Thursday, March 31, 2011

On this day in history

From just a few days old to a happy little man playing dress up,
you always make me smile and very proud to be your father.

Kyle was born, and I entered parenthood. I have no idea how these first two years slipped by so quickly. You will forever live in my heart and mind as my little bunga that we brought home from the hospital 24 months ago. As I watch you play with your toys and chase Tank around the house with endless energy, I realize how blessed your mother and I are to have you in our lives. Looking at how much you have grown both physically and mentally is amazing. Your curiousity is getting so big, your smile so contagious, and your world is getting larger. I feel fortunate every moment that I hear you say "Da Da", and you never fail to lighten my day, my mood and my heart.

As a new chapter of your life begins, I hope that you take with you all of the love, happiness, and joy that we have surrounded you with, and know that your mother and I will love and cherish you forever. Remember that you will always be the most amazing part of my life, and don't ever stop filling the world with your beauty, laughter, and love.

Happy Birthday Kyle.

And here is a picture of Kyle and I roughly at the same age. It is somewhat scary to me how much we look alike. And that is my Mom holding me.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Spring Break

Well maybe it is not the weekend for you but it is for me and the family. We are taking our first Spring Break trip together and as you read this hopefully I am enjoying some sunshine and quality time with my two favorite people. I will talk to you when I get back and return to the daily grind. Have a good one.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Sweet Sappy Molassey

Most of you will be celebrating St. Patrick's Day today but around here we are enjoying Mrs. Shife's birthday. Besides giving me the greatest gift ever, my son, she is also the love of my life and my best friend. I hope you enjoy your special day wife of mine, and sorry blogging friends but here comes the sugary sweetness.

Having you to love is plenty enough to celebrate,
but now that it is your birthday there is all the more reason.
I could wish you all kinds of happy things,
and you deserve them all, but since you are so special,
I want to wish you all the happiness you have given me.

You are a warm, beautiful, and caring person,
who has made such a difference in my life.
No matter where we go or what we do,
you are the one who I want to spend that time with.
That is why I hope your birthday celebration is especially wonderful for you
because even though it only happens once a year it's a nice reminder to let you know that someone like you only happens once in a lifetime.

We have come a long way, sugar britches. I love you so much!!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

A Blast From The Past

It has snowed and rained all week here in Idaho, and I am tired of complaining about it so I have resorted to dreaming about sitting on a beach near the equator. The fantasizing made me think of my last trip to Mexico and a funny story so I shall share it again since most of my current readers were not aware of Mr. Shife yet. Enjoy.

Mrs. Shife and I spent 3 days south of the border in Mexico and during those 72 hours I ingested quite a few things that after being shaken, stirred, and processed in my belly were ready to take their final journey home to the big sewage plant in the sky.

So I wake up Sunday and there is a raging bear in my butt. I mean he is growling and ready to be exorcised. Everything's cool because the condo we rented with friends was spacious enough that Mrs. Shife and I have our own bathroom so if I need to create some lawn sausages we should be OK. And I have matches. My first and only travel tip, don't forget the

I am up, I say hello to my little friend (He is always up way before me), and noti
ce that Mrs. Shife is looking puzzled. She informs that there is no water (The Mexican town we are at has to truck in all its water and since they are right next to the ocean it is a little ironic) and no electricity.

This is not good, I say, and meanwhile, my bottom is growing more and more antsy. Well, I alert the colon warriors of our unfortunate surroundings and they lock down the hatches and submerge. It is like a scene in a submarine movie when the sub is cruising on top of the water and then all of the sudden the enemy appears. Everyone heads to their battle stations and the sub immediately dives back into the ocean.

Anyway, let's move forward. I tell Mrs. Shife we need to hit the road because I don't know how long I can make it sitting on these butt kabobs. So we load up our sexmobile, the 2006 Ford Taurus rental car, say our goodbyes, and begin the run for the border. Now I know what you are thinking, why not stop in town and take care of business? Well I have been in town and seen the banos, and let's just say I would rather crap my pants than take my chances with one of the local restrooms. Plus, this was the morning after a concert where there were about 4,000 drunken gringos drunk in town, and the last time I checked the sanitation of the bathrooms is not a high priority in third-world nations.

