Friday, September 01, 2017

Revisiting Labor Day 2006


Looking back on an old Labor Day post and boy, oh, boy how times have changed.
No kiddos. We had a life before Kyle and Hayden? 
I used the word "so" a lot. Is that good or bad or who cares? 
A portable DVD player. Do they even make these anymore? 
I was wearing underwear. What? When did that happen? 

I updated it with some awesome GIFs and I apologize for the lack of originality this week but I am just starting to feel like myself after a difficult week adjusting to new anxiety meds. More on that some other day. Thanks for stopping by. Have a wonderful Labor Day weekend. Talk soon.


Well I have been meaning to share this story for a little bit now, but a little thing called work has kept getting in the way. For the Labor Day weekend, Mrs. Shife and I went to her parent's house over the long weekend. It is roughly a little more than six hours. We hit the road after work and were on our way. Mrs. Shife drove, and I enjoyed some fabulous cinematic adventures on my portable DVD player. 
Well as the miles started to rack up something strange started to manifest itself in my pants. I am not sure if it was because I was sitting in the same position for hours or if there was sudden change in cabin pressure or if I had a dormant case of crotch rot that only surfaced in eastern Oregon or if I just suffered from itchy butt syndrome. 
Whatever the heck was going on in the Fruit of the Loom kingdom is still a mystery but somebody was going to get hurt if there was not a resolution to this drama. 
So I was faced with a bit of dilemma: Do I ask my lovely wife to pull over so I can further investigate to see if I am smuggling carpenter ants in my pants or do I just take matters into my own hands? 
Mrs. Shife's reaction looked a lot like the following GIFs so that might give you an idea of what I decided to do.



I pulled down my shorts, grabbed my underwear, and started pulling. It is amazing how easily those cotton nut huggers fall to pieces when you pull hard enough.
I yanked, tugged, heaved, ripped, jerked, wrenched, cried, etc. and after about 10 minutes the only thing left was an elastic waistband. 
I could have easily said, "Mrs. Shife can you please pull over. I am experiencing some mild discomfort south of the border." 
But since I am stubborn man, I decided I would rather pluck those panties off right then and there in the thriving metropolis that is Milton-Freewater while we were cruising at a speed of 70 miles per hour. 
So I am down one pair of skivvies, but the joy I felt after being released from my undergarments was almost indescribable. 
There you go; the highlight of my Labor Day weekend, but please do not shed any tears for the shredded Hanes because those undies died an honorable death. I do believe that my violent behavior towards my intimate apparel makes me ineligible to be an underwear model, but damn it, the truth had to be told to prevent this from happening to another innocent victim. Yes, it is true, underwear are not always fun to wear.




I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

8 comments:

Jon said...

Sometimes you just have to take care of business. I too find myself in shock that there was a life before children.

jenny_o said...

LOL!!! Thanks for the trip down memory lane, I think :)

It sucks to be on the first week (or six) of new meds. My daughter is only too familiar with the drill. Good luck; I hope this is a good one for you, and that it kicks in fairly quickly.

Have a restful (or exciting, whichever you'd rather) long weekend, Mr and Mrs S and the two little S's :) Oh! and Ms F! Of course!

kden said...

We had a portable dvd player, we thought it was awesome! We'd take it on vacation and sit by a campfire at night and watch a movie eating popcorn. The simple life was good :) Have a good weekend.

Stephen Hayes said...

But what was the cause of the problem? That wasn't the first time you wore that underwear, or was it?

Valerie said...

LOL... I'll keep looking in to see if you answer Stephen's question!! Oh, and thanks for your lovely reply to my recent post.

billy pilgrim said...

bummer man. were the eagles playing on the radio? try putting on a creedence tape next time.

the dogs' mother said...

ak! :-)
We are in south Oregon, lots and lots of smoke.

Mr. Shife said...

@Stephen and @Val: It wasn't the first time I wore underwear but it was the last time I wore those ones. =) I don't think I ever had a good reason for destroying them. They just were not comfy and I didn't want them on anymore. I wish it was something more exciting.