Friday, May 11, 2007

Against All Odds

Odds of Mr. Shife becoming an astronaut: 13,200,000 to 1
Odds of Mr. Shife wearing adult diapers like an astro-nut: 12 to 1

Odds that a person between 18-29 doesn’t read a newspaper regularly: 3 to 1
Odds that Paris Hilton is in the news for the next 45 days: 1 to 1

Odds of a person in the military winning the Medal of Honor: 11,000 to 1
Odds of Mr. Shife amassing a midget army: 662,000 to 1

Odds of being on plane with a drunken pilot: 117 to 1
Odds of Mr. Shife getting drunk with the Hoff: 50 to 1

Odds of catching a ball at a major league ballgame: 563 to 1
Odds of the Cardinals repeating as World Series Champions: 15,000 to 1

Odds of getting a pet monkey named Bob to ride Quincy: 182,138,880,000,000 to 1
Odds of dying from being bitten by Quincy after I let Bob the monkey ride him: 1 to 1

Odds of finding out your child is a genius: 250 to 1
Odds of Mr. Shife drinking himself retarded at fraternity reunion in two weeks: 25 to 1

Odds of becoming a saint: 20,000,000 to 1
Odds of getting a visit from the dick-faced fairy while at my fraternity reunion: 5 to 1


Have a great weekend.

14 comments:

angel, jr. said...

I think the odds of drinking with the Hoff are better than that, don't you think?

KnitTech said...

That's just evil. Us knitters do fun things like move the pattern marker and tangle up the yarn.

Design Goddess said...

I think the odds for your fraternity reunion are slightly high, no?

Have a great weekend! :)

the rube said...

what are the odds of being video taped while getting drunk with the hoff?

it's a good thing he has a car that can drive itself.

The Egg said...

Fraternity reunion will be a blast--that's for sure. Have fun!

tina said...

OMG LOL have fun at your fraternity reunion! I remember hanging out at the D.Chi house (my ex was a brother) and they did everything to this one poor sleeping, drunk guy.. from ice cubes on the crotch, red marker on the face of some not so cool symbols lol -he didnt awake for hours - we took pictures :-o

ahh young adulthood ;)

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

OMG, did you see the drunken Hoff video? Just search for "drunk hasselhoff" on youtube. He's fumbling around trying to eat a sandwich while his daughter goofs on him.

missy said...

My sorority reunion becomes less wild as we get older! The girls start to take their toddlers to the party and we start meeting at 3pm!!

The Phoenix said...

I thought the Hoff was the dick-faced fairy.

Nutz On A Roll said...

I'm not a newspaper reader at all!! Oh and I'm going to a Cardinal game next month---can't wait! woohoo

cher said...

Odds of me dreaming of you in the next 22 minutes... likely.

odds of me falling asleep after... priceless

cher said...

wow. still no link.
tough crowd. tough crowd...

The Duck said...

i'm sure the odds of getting bob the monkey to ride quincy is better than you think. just check out craigslist. i'm sure someone can help you out with that one.

Phats said...

If you get drunk with the hoff make sure you eat a cheeseburger and have his daugther tape it!