Greetings from the Fat Basset

Yep, that's my boy right there. Anyway, Mrs. Shife and I adopted Quincy six years ago today, and in honor of that awesome fact I am letting the round mound of fur post on my blog.
Captain Furry Pants has seen a lot of stuff during his time on Earth and just wanted to get this message out to all of the dog owners out there.

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all!

2. Yelling at me for barking ... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose .... stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The slight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo -- what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for the "big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello? Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

Comments

  1. Wow, I'm the first commentor! That's an honor.

    Actually, #10 also applies to cats. They like to wait till you've got a slew of guests in your living room to lift a leg and go at their crotches. It's a talent.

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  2. I have sore abs from laughing so much shifey, thankyou:)

    I'm going to print and poster that (i mean, within copyright of course) for my family to all read.

    And for the FIRST TIME EVER i bought two matching t-shirts for my puppies. One's black, one's hot pink and they say 'security' on the back. Bugger the fur issue, they're too cute!

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  3. Awww hes cute. Sending Bones and Rawhide your way Quincy

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  4. Aside from the fact that he is obviously personable, your dog looks smarter than some of my co-workers. Is he looking for a job?

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  5. Hahahaha too funny LMAO@farts!! Cool dog...the Basset is cute too (hehe):)

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  6. Love it.
    Love it.
    Love it.

    And please, really, stop with the dressing of the dog. Bows, sweaters, rain boots, whatever. It's scary. Honestly. Scary.

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  7. those are so funny. I think he told you LOL

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  8. I'm definitely jealous of the dog. He can do what I try to do without breaking his back.

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  9. ROFLMAOOOO ~ that has got to be the funniest thing I've read in a long time...and to think, all the credit goes to Quincy...looks like you have competition there, Shife !!

    Tooooo funny !!! :)

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  10. If it wasn't a physical impossibility for most adults to lick themselves, do you think they would?

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  11. Baahahaha! Too funny. I bet your poor dog would actually complain about a lot worse if he could :P

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  12. n. missy - every waking hour.

    Dude, that's awesome that you have a dog to blame your farts on. I usually just blame the baby.

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  13. Classic Shife and written with obvious affection. Give Quincy a scratch behind the ears for me!

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  14. My dog would say the same things. Except with a funny accent, I believe.

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  15. Awesome Shife. You go, Quincy!

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  16. But I love the fake stick throw trick! It's the only talent I have! :(

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  17. I can attest to the cats sniffing crotches, but mine go for the armpits...a curious thrill, tickly...
    Have you gotten the old fella to get a job, I'm trying to get mine to audition for wildlife shows as stand-ins and stunt doubles, but they won't have a bar of it

    Darius

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  18. Hahaha!! You tell him Quincy!

    I do the fake throw thing with balls of paper for my kitten. She falls for it about half the time. Ever seen a cat that fetches? Riot!

    My first dog was a Bassett when I was 3. I named him Happy Dog. Hey, I was 3!! xoxoxo, Quincy! (ok, you too Shife)

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  19. ahhhhhhhhhhhahaha...

    mrshife, you the best.. the funniest... and this post makes me want to meet Quincy... he's got quite a personality...

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  20. http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/

    your man is here...

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  21. You forgot the leg humping. You'd do it too if you were a dog, cause you could. Dude that chick was hot.

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  22. I'm still trying to find a way to lick myself.

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  23. that's hilarious! Quincy is adorable.

    Glad to see you don't make him wear a dorag

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  24. Oh Quincy, you are such a smart pooch. But you couldnt sniff my crotch if you tried since you are so vertically challenged that way and I aint layin' down no matter how cute you are. Oookay?

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  25. awww thanks Quincy!!!

    btw, I named my new pup Roxie

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  26. how about knocking me over, pulling down my pants and having your way with me???

    you furry letch!!!

    call me..

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  27. What's up with #3 anyway? Gotta let a dude check his pee-mail once in a while...

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  28. Thank you Quincy for writing this for dogs the world over!!! I couldn't have said it better myself. signed, "Princess" c/o of Toodler

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  29. man..this is really funny.. I love your dog, so cynical
    :)

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