Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Random Acts of Shifeness

  • Maybe it is a mid-life crisis but I am contemplating changing the name of my private parts. What do you think of Bill and Ted as my testicles and my penis being called The Excellent Adventure?
  • The latest installment of Indiana Jones came out on DVD this week. I saw it in the theater and really did not care for it. I could not really put a finger on it but then an episode of "South Park" really cleared it up for me. Indiana Jones was raped.

  • I was listening to a podcast and the guy was talking about the gayest phrases he ever heard. Here they are, and which one do you think is the gayest?
    -- "I just saw Wicked for the second time in San Francisco"
    -- "I just went dildo shopping with Richard Simmons in West Hollywood"
    -- "I just got my ass waxed by the Village People"
    -- "I attended a Feng Shui conference with Clay Aiken in Key West"
    -- "I am a Cubs fan"

  • And my public service announcement of the week

18 comments:

Megan said...

As long as you don't tattoo them on, I think you should be able to name your private parts whatever you like.

And that public service announcement works both ways, ladies!

Ms. Moon said...

Gayest phrase ever uttered in my opinion: "I am gay and just had gay sex."

Jon said...

"Bill and Ted" and "The Excellent Adventure" sounds great. Of course, having the Mrs. relearn it could prove interesting. What if she calls him the wrong name??

billy pilgrim said...

holy shit!

i know some cubs fans!

thanks for the tip.

Booya said...

Most excellent *air guitar*

I had to change the name of mine as well. I thought if they were named after a popular group that they would be more popular with the wife. Apparently “Big Head Todd and the Monsters” doesn’t just scream romance to the wife. I hope that she is a fan of the classics because now it’s “Little Elvis and the Twins”.

INNER VOICES said...

i guess if i were to rename name it would have to be "the boys and the hood"... heh heh...

Woozie said...

I like Ultor Fuckhammer.

Suzanne said...

I'll take them in the order in which they were recieved:

1) Private Parts
They're yours. Name um whatever the hell you like. However, my suggestion is "Big Rod and the Dingleberries."

(Sorry, won't look at anything having to do with rape, I'll just trust you.)

2) Gay Phrases
I lived in West Hollywood in a luxury highrise on Doheney overlooking Beverely Hills (Doheney separates the east side of BH and the west side of WH). I even went to Richard Simmons work out joint in BH to find out about membership because I'd put on 10 lbs and was too embarrassed to go to a regular BH's joint. I walked in and felt terrible uncomfortable despite being treated like gold. I was an insult to the larger women. I just wanted to lose a few pounds and women at Richard Simmons' place had bigger issues and didn't need someone like me coming in and making them feel insecure. I got the information, left and never went back. I started walking and lost the weight.

Oh right, I digress.

Gay Phrases:
I don't know? I guess I'll have to go with the Richard Simmons one because West Hollywood is such a fantastic place. Lots of creative people and a whole hell of a lot of fun. Oh, and beautiful too! Oh, and right, next to BH! BONUS!

3) Public Service Announcement:
My advice is to watch out for the men too. You never know what's lurking in the hood.

Love ya! XO

Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I once said, "I just waxed Richard Simmons' ass," so I guess I'm not gay.

Essentially Me said...

Your first thought gave me the laugh I needed.

Suzanne said...

Here are my suggestions:

shifes bunker buster
shifes blue-veined custard chucker
shifes chromosome snake
shifes erector cervix inspector
shifes love loaf
shifes love lolly

Phats said...

BOO to the Cubs comment, Always next year I guess.

This was a good post til I got to the cubbies comment

Penelope said...

Seriously, where do you find this stuff???

I don't know. The 'Stros play at Minute Maid Park. I always thought that was just a little bit girlie for professional sports.

Karen

Travis Erwin said...

You never fail to make me laugh. Thanks for that.

BBC said...

Well, I just returned from four days of camping, and I'm sorry I returned.

Screw this planet and it's women and their head games.

The Phoenix said...

the drip...yet another memeber of the axis of evil

TOPolk said...

I'll approve only if you name your asshole the "Bogus Journey."

texlahoma said...

"I attended a Feng Shui conference with Clay Aiken in Key West" that sounds pretty gay to me.
Sweet & Dude and Car are nice names.
If you said "Dude, where's my car?"
You would be asking one of your balls where your dick was.