Friday, May 25, 2018

It's Getting Hot in Here

I accidentally invented a new activity: hot napping.
Think of it like hot yoga but you are unconscious.


It’s not the most ideal way to take a nap, but there are worse.


I was tired and needed a nap and I decided to let Hayden watch cartoons instead of playing outside because I am the best daddy ever.
Her words, not mine.
Just to set the record straight, I am also the worst daddy ever when I say no to cartoons.
While she was learning about the latest shenanigans that Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash and Applejack were getting into at Ponyville, I was sprawled out on the couch underneath a blanket and ready to recharge.


After being unconscious for about 10 minutes, I was abruptly awakened from my mid-afternoon slumber because I was sweating like a squirrel on a griddle without his special griddle dancing shoes. 


Naturally, I blamed the blanket for my rise in body temperature and sent it on its way.


A few minutes later the sweating continued and I proclaimed:
“What in the wide world of fudge is going on!!”
I went through my mental checklist to make sure nothing was out of the ordinary:
  • Did we recently move to the Sun?
  • Am I in a sauna?
  • Am I going through puberty?
  • Am I going through menopause?
  • Was I getting an early onset case of World Cup fever?
  • Am I going through heroin withdrawals? 
  • Maybe I was dreaming about being a fitness instructor at a popular gym in the 80s and John Travolta wanted to interview me? (If you know this reference, then a big high-five to you)
  • Was I a graduate history student unwittingly caught in the middle of an international conspiracy involving stolen diamonds and being interrogated by a Nazi war criminal? (If you know this reference, then you, as Jeff Spicoli might say, are: Awesome! Totally Awesome!)

Nothing out of the ordinary except for the nice case of swamp butt I picked up during my short snooze fest.
As the realization crept in that I was getting no more sleep, I sadly sat up from my unsatisfactory attempt at some sufficient shut-eye.
However, this new vantage point was quite enlightening as I learned what led to the demise of my afternoon siesta.
When Hayden was grabbing the TV remote from the remote drawer, she accidentally turned on our electric fireplace and cranked it up to dragon mode.


The fireplace is a few feet away from the couch and it can really churn out the heat especially when it’s a warm, spring day.   


So when “hot napping” becomes the next big thing you can tell everyone you know how it all began.

Thanks for stopping by, talk soon and enjoy the Memorial Day weekend.







I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

8 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

Hope your weekend is cooler. :-)

Bea said...

I think on will pass on the 'hot napping', thanks very much! :D

Although I was around in the 80s and just yesterday quoted Spicoli (or rather mangled the quote involving Jeff, a Van shoe & his head), I can't for the life of me get your references. #80sFail

I do, however, appreciate the Airplane snippet with Robert Whatshisname sweating it out in the cockpit.

Jon said...

To tell you the truth, I think we invented that here in Florida years ago, but we don't have a patent on the process, so go for it.
Sorry for missing on commenting on last week's post. I read it, but it was a hectic weekend. Won't happen again!

jenny_o said...

This is hilarious except for the part where you didn't get the nap you wanted. Now, THAT is serious stuff.

Those gifs are well chosen :)

Have a great weekend, Mr. S.

Harry Hamid said...

You forgot to include the part where you sweated off 10 pounds and now look even more svente and sexy than before.

kden said...

That is rather amusing! At least you found out there was a cure.

Valerie said...

Laughing fit to drop here, Matt. I guessed right, though, it was a heater of some description. Are you still the best daddy ever? Have a nice cool weekend.

Mr. Shife said...
This comment has been removed by the author.