For some reason -- I am pretty sure it was the Nyquil -- I was thinking about what items would make your masterbatory experience less than pleasant. So without further ado, I present my top 20 list of things that will not be beneficial to your solo lovemaking adventures.
- Cheese graters
- Vacuums
- Rabid badgers
- Soiled diapers
- Fish sticks
- Fine Mexican food
- Halloween haikus
- Radioactive waste
- Christmas lights
- Roast beef
- Greasy, slimy gopher guts
- Weapons of mass destruction
- Ginsu knifes
- Toupees
- Dandruff
- Mufflers
- Farm animals
- Icy Hot
- Hot glue gun
- Zombie-elected overlords
As always, your feedback is welcomed and appreciated.
Comments
Please don't ask me why.
Farm Animals, man you better start a PSA quick for the kids here in indiana!
I thought if they were on the low setting and you used the hose . . .
I'm not a boy, I don't know.
Toilet bowl cleanser (any brand)
Dubya
The Holocaust
In-laws
I have asked my wife to buy only Dove from now on.
Oh, you said badgers...nevermind...
Don't forget what Billy Crystal once said, "sliding down a razor blade into a vat of rubbing alcohol is no fun".
Just the thought of that makes me feel all.... I don't really know.
I didn't realize that men put so much thought in to the "maturbatory process". Nice to know.
broken glass would pretty much suck.
of course the rabid badgers were engaged in hot group action with phyllis diller..
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what's wrong with you?
Also, having a cat staring at you the whole time is quite disconcerting.
Not that I would know....
Don't write off the greasy, slimy gopher guts. They would serve as a suitable lubricant in a pinch...men had to use something before Vaseline was invented. For all we know gopher guts could have been the lube of choice for the Pilgrims.
Now....the muffler thing...don't knock it 'til you try it! I have photographic evidence that it MAY NOT be so bad....you be the judge.
though, i will find the link to the terrible anti-masturbatory items when i'm not on a work-based computer.
i must say though, that an esteban guitar is now on my list.