Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Thoughtful, Athletic Blogger Seeking Laughs

I was going to write about the deep and diabolical messages behind "The Smurfs", but I got Smurfaphobic so instead you get the highly-anticipated real meaning behind the abbreviations in personal ads. And for those of you that just want your Baby Shife fix just skip down to the bottom to see the handsome, little man.

Women abbreviations
  • 40-ish - 48
  • Adventurer - Has had more partners than you ever will
  • Athletic - Flat-chested
  • Average looking - Ugly
  • Beautiful - Pathological liar
  • Contagious Smile - Bring your penicillin
  • Educated - College dropout
  • Emotionally Secure - Medicated
  • Feminist - Fat; ball buster
  • Free spirit - Substance user
  • Friendship first - Trying to live down reputation as slut
  • Fun - Annoying
  • Gentle - Comatose
  • Good Listener - Borderline Autistic
  • New-Age - All body hair, all the time
  • Old-fashioned - Lights out, missionary position only
  • Open-minded - Desperate
  • Outgoing - Loud
  • Passionate - Loud
  • Poet - Depressive Schizophrenic
  • Professional - Real Witch
  • Romantic - Looks better by candle light
  • Voluptuous - Very Fat
  • Weight proportional to height - Hugely Fat
  • Wants soul mate - One step away from stalking
  • Widow - Nagged first husband to death
  • Young at heart - Toothless crone
Male abbreviations
  • 40-ish- 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
  • Athletic - Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
  • Average looking - Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
  • Educated- Will always treat you like an idiot
  • Free Spirit- Sleeps with your sister
  • Friendship first - As long as friendship involves nudity
  • Fun - Good with a remote and a six pack
  • Good looking - Arrogant
  • Honest - Pathological Liar
  • Huggable - Overweight, more body hair than a bear
  • Likes to cuddle- Insecure, overly dependent
  • Mature - Until you get to know him
  • Open-minded - Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
  • Physically fit - I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself
  • Poet - Has written on a bathroom stall
  • Spiritual - Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
  • Stable - Occasional stalker, but never arrested
  • Thoughtful - Says "Please" when demanding a beer



We took the little man to our alma mater, the University of Idaho, to watch their football home opener. And this is Mrs. Shife and Baby Shife getting ready to get their tailgate on.

The Shifleys enjoying some football action.


Game over and the Idaho Vandals win so they come over and sing the fight song to the fans. Probably my favorite picture of the day because of the look on Baby Shife's face. He looks shocked that our team won the game. And to be honest I was a little shocked they won too.






Confessions of a Dumb, White Guy - Blogged

14 comments:

Kori said...

Hey, dude, we just got a Basset Hound last week; she is gorgeous!

And love the personals interpretations; thank god I am out of hte game so I don't even have to try to find the hidden meaning!

Crystal Posey said...

LOVE IT! I gotta get The Husband reading your blog.

I love the second picture, awesome! And tell Mrs. Shife that she looks great to have such a young one.

JanuskieZ said...

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Ananda girl said...

Ha! I loved the personals meanings so much that I had to print them out. "Unusual hair growth on ears nose and back" reminds me of my 7th grade English teacher. Yikes.

The Shife family looks good and happy. Lucky you!

Valerie said...

Oh my, I should have read this first thing in the morning. It would have set me up for a day in the office. Loved the interpretation of young at heart... haha say no more, woman, you'll give the game away.
I left a return comment on my blog begging for a fix on the day of the BIG EVENT. I meant a fix of baby Shife, what else could I possibly mean lol. Mrs Shife is lovely, by the way. Lovely family altogether.

Red said...

Ugh. The dating scene. Don't miss that at all. "Hi. Wanna touch my penis?" UH, no I was just thinking meet for a beer."Okay, well then you can touch my penis after I buy you a beer." Replace with any topic, rinse, repeat. Bleah.

I just vanquished Twitter from my blog and put my Twitter settings to private so I wouldn't get any more porn spammers. I think you kept getting a prompt for username and password because of the twitter feed. It shouldn't happen anymore. If it does, let me know.

Handsome family ;-) Baby Shife looks like he is singing along in that bottom pic. CUTE!

unokhan said...

he's a real cutie and i hope for everybody's sake he enjoys sports as much as ma and pa

Jon said...

The second picture looks like either you're about to throw him on the field, or he's just surprised to be there. Either way, he's still cute as hell.

billy pilgrim said...

i think all those ads should end with caveat emptor.

Megan said...

Spot on with the abbreviations. Absolutely SPOT ON.

Hang in there, Lil Shife!

Phats said...

First off the smurfs are amazing!

Secondly these are really funny I laughed out loud at a few of them

third- Great picture! GO VANDALS!! Finish the job Purdue couldn't please

Elizabeth Bradley said...

Love that last shot!

Limon Partido said...

Now this is hysterical...just coming back from vacation as a single mama with my two girls and can I tell you how so not looking forward to dating I am? seriously? gives me the jeevies.... Baby Shife is just gorgeous and just coming into his own..my favorite time..when they are about 9 months you can absolutely tell what their personalities will be like and the Mrs. is beautiful too....

Awesome Guy said...

2 picture is so lovely, Love it