Tuesday, November 29, 2005

It's Theme Week On My Blog

Confessions of a dumb, white guy is pleased to announce that it is David Hasselhoff week. All week long I will attempt to entertain you with wondeful insight and anecdotes about one of America's greatest icons, the Hoff.

The Hoff recently got tagged, and he was kind of enough to answer
1. First name: Hernando
2. Were you named after anyone? Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer.
3. Do you wish on stars? How else can you explain my successful career.
4. When did you last cry? Last week when I found some gray in my chest hair
5. Do you like your handwriting? Does Pamela Anderson like rock star cock?
6. What is your favorite lunch meat? Whatever is in a hero sandwich.
7. What is your birth date? July 17th.
8. What is your most embarrassing CD? Probably my 1985 CD, "Night Rocker."
9. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? Does Carmen Electra like rock star cock?
10. Are you a daredevil? Have you seen me perform live on stage?
11. Favorite Magazines? Achtung or Schwing. They are huge German magazines.
12. Do looks matter? Ummm, hello, have you seen me.
13. How do you release anger? I run on the beach in my red swim trunks.
14. Where is your second home? On stage belting out tunes like "Looking for Freedom."
15. Do you trust others easily? Does Yasmine Bleeth like booger sugar? (Thanks LBseahag)
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Silicone.
17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? Drama.
18. Do you have a journal? Does Gena Lee Nolin have big boobs?
19. Do you use sarcasm a lot? No, I am too good looking to use sarcasm.
20. Favorite movie: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie.
21. What are your nicknames? The Hoff.
22. Would you bungee jump? Did Parker Stevenson actually star on Baywatch?
23. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Shoes. I don't need no stinking shoes.
24. Do you think that you are strong? Have you seen me on Baywatch?
25. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? 2 scoops of hot chocolate.
26. Shoe Size? 14.
27. What is your favorite color? Red.
28. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? I am the Hoff, I am perfect.
29. Who do you miss most? KIT.
30. Do you want everyone you send this to send it back? Did Erika Eleniak pose for Playboy?
31. What color pants are you wearing? I am the Hoff, I don't wear pants.
32. What are you listening to right now? Myself.
33. Last thing you ate? A German sausage.
34. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Wild Watermelon.
35. What is the weather like right now? I am the Hoff, it is always sunny.
36. Last person you talked to on the phone? Myself.
37. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Myself.
38. Do you like the person who sent this to you? No. I currently think he is a homo. We had a falling out at Thanksgiving.
39. How Are You Today? I am the Hoff, so I am great.
40. Favorite Drink? Almond smoothie.
41. Favorite Sport? Turkish wrestling.
42. Hair Color? Brown.
43. Eye Color? Brown.
44. Do you wear contacts? Does Traci Bingham have big boobs?
45. Favorite Food? German.
46. Last Movie You Watched? Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding.
47. Favorite day of the year? I am the Hoff, every day is my favorite day.
48. Scary Movies Or Happy Endings? I like the happy endings.
49. Summer Or Winter? Summer.
50. Hugs OR Kisses? Yes, please
51. What Is Your Favorite Dessert? Cheese cake.
52. Who Is Most Likely To Respond? Gary Coleman.
53. Who Is Least Likely To Respond? Mr. Shife.
54. Living Arrangements? Right now I am living in my chest hair.
55. What Books Are You Reading? Baywatch: The Early Years
56. What's On Your Mouse Pad? My chest hair.
57. What Did You Watch Last night on TV? Knight Rider in HD.
59. Rolling Stones or Beatles? The Hoff
60. What's the furthest you've been from home? I am the Hoff, I am at home wherever I may roam.

29 comments:

meghansdiscontent said...

Beyond greatness.

T. Leach said...

I like what you're doing here -- especially the "sneak preview" posting-today-using-tomorrow's-date-routine. Things are getting busy at the office. Still, I must entertain. I can crank something out the night before, set it, and forget it. Brilliant!

Scottish Toodler said...

I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!! GREAT POSTS!!!

coloradohurricane said...

I think I am going to start my own religion based on the Hoff.

But I think he has to die first, doesn't he ?

DucatiMike said...

oh boy...I worry for you sometimes...only strange europeans can talk about the "Hassel"

LBseahag said...

he makes me throb...

Phats said...

this was hysterical!! thanks for the laugh. It's good the "hoff" has a great friend like "the shife"

missy said...

Brilliant! Damn he's so hot!

Wild watermelon haha!

