The Art of Manliness

I don't know if it is permanently etched into the male DNA or maybe there are just select bunch of weirdos out there that do stuff like the following: 

  • One must slap a large bagged product. I pretty much do this to any bagged product. Big bags of dog food, landscaping rock, mulch, etc. Watch out large bagged products, it is go time when I am wandering around the garden section at Home Depot. 
  • You have to rip off icicles from roofs and throw big rocks in lakes when given the opportunity.
  • Always clean the sides of the toilet bowl with your urine stream. 
  • Some tools require "testing" before use them. Examples include: the "click click" of the tongs, squeezing the trigger of a power drill a couple times, spinning the socket of a ratchet wrench to make sure it's going the right way, and, last but not least, using the stud finder on yourself to make sure it works.
  • When leaving, you must smack your pockets to make sure everything (wallet, phone, keys) is there.
  • Folks of a certain age have a story about finding some pornography in the woods. I don't know if there were porno gnomes who hid Playboys under rocks or logs but it seems like everyone who is around my age range has found an adult magazine in a forested area. 



Can you relate to any of these things? 

Quotable 

I am still writing Hayden notes for her lunch and occasionally I run across a quote or two that really resonates with me. Here are this week's winners:
  • Comparison is the thief of joy. - Theodore Roosevelt 
  • Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat. - F. Scott Fitzgerald
  • Be curious, not judgmental - Walt Whitman

Meme dump





I will persevere.
I will keep moving forward.
I will be the stream.

Comments

  1. Lol on the porno in the woods! I know it happened to my husband!!! This reminds me of my favorite David Sedaris story, where he finds a pornographic book in the woods. It’s one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever read.

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    1. I will have to look up that story, Bijoux.

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  2. Looks like I'm going to have to start wandering the woods.

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  3. I love quotes! Those are good ones. I've never found anything "interesting" in the woods, but back when we used to take our class out once a month to clean the high school parking lot, I found a photo of a young man's genitals, thankfully with no face attached. If it had been one of my students...Oh, ugh.

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    1. Well that probably made for an interesting day, Margaret.

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  4. I love that you put notes in Hayden's lunch. The last quote is something we all need to remember big time.

    I think the things you mentioned you do are mostly man-things but I ALWAYS click the tongs. It's just the right thing to do. lol

    Another man-thing is drumming with whatever writing implement you happen to be holding. Double-handed drumming is even better. I may be guilty of this also. But heck, we're all a little of the other gender, aren't we?

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    1. Thanks, jenny_o. Yes, people are more alike than they think but it seems like we tend to focus on our differences, which is a shame.

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  5. The only thing I don't do is slap bags, I work with so many of them I'd soon get in trouble. And the porn wasn't a magazine, just pictures of men torn from a magazine... really odd.

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    1. Makes sense about the bags since you work at a place where there's probably lots of bag slapping, Dave R.

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  6. As to your list:
    Yes.
    No.
    I don’t think so.
    Always.
    Yes.
    Sadly, never.

    And a big fat YES to that Whitman quote.

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    1. I guess you need to take more excursions into the woods, Bob.

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  7. My brother in law is up close and personal with most everything in every store. He peruses
    aisles, talking mower to lawn mowers, whirr to drills, snap crackle to cereal. He's 77 and never been arrested or run off.

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    1. Sounds like a good dude, Joanne.

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  8. I’m guilty of all the middle ones. Never found porn in the woods but I lived so remote that the woods are further than most want to go for their stash. But I did find it in other stashes.

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    1. More things that we have in common, Ed.

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  9. I've never found porn in the woods. Maybe it's a guy thing? You are a great Dad to leave the notes for Hayden! I love the Walt Whitman quote.

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  10. I can relate to some of those. I have found magazines in the woods, I use to slap my pockets to check for phone and wallet (but now I just use a murse--so everything is in there. Let's just call it what it is, a purse), icicles yes-- with the excuse that if it falls on it's own it will hurt someone, definitely clean the toilet that way--so I don't have to break out that nasty gross brush that I keep on the side, every tong gets squeezed before use, does shaking a bag of food count as slapping it, cause I do shake bags of food (frozen goods, chips, cookies).

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    1. I am getting a fancy fanny pack for my birthday, JM, so I will not have to check myself before I head outdoors.

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  11. Let me think:
    Nope, large bags are just large bags
    Yes to the icicles and the bowl. Have no idea those were things done by people.
    Nope to the powertools. I stay away from them on my behalf and that of fellow humans.
    Nope to the 'keys, wallet, phone' thing. That's why I always go out with a bag or a crossbody.
    Yes to the porn. It was a big stash.

    And that light at the end of the tunnel? I cackled.
    As for Walt Whitman? He was right.

    XOXO

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    1. I will be out of the patting game soon as I am getting a fancy fanny pack for my birthday, Sixpence.

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  12. I can relate to many of those--I've actually been mocked at patting pockets to makes sure I have keys, wallet, cell phone, pin and pencil, as I leave home.

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    1. I haven't been mocked yet, Jeff, but I am sure the kids will soon as they get older.

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  13. A bobcat not named Bob was hilarious. No. I have never found porn in the woods. However, my son claimed to have discovered a six pack of beer in the river while fishing with friends on a day that he should have been in school. He was discovered by the father of one of his teachers. Sad note: I believed him about the beer.

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    1. Beer in the river is pretty common here in Idaho, Debby.

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  14. Oh dear, I'm semi-manly! All this time I was blaming my beard on menopause! The more you know. That dancing gnome is going to give me unremembered nightmares!

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    1. Hope the nightmares weren't too bad, Deedles, and congrats on the semi-manliness.

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  15. Oh man that is too funny. My brother's do all of that.

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    1. Us men are a strange group, Mary.

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  16. Those are great and I may be guilty of a few of them myself. Love the Star Trek meme :) Happy Easter to you and your family!

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    1. Hope you had a nice Easter as well, kden.

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  17. Can't personally relate to any of those but I'll will run them by my husband! I love that first meme!

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  18. I can remember stashing my porn in a house still under construction. It is probably buried under the cement basement now waiting for the archeologists to find it.

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    1. It's going to be an interesting day for the archeologists, Bathwater.

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  19. why not..Bob the Bob Cat....works for me.

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  20. The Roosevelt and Whitman quotes…those are gold! I can't relate to most things on your list (and I've never found any porn while hiking, thankfully) but if I put stuff in my pockets before leaving the house, I would certainly slap them hoping I've got it all!

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    1. The Roosevelt quote really spoke to me when I needed it one day because I was being a turd.

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