Observations from the dumb, white guy

  • Thanks to everyone who participated in the caption contest. Your prize is in the mail.
  • The premiere of "Lost" was good, but dammit, now we have another mystery. Who the hell are you weird guy who lives in a bunker making smoothies and listening to '60s music?
  • What the hell is going on with the weather? The good ol' U.S. of A must have some bad karma or God is just being a dick.
  • My liver has just asked my body for a transfer. I just sent out a memo to all the big guys i.e. the liver, bladder, kidneys, penis, sphincter, etc. that it is going to be a long weekend. We have a bachelor party on Friday, a wedding Saturday afternoon and a football game Saturday night, and my wedding anniversary Sunday. Holy crap. I might be calling in sick on Monday.
  • Fill up your cars cause it looks like gas prices are going to rise again.
  • Bad news for "Arrested Development" fans, only 4.6 million viewers for the season premiere.
  • So are there any new TV shows out there that are worth my time?
  • "Battlestar Galatica" season finale tomorrow.
  • For all of you who are affected by Rita please be safe.
  • Another memo to ESPN: Please remove Barry Bond's penis from your ass.
  • I feel like a virgin touched for the very first time.

The Dude: What's in the fuckin' carrier?
Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.
The Dude: You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?
Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.
The Dude: Man, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her fuckin' dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.


  1. That Rug Really Tied the Room Together.

  2. In lieu of the prize-in-the-mail for the caption contest, I am instead sending you my latest bill for gasoline.

    And there's no doubt Barry Bonds and ESPN got something going on.

  3. Only if I get to send you my bill for Internet porn.

  4. Anonymous9/22/2005

    Your liver just called from the Betty Ford clinic and said it will see you Monday bright and early.

  5. Anonymous9/22/2005

    I like to see someone cork their dick and work Barry Bonds over. Man I hate that guy and his big fat head.

  6. Anonymous9/22/2005

    You guys should go to one of these.


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