So it is about 60 miles to the border and as we get closer and closer it is becoming more apparent that I am racing the clock. The colon warriors send me a message, "We are giving her all we got, Captain." I was surprised as well to know that poop was female.

Mrs. Shife suggests that we pull over and I go outside in the desert. I thank her for the suggestion but remind her of my fear of pooping outdoors.
Let's us pause for an amusing but traumatic anecdote. Several years ago I was helping a friend with his crops, and it was a carrot field. Well in southern Idaho they use bees to help pollinate the crops and stuff so there are literally thousands of bees in the crop fields. Well, we are nowhere near a toilet and I am doubled over in pain so my friend tells me to just go in the field. So I do, and evidently, human poo is a big hit with the bees because I was in the middle of a swarm right after I began my movement. I am hurrying up to finish and swatting away bees at the same time. I finally finish the deed and as I am wiping I get stung right in the neck. So I jump up screaming several dirty words that would make sailor proud and try to pull up my jeans while I am running from this swarm of bees in the middle of a carrot field. So I don't like pooping outside.

Back to the story, we hit the border, and I am having hot flashes and sharp pains strike my stomach intermittently. The line to get across was not too shabby, so we are in the US of A. But there is nothing really on the American side that I believe would make my current situation a favorable experience so we have to wait for the first border town which is another 30 miles.

Holy Crap! Mrs. Shife is starting to get concerned because I explain to her how I am feeling in terms I believe no one has ever used before. I can't verify this information but I feel strongly that I am the first to describe my predicament in the following way.

I told my lovely wife that you know at the rodeo when they put the bull in the pen and get him all fired up, then they stick a cowboy on top of him and then the bull is really fired up. He is ready to come unglued. He is pissed. He is ready to come flying out of the gate and do some damage, and it takes all the cowboys and rodeo clowns to hold that gate down until the cowboy on top says he is ready. Well that is basically what is going on with my rectum. I have bull in the pen and he is ready to dance.

Well, to make a long story less long, we pull into town and I race into the bathroom. And it is occupied. I wait and wait, start doing a little dance because we can longer abort the mission. And dancing like a dumb, white guy is an excellent way to distract the bull in the pen.
Anyway, the dude finished up, I think he wanted to have a dance off, but I said I had a turd honking for the right of way. Maybe we can dance later. And then I William Shatnered (also known as pooping) and the world was right again.

Yay me!

And here is a picture of Kyle doing what he does best ... being adorable.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Let's do this March

The days are getting longer, the temperature is getting warmer, and I am feeling the opposite of crestfallen now that the universe has started spooning with the third month of 2011. I did my best Keanu Reeves impersonation and said "Whoa" when I got to change the calendar. Being a stay-at-home Dad has definitely been an adjustment, and one of the hardest so far has been the cabin fever. Even though February is the shortest month it seemed to drag on and on this year and I am so ready for winter to be over. Besides that there are a few other items that make me very pleased that it is March
  • My little man and my lovely wife have birthdays this month. Is Kyle too young for a birthday stripper?
  • March Madness. The greatest sporting event in the history of sporting events. Not to be confused with World Cup Fever. Or Super Bowl Syphilis.
  • The Major League Soccer season gets under way as well as spring training for baseball. And in all fans hope springs eternal especially fans of the Cubs. No matter the circumstances, sports fans will always hope for the best and think that this year will be the year for their team. Fans of the Cubs have been hoping for more than 100 years.
  • Spring break. It has been a long time since we actually enjoyed a spring break but this year we are doing the pilgrimage south. I better get the thongs down to the dry cleaner.
  • Softball. It is time to shake off the rust and pretend that I am 32 for the next 7 months playing with friends on the ball field. And hopefully I don't do this or that.
  • And 11 years ago I got down on a knee and asked the love of my life to marry me. She said yes and I feel like the luckiest guy in the world having Mrs. Shife as my wife.

Mania thought my hat would look good on him as he posed for the camera. And his camo shirt did not do a good job of hiding his lunch, drool, and whatever else he thought went well with his outfit.