Thursday, April 27, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - May Day


  • It's almost time to say goodbye to April and hello to May.
    Is there anything you are looking forward to in May? 
  • I am really looking forward to the unofficial start of summer and Memorial Day weekend. And I am also looking forward to warmer weather. We had a rough, historic winter in Idaho and the spring so far hasn't been that great. Lots & lots of rain and it's still been pretty cold. Some days it feels like if it wasn't for the weather then I wouldn't have anything to talk about.
    Maybe Batman can hook us up with some sunshine.
  • My favorite quote about the weather is from comedian George Carlin - The weather forecast for tonight: dark.
  • Thanks for the birthday wishes. It was a good day. 
  • Quote of the week - People gather bundles of sticks to build bridges they never cross. - Author unknown
  • I tend to worry a lot about stuff that never happens and that quote was a little reminder that maybe I shouldn't do that. Someone much smarter than me said, "If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today." Knowing me it was probably wondering if I use the phrase "Cool beans" too much. 
  • I honestly have no idea what I was worried about a year ago so I do need to stop. But I also need to eliminate "Cool beans" from the vocabulary. I use it way too often and it doesn't sound as awesome as it once did in 2007.
    Any suggestions on a replacement? Maybe "Chilly Legumes?"

Have a good one. Thanks for stopping by.


I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 



Friday, April 21, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - The Other F Bomb

  • We have another "F" bomb that we say a lot in our house and that word is Frizzle.
    And, this week, her name was usually preceded by me taking the lord's name in vain.
    Or followed by something that rhymes with brother trucker.
    The Frizz was a busy girl.
    Here's a list of items she took care of this week: A squirrel, a grout sponge, two three bicycle helmets, a loaf of bread, a carton of eggs, a fully-cooked rack of ribs, and a laundry basket. 
  • I will be celebrating another trip around the sun next week. Festivities will include a viewing of "The Big Lebowski," a few adult beverages, and being with my favorite people. 

  • Speaking of my favorite people, here's one of Hayden's school pictures. Not too shabby.
  • Quote of the week:
    No longer forward nor behind I look in hope and fear; But grateful take the good I find, the best of now and here. - John G. Whittier
  • Recommendation of the week:
    A band called Lord Huron. I discovered them watching the Netflix show"13 Reasons Why" which featured their song, "The Night We Met." It is haunting, heartbreaking, and beautiful music. 


Well, that's it for this week. Have a good one and thanks for stopping by.



I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.



Friday, April 14, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - F Bombs

  • I have heard the "F" word thousands and thousands of times. And I have probably said the "F" word thousands and thousands of times. None of the "F" bombs really stand out in memory, but that all changed when I heard my 8-year-old say it. He was playing a video game with his friend and something didn't go his way so he said ... well I'll let Ralphie tell you:

  • To make a short story even shorter, I had to write Ms. Frizzle in cursive. No problem, I thought. Wrong. I couldn't remember how to do a cursive Z. I had to look that up. "F' bombs were shouted with no regard for humanity.
  • Has everyone seen the video involving United and the removal of a passenger from an overbooked flight? If you haven't, more details are here.
    Definitely not the best way to show customer service.
    It made me think of who gives me the worst customer service.
    The current winner in the clubhouse is AT&T. I have had a billing dispute with them since March 19. The matter was supposed to be resolved within 7-10 business days.
    Guess what isn't resolved?
    I have called 5 times and received a different answer every time as to why it's taking this long. The last time they told me it's my fault because every time I call to check on the progress it resets the 7-10 business day timeline.
    I look forward to call #6 and the newest excuse.
    Maybe it will be they can't help me because I have publically admitted that I like the movie "Sorority Boys."
    I might have Kyle get on the phone and let him drop a couple of "F" bombs to get their attention. 
  • We need to end on something positive. The trailer for the next "Star Wars" dropped today. I dropped an "F" bomb punctuated with a "Yes" over my excitement.
    And it's also Friday. I guess we should celebrate.
     

That's all for the week. Thank you for stopping by and take care. 






