What's My Age Again?

What's making me happy

After blogging for more than 15 years, I can say with 100 percent certainty that I have never, ever said the following words before: I found the device that will finally help me clean my aged horniness.
But wait there's more.
It will deep clean it... wait for it... then clean it again. 
A shiny, happy aged horniness can be mine thanks to my new Ultrasonic Skin Cleaner.
I don't even know what that means but I have it going for me... which is nice? Maybe? I think? 
I was also unaware that my horniness required a cleaning let alone a deep cleaning.
I must have slept through that part in sex ed. 
I would have loved to see what that sentence means in its original language.


What's not making me happy

This madness needs to stop.
Back in my day, it was a lot more simpler
I put on my trench coat, went down to the bus station and revealed my gender. 
People were not amused but at least no one died.
Sure people were scarred for life but they lived to fight another day. 


Updates

I played softball for the first time in about 18 months. 
A global pandemic put a halt to things in 2020 but I was back out there yesterday with some old friends enjoying the game that I have now played for about 30 years. 
Man I am getting old. 
I was really sore this morning but other than that it was good to get out there and play ball. 

Observations

I am getting an inner beauty exam also known as a colonoscopy this Friday. 
I have heard about the prep for the exam being the worst so I wasn't looking forward to it anyway.
But then a good buddy of mine recenlty got diagnosed with colon cancer after his colonoscopy and that has taken me down some deep, dark rabbit holes because that is what I do when I worry too much. 
I looked up all of the colon cancer symptoms and have convinced myself that I have most of them. 
Then I imagine the scenarios where I have it and how that plays out for me and the family.
It is absolutely "wonderful."
I have taken great pride in how much work I have done over the years to get my future worrying - one of the main culprits of my anxiety - under control but the beast has been hard to put back into the cage the last week or so. 

Go Out On A Meme





I will try and do better.


I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream. 

Comments

  1. So happy for you to be able to clean your aged horniness. I'm debating whether or not to get this for my husband too lol. Stop freaking out about the colonoscopy and stop consulting Dr. Google. Do you have any idea how many fatal illnesses my family has had since Dr. Google came along?!

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  2. I don't know if I want my horniness cleansed, but I do know gender reveal parties are horrid things. They're the colonoscopy of parties .... see what I did there?

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  3. Amish also have a much lower rate of electrocutions.

    Those directions are the funniest thing I've read today. Glad you're cured. How does your wife feel about that? Or did she buy you that skin care system? Inquiring minds want to know.

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    1. I think she is glad I am cured, Debby.

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  4. WHY would you want to clean your aged horniness? you ARE cute!

    a gender reveal party is a substitute for "gimme all the gifts"! then "gimme all the gifts at the baby shower(s)"!

    spouse gets a colonoscopy on 4/30. he's had 2 in the past 10 years and nothing eventful happened. you will be fine.

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    1. Thank you, anne marie in philly.

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  5. You have so much educational material in this post! I'm trying to decide if we want our aged horniness cleaned? I guess if we do you are halfway there with that gadget.

    I sure understand the worrying. Tom says I'm a professional worrier. I've inherited it because my Mother and Grandmother were too. I'm happy you had a chance to play ball!

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    1. I got it from my mom as well, Bonnie.

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  6. It actually says hominess. But I like the way you misread things. Much more interesting.

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    1. Hominess wouldn't be as much fun.

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  7. Lol, the Chinese do not do well with translations. My son sent me a bunch of photos of ‘English’ signs when he was in China. Funny stuff! I admit to thinking I had cancer before my colonoscopy but I was perfectly fine. Medical stuff is the one place where google is not your friend.

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  8. I have a clarsonic and who knew? Horniness or Hominess - what do either have to do with cleaning my face? Inquiring minds need to know.
    As for your gender reveal - I'd far more appreciate you and the trench coat than those insipid parties. I won't even attend the stupid things.
    Don't listen to them about the prep. The directions told me to start at 7p. No! then you are up all night and get no damn sleep. My husband kept saying, don't start at 7p you know how i was up all night. So I started at 3pm. I was able to be done with all that entails by bedtime! It is by far the worst part. The exam is easy because you are out like a light. I have mine next month. Yipee.
    LOVED the memes!

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  9. Much chortling about the jellyfish.
    take care, xoxo :-)

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  10. Horniness--wow. What an interesting translation. Any time we have constipation or diarrhea, it's easy to think of colon cancer, especially if we know people who have had it. The prep is better than it used to be and not that bad at all. I was pleasantly surprised the last time I had one a few years ago. Since I rarely have headaches, if I do I get convinced that I have a brain tumor. Glad you were able to get out and play ball, as usual. Anything normal is to be treasured.

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    1. It was good to have some sense of normalcy, Margaret.

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  11. As an engineer, I once got overnight updates from a site in Japan and in order to see what needed to be done, I had to translate it using the internet. Most of the time the translation was understandable. But every single email was always ended with a Japanese character string that translated to "Frog!" complete with the exclamation point. I've always pondered what they really meant.

    Please don't kill the gender reveal parties. Seeing the videos of guys pulling the tab on the confetti canons and getting nailed in the nuts makes me laugh every time.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71_m6ZNCSyA

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  12. My mother still played softball at my age.

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  13. We are living in a post-editor world. It's scary. And I agree with you about the gender reveal party, but am glad that I was not taking a bus through Idaho when you did your "reveal" :)

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    1. It is, Jeff. I used to make a living as an editor and it is appalling what makes it out into the world these days.

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  14. Horniness or hominess; how dare they assume you are either! Great memes :) Best of luck tomorrow.

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  15. I have ignored my doctor's recommendations to get a colonoscopy for years now.

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  16. I'm due for a colonoscopy as well. The person responsible for foisting the gender reveal party on all of us says that she regrets having done so. :D

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    1. I don't think she realized how many idiots there are in the world, Bea.

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  17. Shit man, I've been blessed with the opposite of aged horniness. I won't bore y'all with the details here. Thanks for the laughs.

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  18. I played softball a long time ago and while I enjoyed the company, I was never any good. Not a natural athlete or even an athlete I suppose.
    The 'horniness' line is great. Reminds me of the instance where assembly instructions contained the wrong translation for 'screw' and I don't mean flathead.

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    1. Out of frustration or bad translations, instructions are good for laughs these days.

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  19. Good luck with the colonoscopy, I'm sure it will be fine but I'd be worried just like you are.

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