Friday, September 14, 2012

Deja Puke

It was late Wednesday of this week, and I just got home from a softball game. It was a nice evening. No real complaints. I got to drink some beers with my friends, play some ball, and enjoy another fine summer evening in Idaho. Then it hit me. An epiphany. A moment of clarity.
I knew what I was missing from my pretty good night.
I needed to hug the toilet while I puked my guts out while I was simultaneously clinching my butt cheeks together so I would not crap my pants.
Yes indeed that is what I wanted.
Oh boy how I missed having food poisoning. It has been awhile since you last paid me a visit. I still get abdominal cramping when I drive by that Chinese buffet restaurant. All-you-can-vomit and crap for $8.99. Good times.
So yes that was my Wednesday evening. Evidently I ate some bad pork for lunch and it manifested itself into a full-blown toxic distress of my plumbing. And I what I really love about food poisoning is it is the gift that keeps on giving. It is so awesome waking yourself up at 5 in the morning because you realized that fart was actually a shart and you just shit your pants. Have a great weekend.







I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.

9 comments:

Jay Noel said...

That is horrible. Eating out these days is a gamble. I hope you feel better, man.

Valerie said...

Don't the food establishments have health checks? Well, I hope you feel better now; there's nothing worse than food poisoning, at least it seems that way when you get it. Have a pleasant weekend.

Ms. Moon said...

Try to think of it as a cleansing experience.
Right? You can do that.

kden said...

I've never had food poisoning, but have had enough bouts of stomach flu to know that I wouldn't want it. Hope you're feeling better today.

Red said...

OH GOOD NIGHT! I'm so sorry to hear about your adventures in brown water rafting. UGH. Hope you get to feeling much much better very soon. Say 'hi' to the Tidy Bowl Captain for me ;-)

billy pilgrim said...

just like a radiator flush. toss in some alcohol for antifreeze and you're ready for winter.

Jon said...

Oh dear. My sympathies to you on that. Think of it as an extreme weight loss program.

Don't unplug your hub. said...

I suppose it could have been the beer. Anyway it sounds like that place needs a visit from the health department. Hope you feel better soon.

texlahoma said...

Oh, I've been there. You know you don't feel as sorry for a person that just partied to hard as you do for someone that just wanted something to eat, so you've got my sympathy. Nice pic btw.

Scary development: Your pic wearing a dress is starting to grow on me. ;)