Friday, December 09, 2016

Mr. Shife's Snapshots from the Week

  • A holiday email I received from a doctor that I allowed to probe me. Not in that way, you perverts. Jeez. A man has to know his limitations and being probed anally is definitely where I draw the line. It probably would explain why I haven't been abducted by aliens.  Anyway, I thought the first sentence was interesting: "We would like to say thank you?" Like they weren't sure and wanted my permission. Maybe I'm on the naughty list year. I want to write back and say "You're welcome?"

  • I was a little surprised at the directions on the Echinacea pills that I bought. According to the manufacturer, I need to 1 pill 7 times a day preferably with a meal. And a meal - according to the dictionary - is when a large amount of food is eaten. After I finish this bottle of pills, I will be off to the Short and Squatty store to get my new pants. I couldn't think of anything as elegant as Big and Tall. Maybe Petite and Husky? Or perhaps Stubby and Chunky? 
  • I still get a chuckle seeing a reminder from our vet about Ms. Frizzle's next appointment. Just seeing her name makes me laugh. 


  • The good news is that I won the Seattle Times "Holiday Cooking Horror Stories Contest." The bad news is that the gift card is for a local restaurant in Seattle. Looks like some of our relatives will be enjoying dinner on the Shifes.  You're welcome. Do I still get good karma when I don't really mean that polite response? 
  • Have you been wondering what Angelina Jolie has been up to since her split with Brad Pitt?
    Of course, you have. Well, she's been reading my blog. I'm not surprised. I mean I just won a holiday story contest. I'm glad that I'm able to be a source of comfort in these difficult times for her. Man, I'm a swell guy. 


Thanks for stopping by. I will talk to you soon.


I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.


7 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

New labby puppy Finn is coming for a visit
lab cousins, Tar and Abby, tomorrow.
Will they come up with a new adventure
for Uncle Matt to write about

Jon said...

Congratulations on the win, but that's definitely an odd thing to win. Hope the relatives enjoy it.

Stephen Hayes said...

Look for me at the stubby and chunky store.

Valerie said...

Congratulations on winning the contest ... do we get to see it or part of it? And how nice that Angelina made a comment. Personalised messages seem to be all the rage now... not sure I approve but then I'm still with businesslike attitudes when perhaps I should let go. Have a great weekend, Matt.

jenny_o said...

Short and Squatty - you made me laugh. Is there by any chance an S&S For Her store because I want to shop there. Good job on the contest and I'm sure your relatives will be just as happy as you would have been, which is not much comfort, maybe?

:)

E. Rosewater said...

in a few years you might run into me at the dazed and confused store. (i wouldn't trust that jolie woman as far as i could throw her.)

kden said...

You've had a very funny and interesting week.