Picking my Brain

It is that time again when everything must go and I need to clear out some thoughts so I can make room for some new ones.
Enjoy, and as usual your comments are welcomed and appreciated.

  • I was arrested at a nude beach. I was putting on my sunscreen too fast.
    (Did you get it? It is like a comedy grenade. It takes a few seconds before it explodes)
  • William Shatner is another way to say that you have to poop.
    Example: I need to William Shatner.
  • What are you doing for the Super Bowl? I am being untraditional for the Super Bowl. Mrs. Shife and I are going skiing and then we will be home in time for the start of the game.
  • Out of love and respect for my mother I am pulling for the Seahawks. Sorry CS.
  • As far as the Super Bowl game is concerned, I am more interested in seeing what Bud Light Daredevil Ted Ferguson is going to do next.
  • I just found out last night that I am addicted to oil. Thanks President Bush.
  • Random Chuck Norris fact: Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
  • Random Vin Diesel fact: The 13th and final symbol of the zodiac is Vin Diesel.
  • Random Mr. T fact: Immortaliy can be achieved by wearing Mr. T's necklaces, but he is the only creature strong enough to carry this load.
  • My drag queen name is Marsha Mellow.
  • Have you ever watched the movie "The Perfect Storm?" I have seen it about 6 times and every time I hope that the guys somehow survive the storm. They never do but I know that one time they will make it. Thank you Charles Barkley for reminding me about this.


LBseahag said…
All this hype about the Superbowl makes me wanna William Shatner my pants...
Design Goddess said…
Zsa Zsa LaHore - That's my drag queen name. Does it count since I'm a chick to begin with??? Or does it then just become my "ladyoftheeveing" name?
angel, jr. said…
You didn't clear any thoughts about those metrosexuals who have made shows like "Extreme Makeover" and "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy".
I'm with seahag on the superbowl craziness.
Oh Jesus H Christ, you are part of the "Random Chuck Norris Facts" cult that one of my friends is involved with.
I always laugh in the end of Dodgeball when Ben Stiller's character says "Fuck Chuck Norris" because he's like randomly a judge and he votes him loser.
Denise said…
I always have my fingers crossed that those guys will magically make it back to shore when I watch that movie. So sad. Speaking of "A Perfect Storm"...have you ever wondered what is was REALLY like for them? Hollywood made it seem like a fairly benign death...somehow I assume in reality it was far from that.

William Shatner! LMAO I never thought about his last name being a reference to poop. Poor thing.

My name is Denise and I'm an oil addict. BULLSHATNER! Shrub Boy is the one who is addicted...to the MONEY! Us poor struggling Americans NEED the damn stuff so that we can go to work and work our butts off just so that we can barely pay our bills and be denied any sort of assistance...all while battling the latest flu strain because after we pay our taxes and sky-high insurance premiums, we can't afford out co-pays.

Wow. Sorry for taking a mental Shatner on your blog. I shall wipe, flush and leave now.

Anybody have any air freshener?
Lordofsnag said…
After last weekend i havent stopped having, tom tits, brad pits, crimping lenths, dropping the kids of at the pool and mostly having turd torpedoes out my stern gland!!!
i never knew "to boldly 'go' " meant #2
angel, jr. said…
Oh and my drag queen name is Connie Lingus.
Father of 3 said…
I love the sunscreen one. Riotous.
the_mrs said…
My name is Marsha Mellow, too. Maybe we could take our act on the road with the State Puff Marshmallow Man...call our group "Sticky Fingers" or something like that...
Andraste said…
Can't even watch the Perfect Storm. Just can't handle watching those poor bastards die. Got weepy reading the book. Sea disasters get me where I live, man...
My Drag Queen name is also Connie Lingus - Angel Jr. and I were robbed.

I am also addicted to oil. Maybe we could get some group therapy going around here.
the duck said…
Uh oh, you've officially repeated yourself. I know for a fact that you've mentioned the William Shatner thing before... That's it, you're done shife.

