Friday, July 26, 2013

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Fill-in-the-blank: Summer colds are ______ .  My answer is worse than riding down a bumpy, bumpy street on your bicycle with the seat missing. 
  • How does that saying go ... nothing good happens after midnight? I would like to amend that and say that nothing good happens after you start doing shots after midnight. Especially ones named "Atomic Fireballs." Unfortunately, that is what I did during my road trip with my buddies last weekend. I guess I need to live up to the title of this blog: Confessions of a Dumb, White Guy. It made for a long car ride home on Sunday. Next year the plan is to bring a taser gun and my friend who doesn't drink gets to tase me if I even think about doing shots. 
  • I have gone to acupuncture twice now. I was expecting it to be like this:

But it was more like this:

I told the acupuncturist where I was hurting. She stuck in a few needles in me then I leaned back in a recliner for about an hour and just chilled out. Pretty awesome. Maybe I just needed a nice power nap in a tranquil setting but I felt really great after the treatment.
  • It is the little things in life that really matter. 
  • My favorite quote of the week: The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet. –James Oppenheim 
  • Now I know how people discover new music. Pandora is pretty cool. I am so frickin' hip. Next week I will tell the hottest fashion trends for the fall. 
  • I have one more chapter to edit for my book and then a few minor tweaks before it is sent off to get a cover design and formatted for electronic publishing. I would love to give you a date when I think I will be done but I am just not sure how much longer the process will take. I just can't believe I am getting another step closer to being done. Crazy. 
  • So last week was a little heartbreaking and depressing after learning about my friend's suicide. Here is the obituary if you want to read more about Mike. Still feeling pretty awful about the whole thing. Some shame and guilt. I have a lot of good memories with my friend and that is where I am trying to focus my thoughts right now. Mike was also an organ donor who had a rare blood type so they were able to find a donor for his heart which is good to hear. 
  • Thanks for stopping by. Have a great weekend. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, July 19, 2013

Not In The Mood

I was going to write about getting acupuncture for the first time and looking like Pinhead from the movie Hellreaiser – and for those of you scoring at home that is probably the first and the only reference I ever make to that movie.
I was going to write about my book and give you an update on my progress.
I was going to write about my weekend plans which includes a road trip with two of my buddies from high school.
I was going to write about some other stuff too but instead I don't feel like writing about much of anything because I got some bad news yesterday as I found out that a friend of mine killed himself.
I am mad and sad.
I am angry and upset.
I am confused.
I just hope that tomorrow will be a more gentle place to land than today.
Take care.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Revenge Of The Basset

I did a search on the Google machine for "dogs don't hold grudges.
First result "Forgiveness: Why Dogs Don't hold Grudges."
Bull shit.
Whoever wrote this has not been owned by a basset hound.
They most certainly do and here is my evidence.

Our old basset hound, Quincy, used to sleep in the bed with Mrs. Shife and I.
One of our routines before we called it a night was for Captain Furry Pants to lay on my chest while I rubbed his ears so we could discuss how our days went.
Really deep stuff like how many times did he lick himself in the swimsuit area and how jealous I was that I did not possess his skills. 
One night I brought my computer into bed with me. I put the computer on my chest and proceeded to watch a movie until I got sleepy. 
I had the power cord plugged in so it was on the floor running from the outlet to the bed. 
Quincy did not seem to mind and just went underneath the covers to get his beauty rest.
The next morning I woke up and it stunk. 
There was no mistaking this smell as someone had dropped a massive deuce in our bedroom.
Definitely don't recommend this form of aroma therapy to start your day.
I immediately reached down and checked myself to make sure I did not lose control of my bowels in the middle of the night. 
Whew. It wasn't me. 
Hey stranger things have happened to me and I was just following the skunk smells its own hole first philosophy.
I knew it wasn't Mrs. Shife because princesses don't do that. 
Did Quincy shit the bed? 
I lift up the covers but no piles of poop in the bed.
I get up to investigate but I don't need my chief inspector badge to solve this crime against humanity.
Right on the power cord is a big, pile of crap.
Evidently the fat basset got out of bed sometime after midnight and showed me precisely how he felt about me bringing a computer into the bedroom. 
I clean up the mess. 
I was a little perplexed that Quincy would take a dump in the house but I just assumed he had an accident. 
Everyone goes about their day and it is nighttime.
I bring the computer to bed with me once more and again Quincy did not seem to mind. 
All is well until I wake up and I a get big whiff of deja poo.
I immediately look down on the floor and there it is ... another huge pile of doggie doo-doo right on the power cord.
Message received loud and clear Quincy.
The old dog taught me a new trick.
The computer never came to bed with me again and the fat basset never pooped in our bedroom again.

 photo Quincy002.jpg

Here is a picture of Quincy dog doing what he did best, and that is making sure the couch doesn't run off. He was the best couch anchor ever. 

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Friday, July 05, 2013

Four Days At The Farm

Equals fun, fun, fun especially if you are a 4-year-old boy. We spent a few days recently at Mrs. Shife's mom and dad's house, and I do believe they might have been the greatest days of Kyle's life. Here's a list of some of his accomplishments:
  • Went fishing for the first time and caught four fish
  • Dug up some worms to catch those fish
  • Caught a frog
  • Caught some bugs to feed his frog
  • Played in the creek or murky murk water as he called it, 
  • Had a constant companion named Kirby, who is my in-law's black lab
  • Gave Kirby a bath in the pond
  • Fed the cows
  • Went four-wheeling
  • Rode in a water truck
  • Rode in a fork lift
  • Drove his electric red truck until the wheels fell off literally
  • Went on a hike in the mountains or the steep forest as he called it
  • Ate lots and lots of cherries
  • Created a new sandwich, which is melted cheese and strawberry jam, and ate a few of them. We will either call it the Kyle special or the cheesy damn jam sandwich. 
  • Worked on evening out his tan lines by swimming naked 
And Hayden had a good time too. 
Hope you had a nice 4th of July.
Thanks for stopping by. 

Kyle and Grandpa posing with the first fish Kyle ever caught. Not too shabby for his first time and a pretty awesome picture if I must say so myself. 

I had to include a picture of Kirby because he was Kyle's best buddy the whole time we were up there.

Little Miss Hayden sitting on Grandpa's lap and telling me where all the beer is located. 

Kyle taking his sister for a ride. Also one of the few times where they were both fully clothed. 

Captain Underpants striking his All-American pose. 

A bucket full of Hayden. She enjoyed soaking in a five-gallon bucket when she was not in the pool.

I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.