Mr. Shife's Snapshots from the Week

• A holiday email I received from a doctor that I allowed to probe me. Not in that way, you perverts. Jeez. A man has to know his limitations and being probed anally is definitely where I draw the line. It probably would explain why I haven't been abducted by aliens.  Anyway, I thought the first sentence was interesting: "We would like to say thank you?" Like they weren't sure and wanted my permission. Maybe I'm on the naughty list year. I want to write back and say "You're welcome?"

• I was a little surprised at the directions on the Echinacea pills that I bought. According to the manufacturer, I need to 1 pill 7 times a day preferably with a meal. And a meal - according to the dictionary - is when a large amount of food is eaten. After I finish this bottle of pills, I will be off to the Short and Squatty store to get my new pants. I couldn't think of anything as elegant as Big and Tall. Maybe Petite and Husky? Or perhaps Stubby and Chunky? 

• I still get a chuckle seeing a reminder from our vet about Ms. Frizzle's next appointment. Just seeing her name makes me laugh. 

• The good news is that I won the Seattle Times "Holiday Cooking Horror Stories Contest." The bad news is that the gift card is for a local restaurant in Seattle. Looks like some of our relatives will be enjoying dinner on the Shifes.  You're welcome. Do I still get good karma when I don't really mean that polite response? 

• Have you been wondering what Angelina Jolie has been up to since her split with Brad Pitt?
  Of course, you have. Well, she's been reading my blog. I'm not surprised. I mean I just won a holiday story contest. I'm glad that I'm able to be a source of comfort in these difficult times for her. Man, I'm a swell guy. 

Thanks for stopping by. I will talk to you soon.


I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.