Thursday, February 24, 2011

Life lessons

Listening to country music always sends my brain spinning in some odd destinations but sometimes it is a worthwhile trip. Recently a song inspired me to keep a "Words of Wisdom" journal for Kyle. Some quotes and thoughts on life that might help or inspire him when he needs some guidance later on in his life. It will not include stuff like wash your hands, don't steal, buckle up, or respect your elders because hopefully he will not have to be reminded about these things when he is a young man if I do my job right. Other stuff I hope comes to him intuitively like don't pee in the wind or play leapfrog with a unicorn or fall in love with a stripper. Other lessons he will probably have to learn the hard way like getting over a broken heart or eating at an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet before a long road trip.

So any suggestions for words of wisdom or life lessons that have served you well over the years? If not you can just suggest gift ideas for my little pirate below as he will be turning 2 next month.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Best of the Best*

*these choices represent the voices in my head and by no means do these choices intend to offer legal, medical, psychiatric, veterinary, gynecological, archaeological, astronomical, astrological, ontological, paleontological, philosophical, axiological, audiological, bacteriological, mineralogical, criminological, terminological, dermatological, ecclesiastical, campanological, phrenological, phonological, technological, hematological, campanological advice, best choices are subject to change and probably will, and each choice has a sampling error of plus or minus 4 beers.
  • Best made-up phrase - nuclear domestic dispute or nuclear domestic argument. Just do a Google News search for Frankie Muniz and you will see what I am talking about.
  • Best words to have sex this week - Albert and Armageddon = Albertageddon, which is the impending doom fans of the St. Louis Cardinals feel is coming if Mr. Pujols leaves the team next year.
  • Best name for Yao Ming's cat - Meow Ming
  • Best fake book title - It's Not The Size Of The Boat: How To Live A Successful Life With A Micro Penis
  • Best name for your urethra - Franklin
  • Best reason to use those really powerful bathroom hand dryers - You get to see what it would look like if your hands went skydiving.
  • Best quote on a t-shirt - Live your life to the fullest so people don't have to lie at your funeral.
  • Best of -
  • Best video of a 22-month-old boy watching BBC's "Walk on the Wild Side" - The video also features the best monkey, lion, and Michael Jackson impression by a 22-month-old boy
  • Best way to say it in Chinese - 大象爆炸式的拉肚子 ・ Da-shiang bao-tza shr duh lah doo-tze and that means "The Explosive Diarrhea of an Elephant" which is what I like to wish on douchers who happen to be douchy in my presence.
  • Best place to marry your first cousin - Take your pick. Shocked that Kentucky and West Virginia are so progressive. Here is the linky.

Enjoy the rest of your week and have a great weekend.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Someone is showing control with his bladder so it is just a matter of time before the potty training begins. I'm so proud of myself that I can finally quit wearing diapers and get into big boy panties. OK it is not me but my son. For the last few days when I have been changing his diaper he will shout out "pee pee" and then relieve himself. I don't think I am ready for this chapter of the father-son relationship. Are there any Potty Whisperers out there?
  • At the end of January it would have been the 11-year anniversary of adopting the original Captain Furry Pants, Quincy Dog. We are still a little crestfallen and missing him but for the most part we just remember the good times and how special he was to us. Anyway, I don't know if it is coincidence or a sign from the universe that he is in a better place, but a show we watched on the anniversary was based in Quincy, MA for that episode. And then the Packers won the Super Bowl. We adopted Quincy the day after Super Bowl in 1999 and he was wearing a Green Bay Packer collar.
  • It is an awesome feeling watching my son be my son. At his class, the teacher blew a bunch of bubbles and the kids were suppose to pop them with their fingers and toes. Kyle popped a few with his fingers, then stomped a few with a nice karate yell (Heee Yaw), and then he got on all fours and starting eating the bubbles off the floor. That's my boy.
  • I never thought I would get excited about buying Kyle some Elmo pajamas, but then again I never thought I would get excited about having a nice, hot cup of tea on a winter morning. I am slowly but surely turning into my mother.
  • I don't like being sick. This cold/viral infection can lick my taint.
  • I know marriage is not for everyone but for the love of furry, rotund bassets, people who do get married need to take it a little more seriously. I know I don't know the complete story but when the rich and famous Hollywood types get married after being together for 6 minutes then divorced less than two years later it is just redonkulous. How about you date for a year or two before getting hitched? The real reason it chaps my slightly hairy butt is that these folks are actual role models for kids - even though they shouldn't be - and it is setting a horrible example. On the other hand, how often do the rich and famous really set great examples for the youngsters out there?
  • And since I will not update until after Valentine's Day I thought I would share a photo of the two people who have captured my heart and love forever and ever ....

Thursday, February 03, 2011

10 Things I Love This Week

  1. My family of course, and not just this week but every week.
  2. My friends. Thank you everyone for your kind words and support over my friend.
  3. Discovering new things like comedian Kevin Hart, music from Seether and Bleu Edmonson, and the TV show "An Idiot Abroad."
  4. Listening to Mrs. Shife laugh.
  5. Crazy people. Watching a man drink his coffee and have a very animated conversation with a fake plant at the mall about how the government lies is not a bad way to pass some time.
  6. Playing soccer again. It has been more than 10 years since I last suited up but I am glad to be playing indoors with some friends.
  7. Spending time with my son because he makes me giggle. For example, he learned what his "pee pee" was and I can just imagine during his class this week when the teacher asks him what his favorite body part is he will point to his "pee pee."
  8. Clean underwear. Trust me this is one of those stories where you want to know as little as possible.
  9. Running with a dog. Never in a million years did I think I could run with a basset hound but Tank must have a little sled dog in him. I take the furball out twice a week for 3-4 miles and he does just fine. I am scared to go longer because it is just weird running with a basset and I don't want to hurt him.
  10. Naps. I am going to shed many tears when Kyle decides he finds them no longer useful.
Have a great weekend, enjoy the Super Bowl, and give away what you want to receive.