. No problem, I thought. Wrong. I couldn't remember how to do a cursive Z. I had to look that up. "F' bombs were shouted with no regard for humanity.
  • Has everyone seen the video involving United and the removal of a passenger from an overbooked flight? If you haven't, more details are here.
    Definitely not the best way to show customer service.
    It made me think of who gives me the worst customer service.
    The current winner in the clubhouse is AT&T. I have had a billing dispute with them since March 19. The matter was supposed to be resolved within 7-10 business days.
    Guess what isn't resolved?
    I have called 5 times and received a different answer every time as to why it's taking this long. The last time they told me it's my fault because every time I call to check on the progress it resets the 7-10 business day timeline.
    I look forward to call #6 and the newest excuse.
    Maybe it will be they can't help me because I have publically admitted that I like the movie "Sorority Boys."
    I might have Kyle get on the phone and let him drop a couple of "F" bombs to get their attention. 
  • We need to end on something positive. The trailer for the next "Star Wars" dropped today. I dropped an "F" bomb punctuated with a "Yes" over my excitement.
    And it's also Friday. I guess we should celebrate.

That's all for the week. Thank you for stopping by and take care. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.