Against All Odds

Odds of Mr. Shife becoming an astronaut: 13,200,000 to 1
Odds of Mr. Shife wearing adult diapers like an astro-nut: 12 to 1

Odds that a person between 18-29 doesn’t read a newspaper regularly: 3 to 1
Odds that Paris Hilton is in the news for the next 45 days: 1 to 1

Odds of a person in the military winning the Medal of Honor: 11,000 to 1
Odds of Mr. Shife amassing a midget army: 662,000 to 1

Odds of being on plane with a drunken pilot: 117 to 1
Odds of Mr. Shife getting drunk with the Hoff: 50 to 1

Odds of catching a ball at a major league ballgame: 563 to 1
Odds of the Cardinals repeating as World Series Champions: 15,000 to 1

Odds of getting a pet monkey named Bob to ride Quincy: 182,138,880,000,000 to 1
Odds of dying from being bitten by Quincy after I let Bob the monkey ride him: 1 to 1

Odds of finding out your child is a genius: 250 to 1
Odds of Mr. Shife drinking himself retarded at fraternity reunion in two weeks: 25 to 1

Odds of becoming a saint: 20,000,000 to 1
Odds of getting a visit from the dick-faced fairy while at my fraternity reunion: 5 to 1


Have a great weekend.

Comments

  1. I think the odds of drinking with the Hoff are better than that, don't you think?

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  2. That's just evil. Us knitters do fun things like move the pattern marker and tangle up the yarn.

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  3. I think the odds for your fraternity reunion are slightly high, no?

    Have a great weekend! :)

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  4. what are the odds of being video taped while getting drunk with the hoff?

    it's a good thing he has a car that can drive itself.

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  5. Fraternity reunion will be a blast--that's for sure. Have fun!

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  6. Anonymous5/12/2007

    OMG LOL have fun at your fraternity reunion! I remember hanging out at the D.Chi house (my ex was a brother) and they did everything to this one poor sleeping, drunk guy.. from ice cubes on the crotch, red marker on the face of some not so cool symbols lol -he didnt awake for hours - we took pictures :-o

    ahh young adulthood ;)

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  7. OMG, did you see the drunken Hoff video? Just search for "drunk hasselhoff" on youtube. He's fumbling around trying to eat a sandwich while his daughter goofs on him.

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  8. My sorority reunion becomes less wild as we get older! The girls start to take their toddlers to the party and we start meeting at 3pm!!

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  9. I thought the Hoff was the dick-faced fairy.

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  10. I'm not a newspaper reader at all!! Oh and I'm going to a Cardinal game next month---can't wait! woohoo

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  11. Odds of me dreaming of you in the next 22 minutes... likely.

    odds of me falling asleep after... priceless

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  12. wow. still no link.
    tough crowd. tough crowd...

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  13. i'm sure the odds of getting bob the monkey to ride quincy is better than you think. just check out craigslist. i'm sure someone can help you out with that one.

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  14. If you get drunk with the hoff make sure you eat a cheeseburger and have his daugther tape it!

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