Friday, November 25, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving 2016

Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Most of the visitors to the Casa de Shifley 2016 turkey day extravaganza were really thankful for modern medicine.
Mrs. Shife had an allergic reaction to something that led to an "awesome" rash all over her body.
I decided to add a sinus infection to my to-do list this week.
And my sister-in-law either has strep throat, the flu or is going through heroin detox. We are pretty sure it's strep but you never know about her. After all, she is the one who saw me in my thong underwear.
So what's new with me?
Well, my wonderful Aunt Kathy mentioned that the Seattle Times was looking for holiday cooking horror stories and I should submit a Thanksgiving story that happened at her house a few years ago.
I did and they published it.
Here's the link or you can just read it below.

Twas the night before Black Friday, when all the through the abode
The labs were stirring, even the one from a different zip code.
The vomit was projected by the back door with unrestrained care
In the hopes that someone would arrive soon to help their despair.
The adults and children were all startled out of their beds
As visions of WTF danced in their heads.
And as we released the dogs to finish their puke attack
We soon discovered they had more to do than just yak.
When out on the lawn the labs began to seek sweet relief
Everyone watched with curiosity that soon turned to disbelief.
Like a flash, it came out of their rears
A black toxic sludge that had them in tears.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave a luster to these horrible objects below.
When what to our wondering eyes did appear
A trail of oil from the turkey fryer used downstairs by the family’s engineer.
We now knew why the labs were to the door so lively and quick
They had in a moment been led astray by the temptations of a turkey oil slick.
This Thanksgiving was one for the ages,
Now it was time to find the carpet cleaner in the yellow pages.



There were a couple of close calls but, fortunately, no incidents with the newest lab in the family. 
Ms. Frizzle just had a few pieces of turkey and called it a good night on her first Thanksgiving. 




I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

9 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

It is a Thanksgiving Classic :-)
Abby and Tar send loves to Ms.Frizzle.
Tis the Apple Cup - go Cougs!

jenny_o said...

Oh, gah ... Well, better the labs than the peoples, maybe? This reminds me of Ogden Nash's poetry! Good going, Mr. S. I hope Mrs. S's allergy recedes quickly.

Stephen Hayes said...

So sorry to hear Mrs. Shife had a bad reaction. I hope she recovers soon.

Jon said...

There are some holiday seasons like that. Hope you guys get to feeling better soon. Congrats on the story being published, but so sorry to imagine the incident that inspired it.

Valerie said...

Hope everyone enjoyed Thanksgiving as best they good and are back to normal now and all sickness removed from the Shifley household. Enjoyed the story, at least I think I did....grins.

kden said...

We were all sick last year; no fun. Leftovers are just as good :)

billy pilgrim said...

sounds like a thanksgiving to remember amd very well stated in verse.

almost all the dogs i've known over the years can't hold their turkey, much like i couldn't hold my tequila years ago. but the dogs, like myself, never let nasty side effects influence their behavior.

LL Cool Joe said...

Well we don't celebrate Thanksgiving here in the UK but I hope you had a good holiday despite all the illness!

Chris said...

Hope you're all feeling better now, and congrats on getting that story/poem published!