I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 



Friday, April 07, 2017

Don't Worry, Be Happy

A lot easier said than done, but as I was looking at a few pictures of my kiddos, I realized that I just need to revisit these images when the "blue passenger" decides to stop by for a visit. And, just to be clear, I'm not feeling blue. I just wanted to share the pics of Kyle and Hayden just living in the moment and being happy. And if you need the photos to be a little bigger, clicking on them should do the trick.


We were parked near the airport to watch some airplanes land and Hayden was soaking up the sun and the wind while we waited. She seemed to be OK with that. 


This was Kyle at his birthday party. Kyle had a good time. As a matter of fact, he told me it was his best birthday ever. He has a great laugh and smile. I love it when I catch him enjoying the moment. 


And here's Ms. Frizzle. She's not making a happy face, but I thought this was a good reminder that every now and then you need to take a nap to recharge so you can make your happy face. 



And finally, Kyle and Hayden posing with their new Nerf guns and showing off their different negotiation styles. Hayden goes with the "my way or the highway" approach as she lets me know that there will be extreme consequences if I turn off her cartoons. Kyle prefers the "kill with kindness" approach to getting what he wants. 


Thanks for stopping by.









I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, March 31, 2017

Happy 8th Birthday, Kyle!

Heavens to Murgatroyd!!!
For the love of fat bassets!!!
By the beard of Zeus!!!
Sweet Lincoln's mullett!!!
What in the wide of world of fudge happened?
The dude below is 8.


I can't believe it either, Kyle.

What is going on with Kyle at 8? 


He loves Hayden more than he will ever admit it and that makes me happy that they are very close. 


He loves fishing at Grandma and Grandpa's farm. And he's learning that even if you don't catch anything, it's still a good day. 


He loves making his sister laugh, and he's pretty good at it.  


He loves Ms. Frizzle and will spend time reading her stories. 


He loves opening presents especially the ones from Grandma and Grandpa because they always get him something awesome.


He loves getting the one and only thing he wanted for his birthday - an MSE droid. And Ms. Frizzle loves helping out by recycling the bubble wrap.


Lots of love in those pictures. And I guess that's one of the things I'm most proud about when it comes to Kyle Bunga. There will never, ever be any doubt in his mind how much we love him and how much love there is for him in his little world. 

So what else is going on? 
  • Being a Star Wars nerd, he became infatuated with the MSE (Mouse) droid, and that's all he wanted for his birthday. Those are hard to come by because they only sell them at Disneyland. Here's info about the Mouse droid in case you aren't all things Star Wars at your house.
  • He got an R2D2 cake. 
  • We will have dinner at one of his favorite places, Red Robin.
  • The other thing he asked to do was go to Build-a-Bear so that's on the agenda today as well. We have never been. It should be interesting. He said he wants to make Toothless, a dragon from "How To Train Your Dragon." We'll see if he holds firm when he sees all of the Star Wars stuffed animal options.
  • Then we are going to have a Nerf gun war with some of his friends.
  • Should be a good day. The sun is shining, the sky is blue, I have the day off, and get to celebrate the birth of my son, who in turns out, is an awesome, caring, loving boy that is growing up way too fast.
Take care. Thanks for stopping by.





I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 





Friday, March 24, 2017

What I Learned This Week

  • Whenever you read a headline that says "Bull Fighter Gets Gored In The Rectum" you thank your lucky stars that you didn't listen to your high school guidance counselor and go to the bull fighting academy. The joke is on you, Mr. Wilkerson. Poor bull fighter. I don't think getting gored by a 1,160 pound bull that left a foot-long laceration on your rectum and anus is on anyone's bucket list. I could be wrong. There are some weird people out there. Just look up dendrophilia. That takes tree hugging to a whole new level.

  • I don't like to publicly admit that I enjoy a few songs by Limp Bizkit but I do. So I guess I do like to publicly admit it. I'm such a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. One of their songs that I really dig is "Behind Blue Eyes." I just found out that it was originally done by The Who. Who knew? Well I guess if you were into The Who then you knew. I completely understand if this public admission of Limp Bizkit affection leads to drastic measures on your part. Perhaps something like this, "The numerous ambushed paddington references didn't bother me, but when he admitted he liked Limp Bizkit, I was like ... 


