Tuesday, November 03, 2009

The Murtaugh List

The Murtaugh List is a list made famous by the TV show "How I Met Your Mother" and is inspired by Danny Glover's character Roger Murtaugh in the movie series "Lethal Weapon." Murtaugh's catch phrase in these movies was "I'm too old for this shit" Putting something on the Murtaugh List acknowledges that as you grow up, there's stuff you just can no longer do that you did in your youth.
So what might be on your Murtaugh List?
Here are a few that would be on my list:
  1. Going to a bar that has been featured on "Girls Gone Wild."
  2. Dropping E and going to a rave.
  3. Jagermeister.
  4. Crash on a friend's futon for the night instead of getting a hotel room.
  5. Tea bag a friend.
  6. Suck the white filling out of twinkies in a portapotty.
  7. Get another tattoo.
  8. Karaoke a certain song by "The Backstreet Boys."
  9. Wear the fashion of Magnum P.I. The big busy mustache, the short shorts, the shirt unbuttoned down to your penis.
  10. Incorporate "How much extra for the midget?" into a sentence on a semi-regular basis.
  11. Make a love connection in jail.
  12. To be featured on any Fox reality show especially "When Animals Attack," "Cops," or "America's Most Wanted."
  13. Eat at a Chinese buffet restaurant.
  14. Be assassinated by a Ninja.
  15. Buy shirts from the "I'm Not Having Any Sex Catalog."
  16. Join the Dr. Phil Fan Club.
  17. Get into a food fight with a cannibal.
  18. Renew my membership to the International Federation of Americans against Plumber's Ass.
  19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
  20. Tell this joke again: Two cows were standing in a field when one goes, "Mooo." The other replies, "Damn, I was just about say that."

And here is a picture of Mrs. Shife and Baby Shife dressed up for Halloween:


Have a great week!


P.S. 100 Tools and Resources to Teach Yourself Sign Language

20 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Hey! That was a good joke.
You have a beautiful wife and son. You got the whole world in your hands. Or at least your house.

Kori said...

Um, I hope that you didn't or wouldn't have done a few of those things no matter HOW young you were! Yikes. Just-yikes. I will let YOU guess which few gave me the shudders.

I agree with Ms. Moon, too; gorgeous family.

And I am starting to hate my Bassett; she STILL shits everywhere!

Megan said...

Nice list and nice picture!

Please, please tell me that twinkies one is not a euphemism...

Random Chick said...

What is it with you and midgets? LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Baby Shife's monkey costume! He's so damn cute!!!

Mr. Shife said...

Ms. Moon - Thank you. Always appreciate your wonderful comments.

Kori - A few of the items on the list might have been added just for humor, but some of those I most certainly have done and hope to never do again. Hope your basset problems get getter.

Megan - Thanks Megan. That twinkies one better not be a euphemism or someone has a lot of explaining to do.

RC - I think it is because everyone on my Mom's side of the family is barely 5 feet tall or it might have been because a midget convention was going on in the same hotel I was staying during a high school soccer tournament. My buddies and I got pretty wasted with some of the little people. A very interesting night. And did you see Baby Shife's wings? It is hard to see in the picture but he had on wings to be one of the flying monkeys. And yes he is a cutie pie. Thank you.

Red said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Red said...

Oh that's brilliant. I was just catching up with a girlfriend from high school today and we were swapping war stories about how we can't do "this" anymore and we used to do "that". I'll peruse the Murtaugh list and post it on Corndog.
Props to Handsome Baby Shife and a Wonderfully Wicked Mrs. Shife.
BTW, did you check out the dipshatner that pulled an "Al Jolson" over at mah blahg?(See the "Ladies and Gentlemen WTF" post for some wholesome family entertainment.) Good times.

Valerie said...

That cow joke was rife when I was a kid... it must have been resurrected when you were ... grins. Gotta love this week's picture of the glamorous Mrs Shife and the cutest, cuddliest, most kissable Baby Shife.

Elizabeth Bradley said...

Hilarious. Love babies in Halloween costumes.

Ananda girl said...

Crack up of a list! The Bear used to beg me all through her high school years for me to buy her a pet midget for Christmas.

Cute joke... gorgeous wife and you know how I feel about Baby Shife. He's a cute little monkey! You are a lucky man Shife, but you know that. Fat basset is the icing on the cake.

angel, jr. said...

We must never ever, ever sing Backstreet Boys karaoke!

Leah said...

What an awesome list. I'm going to come up with mine.

The Missus and the Baby Monkey have entered new realms of adorability.

texlahoma said...

"How much extra for the midget?" LOL!
You seem to be on the same "wave length" as my old friends and I were back in the day. Thanks for the cheer up.

Hey Jo said...

Good joke.

I would have to add that I can no longer do drunk cartwheels followed by a back handspring. Have to now just stick with the cartwheels. My head making contact with the concrete doesn't heal like it used to.

billy pilgrim said...

baby shife continues to be the luckiest baby on the planet.

in my youth i lived a block away from a big chinese buffet. i staggered into that place on a regular basis. i miss those days.

merelyme said...

Your monkey is precious. Awesome family.
Same expression on the face as my little guy, "...and we're doing this because...???"
My hubby and I wonder who enjoyed this year better...the youngin or us!?
Now I want a twinkie.

Phats said...

what a great halloween costume!! Love it. what were you?

I don't watch How I met your mother everyone tells me to, but I always forget.

Steph said...

You're making me feel OLD!
P.S your baby is just delicious!

Red said...

I'm riding dem coat tails of yours.

The Egg said...

Loved the costume! I'm sure he had a blast.
Funny list. I recently got a tattoo. I just had to have a reason to be more crazy than ever. It'll be the last:)