Greeting Cards Gone Wild

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Here are a few greeting cards that you probably won't be reading in the stores anytime soon. And sorry about the delay between posts but I was out of town for a wedding and I am nursing a world-class hangover. I just love getting older.

  • My tire was thumping.
    I thought it was flat
    When I looked at the tire...
    I noticed your cat.
    Sorry!
  • Violets are blue
    Roses are red
    I can’t believe your son
    Likes to give head
  • I don't mean to be mean,
    But yo mama needs Listerine,
    Not a sip,
    Not a swallow,
    But the whole damn bottle.
  • Looking back over the years that we've been together,
    I can't help but wonder...
    "What the hell was I thinking?"
    Congratulations on your wedding day!
    Too bad no one likes your husband.
  • How could two people as beautiful as you
    Have such an ugly baby?
  • I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love
    After having met you...
    I've changed my mind.
  • I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
    I never believed in Hell until I met you. !
  • As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
    That you're not here to ruin it for me.
  • Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go...
    Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
    You'll probably need it again.
  • Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
    (Available only in Tennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia)
  • Happy birthday!
    You look great for your age.
    Almost Lifelike!
  • When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
    Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
  • We have been friends for a very long time...
    let's say we stop.
  • I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here.
  • Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
    Did you ever find out who the father was?
  • Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday
    So we're having you put to sleep.
  • So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day.
    Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.

Comments

  1. Matt S.3/13/2006

    Sweet.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Blonde3/13/2006

    reminds me of my Dad...

    He always gave a Sympathy card as a Wedding card and always wrote in it, "I'm sure it will be different for you. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jon Boles3/13/2006

    Shife: Are you sure we're not related? That sounds like the kind of stuff I'd suggest for cards.

    Awesome list, as always.

    ReplyDelete
  4. JM3/13/2006

    Hey, I'm from West Virginia and I haven't seen that card yet!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Design Goddess3/13/2006

    "When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

    Sure wish they had that card for my ex!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Phats3/13/2006

    HAHAHA!! these are hilarious shife you rock. I loved the listerine one and the giving head one too funny.

    GO HEELS!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Atalante3/14/2006

    I'd bet there's a market for those. This could be a get-rich-quick break. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. missy3/14/2006

    "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
    That you're not here to ruin it for me."

    I have the perfect person in mind for this card. Maybe I'll just send it as an e-card ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous3/14/2006

    You're a nut!

    Watch it with those TN remarks! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  10. An Urban Femme3/14/2006

    Impressive!

    ReplyDelete
  11. The Scarlett3/14/2006

    You sooooo make me laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  12. meghansdiscontent3/14/2006

    Where do you come up with this stuff, babe?

    ReplyDelete
  13. lilly3/14/2006

    The second one is so funny.. It reminds me of my friends brother. When he finally decided to come out to his brother (my friend) he called and told him "Yeah, I like big fat cock in my mouth!" My friend just about died! It was hilarious...

    ReplyDelete
  14. DaMasta3/14/2006

    LOLOLOL..
    That's some funny shit, Shifey!

    "We've been friends for a long time. Let's say we stop."

    Let's not.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Unknown3/14/2006

    lmao

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous3/14/2006

    I love the first one. Truely creative. You are a true blue verve.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Luke3/14/2006

    Oh, that was me. ^^^^

    ReplyDelete
  18. Zack3/14/2006

    "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"

    LOL I wish I had that one a year ago when my ex had her kid.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Nicole3/14/2006

    Oh dear. Time for a kitty roll call:

    One cat...two cats...

    Yep. They're all here.

    ReplyDelete
  20. LBseahag3/14/2006

    heh heh...nothing like a little Lysterine to fend off dragon breath...

    ReplyDelete
  21. Steph3/14/2006

    Did you make that up? You really should work for Hallmark if you did. :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Carly3/15/2006

    those are brilliant.
    it was just my friend's b-day and i'll have to give those in a belated card.
    thanks mr. shife!

    ReplyDelete
  23. White Dade3/15/2006

    You know, Shife, I tinhk if this whole blogging thing doesn't work out, you could go to work for the people over at t-Shirt hell

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous4/08/2006

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    ReplyDelete

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