Friday, November 08, 2013

Accident-Free Workplace


And by accident I mean no one getting a visit from America's least loved Care Bear,  Diarrhea Bear. For almost two weeks now, at least one person in this household has not been lovin' it when it came to going numero deuce. The reigning Shifley loose stools champion is Little Miss Hayden, and she's taking it to a whole new level with her gravity-defying poop. Her shit is magical. Sorry Sir Issac Newton but you didn't have the pleasure of living with a nearly 2-year-old girl with diarrhea because otherwise you would've never said, "What goes up must come down." 
Check it out Ike. 
Hayden was standing on a chair in the dining room when she informed us that she pooped. I lifted up her shirt to assess the damage and there was a wall of doo doo going up her back. 
How does this happen? 
She was standing up, crapped, and somehow half of the fecal matter ended up not in her diaper. 
Did her poop decide to go on an adventure? 
"Screw it. We're going to be bold and daring. We're going where no poop has gone before. Yee Haw!"
Whatever the case might be, I'm glad the Diarrhea Bear has gone on to terrorize another household with its amazing poop performances. 
And in other Shifley family news, I'm glad to report that we've also been a Velociraptor-free workplace so we have that going for us, which is nice. 



Thanks for stopping by. Be excellent to each other.




I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

8 comments:

kden said...

I know, right? Straight up! Been there done that. Glad it's moved on.

Valerie said...

I can see the Shifley household has not been the place for happy bunnies recently. Still, all things come to an end... thankfully. Have to say, Matt, that I love the way you wrote about this unhappy experience... seriously, if your book is as well written I can't wait to read it. Happy weekend to you all.

Ms. Moon said...

My grandson has recently informed me that dinosaurs have gone un-extinct. So be careful out there. That's all I'm saying.

Jon said...

I read, then remember events like this and wonder why we would even consider having another kid. It could be worse: could have happened in the car, the pool, etc.

texlahoma said...

Maybe that's all behind you now.
I saw a dinosaur the other day, I gave it some candy and it went away.

billy pilgrim said...

these are your memories to treasure and these little tests are cementing your ranking as the world's best dad.

Jay Noel said...

Geez! That's horrible.

I'm so glad I'm no longer dealing with diapers. It's been an awesome 5 years, and the savings is astounding.

Kenneth Noisewater said...

She dropped the star screamer . . .

My nephews used to blow it up like that, blasting it all up their back, damn near up to their necks. Powerful boys, I must say.