Am I anti-dentite? Maybe.
So you will never guess where I went this week?
Excellent conclusion. You are indeed a worthy adversary.
I am at the dentist, sitting in the chair, and the dental assistant (DA) is getting me prepped to have some fillings put in. She has her fingers in my mouth, some hose thingy sucking away what is left of my soul, and then she decided to make small talk. Why do they always want to have a conversation when your mouth is full of foreign objects? For the love of fat bassets, we do not need to discuss the weather while you have my mouth jacked open like some frickin’ stuffed bear on a hunter’s wall.
Dr. Mouth Fun, errrr, the dentist comes in, numbs me up, and the games begin. I can’t feel both sides of my face, and now I have 2 people jamming stuff in and out of my mouth. Insert porn joke here. Good times.
Then the real torture begins.
The DA, who is a young lady, and the dentist, who is a middle-aged guy, begin having a spirited discussion about the merits of “The Fast and The Furious” movies. Specifically, which dude do the ladies find the most attractive?
The dentist asks her if she is a Vin Diesel guy? Or maybe she likes the other guy? You know the one with the really blue eyes?
The DA chimes in, “I like the guy with blue eyes. His name is Ryan. Oh it is on the tip of my tongue. Ryan ... oh what is it?”
This intellectual debate continues for a few more minutes while they are working on my choppers, and I am just screaming on the inside because my ability to speak is severely compromised thanks to the remarkable advances of my dental needs.
His name is Paul Walker!!!!!!!! Can you hear me!!!!! It is not Ryan!!! Did I mention his name is Paul Effin’ Walker!!!!! Ryan Reynolds was not in this movie!!! OMG it is Paul Walker!!! (Yes it is true, my super hero powers are crappy movie knowledge. )
The DA continues. “Oh what is his name. I almost have it. This is driving me nuts.”
Yes, indeed, you are the only going nuts.
Now I am testing my telepathic powers and sending her my brain waves.
How hard is it to get a Paul Walker up in here while I receive the high-quality, state-of-the-art dental care that I deserve?
Mercifully, they move on to another subject, and my blood pressure returns to its normal range for the briefest of moments.
Because then the dentist asks the DA, “My mother-in-law really likes the guy with dark hair that used to play James Bond. What is his name?”
And I know you know that the DA was ready to pounce on the question like a hungry hyena because her area of movie proficiency has to be 007.
“Oh I know who you are talking about. What is his name? It is Frank. Frank something.”
The voices in my head return.
His name is Pierce Brosnan!!!!!!!! Can you hear me!!!!! It is not Frank!!! Did I mention his name is Pierce Effin’ Brosnan!!!!! Frank was not in this movie!!! OMG it is Pierce Brosnan!!
It is Paul Effin' Walker!!!!!!
I will persevere. I will keep moving forward. I will be the stream.