Darius Torque said...

Where Not Worthy!!!!

Your humble servant

Darius

Shoe Diva said...

So are you suggesting we all throw in some money and purchase you Baywatch on DVD for Xmas?

Confession:

We have Knight Rider Season 1 hehehe

The Scarlett said...

You can rearrange the name 'David Hasselhoff to spell the following:

fad of devil's hash

I got that from the David Hasselhoff is the AntiChrist website.

angel, jr. said...

I say we replace Arnold with the Hoff. Hernando for governor!

Vince said...

Size 14 shoe?!? You know what they say about guys with big feet...

SuperSpyGal said...

17. What class in high school do you think was totally useless? Drama.

Lmaooooooooooo....but sooooo true !!...he's almost robotic !!

Father of 3 said...

I love the "hugs or kisses? Yes, please" one the best. <--Made me do a coffee spit take on my keyboard. Andraste would be proud.

Denise said...

LMAO...."The Hoff" is an easy target! I still laugh every time I read that nickname...it sounds like an STD or a rare skin condition.

Andraste said...

Submitted without comment:

http://au.news.yahoo.com/attachments/hoffice_attachments.html

Kels said...

I havent read the entire post. But David Hasselhoff? Seriously? I just ate, dude...

dashababy said...

Does the Hoff really play guitar??? I'm impressed. Is there nothing he can't do besides wax his thighs?
I liked the part that made him cry, "gray chest hair." That would make me cry too.

Dirk the Feeble said...

The Hoff got tagged?

I want you to know that you have now caused me to re-write what was going to be my blog on Friday. Thanks a lot, jackass!

SugarHigh said...

ROFLMAO! dude, everytime you say chest hair, i gag a little...it's like a virtual hairball. blech!

cher said...

great post Shife! I could just imagine him in tears begging to have some hugs and kisses.

You should do a confessions of the hoff so we can hear his deepest fears, dirtiest secrets, and special talents.

mrshife said...

Meghan -- The Hoff and I thank you.

T. Leach -- You solved the mystery. I just don't have time to do it at work so I am doing it before I hit the sack and dream about the Hoff.

ST -- Me either.

CH -- Maybe we can base the religion off his career, I am pretty sure that is dead.

DM -- No worries, Mike. Nothing a few sedatives can't fix.

LB -- Which body part?

Phats -- The Hoff is indeed lucky to have a friend like me. We are best friends forever.

NM -- The Hoff is almost flammable.

DT -- I believe he is actually Down Under right now.

PE -- It is on my Amazon wish list.

Scarlett -- I went to that site and it makes sense. How else do you explain Hoffmania?

Angel -- Hernarndo in 2006. Done.

Vince -- That they wear big socks. What are you implying Vince?

SSG -- RoboHoff. I think you are on to something. Call Research and Development now.

F03 -- I have to give credit where credit is due, and Austin Powers inspired that answer.

ME -- I currently have Hoff fever.

Andraste -- Thank you so much. That is awesome.

Kels -- Sorry.

DB -- He really loves his chest hair.

Armaedes -- You are welcome.

Sugar -- Chest hair, chest hair, chest hair, chest hair.

Cher -- We will see where the week takes us.

Chairborne Stranger said...

way too funny, man you rock.

auburn said...

"living in my chest hair"...LMFAO!

I cringed at the heading, but Mr Shife, you are pure genius.

cher said...

if you are bored tomorrow or have time, do this. the links won't work, so if you want to play, go to my comment section for today's post (the one about oreo cookies) and scroll down to jamwall's comment about this. the links work in his comments. it should be fun!

jamwall said...

okay, here's another spammy looking comment, sorry about that cher. i feel so dirty. but its for a good useless cause...

myself and some other bloggers will post a shitload of bizarre confusing (not insulting) comments on THIS BLOG.

basically, this person will get about 30+ really bizarre comments at the same time. So for you folks in the west coast, you'll wanna come up with something strange to say and post it on that blog at precisely 11:30am Pacific time. (12:30pm MST, 1:30pm CST, and 2:30pm EST).

Go here & here to find out what this is about.

nicole said...

HAHAHAHAHA *snort* HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Okay, if THIS is the level of hilarity that I'm gonna have to deal with there's no WAY I'm gonna last till Saturday!!!

meghansdiscontent said...

Admit it, Shife. You're him. You've shaved yourself down to look human and you're hiding out in middle America. It's okay, you can tell us.

LBseahag said...

give me the booger sugar...