Here are a few greeting cards that you probably won't be reading in the stores anytime soon. And sorry about the delay between posts but I was out of town for a wedding and I am nursing a world-class hangover. I just love getting older.
- My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
- Violets are blue
Roses are red
I can’t believe your son
Likes to give head
- I don't mean to be mean,
But yo mama needs Listerine,
Not a sip,
Not a swallow,
But the whole damn bottle.
- Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"
Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
- How could two people as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby?
- I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love
After having met you...
I've changed my mind.
- I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you. !
- As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
- Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
- Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
- Happy birthday!
You look great for your age.
- When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
- We have been friends for a very long time...
let's say we stop.
- I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here.
- Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
- Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday
So we're having you put to sleep.
- So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.