  • Here's some breaking news: Parenting is hard. There are just days when I feel like I have no clue what I am doing. 

  • More breaking news: Getting older is hard. I know it beats the alternative, but there are days when I mutter "Oh God" when I get up from my chair way too often. I also feel a lot of my aches and pains come from just sleeping in weird positions or not in my own bed. Or maybe I need to work on my gym technique. 

  • I learned some more stuff but I can't find cool GIFs to go with them. =) 

Thanks for stopping by. Have a great weekend.





I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 



Friday, March 17, 2017

The Things I Thought This Week

  • I'm a lucky dude.
    I met the beautiful, talented, amazing, generous, gracious, caring, and compassionate Mrs. Shife almost 20 years ago. It was shortly after her birthday two decades ago that we crossed paths and look what happened. Happy birthday to my lovely wife.

    "I swear I couldn't love you more than I do right now,
    and yet I know I will tomorrow."

  • Daylight Savings Time.
    It's just the universe giving parents a giant middle finger. It's so awesome telling your kids it's time for a bed while the sun is still shining said no parent ever.  
  • Brad Paisley and the song “Ticks.”
    Are you familiar with this song? Brad Paisley is one of my favorite country artists but this song is just redonkulous. You have to be a special kind of person that gets all sappy when you hear a line like "I'd like to check you for ticks." I wonder if singers make bets with other singers like "Wanna bet that I can't write a #1 song about bloodsucking bugs?"  
  • Why does this drive me crazy?
    Someone is selling a used copy of my book on Amazon. Someone that had me sign it. I shouldn't care but I do and I want to buy it to know who sold it. Am I crazy? 
  • Why have I not been told that unicorn farts are available online?
    I have been just a click away from spreading humor because it's a scientific fact that farts in a bag are funny. 
  • Why did I get a yellow lab puppy?
    This thought was initiated once again by a series of events that included her eating a third tube of toothpaste, a second set of bicycle helmets, and my lunch in the span of 48 hours. Then I remembered that she's pretty adorable and the kids seem to like her.



  • I wonder if the flux capacitor is broken?
    It's not every day that you see a DeLorean. I wonder if they were sent back in time to fix some recent mistakes that people might have made. Hmmmm, if I could only think of a big mistake that people made recently? Everything things to be running smoothly. There don't seem to be any big problems trumping other stuff so I guess we are good. 


  • Thanks for stopping by. Talk to you soon.


I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, March 10, 2017

218 Words Mostly About Hayden


  • My darling Hayden Belle has a new obsession and it's a movie called "Trolls." I think she has watched it 17 times in the past two weeks. She is singing all of the songs, doing all of the dancing, and incorporating the lines into her daily dialogue. One of the characters, Poppy, says "Classic" when another character does something of long-lasting entertainment. And Hayden has totally picked up on it.
    My favorite has to be this:
    Hayden: "Daddy, can you get me some milk, please?"
    Me aka Daddy: "No." (said in a sarcastic tone)
    Hayden: "Classic Daddy."
    And we all giggle.

  • Hayden got registered for kindergarten this week. I felt super old when they mentioned that she will be in the class of 2030. 
  • Hayden had a conversation with her cousin.
    Hayden's cousin: "Hayden, what is your middle name?"
    Hayden: "Baby Doll."
    I think I have mentioned on here that is what I call her sometimes. I also call her Hayden Belle but it looks she's liking Baby Doll a lot more. 
  • Hayden took a picture while Mrs. Shife was getting her hair cut.
  • Hayden likes it when her "puppy wuppy" sleeps with her.





Thanks for listening last week and offering kind words and thoughts.





I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 



Friday, March 03, 2017

GIFs ... Take Me Away

It's been one of those days that feels a lot like the GIFs below.
I need to laugh at someone else's problems because I don't want to think about mine.
I thought I could talk about it more but I can't.
I also don't want to be too vague because I don't want you to worry
I just got some bad news last night about a four-legged friend that I miss terribly and love a lot.
Most of you long-time readers know who I'm talking about but I just don't feel like getting into all of the details right now. Thank you for understanding.










