So what act of stupidity did I do this time?
I punched myself in the eye over and over until I had a nice shiner while I was in college.
You read that correctly.
I deliberately hit myself in the face numerous times.
At this point of our conversation, I'm sure you have a few questions like:
What was I wearing?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?
Why do we scream at each other? And is this what it sounds like when doves cry?
And why for the love of fat bassets would I do this to myself?
Well a lot of alcohol was involved and it seemed like a really great idea at the time.
It also reminds me that I don't have too many good stories that start off with"I had way too many Diet Cokes and then … ."
It was a Sunday afternoon and someone thought we had so much fun drinking the night before that we should keep the party going.
Since I am a supportive and encouraging friend, I thought that the idea sounded wonderful.
It was wonderful until it dawned on me after I had entered the drunken kingdom that I had a test the following afternoon.
Unless the test featured multiple choice questions like, Why do you smell like alcohol? A) Because I'm a moron and drank all day Sunday. B) I enjoy soaking in Kamchatka vodka to alleviate my anal fissures. C) I was attacked by inebriated pirates who did steamrollers all over me until I begged for mercy but not until they got their drunken stench all over me. D) I run a moonshining operation on the weekends so I can afford my taxidermy lessons, then I was not going to be prepared for the exam.
When I had my moment of clarity, I told my drinking buddies about my predicament and we all sat around for a few moments thinking deeply about what I could do to get out of my test. There were a few good ideas like sickness, death in the family, alien abduction, etc. then someone mentioned "shots" and just like that we were off to other adventures.
Some more time passed and the party was still going strong until I decided to bring it to a halt.
I punched myself in the eye.
One of my friends looked at me and said "WTF?" (He really didn't say WTF. He said what the fu … well you know. I was just trying to keep this sorta clean.)
I replied "Car accident."
He said "Nice."
And then I kept hitting myself until I got the right amount of discoloration around my eye.
Of course my friends volunteered to help me out but I politely declined their generous offers.
The night continued, the alcohol flowed, but the only shots I got the rest of the night were from me punching my stupid face.
To make a long story less long, I woke up the next day and saw that the fruits of my drunken labors were going to work perfectly so I went to my professor before my class to explain my situation. She bought the car accident story and I took the test the next day.
Of course, I failed it.
But the black eye got me some nice sympathy from the ladies and 20 years later it makes for a nice story on my blog.
Take care and thanks for stopping by.
I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.