I'll cut you some slack because you're doing the right thing and rooting for Seattle, but still.
mrshife said…
LB -- Do what you gotta do to make it through the hype.

DG -- You know that name is so versatile you can do whatever you want with it.

Angel -- I was too busy focusing on my heterosexuality. And great drag queen name by the way.

Laurie -- Two weeks of hype is a little much. And that is a great scene in a great movie.

Rev -- Chuck Norris is bigger than all of us.

ME -- You are too funny.

Lordofsnag -- That is a tough week on the crapper.

CH -- Knowing is half the battle.

FO3 -- I am glad someone liked it. I heard it on Bob and Tom last week and about drove off the road laughing so hard.

The_Mrs. -- Let's do it.

Andraste -- It is a great movie but it is indeed very sad. I can see how living where you live makes it tough.

Sarah -- Being addicted sucks. Last week it was porn now oil.

Duck -- Prove it.
You are probably right. I am losing it, thanks for reminding me you bastard.
Jon said…
I once saw The Perfect Storm while flying cross-country. The cool thing was, just about everytime a huge wave hit the boat in the movie, our plane would hit turbulance. That's realism.. sort of.
SuperSpyGal said…
I stopped reading after you said something about Mr.T's "load", and got violently ill !
Vince said…
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Question of the Century: Who would win in a battle of wits - Chuck or the Hoff?!?
Dirk the Feeble said…
I don't get the Charles Barkley reference at the end. You're too smart for me, Shifey.
dashababy said…
I just love the commercials.

And even tho my stepdad is a Seahag fan, I will still not root for them. Go Stillers!!!
dashababy said…
oh and I totally got the sunscreen joke right away.
lilly said…
The nude beach one was great! LOL... GO SEAHAWKS!!!!
And here I was adoring you, as usual, and then I get to the part where you are pulling for Seattle.

sc said…
I hate bud light, but those ted ferguson commercials are hilarious.
missy said…
My drag queen name is: Sugar Snatch

How sweet is that?
SugarHigh said…
you slut, i love your drag queen name. don't take this the wrong way, but I know want to poke you with a stick and roast you!
Vin Diesel is my favorite zodiac sign. I remember when no one knew what I was raving about when i said Vin Diesel and Pitch Black. He was mine ALL mine.
Phats said…
Haha this blog cracks me up everytime i read it, thanks for the laugh on such a crappy weatherwise day!
Rocky (Racquel) said…
Hi, I'm Rocky (otherwise known as Kristy Kreme when I dress up as a man dressed as a woman so that I can qualify as a drag queen) and I too am addicted to oil. I also know that the Hoff wouldn't stand a chance in this fine Chucktatorship we live in. ;-)
none - ya said…
Don't you hate that about movies. You watch them over and over again each time secretly hoping that the ending changes. I do that with my favorite books that I read over and over agian.
nicole said…
Hmm, maybe Shatner's name works so well because it's got the word "shat" in it?

Forgive me if someone's already saddled you with that one. I didn't skim through all 489 of your comments before I posted mine. ;)

FYI, I still haven't gotten that sunscreen joke but then, I'm slow.
Rocky (Racquel) said…
Oh my God I am the most pathetic shark in the ocean ever!! I just got the sunscreen joke-it hit me while I was in the shower...go figure. hahaha
Cupcake said…
Oh Shife, thanks for keepin us entertained.

My drag queen name: Felicia Fellatio - now that's fitting. I'm juss sayin..
Luke said…
I love movies that make me want to root against all odds for their suvival..!

Nice list. Very funny. Been hearing a lot of about Chuck Norris lately. Did he die or something?
My name is Pussy Galore. Oh-- wait-- that's my drag queen name too! hehehe... I love these thought clearances, I learn so much... My name is Pussy Galore and I confess: I, too, am addicted to oil...
due to my too hot ancho chili i can no longer william shatner without crying..
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