I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, February 24, 2017

Random Acts of Shifeness - Cats & Dogs


  • I have a new update in the continuing saga of "What did Ms. Frizzle eat this week?" If you chose brown electrical cord, then you are this week's winner. For the love of sweet hockey mullets, I don't know what this dog will not try to eat. 
  • Ms. Frizzle also got fixed this week. She was unlike herself for a day and then it was back to her normal activities like eating electrical cords. We were also told by the vet that she can't run or jump for two weeks because she has staples where they made the incision. I'm sure that will be no problem at all. The one consistent quality Ms. Frizzle has shown since we had her is that she just likes to lie around on the couch and just sleep all day. As Ricky Bobby might say: "Help me Jesus! Help me Jewish God! Help me Allah! AAAAAHHH! Help me Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off me!"


  • I might be adding cat herder to my resume. We have an irresponsible neighbor who has at least 4 cats that roam our neighborhood and do as they please. The cats have even gone into other people's homes and gone the bathroom inside the houses. I contacted our city officials and was told that if they come on my property they are trespassing and I can rent an animal trap to try and catch them. If I do catch them then I should take them to the Humane Society. Lucky me. I get to pay for an animal trap and also spend some of my free time dealing with someone else's lack of responsibility and consideration. Good times.

  • I posted my dilemma on a neighborhood website to see if anyone had some tips on how to handle the problem. Just in case you were worried, there are still of plenty of whack jobs living in the good old US of A. I was told to "be more tolerant and let the cats do their thing." I was also told how "disappointed" someone was of me for taking this approach. But this man wins the prize for his suggestion:
  • Kyle and Hayden are ready for some warmer weather. And also doing their best to not smile when we take their picture. 






I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, February 17, 2017

Never Say Never

Because you never know and definitely don't do a Google search for "Never Say Never" because that's a Justin Beiber song and now Google is going to think I'm a Belieber, and for the love of frickin' fat bassets, I don't need that haunting me like a bad Ambushed Paddington story.
Wow.
I didn't expect to go in that direction when I started this post.
A Bieber reference and the first mention of an Ambushed Paddington in a long time.
It's a shame.
I used to have one of the top searches for Ambushed Paddington but now I'm on page 3.
I need to step up my game.
And for those of you unfamiliar with an Ambushed Paddington.
Go do a Google search.
Or you can visit one of my old posts.
Take your time. I'll be waiting here.
Are you back?
More importantly, are we still friends?
I guess I should get on with my post instead of rambling on.
What is this?
A Donald Trump press conference?


Thanks Mr. Koala for the rimshot.
OK.
So I'm doing some things that I thought I would never be doing and here they are:

  • Going to work out at 6 a.m. I have never been a fan of the early morning workout. I am a huge fan of being asleep at 6 in the morning but it just works out best for our schedules right now. 
  • Sriracha sauce. I have been on a spicy kick lately and just loving this stuff. I'm sure doctors will come out in a few years and tell you that it will turn your pubic hair purple. But I look good in purple and the sriracha binge will continue.
  • Having a different breed of dog other than a basset hound. I have had bassets all my life and still miss having one, but Ms. Frizzle has won me over. However, she just needs to quit eating our stuff. Below is a picture of what we used to call bicycle helmets. Now the kids have to ride around with pillows duck taped to their heads. Darn you, Frizzle.

  • OK, so maybe the pillow helmet isn't the best idea. I went looking for new helmets and never thought I would get excited about buying the kids new ones. But I did. I found some awesome ones. Kyle loves R2D2 and Hayden loves unicorns. Who has two thumbs and just won Dad of the year? This guy. 

  • Dying my pubic hair purple. I wasn't going to wait around for the sriracha sauce to kick in. I'm a mover and shaker. And full of it. Come on now, you know me better than that.
    I dyed them neon yellow. Cause, hello, that's a way better look for a middle-aged white guy.  

Well, that's all. Have a great week and thanks for stopping by.




I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.