To the best of my knowledge and beliefs, the words I am about to type are true and no names have been changed to protect their drunken behavior.
Like so many other great ideas, this great idea was concocted after the consumption of too many beers. It was 2002 and a cold Friday night with not a lot going on in Boise so naturally me and friends decided to drink beers after work until we found something to do because that is how all epic failures, I mean adventures begin. After a few beers and a cab ride downtown, we were at a bar doing the same thing we were doing at my friend's house: drinking beers and trying to figure out what to do. At least now we were in a bar where we could people watch and make fun others which made us feel better about ourselves. Fast forward a few hours later, and try to guess what we were doing.
And ... time is up.
All of you who answered bung darts with lemur monkeys are absolutely in need of therapy.
Of course we were still drinking, making fun of others, and still figuring out what to do. I would guess we are about 5 hours into the drinking - and did I mention I am a professional drinker so this is par for the course. After a stint in the Navy, and 5 years in fraternity, it is safe to say I could put away a few beers. Now don't be alarmed as I am fully retired from those days as I have a wife, kids, and other responsibilities that do not mesh well with being a professional drinker. OK I need to focus and get going with this story. Finally an epiphany was found at the bottom of one of the beer bottles or it might have been a poster in the bathroom. We need to go to a strip club. We put it to a vote. All in favor say I, and we reminded those who didn't say I that we will hide condiments in uncomfortable spaces in their body's orifices after they pass out.
Surprisingly it was unanimous.
Off to the strip club we go, and then I remembered why I don't like strip clubs. The drinks are way overpriced, it is dark for a reason and those reasons frighten me, it is loud, it is a little depressing, it gets boring pretty quickly, and I can think of better things to do than spend $20 dances on a 2-minute lap dance like drink beers and make fun of other people.
We have been at the club for about an hour and I am done. Ready to move on to another destination. I look at my friends and they have the same look of apathy. Remember it is loud and trying to hold a conversation is almost as impossible as getting the Democrats and Republicans to agree on anything so I do what any good friend would do and take matters into my own hands.
I notice there was break in the action between dancers as Sultry Smegma just finished and Curvaceous Crustina was about to take the main stage so with the calmness, poise, grace, and charm of a Wal-Mart shopper on Black Friday I leapt to my feet and jumped on the stage. Knowing I had mere seconds before I would be "gently" taken off stage by some yoked-up neanderthals, I had to make this moment legend .... wait for it .... dary. I hopped up on the pole and starting to pull myself up as fast as I could. The "friendly" staff made their way to the stage but I was out of reach of their dinosaur arms. And I just kept climbing, and then looking down waving to my buddies who of course were cheering me on, and then looking at the "pleasant" bouncers (Honestly I think they were more pissed because I interrupted their "How You Can Read At A 6th-Grade Level in 3 Simple Lessons" meeting) to show them how the universal signal for you are #1. This little game continued for a few more minutes, and then I graciously came down from my pole perch to face my punishment. The "kind" men escorted me and my friends out of the building, and "politely" told us we were banned for life. I did get a few singles shoved into my Levis so the cab ride home was on me as we went back to my buddy's house where we .... you will never believe it .... drank a few beers trying to figure out something to do tomorrow.
Have a nice weekend.
I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.